


something happens and i'm head over heels

by MarsBar2019



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Bathing/Washing, Blow Jobs, Bondage, Cunnilingus, Developing Relationship, Dom/sub, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Falling In Love, First Dates, Fluff and Smut, Marijuana, Not Beta Read, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Phone Sex, Scars, Sex Toys, Shower Sex, Slow Burn, Smoking, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, canon typical caleb backstory, fantasty racism, i intend to continue providing the tooth rotting fluff we all need now more than ever, in case that wasn't abundantly obvious from the general quality, it just exists, jester's is canon compliant, just absolute self indulgent fluff, nothing bad happens, sensual domination, the bailinghams have my whole heart but they cannot stop me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:35:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 103,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27513925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarsBar2019/pseuds/MarsBar2019
Summary: Caleb loses a bet with Veth that results in him being required to wear ugly Winter's Crest sweaters, a different one every day, for the month before the festival. Fortunately, there's a used clothing store in Rexxentrum that just happens to be owned by everyone's favorite leetle blue tiefling.E. rating kicks in at chapter 7, 9, 10, 14 if that's what you're here for (or if you want to avoid it).1/7: This is turning into a Jester Lavorre character study wrapped in WJ fluff and smut and I'm not mad about it.
Relationships: Beauregard Lionett/Yasha, Jester Lavorre/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 294
Kudos: 420





	1. i wanted to be alone with you and talk about the weather

**Author's Note:**

> A story that doesn't have porn in it? In MY works list? More likely than you think.
> 
> (we may end up earning an E rating at some point, because I am a beacon of sin. Such chapters will be marked).
> 
> Spoilers post-e.94.

“Sprinkle! Sprinkle get _out_ of there!” Jester cried, as she vaulted over the front counter and charged towards the baskets of scarves. The weasel chittered and scrambled into a pile of cotton handkerchiefs. Groaning in frustration, she dug through the basket and scooped the weasel back out, only to have him leap out of her hands like a banana being squeezed from its peel and make a mad dash for a rack of skirts.

“Ugh! Why are you such an _asshole_?” Jester dropped to her stomach and crawled with her elbows under the skirts, finally cornering Sprinkle against the wall. She snatched him up and held him so tight his eyes bulged. “Ah! Got you!”

Just then, of course, when she was on her stomach with her skirt rucked halfway up, clutching a strangled weasel, she heard the bell on the front door ring. Today was not the day for the short corduroy skirt, she noted.

Jester rolled out from under the display rack and suddenly she could see herself through the eyes of the human and halfling standing in front of her: hair frizzed, stockings streaked with dust from the floor, gripping a gasping weasel in both hands.

“Ah - are - are you open?” the man stammered. His eyes fell on her spread legs; he flushed bright red and looked away pointedly. Jester felt her face grow hot and squeezed them shut before rolling onto her knees to stand up without flashing anyone.

“Yes! Yes, sorry,” Jester laughed nervously. “Sprinkle here just got out of his cage and so I had to chase him. Um, let me just put him away.” Jester opened the tall cage behind the counter and nestled Sprinkle in his hammock.

“Stop being bad,” she hissed, and fed him a bite of sweetbread she had bought at the bakery that morning. “So!” Jester straightened her striped cardigan and turned back to her customers with a winning smile. “Can I help you find anything?”

The human and his halfling - friend? Girlfriend? Wife? - were already over by the sweaters.

“No thanks!” the woman called.

“Okay, well I’m here if you need me!” Jester sat back in her chair and opened up her new book, absentmindedly snacking on the sweetbread as she did so. Occasionally, she peeked over the top of her book, curious, and watched them shop. The halfling woman had dark skin and hair that hung down her back in braids. Her long fuzzy black sweater looked like it was probably sized for a human, but on her it was adorably oversized and hung down to her knees like a dress. Around her neck, she wore a colorful necklace that looked like it was made of chunky beads. It wasn’t until the woman wandered closer to the counter that Jester realized it was actually buttons. She seemed to be the one in control of this endeavor, pointing out things on high shelves and racks - which for her, was most things - that she wanted the man to pull down. If he took too long to figure out what she wanted, she scrambled up onto the shelves herself and tossed it down. Jester liked her, she decided.

The human was tall, or maybe he just looked that way with a three-foot tall halfling next to him. She didn’t even come up to his hip, though, so Jester thought he probably actually was tall. The most striking thing about him was his red hair, long and tied up to keep it out of his face. It looked soft and Jester wanted to touch it. She didn’t ask. He was slender and Jester found her eyes drawn to the long lines of his body with the detached curiosity of an artist. Once, his gaze wandered and he saw her staring at them, and his face turned pink as he quickly looked away. _That was cute..._ His companion seemed to be the more fashionable one of the two, with her cute sweater dress and button necklace. The man was dressed simply in plain black boots, a long-sleeved plain black shirt and muted blue pants. Jester was glad _someone_ was trying to rehabilitate that wardrobe. He was quiet while his companion buzzed around, holding an armful of clothing as she pointed it out to him and offering little feedback, at least not that Jester could hear. She lowered her face behind her book a little more and squinted. The woman was wearing a gold band on her left ring finger and her heart dipped in momentary disappointment. _Figures._

When the two turned toward her so the woman could look at a different rack, the man pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and Jester noticed two things. First, his nose and cheeks were dusted with freckles, which was very charming. Second, _he_ wasn’t wearing a wedding ring. _Interesting._

It wasn’t long before the pair came up to the counter. The man had a few knit sweaters in loud, garish patterns. Knit snowflakes, roast turkeys, stripes and pies tumbled out of his arms onto the table. Jester raised an eyebrow and smiled, looking pointedly between the man and his purchases.

“Caleb lost a bet,” the woman said with a grin, in an apparent effort to answer the unasked question Jester was posing with her eyes.

“I can see that,” she laughed, pulling the bundle towards her and writing out a receipt. “You poor thing.” The man - Caleb - blushed.

“Ah, well, Veth cheats at cards, so. It was inevitable.” It was the first time she’d heard him speak and his voice was soft, warm, and tinged with a Zemnian accent. That was even cuter.

“You can’t prove it!” Jester _really_ liked this Veth.

“Just because I cannot prove it doesn’t mean it isn’t true.”

“Besides, nobody _made_ you get drunk enough to agree to this bet.”

“And what bet was that, if I might ask?” Jester interjected as she wrapped the sweaters. Caleb pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed with embarrassment and Veth’s smile grew wider.

“Well we were all playing cards - us and my husband I mean, Caleb rents our spare room - and Caleb is a teacher so y’know, he doesn’t make a lot of money, and-“

“I am certain this young woman does not want to hear about my financial status, Veth.” Veth waved him off like he hadn’t spoken and kept talking to Jester.

“So we don’t usually bet _money_ , we bet other stuff, like who’s emptying the cat box next week, and _I_ said, if Caleb lost, I would buy them, but he has to wear ugly Winter’s Crest sweaters for a whole month until the festival. A different one every day. And here we are.”

Jester cracked up, imagining this quiet, inconspicuous man walking around in these loud sweaters.

“I’m very glad you found me, then, I’ve got plenty of those! I’m sure your students will love it, though, Cayleb, very festive.”

“I am not sure they will, but thank you.”

“What do you teach?” Jester asked, leaning forward with her elbows on the counter.

“Caleb teaches at the Academy!” Veth interrupted proudly. “It’s _super_ hard to get a job there, you have to be really good at magic, and he’s the best at it.”

“Ah, you are overselling me,” Caleb mumbled, fidgeting.

“I’m definitely not, and I mean, I said he doesn’t make any money but that’s an exaggeration and it’s a very _good_ job-“

“Veth, I think Yeza will be wondering where we are soon,” Caleb broke in, his face flaming red, his eyes fixed on a point somewhere definitely _away_ from Jester’s face.

“Oh, yeah, okay, lemme just-“ Jester finished the transaction quickly and handed the stack of sweaters over to Caleb.

“Enjoy your sweaters, Professor Cayleb.” He smiled shyly at that.

“I will tolerate my sweaters, Miss - ah…?”

“Hi, I’m Jester!” Jester stuck her hand out and he hesitated but took it gingerly and shook it.

“Miss Jester.” Her name sounded very nice in his accent. Jester decided she definitely wanted to hear it again. “I am sure I will be seeing you soon.” He looked over at Veth, who was heading out the door, and turned back to Jester with a mischievous smile. “Between you and I, I am counting on her getting bored of this after three days. So perhaps I will not be back again _so_ soon.”

“Well then, between you and me, I hope she doesn’t,” Jester blurted, and then felt her face heat up as soon as her brain caught up to her. Caleb looked taken aback - _fuck, maybe he_ wasn’t _being flirty with me_ \- and hurried toward the door.

“Um, well, see you maybe,” he stammered, and then disappeared behind Veth.

Jester waited until the ringing of the bell cleared from the air and slumped back in her chair with a sigh.

“What do you think, Sprinkle? Was I being weird?”

The weasel, predictably, didn’t reply.

“I think you were being perfectly enchanting,” a low voice came from behind her.

“Hiiiii, Artie,” Jester sang without looking back. “Were you watching this whole time?”

“Just thought I’d drop in for a visit.”

“You know you’re really creepy sometimes.”

“So are you.” Jester giggled and turned to stick her tongue out at him. Her god, her first friend, was leaning against the back wall, arms crossed. “He was cute. Did you like him?” Jester shrugged and held out her sweetbread. Artagan tore off a piece and popped it in his mouth.

“I don’t know, we talked for like two minutes.”

“But you hope he comes back.” Jester blushed faintly.

“I mean, he seems nice. Might be nice to get to know him a little. And his friend was cool, I like her. It would be nice to make a friend. But he thinks she’s going to forget about the bet they made and so he won’t have to come back for more sweaters after all.”

Artagan hummed, lost in thought.

“She won’t forget,” he said. Jester recognized that glimmer in his eye.

“Artie…” she warned. “Don’t be a meddler.”

“I’m your god, darling, isn’t that exactly what I’m supposed to do?”

Jester didn’t have a good answer for that. Just then, a tall firbolg woman came into view and started walking towards the door of her shop. In an instant, Artagan was gone, but she heard him whisper in her ear,

“She won’t forget.”

The rest of the day, when her mind wasn’t occupied with customers or store tasks or Sprinkle, her thoughts kept drifting back to a certain pair of blue eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if you like this and want to see more! I haven't done an AU before so feedback is appreciated. :)
> 
> As always, author is a vending machine into which kudos and comments are inserted and from which new chapters are dispensed.


	2. but traditions I can trace against the child in your face won’t escape my attention

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, okay, good feedback so far! Have another chapter. 😘

If Jester was honest, she mostly forgot about Caleb and Veth in the following days. The store was busy, she had to sort through a bunch of new stuff, and she’d planned to order some things to be sent to her mother from the capitol. Marion Lavorre didn’t leave the Lavish Chateau, something Jester had long ago learned to accept. It disappointed her, that her mother couldn’t come and see her daughter making it on her own, with her own little shop and apartment and everything, but she tried to meet her mother where she was. Eventually, maybe. In the meantime, she sent her mother packages loaded with goodies from Rexxentrum, in part to let her know she was doing well and thinking of her, in part to potentially entice her to come visit.

Jester hummed to herself as she carted her purchases back to the store, flipping the sign back to “open” on the way in. Spreading them out on the counter, she surveyed her haul: a pair of gold earrings shaped like bumblebees; a gorgeous plaid coat with a fur collar (something one didn’t need often in Nicodranas, but would certainly need to come visit _Rexxentrum_ in winter); a bottle of local hard cider; a few fresh sausages from the butcher she shopped at. She wrapped the meat carefully so the smell wouldn’t sink into the other items, and sat down to write.

_Dear Mama,_

_Your little Sapphire misses you very much! I hope you enjoy these treats from the city. The store is doing very well and if you come see me, you’ll need this warm coat! Even if you don’t, you’ll still look very fashionable in it on your balcony for the five days it snows in Nicodranas this winter._

_Love,_

_Jester_

The bell rang. Jester looked up and smiled at the awkward man trying to slip in the door.

“I’m guessing she didn’t get bored of your bet, huh?” Caleb whipped around like he’d been caught stealing. _You know I’m the only person who works here, right? It’s not like I’m not going to see you._ She kept that thought to herself. Too much teasing might scare him off.

“Ah- no. No, she did not.” He smiled briefly and then turned back to the sweater rack.

Jester felt the silence acutely, though she knew logically there was no cause to be uncomfortable. She didn’t want to babble just to fill the space, but she didn’t want to ignore him.

“I did get some new sweaters in just yesterday so, hopefully there’s some fresh pickings.” _Fresh pickings? Who talks like that?_

“I see that.” He didn’t say anything else. Jester let him be and walked to the baskets of scarves, trying to find something she could throw in with the coat and earrings. She held up the coat with a sparkly black scarf…no, the silver didn’t go well with the earrings. The rust brown would clash with her mother’s coloring. The oatmeal though…that was nice. She hummed quietly to herself again as she set the coat and scarf back on the counter and set to packaging her gifts.

When she first started sending these care packages, she’d lamented to the Traveler that she couldn’t send her mother pastries from her favorite bakery, and he’d taught her a spell to keep perishable things fresh. She murmured the familiar words now over the bundle of sausage and jumped when she heard a clatter from across the room.

Caleb, red-faced, scrambled to pick up the things he’d knocked over when he turned around so fast he hit a jewelry display with his arm. Jester laughed and came over to help clean it up. She kneeled down on the floor next to him and started hanging the necklaces back on the jewelry tree.

“Oh - no, no, I’ve got it, I’m so sorry- it was an accident, I - you are a magic user?” Jester looked up and her breath caught for a second as his eyes stared into hers eagerly, waiting.

“Oh, um, yes, yeah, I am,” she stuttered. Jester ignored her rising pulse and flashed a demure smile - _good girl, just like Mama taught you_ \- that made him blush harder. _He_ is _cute._

“Are you, ah, do you study, or did, did you study at the Academy?” Caleb managed, standing to replace the display. Jester shook her head.

“No, I’m a cleric. Not really the bookish type.” Caleb raised an amused eyebrow at her.

“You had your nose in a book the first time I came in here.”

“Well, yeah, I mean, I _read_. I’m just not like, a book learner, you know?”

“Ja, I know what you mean. I have had such students before.” Caleb fidgeted now, seemingly uncertain where to put his eyes or hands now that they were still talking even though the jewelry display had been righted.

“My mama always said it’s very important for a lady to be educated,” Jester said, playing up the prim and proper tone with a cheeky grin.

“Oh! Wise words.” There was a pause and Caleb visibly panicked. “Um, what does she do? Is she a teacher?”

“She’s a courtesan in Nicodranas,” Jester said bluntly, scrutinizing his expression for any hint of a reaction. “You might have heard of her, she’s the Ruby of the Sea, she’s super famous for being super beautiful and a great singer and like, the best lay ever.” Caleb furrowed his brow and looked at her like he wanted to ask a question, but thought better of it.

“I, ah, well, I cannot say I have heard of her, but I trust she is as wonderful as you say.”

“Oh? You haven’t heard of the Ruby of the Sea? I would think a very important Soltryce Academy professor like you would know all the best escorts this side of Wildemount,” Jester teased.

“No! I, um, I do not frequent - I mean, not that there is something wrong with…I just - really, there is not anything, um, shameful about it, I just do not, myself, um, engage such services. And - I am not yet a full professor.” She was really enjoying making him squirm, but took pity on him, with his fiercely blushing face and obvious jitters.

“I’m just picking on you, Professor Cayleb,” Jester said gently, smiling. “Thanks for cleaning this up.”

“Of course, it was my clumsy elbow that knocked it over.”

“Are you finding sufficiently hideous sweaters over there?” Jester asked, stepping back to her chair behind the counter.

“Oh yes, definitely. Ah, my students did not quite know what to make of them.”

“It’s hard for me to believe you don’t _always_ show up ready to teach dressed in sweaters with pies on them.”

“No, I think my track record with them so far has shown that a navy blue shirt instead of a black one is as wild as I get.” Jester laughed.

“You’re funny, Cayleb.”

Caleb was silent for a long moment.

“Oh. Thank you.”

By the time he came back up to the counter with another armful of sweaters, Jester’s package to Marion was wrapped and ready to go.

“Excellent selections, Professor Cayleb,” Jester giggled as she wrapped them. “Suitably grotesque and seasonal at the same time.”

“Widogast.” Jester looked up from the receipt she was writing.

“Hmm?” Caleb worried his lower lip between his teeth.

“Ah, it’s, um, Professor Widogast. At least to my students. They don’t know that I’m not a full professor.” Jester beamed and popped a bite of her apple cake into her mouth.

“Well, your secret will be safe with me, Professor Widogast.” Caleb’s smile was hesitant but definitely there.

“Is that cake from the Blooming Grove?” Jester nodded eagerly.

“Yeah, I _love_ that place. I go there way too much. Like every day. But Caduceus is my friend so…business owners have to support each other, right?”

“Ah, I am similarly guilty,” Caleb admitted, shifting his bundles in his arms. “It’s on my way home from the Academy. Mister Clay keeps trying to get me off the coffee, but…” Jester wrinkled her nose.

“Not for me. But that’s probably why I’ve never seen you there, everyone knows the cool people who only drink hot chocolate go there in the _morning._ ”

_Dingaling._

Caleb started and looked behind him as a customer walked through the door.

“Um, I’ll see you…soon. When I run out of these sweaters. Assuming Veth notices if I try to repeat a day.”

“Good luck!” Jester called after him as he scurried out. The person who walked in soon occupied most of her attention, asking if she carried wigs - which she didn’t - and then seeking her opinion on several outfit combinations. They were perfectly pleasant, and Jester loved this part of owning a clothing shop, but she found her thoughts wandering.

When she’d said her mother was a courtesan, Caleb hadn’t even blinked. Of course, he’d been awkward, but even just making eye contact with her made him blush. She suspected talking about sex, even so indirectly, had more to do with his stammering reply than anything else. He’d seemed genuine when he assured her that he thought nothing ill of the profession. That was…noteworthy. It shouldn’t have been, but Jester had learned quickly in her few, ill-fated dating attempts since she moved to Rexxentrum that putting that information out there quickly would tell her a _lot_ about the person sitting across from her. She wasn’t giving Caleb any serious consideration in that direction for now, not beyond hoping she’d see him again. And maybe run into him at the Blooming Grove. Or maybe on the street or something….

“What do you think?” the customer - Marquise, she’d learned - asked. They stepped out of the dressing room in a forest green slouchy sweater and a knee-length plaid skirt. Jester gave two thumbs up.

“I’d add some stockings. Maybe in a diamond pattern to compliment the plaid. Otherwise, perfection.”

Marquise bought the outfit and a few other things besides, and Jester left the shop for the day more than satisfied.

~~~

It was only three days before she saw Caleb again.

When he walked through the door, she was busy helping a Dragonborn woman who came in fretting about finding outfits for her new job. Fortunately, Jester had plenty of experience dressing for an unusual complexion, and the woman was red, like Marion.

She beamed as Lastatak strutted out of the dressing room, cool and confident, in an ivory cable knit sweater and black velvet skirt with a gold floral print.

_Dingaling._

Jester turned and her smile widened when she saw Caleb step through the door in a gust of wind, today in a bright red sweater that clashed horribly with his hair, decorated with sparkling Winter’s Crest trees. He busied himself looking around the display of children’s clothing - _does he have a_ kid? - while Jester finished with her other customer.

She chatted amiably with Lastatak as she rang her up, deliberately _not_ hurrying because she wanted to see Caleb. No, she definitely did not care very much at all that he was here. There was no reason for her heart to start thumping harder when the woman, happily clutching her purchases with promises of returning, closed the shop door behind her. As soon as the bell quieted, Jester purposefully took two minutes to pretend to be straightening her counter. She was brushing some invisible dust off the surface when a hand with long, slender fingers placed a paper coffee cup in front of her.

“Oh, hi!” she said brightly, like she hadn’t even noticed him there. She wasn’t sure if it was convincing. “What’s this?”

“Hot chocolate.” Jester gasped and snatched the cup up.

“Oh my _gosh_ , thank you Cayleb!” He smiled shyly and didn’t look her in the eye.

“I stopped at the Blooming Grove on my way home and, ah, Clarabelle? Is that her name? She made a mistake and gave me this instead of my coffee, and she said I could keep it but, well, I don’t really drink sugary things, but, um, I remembered you said you liked it, and you - I mean, your shop, it’s on my way home, so…” Jester squinted at him suspiciously over the lid of her hot cocoa.

“Are you sure you didn’t buy it for me on purpose because you think I’m just _soooooo_ pretty and cool?” Jester asked innocently, taking a sip of the hot, sweet drink. A bright red blush bloomed in Caleb’s cheeks, giving the impression that his hair, his face and his sweater were all competing to be the reddest of the three.

“No! I mean, not that - I would - unless - but not if you didn’t - uh.” Jester was fighting very hard to bite back her amused smile. Caleb narrowed his eyes. “You are teasing me again, ja?”

“Yeah, I am,” she giggled, taking another sip. “Thank you, it was nice of you to think of me.” Caleb didn’t seem to know how to answer that and cleared his throat awkwardly.

“Um, well. I didn’t come here just for this, actually, I wanted to know if you had a sweater like this one, ah, sized for a child.” Jester cocked an eyebrow at him but walked over to the kid’s clothing display.

“I don’t think exactly like that, but probably something similar…who for?” Jester tried to imbue her words with the utmost casualness but she was sure she failed.

“ _Veth_ has a son,” he said. “He liked my sweater this morning - maybe the only person I saw today who did - and I wanted to see if there was one like it with trees on it, for him.” Jester relaxed imperceptibly.

“Well isn’t that sweet of you. Let me see… I might have something in the back, c’mon.” She gestured for Caleb to follow; he hesitated, and trailed behind when she disappeared into storage.

The back room of the store was cluttered, crammed with warm weather wear she’d put away for the cool months, bags of clothes she’d bought from customers, but Caleb’s gaze was drawn up to the walls.

“Did you do all these?”

“Huh?” Jester looked up and followed his eyes to the large charcoal and oil pastel sketches pinned to the walls. Her mother, Artagan, Sprinkle, different landscapes of Rexxentrum. “Oh. Yeah, I did!”

“They are beautiful.”

“Thank you,” she replied, preening a little under the praise. She bit back a big smile as she dug through the extra children’s sweaters. “That one over there is my mama.”

The portrait of Marion on the wall was one she was secretly quite proud of, though it wasn’t her prettiest. The Ruby of the Sea was pictured from the waist up, and she sat pensively at her bay window, open to the breeze, looking over the balcony at the Nicodranas coast. The coast wasn’t visible from this vantage point, but Jester had caught the sparkling reflected sunlight bouncing off the gold bands on her mother’s horns. Marion didn’t look happy in this portrait. Her eyes were wistful, far away, a slight shine gathered in the corners. She was part of the way through getting dressed for the evening; her breasts were pushed up by the black cincher around her waist, and her pastel pink silk robe - a gift from Jester - modestly draped around the rest of her.

“She is just as fair as you said. It’s clear why she is known for her beauty, thanks to a talented artist’s rendition.” Caleb tossed her a wink, which almost made her hit her head on the shelf in surprise.

“Oh! Um. Thank you,” Jester replied, taken aback. “I know she doesn’t look as pretty in this one, she’s not happy, you know? Usually she’s all smiley and gorgeous.”

“She doesn’t need to be happy to be beautiful,” Caleb said softly, his eyes still fixed on the portrait.

That touched something in Jester she couldn’t identify, but thank the Traveler, she came across a sweater with Winter’s Crest trees on it, just like the one Caleb had.

“Aha!” She stood and held it up. “Does it look like around the right size? This one’s in blue, but the trees are similar.”

“That’s alright,” Caleb said, taking it from her. “Blue is a very pretty color.” Jester’s heart forgot what it was doing for a second. He caught himself and cleared his throat again awkwardly. “Uh, thank you, for looking for this. You didn’t have to.” Jester waved him off as she dashed back out to the front, hiding her warm cheeks.

“No problem! Happy to help.” She moved her hot chocolate - the cup was cold by now - out of the way as she took the money and the sweater from Caleb. “Besides, now you have to take a picture for me of you guys in your matching sweaters, because that’s just too funny.” Caleb chuckled.

“If you insist. I’m sure he will want to put it on the moment I get home.”

“Oh, I absolutely insist,” Jester said with a wicked grin. “You have two more weeks of this, if I remember right, so you have no excuse unless you decide to find another purveyor of tacky sweaters.”

“Gods forbid, I would never.” Caleb took the package and handed her back her hot chocolate. The cup almost burned her hand and she put it down quickly as he turned to walk out. “Well, I will see you soon, Miss Jester.”

“Lavorre.” Caleb turned back.

“ _Was_?”

“Jester Lavorre.” She peeked up at him from her book on the counter, holding her lower lip between her teeth.

“Miss Lavorre, then. I’m sure I will be seeing you soon.” He smiled back at her and fuck, those _eyes_.

“I look forward to it.” Caleb paused like he wanted to say something else, but thought better of it and hurried off.

Fuck. She really was looking forward to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Narrator: Caleb Widogast was in fact, a big liar and Clarabelle has never done anything wrong in her life.


	3. you keep your distance with a system of touch and gentle persuasion

“Hi, Caduuuuuceus!” Jester called as she walked through the door of the Blooming Grove. “Is he here today, Belle?” Clarabelle smiled her gap-toothed grin.

“Yeah, he’s just in the back.”

“Thanks!” Jester ordered her usual - hot chocolate, extra chocolate, with whipped cream - and a chocolate chip oatmeal cookie, and waited.

It wasn’t long before the tall firbolg ducked through the door into the front of the shop. He smiled lazily when he saw her and stepped over to the counter.

“Jester, hi, how are you?”

“Good! I’ve been so busy with the store though, we haven’t hung out in forever.” Caduceus nodded.

“Yeah, me too. Belle and I were thinking though, we might shut the cafe down next week for a night and throw a little Winter’s Crest party, what do you think?”

“Ooh, a party! That sounds _so_ fun.”

“You know, have a little get together before the festival in town. Are you around on Yulisen next week?” Jester thought for a moment.

“Yeah, I can’t think of anything. Do you want any help, like decorating?”

“That would be very nice,” Caduceus replied, beaming. “But I don’t want to keep you from your store.”

“I can come after. I take Conthsen and Folsen off anyway. I’ll bring you so many great decorations, Caduceus!”

“Thanks, Jester. You want to tell Beau and Yasha?” Jester nodded, already pulling her phone out. “And if you want to invite anyone, friends of Jester are friends of ours.”

“Who else are you going to invite?” Jester asked, absentminded as she tapped away to Beau and Yasha.

“Oh, um, maybe just a few regulars. And Fjord.” Jester peeked up from her phone to look at Caduceus. It was hard to tell when he blushed, on account of the fur, but he was definitely not making eye contact.

“Oh? Fjooooooord?” The tips of Caduceus’s elongated ears turned pink and they twitched.

“Yeah, he’s a good _friend_ and he’s met you and Beau and Yasha a few times and you all seemed to get along, so…”

“Oh, yes, that’s very charitable of you,” Jester teased. “Inviting Fjord for _our_ sake.” The ears twitched again. “Should I bring the mistletoe?”

“Hush, you,” Clarabelle interjected from the counter as she rang up a very grumpy looking halfling man “No picking on my brother!”

“Me? Pick on Caduceus? Never!” Jester gasped, and then collapsed into giggles. The customer at the counter reminded her of Veth, and that reminded her of Caleb, and she fidgeted a little, toying with whether to ask Caduceus about him.

“Caduceus?”

“Yes?”

“I was just wondering, ummmm, do you know a guy who comes in here a lot in the afternoons, he’s a professor at the Academy, or, well, he teaches there anyway, and he’s got long red hair and glasses-“

“Caleb?”

“Yes!” Jester exclaimed, before she could catch herself. “Um, I mean, yeah. Are you guys like, friends?” Caduceus eyed her from the back counter where he spooned tea blends into sachets.

“Friendly. Why?” Jester shrugged, knowing Caduceus’s keen eyes would see right through her forced casualness.

“He’s come into the shop a few times lately. He’s nice. And he mentioned he came here a lot too so I was just wondering.” Caduceus was quiet for a moment.

“Yeah, he is pretty nice. Quiet.” Caduceus didn’t say any more and Jester fought the impulse to fill the space with more questions or comments. Caduceus finished tying off a few more sachets and then took a handful from the canister he was refilling and walked over to Jester.

“So why do you ask?” he finally continued. Jester could feel her traitorous face warming up.

“I told you!”

“Yeah, but _why_ do you ask?” Caduceus asked with a mischievous smile. Jester narrowed her eyes.

“I just wanted to know what you thought of him!”

“I think he’s shy and drinks too much coffee, but he’s nice, very smart,” Caduceus replied. He placed the handful of tea sachets down in front of Jester. “And single,” Caduceus added with a knowing smirk, and then he disappeared into the back room. Jester opened her mouth to issue a retort but just sputtered wordlessly. She huffed and swept the teabags into her purse before leaving to open the shop.

Slotting the key into the lock and opening the door, Jester was lost in thought. As soon as she flipped the lights on she yelped, because a tall man with long red hair was standing behind the counter with a devilish grin.

“Artie!”

“Why good morning, Jester.”

“You scared me half to death!” He shrugged in apology but Jester was beaming.

“No hot cocoa for me?”

“Not if I don’t know I’m going to see you. You can have some of mine though.” Jester started refolding some pants that had been left out yesterday as Artagan perched on the counter and sipped her cocoa.

“Any delightful plans this week?”

“Well it’s the weekend so the store will be busy, I’m just trying to get through that,” Jester sighed. “But on Yulisen next week Caduceus is having a party for Winter’s Crest and I’m going to help him decorate the Blooming Grove.”

The next hour was occupied with Jester and Artagan bickering over her open sketchbook, as they each sketched out different ideas for how to adorn the cafe. Artagan wanted to go very showy, theatrical almost - though _he_ would never use that word - but Jester knew that wasn’t Caduceus’s style.

“Well who cares what his style is if his taste is bland!” Artagan exclaimed, throwing his hands up.

“Because it’s _his_ cafe and _his_ party,” Jester said patiently. The archfey rolled his eyes.

“I _guess._ ”

Just as Jester was getting him to admit she was right-

 _Dingaling_.

An elven man wandered in. _And so it begins_.

The entire weekend went by in a blur, never-ending customers, late nights setting the store right before trudging home. She couldn’t help but be a little disappointed that she hadn’t seen Caleb at all, even though she knew she wouldn’t have had time to talk to him, and she was sure she looked terrible with bags under her eyes and her hair up in a clip instead of brushed and styled like she usually had it. Lots of people were having their Winter’s Crest parties this week and so, predictably, Jester sold out of a lot of her party dresses and other festive outfits. The workweek came around, however, and Jester was flush with cash, which she very much enjoyed.

Me: Beau!!! could I ask you to do me a super huge favor because you love me lots?

👊🏽Beau⚡️: fiiiiiiine

Me: I told caduceus I’d help him decorate the cafe for the party I told you about and I want to go out and get some supplies so I can start making stuff. could you come watch the shop for just like a couple hours this morning? it’ll probably be really slow you probably won’t even have anyone!

👊🏽Beau⚡️: you’re lucky you’re cute. if I buy a coat for yash, can I use the best friends discount?

Me: sure! thanks b 😘

👊🏽Beau⚡️: be there in 30

By the time Jester returned to the store, 3 hours after Beau arrived, she thought she might have bought the entire city’s supply of paint, colored paper, glitter, toothpicks, glass balls, string lights, candles and ribbons. She was sweating in her navy blue wool coat as she lugged the bags down the street, despite the chill air.

Beau looked up from her magazine when Jester came in and sat up, taking her feet off the counter.

“Are you sure you aren’t decorating Castle Ungebroch?” Beau snorted, and reached out to take a few bags from Jester. Jester stuck her tongue out and handed Beau a bag with two bagels inside that she’d bought them for lunch.

“You say that now but when you see how good it’s gonna look then you’ll be all, oh wow, Jester, you did such a good job.”

“Don’t doubt it.” Beau scooted over and Jester pulled up another chair.

“Any customers while I was gone? Probably not, first thing Grissen morning.” Beau shook her head.

“Just one. He bought a bunch of hideous sweaters. Seemed surprised to see me, do you know him? Redhead?” Jester’s heart sank - _of_ course _he came in the three hours I wasn’t here_ \- but she didn’t let it show on her face.

“Oh, yeah, he lost a bet with his friend that he has to wear a different Winter’s Crest sweater every day until the holiday. It started like a little more than two weeks ago so he’s been coming in and buying up all my awful sweaters.” Beau nodded, absentminded.

“Oh, he brought you this also but it’s probably cold by now.” Beau reached onto the counter behind her and retrieved a hot chocolate from the Blooming Grove. “Is he like hitting on you or something? Being a creep? Do you want me to stick around in case he comes back?”

Jester smiled as Beau’s fist clenched of its own volition.

“No, it’s okay, Beau, thanks. I mean…I kind of think he might be hitting on me but I don’t really _mind_ , you know?” Jester giggled, embarrassed, and shrugged. “He’s cute.”

“Alright well…if he stops being cute and starts being weird or not taking no for an answer… Pop pop.” Beau mimed punching the air. “You know where to find me.”

“Did you find Yasha a good coat?” Jester asked, eager to take the conversation away from her new favorite customer.

“Yeah!” Beau finished her bagel and wiped her hands on her pants before leaping up and grabbing the coat she picked for Yasha. It was beautiful, a long black coat with black velvet buttons and black fur trimming the cuffs and hood.

“Ooooh! That’s gorgeous, Beau, she’ll love it!” Beau’s smile turned melty and soft.

“Yeah, I think she’ll be really happy with it. I gotta go, actually, but I’ll let you know! Thanks for the discount!”

“Of course, thank you for watching the shop for me for a little while!”

The two friends hugged and Jester sat back at her counter and watched Beau leave, a spring in her step with the gift coat in tow. She started unpacking some of the bags so she could start on the painted ornaments, and then spotted the hot cocoa.

This time, obviously, Clarabelle hadn’t made a mistake, if she even had in the first place. He was definitely flirting with her. Like Beau said, the cup was cold, so Jester brought it to the sink and poured it out. Flipping the cup over to shake out the last drops, she noticed something on the bottom.

_303-399-3076_

_C.W._

Jester grinned so hard it hurt. She whipped out her phone and added the contact quickly - _maybe wait to text him._ Nah, fuck that.

Me: hi, mysterious stranger who left me a hot chocolate and his phone number this morning, whoever could it be? (it’s me, jester)

Jester stared at the screen for a second, and then very deliberately put her phone back in her pocket - text alerts on, of course. She wasn’t going to stare at it like an infatuated romance novel protagonist. She was going to get on with her day.

Jester spread out her painting supplies on the counter and set up her colors, brushes, the glass balls, water, and tied an apron around her waist. The soothing rhythm of creativity took her mind off her phone as she covered the globes in white paint, though it did feel like it was burning a hole in her pocket. Delicate snowflakes and purple winter flowers bloomed on the faces of the ornaments - with a few hidden dicks for good measure - and Jester meandered through her afternoon sprucing up the baubles. The store was very quiet, only four customers all day (not including Caleb), and they arrived in a group. Jester was so busy ringing up the loud, chattering group of half-orc girls that she almost didn’t hear her text chime. Heart pounding, Jester finished wrapping the girls’ purchases quickly and silently begged them not to need anything else from her before they left. The door hardly closed behind the last girl before Jester dug her phone out of her pocket.

☕️Caleb🏛: It’s Caleb Widogast.

Jester slapped her forehead with her palm.

Me: I know, Professor Caleb, I was just being funny 😜

Jester decided that that emoji was maybe a little _too_ flirty and replaced it with a 😉 before she sent it. Three dots appeared and disappeared several times as he, presumably, typed a reply. Jester’s pulse was like a rollercoaster, rising and falling with the appearance or lack thereof of those damned dots.

☕️Caleb🏛: Oh, I see. I didn’t realize you had another employee, so I left your hot cocoa with her. I’m glad you got it after all.

Jester couldn’t keep the big smile off her face and a blush from rising in her cheeks.

Me: no I was just out bc I was getting stuff to make decorations for the wcrest party at the blooming grove this weekend

Three dots, bubbling up and then vanishing over and over again.

☕️Caleb🏛: It’s very kind of you, to help Caduceus with that. You will be at the party, then?

Me: 🥳

Me: I never turn down a good party

☕️Caleb🏛: Good. Veth and Yeza and I will also be there. Luc will be home with a babysitter, but he did enjoy the sweater you found for him.

Me: oh yay!!!! pics!!!!

Jester bit her lip nervously. That wasn’t like, too friendly right?

☕️Caleb🏛: Hold on.

Jester put her phone down on the counter and said, aloud, she would continue working on the ornaments and absolutely not sit there and stare at her phone until Caleb texted her back. She would definitely not do that. So she sat and stared at the door instead, and the darkening street outside.

Twelve minutes later - not that she was _counting_ \- her phone lit up again, and when she opened it she had a photo from Caleb. It was taken at head height for the little boy, so Caleb must have had to get down on the ground. Standing proudly with his hands on his hips was a halfling boy, maybe five or six years old, with a mess of curly chocolate-brown hair and smooth brown skin. He had a big gap tooth smile where his front baby teeth must have recently fallen out, and he was wearing the blue sweater with the silver Winter’s Crest trees she’d picked out.

☕️Caleb🏛: He has hardly taken it off since I brought it home, much to his mother’s ire. I had to bribe him with letting my cat sleep in his bed just so Veth could wrestle him out of the sweater and launder it.

Me: omg you have a CAT?!

Me: 🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈

Me: show me!!!!!!

☕️Caleb🏛: Hold on.

There was no wait this time, so Caleb must have already had these photos. There were six, one after the other, of a spotted orange and brown Bengal cat doing all kinds of things and nothing at all: curled up on the couch with his tongue sticking out, standing on the table and staring into the camera with big green eyes, eating grass in a sunbeam, and one that made her laugh, of Caleb’s hand holding a pen while the cat grasped it with his paws and wouldn’t let go. At least two of the photos were just closeups of the cat’s face.

☕️Caleb🏛: This is Frumpkin.

☕️Caleb🏛: Sorry, is that too many? You probably only wanted one… I couldn’t pick a favorite.

Me: no, he’s so cute! I love him! give him a treat for me!

☕️Caleb🏛: :) I will.

Jester looked around and hesitated for a second before taking a photo of the doorway to the shop. Beyond the door, the street was dark, as it was so early in the cold months. Maybe this was too much, but…

Me: I’m sure frumpkin is a much better companion than the whole lot of nothing I have going on over here

☕️Caleb🏛: You’re still at work?

Me: yeah, I’ve been busy, mostly working on decorations. not a lot of customers. but I just got stuck in it and lost track of time. I haven’t even eaten dinner yet.

_That_ was leading and she knew it, but Jester really wanted to see if he’d take the bait. He was painfully shy, but he’d given her his phone number, and he was definitely flirting via hot beverages…she hoped that if she gave such an unmistakeable opening to ask her on a date, maybe he’d jump on it. The three dots appeared, disappeared, came up, and were gone. Jester’s pulse rang in her ears as she stared at the little bubble, which popped up and vanished again at least eight times. What the _fuck_ was he typing that was taking this long?!

☕️Caleb🏛: I know how that can be. I’ve spent many nights in my office instead of going home.

Jester deflated. It wasn’t like she needed “the man” to make the first move or something. She wasn’t old-fashioned like that. But she wanted some kind of indication that he was on the same page at least…that felt like a rejection.

Me: yeah, it sucks. but it’s okay. see you yulisen?

☕️Caleb🏛: Yes, see you then. If not sooner.

A small smile crept back onto Jester’s face.

Me: If not sooner. 😊

~~~

Jester groaned and smacked her phone to shut off the alarm. Every day, same time, and it never got less unpleasant. Blinking blearily, she rolled over and unplugged her phone. A few texts, some Instagram notifications….

☕️Caleb🏛: New Message

That got her blood pumping a little faster. She swiped it open.

☕️Caleb🏛: It seems I owe you an apology.

Jester frowned and kept scrolling, her adrenaline spiking.

☕️Caleb🏛: Veth told me that when you said you hadn’t eaten dinner, that perhaps you were suggesting we should eat dinner together.

Nausea roiled through Jester’s stomach. Had she just been misinterpreting this the whole time? Was he not really flirting with her after all and she’d read into it? Gods, now she definitely couldn’t show up at Cad’s party on Yulisen if she’d embarrassed herself that thoroughly, or had to get so blasted she didn’t care. Even half awake as she was, Jester knew she had to respond to this in a way that left either possibility open, which was a difficult line to walk.

Me: Oh! I mean, I wouldn’t have said no to that. but I didn’t go hungry, I had some chili waiting for me in the freezer 😊

She thought about adding more but left it and hit send. On purpose, she got up, leaving her phone on the bed, and started to get dressed. This time Caleb replied quickly and she lunged for her phone, tripping with her foot halfway through her underwear.

☕️Caleb🏛: Would you have lunch with me today?

☕️Caleb🏛: If you aren’t too busy, that is.

Jester grinned from ear to ear.

Me: yes, I most certainly would

☕️Caleb🏛: Oh, excellent. I only have an hour between classes today, but if you would like to meet me at the Academy, we can leave straightaway after my first lecture.

Me: sounds good! I’ll be the one in the blue coat waiting outside your classroom 😉

Jester dug through her closet and mentally nixed a few outfits before settling on a pair of sheer stockings with black polka dots, a soft cotton raspberry pink top, and a high-waisted black jumper that she thought made her look very academic. She added a pair of hoop earrings and a pair of simple gold chains to her horns, which already had gold bands on the spiral like her mother had. Jester remembered fondly when she was eleven and her mother put the slightly oversized bands on her horns for the first time, how excited she was to have a pair just like her beautiful mama, like a _grown up woman_. As she’d grown, the bands had become tight, but then her mother replaced them with a larger, looser pair, that she’d grown into again. This was her third and final pair, which she would keep forever, or as long as she wanted to have them.

Jester hummed happily as she washed her face and put on a touch of mascara before stepping into her green corduroy ankle boots. She skipped to the Blooming Grove for breakfast and didn’t even notice when Clarabelle called her order. She got another text chime and opened it immediately. A photo of Frumpkin, ears up, staring at the camera.

☕️Caleb🏛: Frumpkin said thank you for the treat.

Me: hehehe

Me: tell him he’s welcome

The morning dragged by so ridiculously slowly, Jester thought the Traveler might be playing some sort of elaborate prank on her. She was grateful for every customer, because time spent restocking racks and ringing up purchases was time she wasn’t staring at the clock.

_I have to be there at 1, so I should leave here at 12:45, but maybe it’ll take longer than I think…I should give myself like 15 minutes to find the building right?_

Jester left the store at 12:15, an objectively ludicrous amount of time, especially given the extremely precise directions Caleb had given her for finding his classroom.

Walking into the Shimmer Ward was like stepping into a different town entirely. Jester herself lived in the Tangles, and generally had no reason to enter the Shimmer Ward. The heavy steel gates at the southern end of the district always made her feel judged, like the guards were scrutinizing her to determine if she was wealthy and educated enough to be permitted entry, and she supposed she felt that way because they were. The gates were open during the day, but the guards still wouldn’t let just anyone walk through. A touch of anxiety wrapped around her heart when she approached - what if she had to have Caleb meet her out here because she wasn’t allowed in? Gods that would be so embarrassing - but the guards looked her over quickly and nodded her inside.

The Shimmer Ward was a maze of gardens, well-swept streets and peaceful quiet. Two women draped in rich lamé fabric and scented with expensive perfume laughed delicately as Jester passed, engrossed in their private conversation. One did turn her head back to look Jester over, but quickly faced forward again when Jester smiled at her.

Stepping onto the grounds of the Academy made her feel even smaller. The marble towers and halls that made up the campus, joined by elevated walkways, dwarfed her in their seriousness and importance.

“Ulrekish Hall, Ulrekish Hall,” Jester muttered to herself, trying to keep her mind off how un-serious and un-studious she must have looked compared to these students. Thanks to Caleb’s directions, she found it easily, a large square stone building with luxurious greenery around the foundation. Jester walked with purpose, even though she only passed a single undergraduate, to room 316.

12:35. Fuck. She was ridiculously early. Jester kicked herself mentally for leaving so much extra time. Now she was just standing in the hallway like some kind of weirdo. An out of place loitering weirdo. The self-consciousness became unbearable quickly. She let herself peek into the auditorium-style classroom through the small window in the door; from out here, she could hear Caleb’s voice, confident and animated, though she couldn’t make out his words, but looking inside she saw that this door was at the back of the classroom. The students were scattered around, but they were all feverishly taking notes and paying rapt attention. On impulse, Jester pushed the door ajar and slipped inside, perching on the edge of a seat in the very back row where nobody would see her.

Caleb’s back was to his pupils as he wrote something on the board, a glyph of circles and lines that might have been Abyssal as far as her comprehension was concerned.

“Now, who can tell me why we see this rune in the upper left hand quadrant of the glyph? What might we expect to see here instead?”

Several students raised their hands and Jester’s heart skipped when he turned around - wearing, she noted, probably the least offensive sweater she’d sold him last week, a red and black mess of white stripes, tiny snowflakes and polka dots. His hair was half up, with the top layer pulled back to stay out of his face, and even from all the way back here the piercing blue of his eyes made her breath catch.

“ _Ja_ , Delmare?” Caleb gestured to a half-orc woman sitting in the front row. Jester couldn’t hear her answer but Caleb nodded and smiled, encouraging. “ _Gut,_ I hope you all heard Delmare’s answer. She is perfectly correct, of course, that we might expect to see a hint of abjuration in this glyph, but we do not, because the illusion we are creating here is not inherently a mechanism of guarding.”

A halfling of indeterminate gender raised their hand.

“Marzor?”

“Yes, sorry, Professor - I’m confused. Isn’t it kind of abjuration, though, because you’re putting a blockage over a detection or identification spell?”

Caleb nodded and gestured for the halfling to come down to the table in the front of the room. They hesitated but stood and scurried to the center.

“Alright, this is a very good and important question, because depending on the purpose to which you are putting this illusion, it can have a similar effect to an abjuration spell. However-“ Caleb picked up a small square of pink silk from the table and the chalkboard eraser. He held the two objects together in his left hand and clutched them to his chest while he pointed with the other towards the ceiling and drew a circle in the air. Jester felt the hair raise on her arms and the slight scent of ozone wafted through the air, a telltale sign of a spell being cast. He handed the eraser to the student and put the silk square back on the table.

“Now, without casting identify or detect magic, tell me what you are sensing from this eraser.”

“Um…I mean, it feels magic. Like it’s got magic properties.”

“ _Sehr gut_.” Caleb took the eraser back and dismissed the student back to their seat. “Look alive, Fonteyne.” Caleb tossed the eraser to a half-elf boy who looked like he’d been nodding off. He fumbled but caught it. “Tell me what you sense.”

“W-well, like Marzor said, like it’s magic.” Caleb gestured with his chin in the direction of another fledgling scholar.

“Wynrora?” The young firbolg woman took the eraser from her classmate.

“Same thing.” She shrugged and tossed it back to Caleb.

“Good, all of you. So you see, Nystul’s Magic Aura _can_ be used like an abjuration spell, to block the detection of a magical aura. However, its uses expand beyond that. You can also mask the object with a _false_ aura, giving it the appearance of being magical when it isn’t, or even take a magical item and make it appear to belong to a different school of magic than it actually does. One can even use this on individuals and creatures, for example, in order to prevent a familiar from being differentiated from an ordinary pet.”

The students scribbled madly in their notebooks. Jester sat back, enraptured, as she watched Caleb lead them through a practice exercise in casting this spell on random objects from their backpacks, each other. The air was filled with the prickle of electricity as the youths murmured their incantations and giggled amongst themselves at their mistakes. Caleb leaned on the lectern, watching them with a satisfied smile, and when his eyes scanned up to the back of the room he saw her. His eyebrows shot up in surprise, and Jester worried for a second maybe she shouldn’t have come in, but he beamed and tossed her a surreptitious wink when he was sure his students were occupied.

The rest of the class time was filled with students trying the various manifestations of Nystul’s Aura out for themselves, calling Caleb over for help, and asking questions. When time was up, Caleb stepped back over to the lectern and tapped on the wood.

“Excellent work today, _Studenten,_ remember that next time we meet we will be moving on to illusions that can cause psychic damage, so please bring the appropriate equipment just in case of any mishaps, and contact me with any concerns.”

The young men and women and others repacked their bags, and most tore off to lunch or their next class or who knew what, but a few clustered around the lectern to ask Caleb questions. Jester waited patiently with a smile. She couldn’t hear the conversations from all the way back here, but she watched every movement of Caleb’s face, the way he gave each student his undivided, patient attention. She liked that. When the last mage-in-training scurried away to his next destination, Caleb watched the door shut firmly behind him and suddenly that intense attentiveness was turned on her. Jester smirked and wiggled her fingers in a wave.

“I was early.” Caleb swept his components back into his pouch, biting back a smile, and slung his bag over his shoulder before taking the steps up two at a time to meet her in the back row. Jester tried not to jump to her feet with excitement but she definitely couldn’t keep the grin off her face.

“Were you here all along?” Caleb held the door open for her and they started making their way out of the building.

“No, I just didn’t want to be late so I left a little early. I only got the last bits.” She didn’t want to admit _how_ early.

“Well, now you have seen that I really am as boring as I appear,” he chuckled. Before Jester could argue, he added, “I was thinking, I don’t know what you prefer, but there is a noodle shop just around the corner that I go to frequently, but really, any type of food you like, it can certainly be found here-“

“Noodles sound good,” Jester reassured gently, laying her hand on his arm, just for a moment, but that was the first physical contact she’d had with him, she realized, and her palm tingled for the rest of the walk. It was freezing out, and Jester silently cursed herself for wearing these cute sheer stockings instead of thick wool ones.

She immediately reversed her position on that matter, however, when they got to the noodle shop and, on her way back from the bathroom, she very clearly saw how his eyes were drawn to her legs, until he caught himself and looked away, blushing fiercely.

“So, Professor Cayleb,” Jester said, propping her elbows on the table and leaning forward to rest her chin in her hands. “Tell me about yourself.”

It was astonishing, Jester mused when Caleb got up to pay, how an hour could pass by with hardly a whisper to tell one it had come and gone, but an hour spent waiting in her shop for noon to come around had felt like an eternity. She’d learned that Caleb was originally from the Zemni Fields - not really new information, given his accent - and that he’d grown up on a farm. He didn’t mention having any family still in the area and so Jester didn’t ask. He’d come to the Academy on scholarship as a young man and hadn’t left since. Caleb and Veth had met years ago and been thick as thieves ever since. In his spare time, though he looked a bit puzzled at the concept, he read even more.

“What do you read?” Jester had asked, latching onto something they had in common.

“Oh, all kinds of things. Fiction, nonfiction. A lot of trash, when I haven’t got the brain power for anything more complicated.” Jester raised an eyebrow.

“What constitutes trash?” Caleb looked a little caught out in that moment, clearly not wanting to offend whatever her reading tastes were.

“Um, you know, pulp fiction. It’s not _trash_ , just…a guilty pleasure, I guess.”

“Mine too,” Jester admitted, wrinkling her nose. “Mostly like romance and stuff but I also read spy novels and scary stories too.” She shrugged, taking a bite of her noodles. “I don’t think all reading has to teach you something. It’s okay to just use your time for something fun because you enjoy it.” Caleb nodded vigorously.

“I actually agree completely. I guess I’m just used to other academics, our type doesn’t look kindly on things like fun and not using your every waking moment for ‘productivity’.”

“That sounds terrible,” Jester blurted before she could think better of it. Caleb snorted derisively.

“You’re not wrong.”

“So why do you do it?”

Caleb took a bite of rice and thought as he chewed.

“I like the work itself. You are a magic user also, so perhaps you know what I mean. It feels like…every step forward you take in understanding something unlocks possibilities you never even imagined, and it always is…it’s always almost like, the secret is just around the corner. The one you’ve been waiting for and working so hard to find. Just one more step, just crack this puzzle and you’ll have it. I’ve long since learned that isn’t usually true, but I’m the moth and that’s the flame, you know?”

“What secret is that?”

“Hmm?”

“The one that’s just around the corner.” Caleb bit his lower lip and hesitated.

“Um…well, I cannot quite tell you what my research is about, I’m afraid.”

“Oh. That’s okay.”

“And I like the teaching,” he said, moving on quickly. “Nurturing young minds. It’s what I always wanted to do. I love watching them connect the dots and grow and become more powerful and confident in the time they’re here.”

“I can tell you really enjoy it,” she said softly.

He asked about her too, about being a cleric, what brought her to Rexxentrum, about her childhood on the Menagerie Coast. Jester was affirmed in her initial instincts about him when she casually dropped in mentions of her mother’s profession, or that she’d grown up in a brothel, and he didn’t react beyond blushing at the association with sex. She told him a story about getting in trouble with her mother and Bluud when she was 8, because she’d emptied a bag of ball bearings in one of the Chateau’s darkened private rooms and hid under the couch to watch the rich, self-important clients strut in and immediately start flailing and yelping uncontrollably as they scrambled to get their footing. Caleb laughed so hard he almost choked on his tea, and Jester really, really wanted to hear that sound again. She wanted to _cause_ that sound again.

“Oh, _Scheisse_ ,” Caleb muttered, looking at his watch. “I have to go, I have another class - but, um, you can walk with me, if you like? Unless you have to go right back to the shop too.”

Jester shook her head quickly. Walking back with him would only take another ten minutes out of her way versus walking right back to the store. The shop could stay closed for another ten minutes.

“No, I’m okay,” she said with a smile. “I’ll walk with you.” He smiled shyly at her as he shrugged back into his coat and wrapped his thick blue scarf around his neck.

On the walk back, they were mostly quiet, but the silence felt companionable, not awkward. Jester’s heart skipped when she felt his hand brush against hers, so noncommittal it might have been an accident. Before she could overthink, she reached out and took it and he grasped her hand immediately. His skin was warm and soft and her heart pounded in her chest like a drum; she was almost disappointed - no, not almost, she _was_ disappointed - when his building came into view.

“Well, here we are,” Caleb sighed, looking up at the facade of the building but making no move to go in.

“I had a good time,” Jester offered. He gave her a pleasantly surprised smile and squeezed her hand. It was hard to say if the flush in his cheeks was the chill fall air or something else.

“I did as well. I will see you again soon, ja? At Caduceus’s?” His tone was hopeful and it made Jester’s stomach feel fuzzy.

“Yup, I’ll be there!”

“Okay. Um. Good.” Caleb paused and Jester stopped breathing as his eyes fixed on her lips and she parted them slightly, thinking he was going to kiss her. He was close enough for her to smell the citrus scent of his soap and gods she wanted to just plant one full on his mouth but this was his workplace and she didn’t know if that was okay-

“Professor!” Jester practically jumped out of her skin as Caleb dropped her hand and turned to see a young Goliath woman jogging towards them with her hand in the air. “I’m so glad I caught you before class-“

Caleb turned back to Jester for a second and mouthed, _sorry,_ with an apologetic smile, but she nodded and waved him off. _Yulisen_ , she mouthed back. Caleb started walking toward the building and was immediately scooped up by the student, as the eager girl babbled a million miles a second about her intention to specialize in Transmutation and asking his advice about her course plans in the spring semester.

Jester made off for the store, a spring in her step. When she got there, she laid out today’s project, sprucing up the candles she bought to put around the cafe. The grapefruit scented candles got a white ribbon, the unscented candles got a golden ribbon, and the bergamot candles got an ocean blue ribbon, for no particular reason at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm hideously soft for these two. As always, comments, kudos and bookmarks feed the writing inspiration goblins.
> 
> (Also, because Matt doesn't know how children work, Luc is supposedly 4 but acts like an 8 year old. I split the difference and made the executive decision that he's like 6).


	4. i'm lost in admiration, could i need you this much?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think I've written anything so fast in my life as this fic. Your comments and kudos and bookmarks seriously keep the motivation to write flowing! ❤️❤️❤️ Y'all know how to make an author feel loved. Not sure if we really earn the increased rating in this chapter but, just to be safe. If we haven't in this chapter, it's only a matter of time. 😈
> 
> TW: alcohol, drug use (weed but that's drugs, tech-nick-ally)

“Open up, Jes, time to get merry as fuck!” Beau yelled from the sidewalk. Jester giggled and opened the door - she’d pulled the curtains on the shop windows - and Beau grinned, holding up a bottle of rum and club soda in one hand and a bottle of something Jester didn’t recognize in the other.

“Wow, you’re ready to go,” Jester observed, ushering her and Yasha inside. The coat that Beau had picked out for Yasha looked like it was made for her. The friends greeted each other with hugs and kisses and Beau hopped up on the counter and started opening bottles.

“What’s the point of going to a party if you aren’t having a good time before you even get there?”

“Beau was having a good time before she even got _here_ ,” Yasha teased.

“Do you guys know what you’re wearing? Are you dressed already?” Yasha opened her coat and showed Jester her outfit, a forest green sweater and long black skirt with muted flowers printed on it.

“You look so cute, Yasha!” Jester exclaimed. “This is such a nice color on you!” Yasha beamed.

“Thanks, Jester.”

“I figured I’d take a look around,” Beau said, passing Jester a cup of bubbling soda water that she’d crushed a handful of mint and a lime half into. Jester sipped it and immediately screwed her face up. It tasted like gasoline.

“Beau! Is this like 70% rum?!” Beau stared at her.

“Yes? Okay, fine, I’ll make you one with less alcohol. What about you, do you know what you’re going to wear?”

“Ugh, no,” Jester groaned, pushing off the counter and walking to where she’d put aside a few possible outfits. “I’ve been going back and forth all day. I don’t want to be, like, too dressy, because it’s Caduceus’s, but I want to look hot.”

“Always already do,” Beau replied with a wolfish grin.

“Beau, you’re not supposed to tell me that in front of _Yasha_ ,” Jester gasped, hand over her heart. “She’ll find us out!”

“Nah, you don’t have to worry about me, baby,” Beau said, pulling Yasha in for a kiss. Jester smiled and turned back to her clothing pile.

“Okay, totally no black, right?” Jester asked, turning around with a black dress in hand. Yasha and Beau were making out heartily, Yasha standing between Beau’s legs. Jester balled up the cardigan and threw it at Beau, who caught it with one hand without breaking her kiss with Yasha.

“Guys! This is serious! Fuck on your own time, and not in my store!”

The two broke apart with smiles and Jester rolled her eyes.

“You guys are _so_ gross. Help me pick an outfit.”

The three women spent an hour and a half digging through the racks, and Beau and Jester tried on a number of outfits, some serious contenders, some competitions to make the most ludicrous getup. Jester was moved to actual tears when Beau leapt out of the dressing room in a sheer black blouse covered with an obscenely loud print, a black cardigan with flowers embroidered on it, an orange miniskirt with yet _another_ floral print, red ankle boots and a huge chunky red headband. Grinning, Beau strutted through the store like she was on the Vogue catwalk and whether it was the alcohol or the visual chaos, Jester wasn’t sure, but she laughed so hard she had to gasp for breath.

Jester tried a few outfits that got nixed by her critics as not hot enough, making her regret telling them that there might be someone there tonight that made her extra want to look good. She really thought the burgundy cowl neck tunic sweater was a winner, but Beau and Yasha both shook their heads right away.

“That totally swallows you up.”

“Yeah, it’s cute, it’s oversized!” Jester reasoned.

“It _is_ cute, but it’s not _hot_ ,” Beau argued.

Jester finally settled on a soft, draping ivory top with a deep V-neck that showed off her diamond dust tattoo, tucked into an A-line skirt with a black, white and blue mosaic pattern. She struggled into a pair of black lace knit tights and black ankle boots as Beau and Yasha opened the other bottle, the one Jester hadn’t recognized.

“Good gods, what _is_ this?!” Jester coughed as she downed a shot of the clear liquor. She was certain it would have a pleasant flavor, if it didn’t smell like just the fumes would singe her eyebrows off.

“It’s some liquor from the Shattered Teeth. It’s _ridiculous_. It’s like 67% alcohol.”

“Ooooookay, we’re gonna limit our intake of that one,” Yasha said, removing the bottle from Beau’s hand.

“Spoilsport,” Beau grumbled.

“Keeping you alive,” Yasha shot back, placing a kiss on Beau’s forehead.

“Come on guuuuuys, we’re gonna be late!” Jester called as she urged her friends out the door and locked the shop up behind her. She was already feeling comfortably buzzed, and that strong liquor was making its way through her veins at a steady pace.

“Soooooo, you’re gonna point this guy out to us if he’s there, right?” Beau asked, looping one arm in Jester’s and the other in Yasha’s.

“Maaaaybe.”

“Jes, _how_ do you expect me to be your wingwoman if I don’t know who the guy is?”

“I don’t know!” Jester exclaimed. “I don’t know if I want a wingwoman.”

“Don’t know if I want a wingwoman,” Beau scoffed. “Yasha, are you hearing this?”

“Leave Jester alone,” Yasha said gently. “If she wants a wingwoman she knows where to find the best in the business, babe.”

When they arrived at the Blooming Grove, Jester grabbed Beau and Yasha and pointed out all the decorations she made, the painted ornaments, the candles and twinkle lights and toothpicks with little colored paper trees and snowflakes. Caduceus had added a veritable arboretum of greenery and winter flowers, and the cafe looked magical. The environment was lively - all the Clays were there, Fjord, some people Jester didn’t recognize - and a pair of halflings standing next to a tall, redheaded man who made Jester’s heart race when she laid eyes on him. She tried to be casual, not stare at him, pretend she hadn’t even _noticed_ him, and walked up to the counter with Beau and Yasha, where Reani, a friend of the Clays, was pouring drinks.

“Hey guuuuuys!” Reani squealed. “So good to see you again!”

“Oh my gods, it’s been forever!” Jester cried, pulling Reani in for a hug. The four women chatted and caught up and Reani handed them each a whiskey.

“C’mon, let’s dance, Yash,” Beau slurred, dragging her girlfriend off to the center of the room. Jester smiled and watched them, contented, leaning against one of the stools as she sipped her whiskey. Somewhere in her toasty brain, she was aware that she was going to feel absolutely awful tomorrow, but right now, she didn’t care.

“Fancy seeing you here,” a low accented Zemnian voice lilted from over her shoulder. She turned and saw Caleb standing there, and she couldn’t stop her eyes from giving him a once over.

“Veth gave you a night off from the sweaters, huh?” She’d forgotten, since that first time he came into the store, that she’d only ever seen him in those loathsome Winter’s Crest sweaters. Tonight, he was dressed in a pair of black boots, dark jeans and a black sweater with a collared shirt peeking out from underneath. Jester wanted to eat him alive.

“Ah, _ja_ , I’ve been paroled for an evening for good behavior,” Caleb chuckled. Jester didn’t miss him eyeing her up and down either and raised a teasing eyebrow.

“You, um, you look very nice,” he mumbled, hiding his blushing face behind a sip of his drink. “Did you do all of this?” Caleb gestured around to the decorations.

“Not all of it, but a lot! Lemme show you.” Jester took his hand, the liquid courage warming her and making her bold, and he let himself be led to the spruce tree in the corner where she’d hung the painted ornaments. She pointed out the ones she’d made and pulled one off the tree, regretting that she had to let go of his hand to do so.

“Don’t tell anyone, but I hid some surprises,” she stage-whispered, and turned the ornament over to show him the tiny blue dick hidden amongst the delicate floral scene. Caleb laughed and started examining the others, looking for more of her surprises.

“You are something else, Jester Lavorre.”

Gods, he could say her name in that stupid hot accent all day if he wanted to. She took his hand again and pulled him over to the food, showing him the little toothpick decorations she’d made, and the bows she’d put on everything.

“This is all very beautiful, Jester,” Caleb said, looking around. His thumb stroked over hers and Jester felt fuzzy again, warmth spreading from her heart out to the tip of her tail. “You are very creative.” Jester inched a little closer, letting her arm rest against his, and opened her mouth to say something-

“ _Jesteeeeeeeer_ ,” Beau whined from behind her. “Jes, come dance with me and Yash!”

“Oh, Beau, no,” Yasha called from across the room, where she was pouring what was hopefully water for Beau. She shot Jester an apologetic smile as she made her way towards her very intoxicated girlfriend, who was trying to pull Jester away from Caleb. “Jester’s - she’s in the middle of something-“

“Noooo, I wanna dance with Jesterrrrr!”

“It’s okay, Beau, I’ll dance with you,” Jester laughed. She let Beau drag her away and glanced back over her shoulder at Caleb with a shrug. _Later_ , she mouthed. He took her glass from the table with an amused smile and walked off with it, and Jester lost track of him after that, because Beau was getting down like there was no tomorrow and Jester had no choice but to try to keep up. Even considering Beau’s drunkenness, she _was_ a monk, and her insane control of every muscle of her body didn’t disappear with a little (or even a lot of) alcohol. Jester was sure she looked like a fool in comparison. They danced for a solid half hour, and Yasha even let Beau do another shot when Jester said she needed another drink before she could keep going.

“Jes, you’re not drunk enough,” Beau mumbled. “I would go get you another drink but it’s Reani and y’know, we banged, so it’s a little weird…”

“I’m feeling good, Beau, don’t worry,” Jester said. “Listen, I’m gonna go find Caduceus, okay? Go drink some water.” Beau grumbled but walked off to find Yasha and something to eat. Caduceus was on the dance floor too, as it turned out, eyes closed, happy smile plastered on his face, swaying to the music. Jester, fresh whiskey in hand, courtesy of Reani, skipped up to him.

“Oh, hey, Jester,” Caduceus said placidly, a big lazy smile spreading. “You’re here. That’s nice.”

“This place looks amazing, Caduceus,” Jester said, wrapping him up in a big hug. “And this party is so fun, thank you for inviting us.” Between the alcohol, the dancing, the warmth of Caleb’s smile when she caught his eye across the room, Jester was feeling _good._

“Big part thanks to you,” Caduceus said. “You did great with all this.”

“Thaaaanks,” she said, beaming.

“Having fun?”

“Yes, this is seriously just what I needed. The store has been so busy. Are you going to the festival next week?”

“Probably, yeah, it is always fun to do some people watching at stuff like that.”

“We should make plans to all go together. You and me and Beau and Yasha and Fjooooooord.” She grinned.

Caleb passed by behind Caduceus and leaned in to whisper in his ear; Jester couldn’t hear what he said, but she did see Caleb tuck what appeared to be two joints into the front pocket of Caduceus’s shirt with a pat on the shoulder. He caught her eye and grinned sheepishly. That was all they had time for before Beau yanked her back into the middle of the room to dance some more. As this song faded out, a classic swing band ballad struck up, and Jester extricated herself from between her friends.

“You guys dance to this one, I’m going to get a snack,” she lied. Not because she didn’t want a snack, because actually, some pretzels sounded great right about now... She meandered over to the food, eyeing her options critically.

“Have you had enough of dancing for the evening?” That same accented voice, coming from behind her, sent a shiver up her spine.

“No, I just know Yasha likes this type of music and she probably wants to dance with just Beau, y’know?” Jester said, shoving a marshmallow in her mouth, too drunk to be embarrassed that she probably looked like a chipmunk.

“Might I have this one, then?” Jester swallowed her marshmallow so fast she could feel her esophagus protesting.

“You certainly may, Professor Cayleb,” she said, in her best imitation of the bashful, proper lady she certainly wasn’t.

Her teasing was as stuck in her throat as that marshmallow when Caleb’s arm slid around her waist, warm, confident, and his other hand laced its fingers in hers. She didn’t know the steps to this kind of dancing, and even if she did, she was in no state to execute them properly. Jester let Caleb lead her around the floor, her breath shallow at the sensation of being held so close to him, and surprised at the heat between them. The movement of his hips against hers made unmistakeable arousal gather in the pit of her stomach. _Fuck_. This was a lot of chemistry to have with someone she’d been on exactly one date with.

The song they were dancing to ended and Jester’s heart dropped in disappointment. Caleb let go of her and fished in his pocket, pulling out a joint and holding it up.

“Roof?”

“Pro _fessor!_ ” Jester gasped with a wicked grin. She turned and slipped into the back when nobody was looking, taking the stairs up to the roof with Caleb in tow.

The roof was quiet, the sounds of the music from the party muffled through the floor and the sounds of the street below clear in the crisp night. Jester took a deep breath of the brisk air and hopped up on the ledge bordering the roof. Caleb wandered up next to her and handed her the unlit joint.

“You can always see the stars so well in the cold weather,” Jester murmured, staring up at the sky. Caleb hummed in agreement and waved one hand; a small, controlled flame appeared, held between two of his elegant fingers. Jester smiled and put the end of the joint between her teeth, making bold eye contact that made Caleb blush hard, and he lit it for her.

"Showoff," she mumbled around the joint, and he shot her a roguish smile that made her stomach flip.

The first drag whispered and crackled in the still night, the smoke mingling with the steam of their breath. Jester leaned back and looked up at the stars again, letting the hazy high wrap around her brain like velvet. She took another drag and looked over at Caleb as she passed him the joint, who was leaning on the stone ridge too, but on his elbows, gazing at her.

“You’re not even looking!” Jester chastised, gesturing towards the sky. “Isn’t that like the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen in your life?”

“No.”

Caleb pointedly looked her up and down as he took the joint from her. Jester rolled her eyes but smiled shyly. When he passed it back she jumped down from the railing and casually leaned a little closer to his side. His eyes followed her motion as she lifted the joint to her lips and inhaled. Jester’s breath caught when his arm slipped around her waist again, those bright blue eyes fixed on hers. Heart pounding, Jester took the joint between two fingers and turned it around so the lit end faced her. Caleb grinned and kept his eyes on her as he wrapped his lips around the end and took a drag. Jester’s pulse was racing as she leaned in closer, lips parted…Caleb pulled her an inch closer and breathed the smoke out into her open mouth. Jester gasped in surprise and _holy_ fuck _that was hot_ and dropped the rest of the joint on the concrete floor so she could grab his face in her hands and pull him into a kiss.

Caleb kissed like he was burning up, like he was pulling the oxygen from her lungs. His arm around her waist tightened and his other hand came up to cup her cheek and Jester was dizzy with the thrill of it. He tasted like smoke and whiskey and sweet cream and she wanted more. When she ran her tongue over his bottom lip he whimpered and Jester grinned like a cat with a mouse under its paw. He gasped and opened for her and she plunged her tongue into his mouth, threading her hands in his hair. Caleb’s hands were more cautious, skimming her back and holding her hips, but avoiding her ass, her breasts. In her intoxicated state, Jester wanted him to be bolder, she wanted him rough and filthy and _now_ , but somewhere in her hazy brain, sober Jester reminded her that that would not be a good idea. Caleb wasn’t just a bar hookup, a means to an end, she actually liked him. She liked him a whole lot.

“Fuck,” she whispered when they finally broke apart. Caleb held her cheek, catching his breath, forehead leaning against hers. “I want more.”

“You can have it,” Caleb murmured, leaning in to kiss her again. “Anything you want.” Another kiss. “But not tonight.”

“I know,” Jester grumbled against his mouth. “Being responsible, yada yada.”

“Something like that. But I will gladly kiss you all night long.”

“That sounds pretty good,” Jester giggled, hopping back up on the ledge, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him in again. The weed made her body feel loose and tingly and warm enough that the cold didn’t matter; every movement of him against her was amplified, each press of his lips a live wire sending arousal flowing through her veins like warm syrup.

“Your tattoo is very pretty,” Caleb whispered, laying feather light kisses against her jaw.

“It’s magic,” Jester replied. That _was the first thing to pop into your head?_

“I know,” he reminded her with a cheeky smile, tracing the diamond dust lines, though only where the neck of her shirt already exposed them. “I can feel it.”

Jester shuddered with arousal at the idea that the magic under her skin was raising goosebumps on his as he touched her.

“I’m sure I have lots of questions about it,” Caleb continued, leaning back in to mouth at her neck. “When I’m less distracted.”

“Whatever has you so distracted right now, Professor Cayleb?” Jester teased, her giggle turning into a gasp when he nipped her earlobe. She could feel his smile against her skin.

“It might have something to do with the brilliant and beautiful woman I’m kissing right now.”

“Oh?” Jester breathed. “She must be pretty great, if she can distract you so much you can’t think about magic.”

“Mmmm, I think she is,” he murmured. His breath was hot on her neck and Jester whined with frustration at the lust building in her belly that would go unsatisfied tonight, at least by anything but her own hand.

“My turn,” Jester announced, using the hand in his hair to guide him upright so she could begin her own explorations over the smooth column of his throat. The brush of her sharp canines made him hum happily and Jester grinned as she pulled his collar back and sucked a dark mark into his skin. Caleb bit back a noise that sounded delicious and Jester wanted him to do it again.

“Can I give you another?”

“ _Please_.”

Jester placed a hickey on the opposite side of his neck, under his collar again so it wouldn’t be seen at work. She mentally catalogued - as best she could, still intoxicated with alcohol and weed and desire - all the things that made him make beautiful little noises. Clutching the front of Caleb’s sweater in her hand, Jester pulled him down further and ran her tongue over the ridge of his ear, which got her a very nice gasp.

 _“Scheisse,_ Jester…”

“Sorry, I don’t speak Zemnian,” she whispered sweetly, knowing the vibrations of her voice would ripple right down his spine. She kept going, now that she’d found this spot he apparently very much liked her playing with, experimenting with lips and tongue and teeth to figure out what turned him on the most. She was so engrossed in learning him, fingers tangled in his hair, that she didn’t hear the door to the roof open.

“Jes, are you up he- oh- oh, gods, I’m so sorry-“ Jester yanked back from the crook of Caleb’s neck and saw Yasha, who was very pointedly staring at the sky. Caleb pulled his hands away from her waist and stepped back quickly, face bright red. Jester huffed and crossed her arms over her chest.

“What’s up, Yasha?” She felt bad about her annoyed tone immediately. Yasha was a sweetheart; she probably just wanted to make sure Jester was okay.

“I - I’m sorry. I was just looking for you because we hadn’t seen you in, like, an hour, and Beau got worried and then Beau being worried made _me_ worried, and- anyway, clearly, you’re fine, so, um, carry on, bye.” She turned to dash back down the stairs and paused. “Um, your friends are looking for you too, uh, Caleb? Just - passing on the message.” Yasha disappeared into the stairwell and shut the door firmly behind her. There was a moment of silence.

“I suppose we should rejoin the party,” Caleb said, giving her an apologetic smile. “Before Veth comes looking too, and trust me, that would be worse.”

“I can only imagine,” Jester groaned.

“No, I promise, you really can’t.” Jester took his hand and pulled him in for a sweet, chaste kiss.

“Can we make plans for this week?” she whispered.

“Absolutely. I would really like to. What are you doing tomorrow night?” Jester’s heart leapt. She wanted to see Caleb as soon as possible too, but she didn’t know if he felt the same; hearing that made a giddy laugh bubble up in her chest.

“That eager to see me again?”

“ _Ja,_ I am. And not too embarrassed to say so, because I’m inebriated.” Caleb kissed her again, and then again, and Jester felt herself melting back into his embrace; she put a hand on his chest and separated them gently.

“Veth’s going to toss me off this roof, apparently, if she comes looking for you up here, and if we start doing that again I won’t care.”

“I already don’t care.” Caleb paused, thinking. “Unless she actually tossed you off the roof, then I would care.” Jester couldn’t help but laugh at that, but she sighed and trudged down the stairs.

“Oh my gods, _everyone_ is going to see us come out of the back,” she hissed, covering her face with her hands.

Caleb urged her to go first and said he’d follow after a minute. Jester figured with everyone under the influence of one substance or another, the dim lights and loud music in the cafe, she was probably being overly cautious. When Beau immediately spotted her from across the room - fucking monk perception - Jester reversed that idea and thought instead that rappelling down the side of the cafe and walking in the front door wouldn’t have been overly cautious.

“JES, THERE YOU ARE!” Jester had the very strong desire to sink into the floor. She hurried over to Beau so that at least her friend would stop shouting. Beau leaned in conspiratorially.

“We were looking everywhere for you! Yash said you were getting it on with some guy on the roof!” Yasha shrugged apologetically.

“You know how stubborn she is when she thinks you’re not telling her something. Sorry, Jester.”

“It’s okay,” Jester laughed. “Beau, you’re my best friend in the whole world so I _promise_ I’ll tell you everything when you’re sober enough to remember it.” Beau’s eyes fixed on something in the middle distance and Jester didn’t need to be told that she’d spotted Caleb sneaking out of the back.

“Oh it’s that dude from the store!”

“Yeah, we maybe went on a date the other day and maybe have another one this weeke-“

“WHAT?!” Jester and Yasha both shushed Beau

“Oh my gods, you didn’t even tell me he was gonna be here!”

“I can’t imagine why,” Jester mumbled. “Beau, I _swear_ , girl’s night soon and I’ll tell you everything.”

“Okay, well, listen,” Beau slurred, pointing at Jester. “If he does anything, and I mean _anything_ you don’t like, even just fuckin’ _looks_ at you funny, or, or looks at someone _else_ funny, or I don’t know, whatever, just - you say the word. Pop pop. Okay?”

“I know, Beau,” Jester laughed. “You’re my best friend. And you’ll-”

“And I’ll beat the shit out of anyone you want me to,” Beau finished.

By the time Jester left the Blooming Grove, her feet ached and her head was starting to warn her about the impending hangover she’d be treated to in the morning. Thank the Traveler for lesser restoration. Beau and Yasha walked her home, even though they didn’t live in that direction, which she was thankful for. She could more than hold her own, especially thanks to the things the Traveler had taught her, but she didn’t much fancy having to deal with any trouble, especially not when she was flying high on a heady cocktail of weed, liquor and infatuation. Not even the blisters on her heels harshed that feeling.

When she got into her apartment, well after one in the morning, she kicked her shoes off, cleaned her face with a makeup removing wipe, shucked her stockings and skirt and fell into bed. She didn’t even take her top off, just unhooking her bra and slithering out of it in a well-practiced maneuver that maximized efficiency and minimized effort. Her phone chimed.

☕️Caleb🏛: I just wanted to make sure you got back to your apartment safely.

_Ugh. He has to be handsome, smart_ and _thoughtful?!_

Me: beau and yasha walked me home 😊 thx for checking

☕️Caleb🏛: Good. Sleep well, Jester.

Me: you too 😘

☕️Caleb🏛: :)

Jester watched the three dots appear and disappear a few times before falling silent. She sighed, snuggled into her many pillows, and fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're welcome for not tossing a "you were always a better dancer than me, Astrid" in there. We all collectively don't need that right now.
> 
> If anyone was wondering (narrator: nobody was) the imported alcohol Beau brought was based on baiju 😉
> 
> In my head, they were dancing to Bei Mir Bistu Sheyn (To Me, You're Beautiful), because that's what I was listening to. It's better known by the Germanized title "Bei mir bist du schön" as covered by the Andrews Sisters, but it's actually originally a piece of Yiddish theater! Personally, I prefer the version by Bette Midler, though it's objectively hilarious that the Andrews Sisters cover was super popular in Nazi Germany until they learned its origins. 
> 
> If you're a Yiddish theater nerd...  
> Yiddish original: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TI4CzA7Gzhs  
> Bette Midler: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=18IGdOR0Z-o
> 
> Next updates will probably come a bit slower, as I had a good chunk of this first bit worked out in my head before I sat down to write anything. The next parts will take a little more work. Thanks for the feedback so far! 😘
> 
> 12/19 edit: THANK you to the amazingly talented @peachpentacle (Tumblr) for the illustration accompanying this chapter! It blew me away and I'm so grateful to them for making something so beautiful! It's a wonderful thing when creators can inspire each other. 🥰


	5. i'll never find out til i'm head over heels

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your patience, guys! I hope the wait was worth it. I've got more planned now, so the gap shouldn't be as long next time!!

_Ow. Ow. Sunlight. Noise. Ow._

Jester made a sobbing groan into her pillow as her phone, with absolutely no concern for her extraordinary suffering, blared its alarm, a foghorn in her ear. She groped around and smacked her phone until it went mercifully silent. Head pounding, Jester didn’t even open her eyes as she prepared a handful of spells for the day - with lesser restoration her top priority. She didn’t bother praying long enough to take much else; she was sure she’d be seeing Beau, and probably Yasha today for a dose of the world’s best hangover cure. Even with her instant hangover remedy, courtesy of Artagan, mornings like these made Jester regret not having an employee. Her store was successful, enough that she was close to being able to afford one, but for now, it was just her, and she worked weekends. That she had different days off from her friends had been annoying since she moved to Rexxentrum and opened the store, but today, when actually what she wanted was to lay in bed and text Caleb until hunger dragged her from beneath her quilt, it felt particularly unjust.

_Probably for the better. You do have a life, after all. And so does he._

Jester cast the restoration spell on herself and whined out loud with relief as the nausea and the throbbing in her head subsided. Her pain eased, Jester sighed and stretched out in her warm bed, the memory of last night worming its way through her veins and prickling her skin. Gods, she couldn’t remember the last time she’d so thoroughly enjoyed a good old-fashioned makeout with someone. She hoped he meant it when he said he wanted to see her again tonight.

She was grateful not to have roommates so she could walk to the bathroom in just her underwear and shirt, but the established lack of roommates left her more than a little surprised when she opened the bedroom door and someone was sitting at her kitchen table. Jester screamed and jumped back; quickly, her fear turned to frustration.

“UGH! For the love of fuck, ARTIE!”

Artagan was nonplussed, sipping a large hot cocoa piled high with marshmallows and whipped cream.

“I come over, make you cocoa before you even wake up, and this is how you thank me?”

Jester wiped a hand over her face and rolled her eyes, but she sat down at the table across from him. There was nothing weird about not wearing pants around the Traveler. He’d been with her since she was a kid. It did occur to her, not for the first time, as she sat at her shitty kitchen table in her underwear, drinking admittedly very good hot chocolate, that her relationship with her god was a bit unorthodox.

“So, tell me all about the party, who got sloppy, who embarrassed themselves, were there any fights?”

“It was Caduceus’s, _obviously_ there were no fights,” Jester snorted. “Buuuuuuuut…”

“Buuuuuuuuut?”

“I did see that guy again. And maybe made out with him a lot on the roof.”

“Ooh, very good, Jester,” Artagan purred. “He seems interesting, at least.” Jester recounted the evening to Artagan, sparing no detail.

“…and he wants to see me again tonight. I should text him, actually.”

“Let him wait a little,” the Traveler advised with a grin. “Let him miss you.” Jester hesitated.

“Okay, maybe just a little.”

“What do you have planned?”

“Probably something low-key,” Jester said through a mouthful of marshmallow. “Since last night was a lot, like, in terms of the party. And he’s like all serious, and kind of shy, I don’t know if I want to scare him off by pulling out the really good date ideas yet.”

“Hmmm,” Artagan mused, tapping his chin. “I don’t know. I think your professor has a bit of a chaotic streak in him. Could be wrong. Rarely am.”

“You think so?” Jester asked, ducking into the fridge to get milk for her cereal.

“Yes, I think you’re wise to stick to something less flashy for tonight, after the party, show him your _range_ , darling. But I think given some time, you could tease his heart open to a little chaos. I get the feeling once you open that door he’ll surprise you.” Artagan winked with a wicked smile and Jester giggled.

“Alright, Artie, I really have to get going, I have to open the shop and I need to shower first, because I smell like a gas station pot shop. I’ll keep you posted.”

“You always do, dearest. Good luck.”

While she showered, Jester ran through a list of date ideas in her head and argued with herself about not getting too excited. _He probably feels like shit today. He might not have meant it. Something could’ve come up._ Wrapping herself in a big fluffy towel, Jester took her phone off the windowsill, where she balanced it to play music when she was in the shower.

Me: rise and shine, brand new day!

Me: jk, hope you’re sleeping in, i would be if i didn’t have to open the shop 😒

Me: movie tonight? unless you feel too shitty or are actually busy, then we can take a rain check!

_Is three texts too much? Should I have waited longer? No, if I waited longer maybe he’d think I changed my mind. But maybe he changed his mind._ Jester huffed in her annoyance at herself.

“You’re acting like an idiot,” she mumbled to her reflection as she dabbed concealer under her eyes. “Get it together. What would Mama do?”

Mama would put on something with a laughably small amount of fabric that looked (and was) impossibly expensive, and then charge him an average man’s month’s salary to spend an evening with her. That didn’t really work here. Jester learned early in her dating life that she had very little idea how love worked. Sex, that was easy, she’d observed the workings of that in a million different ways, and seen more than most people would ever even imagine. The plus side of that was, when she wanted to go out and go home with someone, she didn’t have any trouble landing a hookup. She’d internalized years of watching other women, some of whom were too shy to strike up a one-on-one conversation with anyone else, put on their “fake it til you make it” confident smiles and roped in men like fish on a line. She could bat her lashes and cross her legs at the right moment and catch a man’s attention with the best of ‘em.

It was the other part she had a problem with. She was the Ruby of the Sea’s only child, the product of a genuine love affair that had ended with Marion’s heart lying in pieces on the Chateau’s marble floor. As far as she knew, her father, whoever he was, was the only man Marion had ever truly loved. When she was little, she had fantasies of getting them back together, finding him and leading him back to her mother, and they’d be a family. Maybe he was a sea captain whose boat had been capsized, and he was working on a remote island for years trying to earn enough to buy passage back to Nicodranas. Maybe he was a dragon tamer, raising wyrmlings from eggs and wanting her and Marion from afar but knowing he couldn’t bring his daughter and his true love into his dangerous lifestyle. Or maybe he’d fallen under the spell of a witch, or a mermaid, who altered his memory and made him forget them. In her daydreams and doodles, he’d come sweeping in and pull her up in a big hug and tell her how sorry he was for all he’d missed, but how happy he was to be here now and how much he wanted to be her father. As she got older, though the truth was as difficult to touch as a fresh bruise, she’d let her fingers drift there, pressing on the edges harder and harder, until she got used to the pain. Her father wasn’t kidnapped by pirates, or pressed into secret spy service to the government. He’d just abandoned them. Abandoned her. It was as simple, and as complicated, as that.

Jester had a few raw edges like that. Occasionally, resentment, anger, so fierce and hot, bubbled up in her chest and took her by surprise. It appeared when she visited Nicodranas and slept in her childhood bedroom, staring at the ceiling, unable to breathe. The last two times, she’d run downstairs and begged Bluud to find her a spare room and not to tell Marion. He knew, now, that if she was coming home, he should put aside a room for her, and he never asked why. Jester was eternally grateful for Bluud. Deep sorrow threatened to drown her, when she thought about when she’d pulled her mother outside to show her a lizard in the garden, and saw her mother break down for the first time. Her whole body was shaking, breath shallow, eyes wild, nails digging into the doorframe so hard the edges of her fingers bled. Marion had gathered Jester up with surprising strength and rushed inside, locking her in her room, and Jester remembered how it’d scared her, how she came down from the full body fear that had gripped her by sobbing into her pillows until she passed out from exhaustion. She was nine years old. Marion’s attacks never stopped scaring her. Jester just got better at hiding it.

In the end, what it all meant was that Jester Lavorre enjoyed sex, had it as often as she wanted it, and felt no shame about that. What Jester wanted was love, desired with every bone in her body to find it for herself, but had no idea what it looked like. She read novels voraciously, watched movies of all kinds. When they featured romance, she liked it even better, but she didn’t think the real thing would be like that. Marion had said when she fell in love with Jester’s father, she just…knew. The feeling appeared and there was simply no other word for it. Jester hoped it would be the same for her too, but she’d long since figured her mother to be an unreliable narrator on too many topics.

She’d been at the shop for an hour, cleaning and restocking shelves, putting out Winter’s Crest festive wear on display, before she heard from Caleb.

☕️Caleb🏛: Is the world extraordinarily loud and bright this morning, or is that just me?

☕️Caleb🏛: Just me, judging by the cheerful tone of your texts.

Me: no, I woke up feeling like absolute shit. thankfully, some of us know lesser restoration.

☕️Caleb🏛: Please ask your god if he is willing to take on any new disciples. I will do whatever it takes to learn that.

Me: LOL

Me: the traveler always welcomes those who can let a little chaos into their hearts 😉

Me: I’m sure beau and yasha will be stopping by for a dose of the lavorre hangover special, so if you feel so inclined, you’re welcome to come.

Jester hoped that didn’t sound too desperate. She assumed, based on Caleb’s state, that she wouldn’t be seeing him tonight.

☕️Caleb🏛: I ought to pay my penance for my sins, but thank you. If I still feel unwell tonight, and it would not be too much trouble, I may take you up on it. I do not wish to ruin our evening with a headache.

Me: are you sure about tonight? if you feel too shitty, we can always reschedule…

☕️Caleb🏛: I could be bleeding from the head and I would still want to see you tonight, Jester.

That shouldn’t have made Jester’s heart palpitate like it did.

Me: well fortunately, I know cure wounds too 😂

☕️Caleb🏛: I will keep that in mind. What time?

Me: I close up at 6, if you want to meet me at the shop

☕️Caleb🏛: I will do that. For now, I will attempt to extricate myself from my bed before a certain preschooler decides to force me out.

Jester almost sent something _very_ flirty back, but decided against it.

Me: aww, he likes you

☕️Caleb🏛: Yes, Luc feels that if Uncle Caleb is not awake at what he considers to be a reasonable hour, I am missing out on critical hours that ought to be spent playing, and so he is merely doing me a service.

The restraint she was showing by not making a suggestive remark about playing with _her_ was truly impressive.

Me: I think luc has a compelling argument

☕️Caleb🏛: It is surprisingly compelling when he launches himself onto your sleeping body from atop your dresser.

☕️Caleb🏛: In the interest of not becoming a landing pad, I’m going to shower and hope that being upright will alleviate the worst of the hangover. I will see you at 6.

Oh come _on._ Jester’s brain evacuated its other contents for a solid two minutes to devote all its resources to imagining how unfairly hot he probably looked fresh out of the shower. She could picture tracing rivulets of water into the dip of his collarbone with her tongue-

_Dingaling_.

The elven woman who walked through the door shook her from her undeniably not safe for work train of thought. She pocketed her phone and put on a big smile, greeting the customer cheerfully. Jester only pulled it out again briefly while the woman was browsing, to send off a quick reply.

Me: See you at 6. Good luck. 🐈

☕️Caleb🏛: :)

Her intuition about Beau was accurate. The monk, wearing a huge pair of thick sunglasses along with her sweatshirt and joggers, dragged herself through the door at noon. She had a huge travel mug that Jester presumed to be coffee and a slice of lemon meringue pie in a plastic container. Beau winced when the bell above the door rang.

“Why is that motherfuckin’ bell so motherfuckin’ loud?” Beau grumbled, sliding the pie across the counter to Jester. Without needing to ask, Beau whined and leaned her head forward. Jester examined the pie.

“Acceptable tribute.” She put both hands on the top of Beau’s head and cast lesser restoration, the cleansing, healing energy flowing through her and alleviating Beau’s hangover.

“Oh my fuck that feels so much better,” Beau sighed with relief, plopping down into a chair behind the counter with Jester. “Thanks, Jes.” She took a big swig of coffee.

“No Yasha today?”

“She feels fine. I’m jealous of her stamina.” Jester raised her eyebrows to make a joke and Beau shot her a look. “Speaking of stamina, though…” Jester blushed.

“What?”

“You said you were gonna tell me everything, so spill it.” Jester eagerly told Beau the whole story in hushed tones. The store wasn’t packed, but there wasn’t really a time when there wasn’t a customer, so she did her best not to be overheard. When she finished, Beau nodded slowly.

“And you’re going on another date tonight?”

“Sort of. Well, yes, it’s a date, but I was planning to just have him come over for a movie. Something low-key after last night, you know?” Beau raised her eyebrows.

“You’re having him over to your place?”

“Not like _that_ , Beau!”

“Hey, who cares if it is like that,” Beau said, taking another swig of coffee. “I’m not judging.”

“No, that’s not happening tonight.”

“Because you don’t want to, orrrr…?” Jester paused for a minute, thinking.

“Because I like him.” Beau furrowed her brow and raised a hand.

“What? Isn’t that exactly why you should bang?” Jester rolled her eyes, her cheeks hot with embarrassment.

“No! I mean, yeah, I guess. I just…care. So I want to do it right. Besides, you’re one to talk, you and Yasha danced around each other for like eight months.”

“Yeah but once we started going out, that was it. I jumped her ass on the first date.” Beau stole a bite of Jester’s pie. “But hey, no judgment. You do what you feel good about. What’s your gut telling you?”

Jester closed her eyes and waited. The first time Beau had asked her this, she started to answer, and her friend had held up her hand. “No,” she’d said. “Like sit and feel it for a second. What’s it telling you?”

“It’s telling me that…he’s something special. I’m comfortable with him. I feel…good around him. Floaty. And I just want to spend more time with him.”

“You feel good about having him at your place?” Beau asked. “Like, safe?”

“Yeah, I feel fine,” Jester said. “He’s a magic user but so am I, and I’m pretty sure I could pick him up with one arm. I mean, not that I have any reason to think…you know. But I feel good about my ability to defend myself if I had to.”

“Oh I’ve sparred with you, I know,” Beau laughed. “Will you just text me when he leaves? Or, y’know, even if he doesn’t. Let me know it went ok?”

“I will.” Jester beamed at Beau, who smiled back.

“Hey,” she said softly. “I’m happy for you. I mean who knows if this is like, a thing, yet…but if it is, I want it for you, you know? You spend a lot of time making everyone else happy, you deserve to make a little happiness for yourself.”

“Aww, thanks, Beau,” Jester said, resting her head on Beau’s shoulder. Beau patted the top of her head and stood to leave.

“Love ya, Jes. Thanks for the miracle work. Tell the Traveler I keep ringing up the tab on those spells and thank him profusely for me.”

The rest of the day went by pretty fast, considering how anxious she was for 6:00 to roll around. At 5:30 she dipped into the dressing room to change into the fresh outfit she’d packed in her bag, just in case: a black blousy top with big yellow flowers, tucked into a dark blue velvet midi skirt and a pair of sheer stockings with a light shimmer. Jester paused for a second, when unrolling the outfit, considering the lingerie she’d brought to wear under it. _Might as well…_ She switched out her comfy, worn bra and cotton underwear for a delicate longline bra with black lace and a blue floral print, and a matching pair of underwear. Jester doubted anyone but her would be seeing it tonight, but…she’d been honest when she told Beau she wasn’t planning to have sex with him tonight. That didn’t mean they wouldn’t do _other_ things.

At 6:00 on the dot, as Jester was pulling the curtains and flipping the Open sign over, she spotted Caleb rounding the corner, hunched against the wind with his hands shoved in the pockets of his navy peacoat. She jumped back from the door and hurried to start rehanging some men’s shirts that had been tossed aside at some point in the day. While that was a necessary task before she could leave, she also didn’t want to look like she’d been standing at the door waiting for him. The bell rang when he entered and Jester ignored the racing of her heart at the sound.

“Hi!” Jester finished folding the shirt in her hands and turned to greet him, beaming.

“Hi,” Caleb said softly, taking her hand with a shy smile. “Can I help you with anything? Folding?”

“Ummm…” Jester looked around. “If you don’t mind,” she said with an apologetic grimace. “I’ll be able to get out of here faster. But I can do it!”

“I don’t mind at all. Just tell me what to do.” Jester directed him to the women’s tops lying discarded on a table near the dressing room and instructed him to hang them according to the sizes on the labels. He nodded and started towards them.

“Wait, before you start though, there’s one more thing.”

“Hmm?” Caleb turned and Jester pulled him close and planted a kiss on his lips. He was so _warm_ , and Jester wanted to slip her arms under his coat and around his waist and stay there forever.

“Thank you for helping.” Caleb put an arm around her waist and kissed her again with a smile.

“I’ll fold anything you want if those are my wages.” Jester giggled.

“Oh wait! How’s your head?” Caleb grimaced, embarrassed.

“Ah, not great, but I’m okay.”

“Do you want a spell?” He hesitated.

“If you have it to give, I would not say no,” he finally admitted. “But if it is a lot of trouble, or it would cost you components-“ Jester shook her head.

“No trouble, no components.” She grinned and put her hands on the sides of Caleb’s face, just enjoying the shiver it sent through her when he looked into her eyes like that. “Just a touch spell.” Jester drew him in for a slow, sensual kiss, teasing her tongue between his lips when he moaned and tugged her closer. She whispered the words into his mouth with a cheeky grin, and felt the life-giving flow pass through her, into him.

“Do you feel better?” Jester asked, lowering her hands to his shoulders. Caleb smiled and kept his hands on her waist.

“I don’t know if it worked, maybe you should do it again,” Caleb murmured, bending down for another kiss. Jester giggled and accepted it but pulled away quickly. She didn’t miss how his mouth chased hers for a second when she did.

“I gotta close the store,” she reminded him sternly. “The sooner we do that the sooner we can get out of here.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Caleb pecked her on the forehead and walked away to finish hanging up the shirts Jester had asked him to do. They were quiet for a few minutes, but like on the walk back from lunch, Jester felt the silence was comfortable, not stilted or tense.

“What movie did you want to go see tonight?” Caleb asked while Jester wiped down the counter.

“Oh! I was actually thinking we could just go to my house and do a double feature, your choice and my choice. Order pizza. Unless you don’t want to do that!” She suddenly felt awkward, like maybe suggesting something at her house was going too fast.

“No no, that sounds fine. Good, I mean, it sounds good. I just assumed.”

“Because I was thinking,” she explained quickly, “you know, you get to know a person well by watching a movie or reading a book they like, you know? If we go to see a movie that neither of us have seen, then we’re just sitting in the dark not talking.” _And I can think of other things I’d rather do with you in the dark._ She kept that thought to herself but it still made her blush.

“ _Ja_ , I agree.” Jester finished sorting and counting the cash box and updating her records. Her heart skipped around in her chest when she finally laced her fingers in his and walked out the door, locking it behind her. She couldn’t keep the smile off her face and when she peeked up at him, he was biting back a grin of his own.

“Soooo, what’d you do today?” Jester asked, leading them off in the direction of her house. “Were you ambushed?”

“Thankfully no, I was allowed to have a cup of coffee before my services were requested.”

“Oh? What were those?” Jester giggled.

“Luc wanted to make a collage for Yeza’s birthday but he’s still little, so he doesn’t quite have the fine motor skills to cut out shapes on his own. He wanted me to cut out the pictures from the magazines for him. You would have been much better at it, actually, it was quite an art project. I’m not good at that sort of thing, but I can cut out paper hearts to the satisfaction of a six-year-old.” Jester’s heart was getting a serious workout, picturing Caleb sitting on the floor with the little boy she’d seen in the photo, patiently cutting out shapes from colored paper for him to paste together.

“He seems like a really cute kid.”

“Ah, _ja_ , Luc is really sweet. Very bright, and full of life, like a child should be. It has been very special, since I met Veth, to be able to watch him grow and experience the world.”

“Well it’s kind of like being a teacher, right? You’re nurturing something.”

“Yes, but fortunately, much like my students, Luc has parents that remember the feeding and watering,” Caleb said dryly, and Jester laughed. “I barely manage that for myself.”

“You have Frumpkin!”

“Oh, well, Frumpkin is a fey cat, actually.” Jester gasped.

“Really?!”

“Ja, he’s my familiar.”

“That’s _so_ cool, Cayleb.” Caleb shrugged and avoided her gaze.

“Lots of wizards have them. But he doesn’t require anything beyond a cat box. I feed him because he likes it, but he doesn’t even need to eat.”

“Well that’s like pretty much everything! I have a weasel and he is 100% a real weasel, and that’s all I do with him. Besides, you know, shnuggle him and love him.”

“And chase him around your store.” Jester chuckled, embarrassed to remember how she’d been stuck under a clothing rack the first time Caleb ever laid eyes on her, digging Sprinkle out from the corner.

“Yeah, as necessary.”

When they arrived at her apartment, Jester felt self-conscious all of a sudden, trying to remember if, in her haste, she’d left anything embarrassing out or left any messes. She was normally fairly clean, if not particularly concerned with things going where they belonged. One of the downsides of living alone was that sometimes, you just leave a bra stuck in the couch and don’t think about it until someone digs it out while looking for their phone in the cushions.

Jester breathed an audible sigh of relief when the door swung open and her apartment was as she remembered it, perfectly presentable. Caleb’s eyes searched the place like he was a detective, trying to piece together as much information about her as possible and find meaning in the way she hung her dish towel or organized her spice rack. Jester found it kind of cute. She did the same thing when she went to someone’s house for the first time.

“Well, this is home sweet home,” she said, spreading her arms awkwardly. “Oh, um, I can take your coat.”

“ _Danke_.” Caleb shrugged out of his peacoat and Jester checked him out surreptitiously while his gaze continued to wander around the kitchen. He was wearing the same black jeans she almost always saw him in, and a soft, cozy looking blue cardigan with yellow stripes, but under that was a black T-shirt with a line drawing of a city. It took Jester a second, but-

“Is that Nicodranas?!” Jester gasped, pulling open the front of his unbuttoned cardigan. Caleb jumped and Jester let go of it. “Sorry,” she giggled, walking over to the drawer where she kept the takeout menus, her face hot. “Didn’t mean to start tearing your clothes off the second you walked in the door.” _Unless you wanted me to…_

“Uh, it’s perfectly alright,” Caleb chuckled, his cheeks flushed pink. “ _Ja_ , this is Nicodranas. I got it last time I was there. Veth insisted I buy a souvenir and this was the least, um, loud thing I could find.”

“What do you go to Nicodranas for? Do you go there a lot?”

“Ah, _ja_ , not infrequently. There’s a mage there that I sometimes consult with on my work. And the travel is easy.” Jester handed him the pizza menu with a furrowed brow.

“Easy? It’s like a day to drive there and so expensive to get a car.”

“Yussa has a teleportation circle, and I can use the circles at the Academy, I’m there and back in the same day,” Caleb murmured, looking through the menu. Jester gaped at him and he looked up at her when she was silent.

“You can go back and forth to Nicodranas in one _day?!”_

“Yes? Oh - I mean, if you ever need to go home, I’m happy to help.”

“Really?” Jester cried.

“Yes, if Yussa’s schedule and mine permit. I have to ask his permission to use the circle but as long as I give him notice, it’s typically no trouble. Of course, yes, if you want to go home, I can help.”

Jester was hideously embarrassed, and nobody was more surprised than her that it was happening, but she couldn’t help the tears that sprang to her eyes and she clapped her hands over her mouth as the first sob burst out of her chest.

“Jester?!” Caleb looked like a deer in headlights and reached out, hesitantly, to lay his hands on her shoulders. “Are you okay?” Jester swallowed the next one and caught her breath. She wanted desperately to go invisible right about now and laughed to cover her humiliation, but she was pretty sure it came off as hysterical.

“Yes! Yeah, yes, sorry, I’m fine! Wow, I really wasn’t expecting that. Sorry.”

“No need to apologize, what’s wrong? If you want to tell me, I mean, you don’t have to.” His thumbs rubbed circles on her shoulders. Gods, was it more mortifying to explain or to just let him think she was crazy?

“Um, I mean…it’s nothing, really. I just miss my mother.” That was worse, that made her sound like a baby. Ugh, this was awful. “It’s hard for me to take enough days off in a row to go see her in Nicodranas, and it’s expensive to get down there.” She bit her lip and deliberated over whether to continue. “And, um, she doesn’t leave her house, you know? So she can’t come here. I know it probably seems like I’m overreacting... But it means a lot to me. Thank you, Cayleb.”

Caleb pressed a kiss to her forehead.

“I didn’t do anything. But I’m sorry you cannot see her as often as you would like. I would be glad to take you there, if you only let me know when.”

“Thanks, I’m really sorry for losing it,” Jester sniffled with a smile.

“Don’t worry about it. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Now tell me, what do you like from this place?” Caleb gave her a small smile and handed her back the menu. “I’ll eat whatever you want.”

Jester was so grateful to him for being so understanding that she couldn’t even come back with a sexual innuendo. He blushed anyway. Jester showed him to the living room and went to her bedroom to get a blanket for the couch. When she returned, Caleb was engrossed in her bookshelves, looking at all the titles.

“You have a lot of books.”

“I told you, Mama said it’s very important to be educated, that way you can be a good conversationalist.” She grinned. “I don’t think it worked out like she hoped but the sentiment was nice.”

“I think you are a very good conversationalist,” Caleb mumbled, still looking at her books. “Besides, I don’t think education on its own makes one interesting. I have more education than I know what to do with and I am extraordinarily boring.”

“Oh, that’s not true,” Jester scoffed, plonking down on the sofa. She intentionally sat close enough that he could put an arm around her or hold her hand if he wanted, but far enough away that he didn’t have to. He sat next to her, similarly leaving a little space but not so much it couldn’t be bridged. The no-man’s-land sliver of couch cushion taunted her like a blank canvas, full of possibility.

“What’s showing tonight, Miss Lavorre?” Caleb asked, gesturing to the television. Jester clasped her hands in front of her with an excited smile.

“O- _kay_ , so, I was thinking we should each pick a movie that we really like. It doesn’t have to be your _favorite_ , just one you really like. And I think you should go first, because it’s my house and I say so.”

“Alright, you’ve really asked for it,” Caleb teased, his tone apprehensive. “I’m only joking, I will not torment you with my usual fare.”

“Cay-leb!” Jester exclaimed, throwing her hands up. “The whole _point_ is I want to watch your usual fare! I know _you_ think you’re boring but obviously _I_ don’t think you’re boring or I wouldn’t be here right now!” She paused. “Well, actually, I probably would be here. But you wouldn’t! What’s a movie that you feel like you could watch over and over again and never get bored of? _That’s_ what I want to watch.” She put the remote in front of him, crossed her arms and looked at him sternly.

“You know it is very difficult to say no to you,” Caleb said, taking the remote. Jester beamed.

“I know.”

“Okay,” Caleb started, as he searched through YouTube, “you’re going to make fun of me.”

“I’m not going to make fun of you!”

“You are, and you should, and I swear I’m not putting this on because I want to impress you with my sophisticated low-budget indie film tastes. I genuinely enjoy this movie a lot.”

“Ooh, guilty pleasure, I like it.”

“Ah, more egghead pleasure. If we were doing guilty pleasures I’d be putting on _Raising Arizona_.” Jester stared at him. “Oh don’t look at me like that. It’s an enjoyable film.”

“Okay, Professor.”

“I will get my revenge, Lavorre, just you wait. You won’t be laughing when the next date night is guilty pleasure movies and I can make fun of whatever _you_ put on.” Jester’s heart skipped when he said _next date night_. He glanced at her and smiled shyly.

20 minutes later, Jester was wishing she’d suggested guilty pleasure movies instead. Caleb was lost in the story, which, as far as Jester could tell, was about two guys playing with batteries in a garage.

_“We thought that we were degrading gravity, right? That we were blocking that information. I think we’re doing more than that, I think we’re blocking more than that. When you were controlling the feed, did you notice it was parabolic? It’s important, parabolas are important. In all the equations that describe motion and heat and entropy, in all the Feynman diagrams, what’s the one variable that you can turn negative and still get rational answers for? It’s not mass.”_

Jester was very grateful when the pizza arrived and she could run to the door to think about something other than words like “causality” and “empirical”. Caleb had paused it for her, of course, which was kind of him, but she silently cursed him for prolonging this experience by ninety more seconds. As much as the movie itself made her want to tear her eyes out, she could watch Caleb watch it for hours. He kept looking over at her, but she noticed which scenes captivated his attention, tried to gather what she could about him from what she understood of the plot. She suspected that the research and discovery themes were what really enthralled him, engrossed as he was in his own research, whatever it was. It reminded her of what he’d said at lunch, how the answers always seem like they’re just around the corner and he was the moth to that flame, the promise of finally putting the puzzle together.

About halfway through, as they ate pizza - fresh mozzarella, Gorgonzola and chicken, Jester’s favorite - from the box, she felt Caleb’s arm come to rest lightly on her shoulders. Silently, she scooted a little closer and cuddled up to his side; warm happiness rolled through her when his arm tightened around her and his thumb started absentmindedly rubbing circles on her arm. Jester kept watching him more than she was watching the movie, but now that they were so close, when he looked down to see her staring up at him, she could see how his eyes flickered to her lips and hear his breath catch just slightly. She kept his gaze and waited; Caleb cautiously leaned in and kissed her sweetly, slowly. His teeth grazed her bottom lip, not pushing or painful, just adding sensation that made her dizzy. Jester tried to match his pace, be patient, let it build, but she couldn’t. Her kisses burned bright, matching the arousal flaring inside her; she didn’t want to be pushy, she just wanted _more,_ wanted to taste more of him, feel his hands on her and his breath and his heat against her skin. Caleb met her tongue with his but after only a moment, he pulled back.

“I very much want to keep doing this with you,” he murmured, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear. “But I fear we won’t make it to your movie and I want to know you better.”

Jester pouted but relented and pecked him on the lips before settling back in by his side. It was really sweet of him, she reminded herself, that he wanted to get to know her better. _Sweet_ , she said sternly to the very insistent heat between her legs. When the movie ended, she was in disbelief that it was only an hour and a quarter. It felt like one hundred years.

“So, what did you think?” Jester bit her lip and tried hard to think of a diplomatic response.

“I don’t think I’m smart enough for that movie,” she joked weakly. Caleb frowned.

“No, that’s not true at all. I know it’s very technical. If it weren’t so related to my area of specialization, I wouldn’t understand it either.” He re-explained a few different ways how time travel worked in this movie, which cleared up a lot of Jester’s confusion. She was a little embarrassed that she needed him to walk her through it - was he expecting she’d get it and like it right away? Did he think she was stupid now? Jester searched his face for any hint of disappointment or condescension and didn’t find it. Caleb tried a few different examples that finally came together and illustrated it for her, and seemed genuinely pleased when she got it. Just like she’d seen with his students, he was patient and confident that she would understand, if only he found the right way to explain.

“Thank you for showing me that, Cayleb,” she said, squeezing his knee. “I won’t pretend it was my favorite movie ever, but I do feel like I know you a little better. What do _you_ like about it? Why did you pick it?”

“Ah, well, it is really the spirit of discovery. I spend all day chasing shadows of answers to questions I have been pulling my hair out over for years. Every time I watch it I just get captivated again by the thrill, when they really work it out. I want it for myself, I guess. And that’s a big part of my life, so, I figured when you asked that question, I haven’t got a long list of movies I could watch over and over, and I thought this one captures that aspect of...me, you know?”

“That makes sense. Um… Cayleb?”

“Yes?”

“Does it bother you that I’m not, like, educated?” Caleb frowned.

“What do you mean?” Jester felt her face grow warm and she tried not to fixate on how foolish she probably looked.

“I mean I didn’t go to college, I’m definitely not a _professor-_ “

“Neither am I.” Jester gave an exasperated sigh.

“Cayleb! You know what I mean. You’re going to be one. I’m just feeling…I don’t know. I know we’re not like _together_ together or anything but why aren’t you out dating some super smart other not-professor who can relate to your work and the pursuit of knowledge and all that stuff?”

“Because I like _you_ ,” he replied, confusion still written on his face. “I couldn’t care less if you went to college, Jester. _Scheisse_ , did I make you feel-“

“No! No, you didn’t,” Jester reassured him. He took her other hand in his free one.

“Okay, because I mean it, I do not care. I could ask you the same, why you would not prefer to date another follower of the Traveler or something.”

“Because that isn’t important to me in a...person. That’s not what I’m looking for, you know?”

“And what _are_ you looking for?” Caleb asked softly. He rubbed her thumb with his, a motion that calmed her pounding heart. She thought for a long moment before she answered.

“I’m looking for someone to share...life with. Not like, you know, I’m looking for a _husband_ or something, not like that, I mean not right away, or maybe ever, I don’t know, I just-“ Gods, this was only their second date and she looked ludicrous.

“You are looking for something serious, then,” he cut in, saving her from her floundering.

Jester broke out in a cold sweat. What if _he_ just wanted something casual? She already liked him a lot and she didn’t know if she wanted that with him. She’d done that before, settled for less than what she wanted out of fear of having nothing at all, and she’d only gotten hurt. It wasn’t even totally true, what she said about wanting a person to share life with. She did want that, but if she didn’t see him as having potential she wouldn’t have said it. In the past she’d given completely different answers to that question, saying she was only looking for something casual when what she meant was “I’m only looking for something casual with _you_.” She didn’t really fancy being on the receiving end of that conversation. Jester shook herself from her mental spiral; Caleb was still looking at her, patient, waiting.

“Yes,” she said finally. “I am looking for something serious.” Caleb nodded, looking at her fingers laced in his.

“Me too.”

Relief flooded Jester’s chest, unknotting her stomach and throat.

“Well I’m very glad to hear that, Professor,” Jester said, beaming, back to her comfortable, teasing tone. The susurrus of her tail on the couch came from behind her. “I was worried this whole time you just thought I was nice to look at.” Caleb grinned and brought his hand to her cheek to draw her in for a kiss.

“You are very nice to look at,” he murmured into her mouth. “And talk to.” Another kiss. “And spend time with.”

“I’m only sooo delightful with people I also think are nice to look at and fun to be around,” Jester replied, noting how the color rose in his cheeks at her compliment. That was cute. “I’m glad we’re on the same page, though.”

“I am too. I’m happy we talked about it, especially if it was worrying you.” His thumb brushed over her cheek and Jester leaned into the touch with a happy smile. “Now I very much want to know what your movie choice is, because that may make me rescind my earlier statement.” Jester stood and put a disc into the player.

“If I didn’t tell you that I wasn’t looking for anything serious after what you just made me watch, I don’t think you get to rescind any such thing,” Jester snorted. Caleb’s laugh from behind her was beautifully musical to her ears.

“And here I was worried you were going to pretend to like it for my sake.” Jester flashed a sly smile as she planted herself next to him on the couch, this time curled right up against his side, draping his arm over her shoulders.

“Don’t worry, Professor, I will never fake _anything_ for your sake.”

It was hard to tell the difference between the fierce blush on his face and the red light cast off the film’s title card.

~~~

Jester took full responsibility for distracting him three quarters of the way through the movie. Right now, though, as the credits started to roll, with his hands squeezing her thighs and her tongue in his mouth, it was hard to feel sorry.

It was her tail’s fault, really. The damn thing had a mind of its own. And when it drifted down off the side of the couch to tickle his ankle, Jester noticed how it captured his interest, how his eyes followed its movements the way they did when he was staring at her mouth. Her tail slithered up his chest and Jester ran the tip along his jaw, her eyes firmly forward on the screen, biting back a mischievous grin, and then they were off to the races.

Now she was seated in his lap, fumbling with the tie that kept his hair back as she kissed him so she could run her fingers through it. When she succeeded, she tangled her hands up in it and used it to pull him closer, swallowing the low moan that escaped his lips. His hands were running over her back and hips, but now her thighs were being firmly held and squeezed and she loved it. Jester was getting the impression that he liked her full thighs quite a lot, and that only turned her on more.

The room was mostly quiet, except for the sounds of lips on skin, mouths meeting, soft sighs and the whisper of fabric as they moved against each other. Caleb gently guided her chin up with one hand and started mouthing over her neck, biting and sucking gently, not hard enough to give her a mark.

“You can leave a hickey,” she mumbled, her face hot.

“Mmmm, would you like that?”

“I would. Anywhere.” Jester hummed happily when Caleb pulled back the neck of her shirt slightly so he could mark her shoulder without it being easily seen. His lips found a suitable patch of delicate blue skin and he nibbled at her - _such a fucking tease_ \- before sealing his mouth on the spot and sucking a bruise into her shoulder. Jester gasped and tightened her grip in his hair, letting her eyes fall shut as pleasure-pain bloomed into a beautiful indigo mark. She wiggled her hips and drank in the choked noise he made in response; she’d been able to feel his erection pressing into her inner thigh for quite some time now, but leaving that mark on her definitely got his body’s attention.

“You seem to like putting those on me,” Jester teased.

“You seem to like getting them,” Caleb murmured, already working to find another suitable spot.

“And giving them.”

“Ja, I have two from last night to prove it.”

“Want more?” Jester was so enthralled by the way he looked like this, hard under her, the pink flush of arousal coloring in behind his freckles, his blue eyes blown dark with desire.

“Gods, yes,” he breathed, and pulled her towards his mouth for another deep, messy kiss.

It wasn’t long before Jester and Caleb were both littered with marks, though Jester was more careful to place hers under the collar line of a button-down. He only left two on her neck where anyone could see, but Jester wanted him to. The idea of walking around with his bite mark on her tomorrow made her shudder with need.

She was having a hard time finding places to put new ones without stretching the neck of his shirt, so she kissed him hard and teased her fingers around the hem, silently asking for permission. Caleb’s breath caught and his torso shifted to meet her touch, but he stopped kissing her. Jester removed her hands right away and brought them back to his shoulders.

“I would prefer to keep it on.”

“Oh! That’s okay! Is it alright if I touch you under it or just over?” Caleb thought for a second, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth.

“Under is okay, as long as the shirt stays on.”

“That’s okay,” Jester reassured him, leaning in for another kiss, but Caleb pulled away, averting her eyes.

“I’m sorry - eventually. Just not yet.” Jester kissed his forehead and cupped his face in her palms.

“Hey, I don’t want you to feel pressured. We can go as slow as you want. Is this okay? We can stop here.”

“I do not feel pressured, I _do_ want to do these things with you, I simply would prefer to wait, on that one, if that is alright.” Jester nodded.

“Do you want me to keep mine on too?”

“No!” Caleb said, a little too quickly, and blushed fiercely when he caught himself. “I - I mean, if you want to, um, take it off, or for me to - uh - to touch you, I would like that. If you would.” Jester grinned and stuck her tongue out.

“Maybe let’s start with touching,” Jester murmured in his ear, purposefully seductive, trying to guide them both back into the mood. She drew him in for a kiss as she untucked her blouse from her skirt and led his hands to her waist, where the hem was now free. Jester ran her hands over Caleb’s chest, something she’d been doing, but more intentional now, working him up to feeling her skin on his.

Jester whimpered, a silent plea for more, as Caleb’s fingers skimmed cautiously just under the hem of her shirt, over her waist and belly. Her own hands focused on gliding over Caleb’s nipples, eliciting delicious sounds and little moans from him too. Encouraged by his noises, Jester started rolling them under her thumbs, albeit with the shirt between them, enjoying the way his hips pressed up into her unconsciously.

Their bodies shifted constantly against one another, greedily responding to pleasure, demanding more, _touch me_ there _, I want to feel your warmth, let me taste you, squeeze me like_ that _, yes, there, I like it when you bite me, I’m aching, baby, give me what I need, please, more, more, more._

Jester’s breath was already coming hard when Caleb’s hands slid up her stomach to the lace edge of her bra, slipping the tips of his fingers just under it. Jester tried not to squirm too much and give away her impatience, but she could feel every tiny brush of her clothes against her nipples and she was certain her underwear was soaked. She needed relief, but he touched her like they had all the time in the world and there was nothing he was in any special hurry to get to. _Bastard_. The lightest of touches ghosted over the swell of her breast, following the curve of her bra. Jester wondered if he could feel how hard her heart was pounding when he touched her like that. Caleb was far from unaffected by her, she could tell; he was breathless as he kissed her and it would’ve been difficult to ignore how hard he was with her in his lap.

Antsy and wanting, Jester huffed and pulled her blouse over her head in one quick motion, tossing it to the floor. Based on the groan Caleb made when she did, changing into the pretty, lacy bra was a good choice.

“Fuck, Jester, you’re so gorgeous,” he breathed, pulling her in for a kiss. Jester smiled and slipped her hands under his shirt, arousal flaring in her at the feeling of his hot skin against her palms. She could feel a slight trail of hair that got thicker and wider as she moved up, and she longed to feel it pressed against her chest.

Right away, Caleb’s hands were on her, cupping her breasts as he kissed over her neck, her shoulders, her tattoo. Jester could feel his breath hitch when his lips brushed the diamond dust and a wave of arousal hit her when she remembered he could feel the magic in it. _Finally_ , he started kissing down to the butter soft skin of her breasts, nuzzling between them, making her whine and shiver with delight.

She thumbed over his nipples again, delighting in the gasp and the jerk of his hips she got in response. Jester grinned at him and did it again, making him groan, the sound muffled with his mouth on her breasts. When Caleb circled his thumbs over her nipples, even through her bra, she moaned softly, and his lips went to her neck again, sucking just hard enough to feel good.

“Stop being a tease,” she whined, pinching his ribs. Caleb smirked against her neck and went slower, pressing hot, open-mouthed kisses to every one of the marks he’d trailed down her neck and shoulders.

_“Cay-leb!”_

“Hmm?” Caleb lifted his head to look at her, a playful look in his eye. “Is there something you wanted?”

“Yes! My tits are right in front of you and you’re not doing _anything_ with them!”

“That is a problem,” he agreed, cupping her breasts in his palms again. Jester sighed happily and arched into his touch. “But one doesn’t rush through a museum to get to the end, no?” Caleb drew a finger down her collarbone, over the round of her breast, watching as her breath hitched when he just barely ran the pad of his finger under the cup of her bra. “You have to take in all the art on the way.”

“I’m not art, though,” she laughed, the sound turning to a whimper as he touched her the same way on her other breast. “ _Paintings_ don’t get impatient if you just look at them too long.”

“You are pretty enough to be art. And I don’t want to miss an inch of you.” Caleb started laying kisses over the tops of her breasts and Jester hummed with approval, encouraging him. His little nips on her sensitive skin made her yelp and giggle but when his fingers finally pushed under the cup of her bra and found her nipples, Jester gave a full-throated moan that made his hard length jump beneath her. Caleb rolled her stiff buds between his fingers, sending pleasure rippling through her in delightful waves.

Jester was too distracted to keep teasing him, so she settled for running her hands up and down his chest, until he pinched her nipples and she gasped, gripping his shoulders tightly. Caleb tensed, almost imperceptible, if she hadn’t been paying attention. The skin here was…different. It was difficult to tell without being able to see, but it felt smoother, tighter somehow. Scars? There was some unevenness she could detect under her fingers, but Jester didn’t want to linger and she didn’t jerk away, she simply let her hands drift back down to his chest at the same steady pace she was moving before. Whatever that was, if Caleb wanted to tell her, he would; she suspected it might be the reason for his hesitation about taking off his shirt. She didn’t need to draw attention to it.

Jester continued like nothing was wrong, humming with satisfaction as she stretched to push her chest forward, giving him better access. Caleb relaxed and returned to her breasts, showering them with breathless kisses as his talented fingers played with her nipples. Jester tried not to get too worked up thinking about what else those fingers might be able to do. Caleb kissed the black lace around the edge of her bra cup and looked up at her, eyes questioning.

“ _Please_.”

The pleasure and arousal that crashed over her like a wave was overwhelming, as he guided her nipple into his mouth with his tongue and focused all his attention on it. Jester wove her fingers in his hair and clutched him close, her eyes fluttering shut as she lost herself to the sensation of his warm, wet mouth on her breast.

“Gods, that feels good,” Jester breathed, and the sight of Caleb, looking up at her with those baby blue eyes, his tongue teasing her nipple, was enough to make her cunt to flood her underwear again. She wanted to eat him alive.

Caleb used his hands and mouth to pleasure her, making sure both breasts received equal amount of his careful attention, and Jester could tell they were both hanging on the edge of desperation pretty quickly. Jester was gripping his hair like a lifeline, trying not to fall apart with pleasure, and the pulling only turned Caleb on more, making his erection more obvious and insistent between them. He groaned into her breasts as she rolled her hips against his the bulge in his jeans, shuddering and whimpering with the pressure on her clit.

 _“Jester…”_ She wanted to know what her name sounded like on his lips as he came. She wanted to hear him gasp it out from on top of her, wanted to make him shout and make his toes curl as he lost himself inside her. She wanted her fucking neighbors to hear him call her name like that. Jester wanted him to lose that precious self-control and she wanted to _make_ him.

“Does that feel good?” she panted in his ear, pointedly doing it again. He gripped her tighter and his teeth closed around her nipple, making her keen.

“ _Yes,_ it really - _ngh -_ it really does-“

“Do you want me to keep going?” Years of living in the Chateau had, thankfully, imprinted asking for consent on her brain without her having to think about it. Anything that wasn’t the pursuit of pleasure or something equally instinctual wasn’t possible right now, not with his hands on her, his mouth on her, and her pussy practically dripping through her stockings.

“Don’t fucking stop,” Caleb choked, and the low husk of his voice, his lust-thickened accent, made her redouble her efforts, gripping the back of the couch and rolling her hips just right so his stiff cock rubbed on her clit.

“Oh gods, fuck,” Jester sobbed, when one of Caleb’s hands flew to her ass, squeezing her against him, and the other pulled the fabric of her bra aside so he could take her breast into his mouth again. Heavy breaths mingled in the air between them and Jester could feel an orgasm starting to build in her core.

“That’s it, baby,” Caleb groaned as she rode him faster, clutching her to him. “Take what you want, want you to feel good- _fuck_ \- _Jes_ ter-“

“You like that?” Jester managed. She ground down on him hard and, without really meaning to tug so hard, yanked his head back so she could lean in and bite his ear. Caleb gasped as she did it and pushed his hips up into her.

“You’re so fucking _hot_ ,” Jester growled, trailing off into Infernal. One hand was still in his hair, the other tightly gipped the back of the couch for leverage. “ _I’m going to fucking_ _ruin_ _you when I get you in bed-“_

“Jester, _J-Jester_ ,” Caleb gasped, suddenly pulling her hips away from his, and ice cold panic gripped her heart as she let go of his hair and pulled her hands away.

“What? What is it?!” She tried to replay the last few minutes, figure out what she’d done-

“Nothing - nothing is wrong, you did _nothing_ wrong, I just - am - um. If we keep going - it’s just that - I’m close,” Caleb whispered, hiding his beet red face behind his hands. Jester drew his hands away from his face and kissed him, soft, chaste, letting the heat ebb out of her.

“Let’s simmer down then?”

An hour later, Jester was yawning between kisses, which Caleb took as a sign that he ought to leave, no matter how much Jester wanted him to stay. They bid each other good night with a kiss that took Jester’s breath away with its sincerity and tenderness. Caleb apologized that this upcoming week was so busy for him but promised to make it up to her by taking her for dinner in the latter half.

“Good night, Professor,” Jester said, stifling another yawn as she opened the door for him.

“Good night, Jester Lavorre.”

She watched him from her window until he disappeared from the street, huddled in his blue coat against the chill of the wind. When she pulled off the rest of her clothes and fell into bed, she reached into her nightstand. _Thank the gods for vibrators._

Jester came quickly with his name on her lips and fell into dark, dreamless, glowing sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you were wondering, Caleb's movie was Primer and Jester's was The Great Silence (the original, obviously). I have some ideas about why she chose it, but I'd be curious to hear your thoughts. 😉
> 
> Kudos and comments generate new chapters. 😈


	6. don't take my heart, don't break my heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for discussions of mental illness. All canon-compliant, but just FYI.

👊🏽Beau⚡️: u good????

👊🏽Beau⚡️: jes?

👊🏽Beau⚡️: if you don’t pick up i’m coming over idc if youre on his dick right now

Me: HI beauuuu yes i’m fine! sorry I forgot to text you 😬

👊🏽Beau⚡️: so i guess it went well? is he still there?

Me: no but it went super well. suuuuuper well. i think this might be a thing

👊🏽Beau⚡️: WOO!!!!

👊🏽Beau⚡️: have you had the dtr talk yet

Me: no but we both said we were looking for something serious. we’re going to dinner folsen so maybe then?? depending on how it goes

👊🏽Beau⚡️: he’s taking you to dinner? sooooo 👉🏽👌🏽? y/y?

Me: 🙄 why are you like this

_Ding._

☕️Caleb💕: Good morning. :)

Me: morning 😘

☕️Caleb💕: I had a very good time last night.

Me: me too 😊

☕️Caleb💕: Frumpkin says good morning too.

The attached photo showed Frumpkin, sitting on the windowsill, focused intently on something out of view.

Me: awww give the baby scritches!!

☕️Caleb💕: I will. :)

Me: i don’t wanna go to work 😩

☕️Caleb💕: Me neither.

Me: is it folsen yet?

~~~

The following days passed at a reasonable pace, as far as Jester was concerned, if time travel wasn’t an option. She was extraordinarily busy at the shop, with everyone preparing for the Winter’s Crest festival on Yulisen, and the parties that would go on from Folsen evening through the whole weekend. She was looking forward to having a few days off, especially since she wasn’t closing on Conthsen and Folsen like she ordinarily would, though the store would close early on Folsen. By the end of the day every day, it was at least another hour of putting the shop back in order, recording sales, bringing out new things from the back to replace what had been sold, and then finally going home and collapsing on the couch with takeout or something from the freezer. A straight week of 12 hour days didn’t look good on anyone, not even her. She toyed again with the idea of hiring a part-time employee, especially with how well the festival season had treated her bank account.

In that sense, it was probably better that she and Caleb were both too busy for even a quick lunch date or coffee. She was tired and stressed, and she could tell he was too, even though they texted regularly throughout the day.

Me: is it weird to say I miss you after three days?

☕️Caleb💕: No. I miss you too.

Me: i’m soooo ready for the weekend

There were points where she wouldn’t hear from him for stretches of four, five, six hours, and everything felt a little dimmer then. Despite how busy she was, her hand itched to go to her pocket and check yet again, but she resisted. _You’re both working professionals. He probably turned his phone off so he wouldn’t be distracted._

On Folsen morning, she practically skipped to work, and paused to take a photo of the storefront before she went in.

Me: boy am i looking forward to not setting foot in this place again for three days

☕️Caleb💕: I would say I feel similarly about my office, but I’m certain I’ll be here for a good part of tomorrow, and the day after. I feel the same in spirit, if not in fact.

Me: boooo research

☕️Caleb💕: Boo research indeed.

Me: when / where should I meet you? are we still on for dinner?

☕️Caleb💕: Yes, if that still works for you. Could you meet me at my office? At 7?

Me: ooh, asking me to come to your office after-hours, professor? if i didn’t know better i’d think you were trying to seduce me 😉 think of the scandal

☕️Caleb💕: I am already regretting the suggestion.

☕️Caleb💕: Same building as last time, my office is room 458.

Me: i’ll wear my best sexy schoolgirl costume

☕️Caleb💕: ….

☕️Caleb💕: Perhaps another time.

Heat rose in Jester’s body and she blushed hard. She was used to being the initiator of outrageous flirting, not the recipient. That was the first truly suggestive comment he’d made to her, at least that she could recall. She just sent a 😉 back and got back to work, her cheeks still burning and butterflies fluttering in her stomach. The store was so busy for the rest of the morning she didn’t look at her phone again until she’d turned over the OPEN sign and locked the door. She had a text from her mother, with photos of the package Jester had sent.

🥰Mama🌹: I forgot to tell you! Thank you for my gifts, little 💎! I love them!

Jester smiled. Her mother had been thrilled to discover the “Jester emoji”, as she called it, and Jester didn’t have the heart to tell her it was supposed to be a diamond, not a sapphire. She started to text back, but stopped and pressed the call button instead.

“Jester!”

“Hi Mama! How are you? Happy Winter’s Crest.”

“I’m good, it’s so good to hear from you, my dear. How are you, how’s the store? Do you have any festival plans?”

Jester kept her mother on speaker while she finished closing tasks for the shop. They caught up on news about the store, gossip from the Chateau.

“I have good news too! I might be able to come home soon and visit!” Marion gasped.

“Really? Oh, darling, it’s been so long since you’ve been home!” It had only been a few months, but for Marion, isolated as she was, that felt like a very long time. “Are you taking a vacation? You really deserve it, sweetie.”

“Not quite. I mean, maybe. I’m thinking about hiring someone part time so at least I can have weekends off. Anyway, I started seeing someone…I’m not sure how serious it is!” Jester added, when she heard her mother open her mouth, she knew to start asking questions. “But he goes to Nicodranas for work sometimes and he can teleport there and said he would take me if I want to come home, isn’t that great?!”

Of course, Marion had a million questions anyway. _What’s his name, what does he do for a living, does he make good money, no I know you can support yourself but can he support a family, where’s he from, is he kind, is he handsome, do you have a lot in common, does he have kids, does he want kids, does he talk about his mother, well why not, why haven’t you asked, what about exes, has he said anything about them, well why haven’t you asked, how many dates have you been on, has he been respectful, have you gone to bed with him yet?_

“Mama!”

“What? It’s important!”

“No! I haven’t!” Marion made a concerned noise.

“Well if you come home, bring him along, I want to meet him. I’ll arrange for dinner and of course you can stay here.” Jester wiped a hand over her face and rolled her eyes. Why did she say anything? Marion was a loving mother, but sometimes wanted to know more about Jester’s life than Jester wanted to share.

“Okay, Mama, I’ll let you know when I can come, okay? I have to go. I love you. Have a good Winter’s Crest!”

“You as well, my little Sapphire. I love you too. I sent you a gift in the mail! You should get it any day now.”

“Oh, thank you! I’ll let you know! Talk to you soon, okay?”

Jester decided to take the long way home, enjoying the decorations and lights downtown that were in preparation for tomorrow. The city was sparkling, covered in greenery, colorful banners and delicate crystalline ornaments suspended in the air. She had plans with Beau, Yasha and Caduceus tomorrow night to enjoy the festivities. Maybe Caleb would want to come too…

Jester stopped in her tracks in front of a little boutique whose window displays she always admired. There was a beautiful dress in the window, forest green with a skirt down to the floor. It was sleeveless, but a gorgeous sheer half-cape draped down to the mannequin’s elbows. She deliberated with herself for a moment, but knew it was lost. Jester almost never bought new-new clothes. She owned a used clothing store; anything she could want to wear she probably had in stock, and as long as she washed it and returned it, she let herself borrow what she wanted. If she really liked something, she’d pay for it and take it home. Brand new clothes were an unnecessary extravagance in that context, especially something that was on the dressier side that she wouldn’t get to wear often. Yet, when she went in and tried that dress on, there was no way she was going home without it. She could hear her mother’s voice in her head: _get yourself a Winter’s Crest gift, darling, you deserve it._ After the week she’d had, running herself ragged, and looking back at the past year of hard work to keep building up her business, she was inclined to agree. She could let herself have something special. Strolling home, bag in hand, Jester wondered if she might be able to wear this tonight.

Me: soooo do i get to know where we’re going tonight?

☕️Caleb💕: Do you want to? I thought it might be a surprise.

Me: well…i do love surprises. but like how fancy is it? i want to make sure i’m dressed okay.

☕️Caleb💕: I was planning to just wear what I'm already wearing. But let me ask Veth.

Jester didn’t hear back from Caleb until she was back in her apartment, unwrapping a chocolate bar from the pantry.

☕️Caleb💕: Sorry for the delay. Veth has informed me in no uncertain terms that what I wore to work today will absolutely not be acceptable, and she is bringing me a satisfactory outfit. I fear for us both.

Me: LOL

Me: what does that mean??

☕️Caleb💕: According to her, “she’ll think you’re a hobo”. Her words, not mine.

Me: omg

Me: wtf are you wearing

☕️Caleb💕: Jeans and a button-down shirt.

Me: well i’ve definitely never seen a hobo in a button-down

☕️Caleb💕: Neither have I, but here we are. Apparently these jeans are frayed on the cuffs and the shirt “just sucks”.

☕️Caleb💕: I’m genuinely unsure if this is because the place I made reservations at is nice enough to require different clothes, if Veth wants me to dress up more because she wants our date to go well, or if she has always harbored these opinions about my sartorial choices and has been waiting for the chance to give her input.

Me: could be all three

Me: did she say anything about what I should wear?

☕️Caleb💕: Let me check.

☕️Caleb💕: Yes, she says you should wear “a dress nice enough to be stolen”. She did not elaborate.

☕️Caleb💕: Personally, I think you should wear anything at all that you want, because you look nice no matter what, but clearly my judgments on matters of style cannot be trusted.

Me: on account of you being a filthy hobo whose shirt sucks

☕️Caleb💕: Yes, on account of that.

Me: what is she bringing you instead?

☕️Caleb💕: I don’t have the slightest idea, but it's surely something I already own, so the the options are limited.

The night was cold and dark by the time Jester left her apartment. She was grateful that she wasn’t sensitive to the cold, and that a sleek winter trench was enough; she didn’t want to have to hide her outfit under a giant puff coat. Call it vanity, but she thought she deserved a little vanity sometimes. Jester’s hair lay in a soft plait draped over her shoulder, and she’d kept the rest of her outfit simple too, adding only a pair of dark grey suede ankle boots and a pair of pink dangly bar earrings. She didn’t want to look like she was trying too hard, even though she definitely _was_ trying to look good. When she was standing in her bedroom earlier, hair still wet, she’d opened her underwear drawer and considered the contents carefully. She was far less sure tonight than she had been last weekend that she wasn’t going to sleep with him. Jester wasn’t precious about “waiting until the third date”, but she meant what she said to Beau, that she liked him and wanted to get to know him first. After a moment of deliberation, she chose a matching dusty rose lace set that she wouldn’t mind tossing on the floor later.

The campus of the Academy was only slightly less foreboding at night. It was almost worse that students were all ensconced in their dormitories, so she was the only speck of movement on the walkways. The buildings glittered with warm light, and she imagined the students that she’d seen in Caleb’s class, hunched over their books, trying new spells, laughing with their classmates in front of the fireplace. _What an exciting thing it must be to study here._ Ulrekish Hall was familiar this time, and Jester put her hands in her pockets and burrowed further into her coat as she scurried towards it, a freezing wind cutting across the quad.

Jester hadn’t been to the upper floors last time she was here, and she found herself trying to subtly peer into people’s offices as she passed by. Most of them were closed and dark, but some were ajar, and she saw a few interesting things. In one, an old tiefling man with light brown skin was furtively writing in a notebook while a pair of rats danced in synchrony on the desk; he constantly glancing up to the door to see if he was noticed and when he caught Jester’s eye, he immediately went for the door and Jester heard it shut and lock behind her. In another office, a blue person with hair that ebbed and flowed like waves absentmindedly created a platform out of thin air that enabled them to step up and retrieve a book from a high shelf. She even saw a Dragonborn leaning back with his feet up on the desk, facing away from the door, tossing darts at a board across the room. When each hit, the board started to smoke, or crack, or burn with elemental energy.

Fortunately, or she might have been late for all her curiosity, most of the offices were shut, and she made it up to the 4th floor a few minutes before 7:00. _458…458…458._ Caleb’s office was the last on the right, and she knocked and waited to hear him invite her in before she opened the door. _Oh. Veth has good taste._ While Jester was sure whatever he’d had on before was perfectly fine, she couldn’t help but be impressed at how nice he looked. His long hair was tied up, as usual; he was wearing a muted blue button-down that made his eyes look even brighter and a navy wool jacket. _It’s unfortunate that this office is almost certainly not soundproof._

“Well _hello_ there, Professor,” Jester teased, quietly, in case any of his coworkers were around. She liked her little pet name for him, but she definitely didn’t want anyone to mistakenly think he was doing anything improper. Caleb’s face immediately brightened when she walked in the room, and Jester was a little proud of his speechless stare as he looked her up and down.

“Wow. You look…gorgeous.” Jester grinned and walked around to his side of the desk, hopping up to half-sit on it.

“Nice enough to be stolen?” Caleb laughed and took her hand.

“You, or the dress?”

“Both.”

“Yes to both. I promise I will be ready in just a moment, I just need to finish something.” Jester leaned towards him for a kiss, waiting. Caleb glanced toward the door and quickly pecked her on the lips.

“You don’t look half bad yourself. Veth did good.” Caleb chuckled and rolled his eyes, before returning to his notes, leafing through a book in a language Jester didn’t recognize.

“She is very insistent, that woman,” Caleb muttered. He kept holding her hand and Jester busied herself by looking around. The office was devoid of almost anything personal, besides Caleb’s degrees, framed on the wall. The walls were lined with shelves which were crammed full of books, but no knick-knacks or other personal effects besides a tiny cat figurine that looked a bit like Frumpkin. She wished she could decorate it for him, just a little. If he spent so much time in here, it should be nice. At least the lights weren’t fluorescent…

“Okay, I think I can leave this now,” Caleb sighed, putting his pen down after a few minutes and standing to put away his things. “Sorry, I don’t mean to make you wait.”

“It’s okay, you’ve had to wait for me before.”

“Ja, but you are very worth waiting for,” Caleb murmured, bending down to kiss her again. At the exact moment their lips parted, there was a sharp rap on the door and Caleb jumped up to put space between them, though the woman standing in the doorway had certainly already seen him kiss Jester. Jester shifted so her back wasn’t facing the door, and hoped Caleb wouldn’t get in trouble. The woman was petite, with dark blonde hair cut short and parted on the side, so it partly obscured her face. That, along with her dark clothing and a scar that crossed from her forehead down to her orbital bone on one side, made her look quite severe, and Jester thought that was unfortunate, because she _was_ pretty. She gave Jester a once-over and raised an eyebrow at Caleb.

“Well, good evening, apparently, Caleb. I didn’t realize you had company. I just wanted to drop this by in case you hadn’t seen it.” She produced a sheaf of papers and handed it to him.

“Ah, um, _Danke,_ Astrid,” Caleb mumbled, taking the papers from her. “I had not seen this yet. He wants the results collated, right? I’ll make space for this in my writeup.”

“Yes.” Astrid glanced at Jester again. “It came out yesterday, but I’m not surprised you hadn’t seen it, since you seem to be very busy.” The remark was pointed, not teasing, and Jester didn’t like it, especially since Astrid was talking about her like she wasn’t there. She cleared her throat, ignoring Caleb’s panicked expression.

“Hi! I’m Jester!” She stuck her hand out with a smile and Astrid looked at it for a moment before, begrudgingly, taking Jester’s hand and shaking it once. She looked back at Caleb and crossed her arms.

“ _Ist sie eine Ihrer Studenten_?” _(Is she one of your students?)_ Jester didn’t speak Zemnian, but she recognized the word _student_ and felt her face grow hot with embarrassment.

“ _Natürlich nicht, Astrid!”_ Caleb snapped, anger plain on his face. _“Was glaubst du wer ich bin? Sie denken, dass ich meine Student vögeln?"_

_(Of course not, Astrid! Who do you think I am? You think that I screw my students?)_

Astrid shrugged, unconcerned.

“ _Mein Fehler, sie ist nur jung._ Ah, so _did_ you study here? I’m assuming you’re a grad student too?” Astrid said, switching to Common and looking towards Jester. _(My mistake, she’s just young.)_

“No, I didn’t study here,” Jester replied, keeping her tone even and cordial. She knew Astrid didn’t really think she was an academic, she could tell by the way she was looking at her. “I didn’t go to college at all, actually. I own a used clothing store downtown. You should come by sometime.” Astrid turned back to Caleb with an amused smile.

“Well at least she’s cute. I look forward to seeing your writeup on the resonance experiments by Grissen.”

“It was nice to meet you,” Jester called as Astrid strode off, unable to suppress the slightest hint of acid on the edge of her voice. As soon as she was out of earshot, Caleb slumped against the desk, taking off his glasses and pinching the bridge of his nose with a sigh.

“Jester, I’m so sorry abou-“

“Let’s not worry about it and just get out of here,” she muttered, hopping down off the desk. Her mood was a little soured, she had to admit, but it wasn’t Caleb’s fault. She wanted to just put it behind them and enjoy their evening. She wasn’t a stranger to people looking down on her, because of her race, or her mother’s profession, or her fatherlessness, or her lack of education. The list went on.

When they got to the sidewalk outside the building, Caleb reached out for Jester’s hand and she gave it easily, trying to brighten her smile, at least a little, for him. They could still have a nice evening and she’d deal with her hurt feelings on her own, later.

“Hey,” he said softly, squeezing her hand. “Don’t do that.” Jester furrowed her brow.

“Do what?”

“Pretend everything is fine. I don’t want you to do that with me. It’s okay to be hurt, you were insulted and I did not stick up for you. I’m very sorry, Jester. I should have said something...”

“You’re not responsible for having a rude coworker,” Jester scoffed. “It’s fine, she was mean to me, whatever.” Caleb was silent for a minute.

“Um, well, actually, we used to date.” Jester stopped walking and gaped at him. She was having a lot of difficulty imagining the soft, sweet man she was so smitten with dating _that_ person.

“You used to _date_ her?!” Caleb looked like he would rather be anywhere else. He swallowed thickly.

“Ja.”

“For how long?”

“Six years.” She just stared and Caleb grasped her other hand. “But Jester, that’s over now. More than over. I swear. We just...still work together. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, I didn’t think- I just didn’t think it was important.” Jester was quiet for a long moment but she started walking again, one hand still holding Caleb’s.

“So it was serious?” Jester asked softly.

“It was.”

“And you loved her?” He hesitated.

“Ja, I did.”

“What happened?”

“...Could we sit? Um, if it’s too cold, we can wait-“

“I'm not cold,” Jester said quickly, making her way over to a nearby bench. A light snow drifted down lazily, flakes sparkling in the glow of the streetlamps, but the bench was sheltered by an overhang from a nearby building. Caleb sat next to her, and wrapped both his hands around one of hers.

“It’s not as if I wasn’t going to tell you, or I was keeping it from you. Past relationships…it just hadn’t come up. And there’s things that…if I tell you part of it, I have to tell you all of it, and I am…selfish. I didn’t want to until I had to.”

Jester felt like she couldn’t breathe. Horrendous possibilities were running through her head. Caleb shifted to face her and she pressed her lips together, keeping herself from saying anything. She had a bad habit of filling silence, and papering over uncomfortable feelings with assurances that everything was just fine. She fought the urge to do that.

“I had an affinity for magic at young age. As I have said before, I am from the Zemni Fields, my parents were farmers there.” _Were_. She didn’t miss that. “When I was an adolescent, a representative from the Academy came to Blumenthal seeking out talent, and long story short, they offered me a scholarship, my parents would not have to pay a dime. I would get the best arcane education Wildemount has to offer and be taken care of. My future was assured. They were…they were very proud of me.” Caleb’s voice cracked and Jester held his hand tighter, though her heart was still on guard.

“Ah, Astrid, she was one of the scholarship students too, as was our mutual friend, Eodwulf. The three of us were inseparable in school. We were selected to advance beyond…the average student’s access, because we were gifted. All three of us learned magic that would typically never be taught to students, because it is dangerous. But they thought we could handle it.” Caleb was quiet for a long moment, staring off across the quad, as snowflakes silently landed earthside around them.

“My mother always told me not to practice spells in the house.” If it weren’t for the silence around them, Jester wouldn’t have heard him. She comprehended immediately, if not the specifics, the shape of what she was about to hear. And her heart shattered. “She _told_ me, and I didn’t listen. It was a blizzard out, and I didn’t want to go out to the barn…I just should have waited. I should have waited.”

“Cayleb…” Jester clutched his hands in hers now, the entire world zeroed in to just his face.

“I killed my parents, Jester.”

“Cayleb…oh my gods. I’m so sorry. But…it was an accident. You didn’t do it on purpose, right?”

“No. No, it wasn’t on purpose. But the house burned to the ground anyway. I tried to get them out and…I couldn’t. I almost didn’t survive. For years after I wished I hadn’t.” He was quiet. “I had to go to Vergessen for treatment, because I…broke. I spent three years there until my mind was restored. I came back to the Academy, started studying again. Astrid was still here, for college, and I was just beginning, and we reconnected then. I started graduate studies here under the same advisor, and we were a couple all through my time as an undergraduate and then after. But, um, you asked me what happened…it is simple and complicated at the same time. The simplest explanation is that for Astrid, no price is too great for the sake of her research. No price. And I did not feel the same. It sounds like such a small difference, to end a long relationship over, but…I could not wake up next to someone every day knowing that…that…the things she was doing. Is doing, likely, still.”

“What is it?” Jester blurted, unable to stop herself.

“Ah, I would prefer not to say. Not out of loyalty to her, I simply do not want to discuss it. With anyone. But I am an irredeemably damned man, and…I still felt that way. She thought we were going to be married. I thought so too, then. It has been two years, but I don’t think that she has forgiven me. So there you have it.” They were both silent, watching the snow. “Jester, if you never wanted to see me again, I would understand that.”

“I don’t feel that way, Cayleb.” She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him in for a hug. Her chest ached at the thought of the guilt, the pain that must eat away inside him. She couldn’t even imagine living with that. “And I don’t think you’re irredeemable. I think…I think you did something that you regret. You wouldn’t have done it, if you had known those would be the consequences, right?”

“No, of course not.”

“An irredeemable person wouldn’t feel that way. You can’t go back and take back what happened. That will always be part of you, but it doesn’t have to define you. I mean, gods, what do I know? But…I know you, who you are now, and I like that person a lot. That person is a good person. No matter what mistakes you’ve made.”

“Oh, Jester,” Caleb sighed, holding her close. “I’m glad you see some good in me.”

“I do,” she replied. “I see a man who loves the people around him very much, Veth and Yeza and Luc. And who loves to discover, and solve puzzles, and who sees the wonder in the world. You’re patient, and kind, and you love to teach and nurture and help your students see the same miracles you do. That’s a lot of good, Cayleb.”

She pulled back and the tears on his cheeks made her realize that she had some on hers too. Jester wiped them away from his face with a sniffle and a smile, and he gathered her up and kissed her fiercely, like she’d turn to fairy dust and blow away in the wind if he didn’t hold her tight.

“Can I say, though,” Caleb started when they broke apart, brushing a snowflake off her forehead, “I’m sorry I did not say anything when Astrid was being mean to you. I’m just…not so good at confrontation. I should have, though, it was not right.”

“Thank you for apologizing,” Jester said. “It felt pretty shitty. I know you didn’t think it was okay but I did wish you said something. Because I wanted to, but she’s your coworker, you know, so I didn’t want to be rude and maybe get you in trouble.” Caleb kissed her forehead.

“Well, hopefully there will not be a next time for me to redeem myself with.” She snuggled under his arm, breathing in the scent of lemon soap.

“Did she ask if I was your student?” Caleb sighed and wiped a hand over his face.

“Ja, she did. I have never, ever, _ever_ dated a student, and I never would. She was trying to needle me, you were just collateral damage.”

“Think we’ve missed the reservation time yet?” Jester asked after another long silence.

“Most certainly. Let’s try anyway, hopefully they will have space for us.”

They walked, hand in hand, to a restaurant in the Candles, and as they stepped inside, Jester was very glad she’d asked about what to wear. It wasn’t so fancy that she felt out of place by her very presence, but she would have if she’d dressed for the noodle shop. The interior was warm and cozy, and smelled incredible, with candles on every table and greenery adorning the walls. Fortunately, they were able to squeeze in despite their tardiness, and Jester sank into the curved white leather booth seat with a big smile. Caleb slid in next to her, and she pointed to the table setting.

“When a place has cloth napkins, that’s how you know it’s _super_ fancy,” she whispered conspiratorially. He laughed and Jester’s heart was pounding so hard she felt dizzy. Even with what he’d revealed to her tonight, she only felt closer to him, and absolutely certain that nothing he’d said should give her pause. She had to process it, think it over, for sure, but she knew who this man was and she liked him a lot. A _lot._

“Ja, normally I feel lucky if a restaurant gives out napkins at all.”

“You’re letting me split this with you, right?” Jester asked sternly.

“No, I’m certainly not.”

“Cayleb!” His smile was amused and she wanted to kiss it right off his stupid face.

“Nope. I asked you here.”

“But I can pay!”

“Ja, I know you can.”

“But…you’re a student,” she said weakly. Caleb raised an eyebrow at her.

“Jester, I really do not spend any money, ever, on anything. I save almost everything I make and have to practically wrestle Veth and Yeza to the ground every month so they will let me pay rent, which, by the way, they charge me half as much as they ought to. But the good part of that is, when there is something I want to do, I can do it comfortably.”

“Yeah, but that’s what I’m saying, you should spend your money on things _you_ want-“

“And what I want is to take a beautiful, charming woman to dinner. Here, eat this.” Caleb held out a piece of bread from a basket that Jester hadn’t even noticed being dropped - which was saying a lot, for her not to notice free bread - and Jester took a bite. It was buttery, soft, and _perfect._

“You know, normally I don’t just let men put things in my mouth,” she quipped around a mouthful of bread, and Caleb choked on his own bite, turning bright red from a combination of embarrassment and lack of oxygen.

“Well I guess I am lucky, then,” he managed, reaching for a glass of water. _You just might be later._

Jester really had no idea how long they were there. Eventually, they ordered dinner, and shared a bottle of wine, and although the food was incredible, Jester almost didn’t notice it. The conversation kept going, on everything from the gods to the King, and every second of it was engrossing. He wanted to know more about the Traveler and Jester felt comfortable opening up a little more to him than she did on their first date, about how he came to her as a child and how their relationship had grown. She told a few more stories about growing up in the Lavish Chateau, though this time she didn’t stay away from the sexier ones.

“…so it was actually pretty common for super rich guys to take their sons in and hire a companion for the evening for them. I watched like, five lords-to-be or whatever lose their virginity.”

“Gods, those poor boys probably didn’t know what hit them.”

“Well the ladies at the Chateau wouldn’t do anything they didn’t want. They got paid either way so if the kid was too scared or didn’t want to - or, as apparently happened more than once, wasn’t interested in women at all - they would just hang out and talk, or if they only wanted to do some things, but not everything, that was fine. I think it was kind of good, actually, because they could kind of explore sex without worrying so much about impressing someone else. Obviously except for the part where their dads were like, pressuring them. But some of them definitely went in thinking they could act like they owned the woman or that they were going to give her the best time of her life and were put in their place pretty quickly.”

“As a former teenage boy, that is very difficult and yet very easy to imagine.” Jester laughed.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that I knew boys like that, growing up, who were overconfident and playing at being men. What they thought of as being men, anyway. But I always felt like I was going to screw up _everything_ when I was fooling around with someone. I never had any illusions that I was going to blow their mind.”

“Oh, I’m sure you were better than you thought you’d be.” Jester let her tail graze his shin and based on the blush, he felt it.

“As a teenager? I’m positive I wasn’t. But experience is the best teacher, as they say.” Caleb winked at her and her stomach flipped. She coiled her tail firmly around his calf and he shifted just the slightest bit closer to her.

“Do they say that, Professor?” Jester teased, bringing her glass to her lips; she watched his eyes follow the motion.

Halfway through dinner, something Caleb had said earlier came back to her.

“Cayleb?”

“Yes?”

“Can I ask you something?”

“You can ask me anything.”

“Okay, you don’t have to answer, but…you said that, um, when you and Astrid were together, you thought you were going to get married. Is that something you want, you think?”

“Ja, I do. Eventually, with the right person.”

“Kids?” There was a pause this time.

“Ja, I think so. It is…hard. To think about becoming a parent, when…” He put his hands up, and Jester finished the sentence in her head. “But I think so. I enjoy children, even if I don’t really know how to keep them alive. I think you learn that part on the job. What about you?” Jester chewed slowly as she thought about how to answer this.

“I don’t think marriage is necessary for people to have a good long-term partnership, but it’s important to me.” Caleb nodded.

“If I can ask…you’ve talked quite a bit about your mother, but I’ve never heard you mention your father.”

“Well, I don’t know who he is,” she said, forcing casualness into her voice even as she scowled and stabbed a carrot on her fork. “That’s part of it. I want commitment. He told my mother he was coming back for her - for _us,_ she was pregnant - and then he didn’t. That’s not going to happen to me.”

“That’s awful,” Caleb said softly, laying a hand over hers. “That’s a terrible thing to do to someone you love.” Jester shrugged, not looking at him.

“Who knows if he ever even really loved her? And that’s why she is the way she is now, not leaving her house and everything. And locking me up a lot, as a kid, because she was so scared."

“I’m sorry you had to grow up like that.” That knocked the wind out of Jester’s lungs. The simple sincerity of the statement. The acknowledgment. He didn’t even know the half of it, but he saw through the glitz and the funny stories and to the heart of her loneliness and abandonment. She looked at him and saw his eyes fixed on her, patient, not pitying, just empathetic.

“Thanks.” She squeezed his hand. Caleb squeezed back and they moved on. They talked about their future goals - she knew he wanted to be a professor, a real one, but he didn’t know she had ambitions of starting her own clothing line, and she learned that he hoped to move back to the country eventually - and things they always wanted to do. The candles were burning low by the time they noticed how long it had been, and they were sharing dessert, sitting close, ensconced in the privacy of the booth.

“Try this part,” Caleb said, scooping up some of the ice cream she hadn’t gotten to yet and holding it out for her. Jester let him bring it to her mouth and boldly looked up at him through lowered lashes when she guided the spoon between her lips with her tongue. Caleb blushed bright red, but his eyes were definitely on her mouth as she sucked the spoon clean. It felt terribly obscene for something so innocuous, but the heat in his eyes matched the heat building in her belly.

Jester was both disappointed and burning with anticipation when they finished dinner. She could’ve stayed another hour at least, just talking, but she was also itching with sexual tension and wanted to get somewhere private.

“Dinner was really nice, Cayleb, thank you,” she said, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

“I’m glad you enjoyed it.” He leaned in and kissed her, lingering a little longer than he usually might have in a public place. His lips moved to her jaw and up to her ear, making Jester shiver. “Want to get out of here?”

“Yes, I really fucking do,” she whispered, practically jumping up out of her seat.

The snowfall had thickened in the past hours, leaving a pillow soft layer on the sidewalks. People were milling around, in and out of bars and restaurants, apparently getting a head start on Winter’s Crest celebrations. She pointed out decorations that she liked and held Caleb’s hand tightly the whole way, but the walk still felt ten times as long as it had earlier. The space between them was thick with expectation, electricity in the air holding its breath before a storm. Jester fumbled her keys more than once trying to unlock her apartment door, but one look back at his face told her that he was as nervous as she was, and that, oddly, made her relax. Straightaway, she went to the freezer and pulled out a bottle of Patxaran.

“Have you ever had this before?” Caleb took it from her and examined it.

“No, I don’t think so.”

“Do you want to try it? I was going to pour some for myself.” _Because I’m way too fucking nervous right now._

“Are you asking me to join you for a drink in your quarters, Lavorre?” Caleb teased, giving her the bottle. “The scandal.”

“Maybe I am,” she flirted back, taking two small glasses from the cabinet. “This comes from Nicodranas, actually, my Mama sent me one a few months ago.” She swirled the ruby red liquid around and handed one to him.

“ _Prost_ ,” Caleb murmured, toasting her glass before taking a sip. Jester took a bigger one - _liquid courage_ \- and the sweet licorice and fruit liqueur warmed her throat and chest on the way down. When Caleb swallowed, she got up on her toes and kissed him. The heat was unmistakeable, even without hands on one another, and Jester’s gut told her now was a good time. She wanted it, she’d prepared for it with cute underwear and clean sheets, and she was pretty certain he wanted it too. _Okay. Time to dive in._

“If you want to hang up your jacket and go sit, I’m just going to change super quick, okay?” Jester handed him her glass and slipped into her bedroom like her heart wasn’t attempting to break out of her ribcage. She closed the door behind her and blew out a tense sigh. _Get it together, girl._ She took off her dress and hung it in the closet before stripping off her bra and pulling a soft black slip, trimmed with lace, over her head. Her blue skin peeked out from the sheer panels that wrapped around the back, but that wouldn’t be visible with her robe on, in case she’d misjudged the situation terribly. Her simple burgundy robe, soft as butter, covered her as modestly as any dress she wore on a day to day basis; she’d walked out to get the mail in it, took out the trash in it, but in this context, she felt like she might as well walk out naked.

When Jester stepped back into the living room, Caleb was once again struck speechless, staring. She smirked, amused, as she picked up her glass and sat back down on the couch, within arm’s reach of him if he wanted to close the distance.

“What? I just wanted to get comfortable.”

“I am certainly not lodging any complaints.” Caleb turned towards her a little more and reached out for her hand. “I have very much enjoyed these last few weeks with you, Jester.”

“Me too,” she replied quietly, smiling. “I really look forward to seeing you, when we make plans.”

“So do I.” He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed her fingers. “I would really like to keep doing this.” Jester’s chest was aching from the thrumming of her heart as she moved closer to him, pressing a kiss to his shoulder.

“Yeah,” she whispered. “Yeah, I would too. I, um, I really like you.”

“I really like you too,” Caleb chuckled. “If that wasn’t abundantly obvious by now.”

“Maybe you should show me how much,” she murmured, going in for a kiss. His mouth was warm, yielding, and Jester moaned softly into it as he started kissing her back. There was anticipation and urgency in their kisses, need and wanting and nervousness. Jester put her glass down on the coffee table so she could take his face in her hands.

They traded breathless kisses for a long while, which eventually resulted in Jester lying back on the couch, her arms around Caleb’s shoulders, while he perched over her, kissing and sucking on her neck.

“Want to move this in there?” Jester breathed, gasping when his teeth nipped her; she gestured toward her bedroom with her head.

“Please,” Caleb replied. He lifted himself up so he could see her better. “But, ah, just to be sure we’re on the same page, do you…want to have sex tonight? We can wait.”

“I want to,” Jester reassured him. “I’ve _been_ wanting to. I just wanted to get to know you a little better first, and like, do it right, you know? Not just jump in.” She paused, threading a lock of red hair through her fingers. “Do _you_ want to? Or do you want to wait?”

“Gods, I want to,” Caleb murmured, turning his head to kiss her palm. “I have also been wanting to, but I didn’t want to push you before you were ready. And I wasn’t ready yet either. I…um, I have some scars that I don’t like to show. But you know everything now, so…I suppose it doesn’t matter.”

“I won’t touch them, if it will bother you,” Jester said quietly. “Is that what you want?”

“You can touch them, just, ah, if you wouldn’t mind not lingering on them.” Jester kissed him gently.

“Of course.” She pulled back with a mischievous grin. “You can touch _me_ anywhere you want.”

“Mmm, I plan on it.” Jester giggled and tapped him on the shoulder so he would get up.

“Just give me a minute, okay?” Jester scampered off to her bedroom and checked herself in the mirror, tossed a few stray clothes in the hamper. She took a deep breath, in and out, made sure everything was straightened up, and put lube on the nightstand. After wiping her sweaty palms on her robe, she reached for the door, and then had an idea. Remembering how her legs caught his eye on their last two dates, she reached into her underwear drawer and pulled on a pair of sheer black stockings with lace trim. Extra? Probably. Still hot. Jester untied her braid, swept her hair back over her shoulder and opened the door, looking into the living room. Caleb was sitting nervously on the edge of the couch, fidgeting, and she could practically see his breath hitch when she stuck her head out of the doorway. Jester leaned against the frame and looked him over with her best bedroom eyes. _I am going to_ wreck _you._

“Care to come inside, Professor?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're gonna earn ourselves an E rating next chapter, lads, so if that's not something you're here for...you've been forewarned. I'll make a note at the beginning of the chapter where to start reading if you want to skip the smut.
> 
> Quick author's note that in this house, we are fully on Team Women Aren't De Facto Competitors For Male Attention, so rest assured that I am NOT setting up Astrid and Jester to have an antagonistic ex-gf vs. current gf relationship. I'm not sure what that's going to look like yet, we may never see her again, but we don't do mean girls in this life or the next.
> 
> Kudos and comments are always loved and appreciated and generate sufficient serotonin to fuel new chapters. ❤️


	7. don't, don't, don't throw it away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're not here for smut, then I would honestly probably skip this entire chapter. 😬If you don't want the smut, I bolded the first three words of the paragraph where you should start reading.
> 
> TW for passing mention of suicidal ideation. If you want to avoid this, skip the paragraph with the first three words underlined.

Jester wrapped her arms around Caleb’s narrow waist and kissed him fiercely when he stepped through the door. He hummed, pleased, and took her face in his hands as he kissed her back. He was so warm against her, and solid in her arms, and Jester couldn’t get enough. It was only a moment before she felt his hands sliding under the shoulders of her robe, slowly pushing it off her arms. Grinning, Jester unlaced the tie and let the robe pool around her feet, enjoying the way his eyes widened and took her in, all soft curves and smooth skin wrapped in lace.

“ _Gods_ , Jester,” Caleb breathed, pulling her in for a burning hot kiss. Jester sighed and shifted backwards, still kissing him, until the backs of her legs hit the bed, and she sat down.

“Can I take this off?” Jester asked softly, touching his shirt. “I want to see you.”

Caleb nodded and sat on the bed with her, tucking his long legs up under him. Jester climbed into his lap, wrapping her legs around his waist, and kissed him deeply, running her hands over his shoulders, his chest, up into his hair. One by one, she began undoing the buttons on his shirt, still kissing him, and she hummed in approval when one of his hands reached down and cupped her ass, holding her close. She could already feel his excitement growing, and she remembered how good it felt, grinding against him when they were making out on the couch last weekend. Thinking about how much she wanted nothing between them, for him to touch and kiss and squeeze her everywhere, made her dizzy. Jester kept her pace slow and steady, as much as she wanted to just tear this stupid shirt off him, because she could sense the skittishness he was trying to hide.

When she finally pushed the shirt off his shoulders, she broke their kiss for a second to look him over, letting out a delighted sigh as she drank him in. Caleb was long and lean, and the soft auburn hair on his chest trailed down, growing thinner and lighter, until it disappeared beneath his belt. Jester ran her hands over his chest - she couldn’t resist thumbing over one of his pink nipples, which got her a very nice little noise - and down his stomach, teasing her finger over the belt buckle she very much wanted to open. Jester guided his lips to her neck, which he started kissing between slightly labored breaths, and she surreptitiously glanced down at his back, the uneven skin she’d felt last time they were making out.

She tried very hard not to have any reaction. The sight of Caleb’s scars didn’t repulse her, not at all, but the pain and suffering they spoke of made her chest feel hollow and bruised. There were patches on his back and shoulders that were pink and shiny with fine lines spiderwebbing through them, new skin that never healed right, not even with magic, and Jester ached to think of Caleb, lying in the hospital, wishing he wasn’t there at all. The life-affirming act of making love hit her powerfully, as she traced her fingers over the wounds that had made him beg for death. Immediately, she leaned back and pulled him into a kiss, rubbing circles into his cheeks with her thumbs.

“You’re so beautiful, Cayleb,” she whispered, kissing him again. “So beautiful.” He didn’t answer with words, instead kissing her passionately, parting her lips with his tongue as he gently guided her flat on her back again. When he sat back to pull his shoes and socks off, Jester grinned, stretching out and, admittedly, showing off a little. Caleb watched as she ran one hand over her stomach, down to her thigh, where she tugged up the hem of her slip just a touch to show a hint of stocking lace.

“Tease,” he muttered, a playful look in his eye as he reached over and tickled the bottom of her foot. Jester yelped as her foot jerked up and hit him in the arm, which made him laugh and snatch it out of the air. She bit back a smile when he looked her in the eye and started pressing kisses to the sole of her foot, leaving a trail up her ankle and shin. They gazed into each other’s eyes for a long moment, Caleb stroking her calf with both hands and smiling at her with so much tenderness, it almost scared her.

“These are nice,” Caleb murmured, running his hands further up her leg.

“You like my stockings, Professor?”

“I like you in them even better.” His teeth nipped at the firm muscle of her calf and she giggled. Jester stretched one arm over her head and purred, not oblivious to the way it pushed her breasts up, and based on the shift in Caleb’s gaze, he wasn’t either.

“I like this, too,” he said, leaning over her and lacing his fingers in her outstretched hand before starting to lay kisses over the swell of her breast. The heat of his mouth through the thin fabric was a tease, and Jester whined with impatience when he touched a feather light kiss to her peaked nipple, wanting his mouth, his hands, anything, just _more_ of him. “It’s very pretty.”

“Oh? Is that what you like about it?” Jester teased with a raised eyebrow.

“No, mostly I like how fucking sexy you look in it,” Caleb murmured, slipping his fingers into the front of her slip and cupping her bare breasts in his palms. Jester moaned as he bent to tease her nipple with his tongue, circling it and drawing it to fullness before sucking it into his mouth. Her nipples were so beautifully sensitive and she loved having them played with, so she was pleasantly surprised that Caleb didn’t just give them a cursory pass before moving on to other things. Jester hummed with contentment and laid back, tangling her fingers in his hair and letting her eyes drift shut as he mouthed hungrily over her breasts. The noises he was making, so eager and aroused, sent pure heat and want between her legs, and then she felt his teeth scrape against soft skin and gasped as he sucked a love bite into the side of her breast, just the right edge of pain on her pleasure to make her cunt flutter.

“Fuck, Cayleb, that feels good,” she whimpered, pulling his hair. The deep moan he made vibrated right into her chest and she wanted to find everything that made him moan like that.

“I want to make you feel so good tonight, baby,” he breathed, rolling both her nipples between his fingers and watching her face intently. “You’ll tell me what you like, right? I want to make you happy.” Jester flashed a wicked smile and tugged on his hair again, making him gasp, and she could feel his cock twitch between her legs. _Gods, I want to know what you look like with your hands tied to my headboard._

Not tonight. Another time. Based on the wild look in his eye when she got a little rough with his hair, he wouldn’t mind that one bit.

“You’re so gorgeous,” Jester hummed, and pulled him in for a messy kiss. “Yes, I will.”

Jester wrapped her arms around his shoulders and delighted in the slide of warm skin against skin as they kissed, hands everywhere, heavy breaths panting in the space between kisses. Arousal pooled like molten sugar in her core, and _she_ _wanted, she wanted, she needed-_

“Please touch me,” she gasped, canting her hips up against his, hissing in a breath as the hard length of his cock pressed on her warm, pulsing cunt. Caleb moaned and lifted his head from her shoulder, holding himself up so he could look at her face. Jester’s heart raced, seeing him with that ravishing sex flush high on his cheeks, his blue eyes dark with want, looking at her like he wanted to devour her. The hand that had been gripping her thigh pushed up under the hem of her slip and found the edge of her underwear. Two long fingers stroked gently over the fabric, which Jester was sure was wet by now.

“Here?”

“Yes, there,” she begged, a frustrated whine escaping her throat. “Don’t tease me, Cayleb!”

Jester learned that Caleb apparently wasn’t in the mood for too much teasing, because he moved her underwear aside and pushed two fingers into her wet heat, making Jester gasp and arch up, clutching at his bicep.

“ _Fuck!”_

Jester moaned, one hand holding the arm that was working between her legs, the other twisting the sheets beneath her.

“Is that what you wanted, sweet thing?” Caleb’s patient, teasing tone was at odds with the near overwhelming movement of his fingers, stroking her inner walls and pressing his thumb to her clit.

“ _Yes, gods, fuck- mmmm - Cayleb- don’t stop-“_

“Love the way you say my name when you’re all worked up,” he sighed, his gaze burning into her. “Do you want to come, baby?”

“No, slow down, wanna save it,” she sobbed, and his pace relaxed immediately. His fingers still filled her, stroking in and out, but the edge of orgasm no longer threatened.

“You don’t have to save it,” Caleb murmured, teasing her nipple with his free hand. “You can come more than once. If you like.” _If I like? Why would I_ ever _turn that down?_

“I _want_ to save it,” she clarified, rolling her hips against the thumb pressing on her clit, “wanna come with you inside me.” That made Caleb moan softly, rubbing her clit with his thumb.

“ _Fuck_ , baby, if that’s what you want.” She nodded, still holding his arm.

“I’ll tell you when to stop,” she panted, squeezing her eyes shut as she fought to keep her pleasure from cresting too quickly.

“Do you like being touched like this-?“ Caleb pushed his fingers deep inside her again and this time, crooked them up just behind her pubic bone, pressing on the spongy little bundle of nerves that sent her flying.

“Ohhhhh, _gods_ , Cayleb-“ Jester cried out, grasping his arm so hard his bicep spasmed in protest.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” he chuckled, continuing to finger her rhythmically, now trying to glance that sweet spot on every thrust. Jester could feel the fire building again, and she was reduced to incoherence, nothing but gasping sobs escaping her lips, against the backdrop of obscene wet sounds coming from her cunt. Caleb gradually built up the pace of his movements, and Jester’s heart stopped when she opened her eyes and saw him looking at her like she was divine, awe and burning desire fighting in his flushed face.

The tips of his fingers pressed on that special spot again and his thumb rubbed her clit at the same time and Jester arched up and gasped, clutching his wrist with a white-knuckle grip.

“Stop!” Jester choked, and Caleb stilled his hand immediately as her warm passage pulsed around his fingers. Jester waited out the weak waves rolling through her, her body objecting to the false promise of an orgasm.

“Mmmm, that feels nice,” he breathed, wiggling his fingers just a little inside her. She grinned, knowing he was probably imagining how those same contractions would feel around his dick - which Jester was, by now, very impatient for. When the fluttering stopped, he pulled out and lifted his fingers to his mouth, sucking her slick off. Jester wished she had a photographic memory, because holy mother of the _gods_ was that hot. Still catching her breath, she sat up and pulled her slip over her head, tossing it on the floor behind her.

“Lay down for me?” Jester asked, and Caleb moved to the head of the bed, reaching an arm out for her to join him. In this position, his need was very evident, and Jester fully intended to take advantage of that. She straddled his waist and smiled with amusement when the pressure on his cock made him bite back a groan.

“Don’t hide all your pretty noises, Cayleb,” she teased. “I want to hear how much fun you’re having.”

Jester bent down to kiss him and he wrapped his arms around her, one at her shoulders and the other slung over her hips. They made out, unhurried, for a few minutes, basking in the intoxication of warm mouths and hot skin and potent need. Pleasure and desire and powerful emotions wove like gossamer threads around the soft animals of two bodies crying out for the simple peace to be found in the other.

Jester could gladly kiss Caleb all night long, but gradually, her hips began to move against his again, seeking friction, _closer, more, nothing between us, let me feel you, baby._ He wasn’t so shy this time, matching her pace with the roll of his own hips, and Jester moaned softly at the feeling of his erection pressing against her. She wanted these pants off five minutes ago, and had a sudden, strong urge to have him in her mouth. Jester moved her lips over his jaw and nuzzled against his ear.

“You know what they say about tieflings, don’t you, Professor?” She could feel him tense and she grinned. She was certainly teasing him, and it was a little mean, but it was just so fun to make him squirm. Jester didn’t doubt that Caleb knew plenty of things people said about tieflings, and was mentally scrolling through the list to try to figure out the answer she was looking for without repeating an offensive stereotype.

“I don’t…think so?” She ran her tongue up his neck.

“They say we have forked tongues…” Caleb furrowed his brow and turned his head to look at her.

“You don’t, though.”

“No, we don’t,” she hummed, bending to suck his earlobe. “I wonder why they say we have devil’s tongues, then." She moved down his body, kissing his chest, his stomach, and settled between his legs. "Wanna find out?” Caleb’s breath hitched and Jester giggled.

“What do you think, Professor?” Jester purred, deftly unbuckling his belt. Her hair draped down over her shoulder and she preened under his gaze. “You’ll have to let me know.”

With that, Jester started laying warm, openmouthed kisses over the firm outline of his cock through his underwear, teasing and tender. She could taste the salt where his pre-spend soaked the fabric and she sucked the spot lustily, which made him curse under his breath and cover his face with his hands.

“Don’t hide from me,” Jester admonished gently. “If I’m making you feel good, I wanna know. Can I take these off?”

“Yes, _Götter, Jester, please…”_

She hummed with approval and pulled his pants down around his hips, freeing his dick from its confines. Though she had a fairly good sense of what to expect from the way his erection felt pressing against her, she was still pleasantly surprised to find him, at least to her eyes, slightly bigger than average for a human. He’d fill her up nicely, she thought. Jester was too worked up to tease much either, so she met his eyes and ran her tongue up his length, the velvet soft and weight of him making her moan. Caleb sucked in a breath and clenched the sheets in his hands, his eyes fixed on her.

“Do I look as good doing this as you imagined?” Jester murmured, a wicked smile on her lips.

“ _Better,”_ he growled, running a hand through her hair, too turned on to be embarrassed admitting that he’d imagined it. Jester guided his head to her lips with her tongue and moaned as she tasted a bit of spend in her mouth, warm and bitter.

“I come with blowjob handles, if you need to use them,” she quipped, and that was all the warning he got before she sank down onto his dick, carefully keeping her sharp canines out of the way. Caleb cried out and grasped one of her horns, sending a wave of tingling down through the back of her neck and all the way to the base of her spine. Jester purred around his cock as she built up a rhythm, which shot vibrations into his core.

“F-fuck, Jester, gods, so….warm…so good…please don’t stop, baby, don’t stop, fuck…”

Jester took him in as far as she could, the tip of her nose brushing the copper curls at his base, and breathed in deep. There was little more she liked about going down than having all her senses full of the other person, her whole awareness centered on him. Of course, that only really did anything for her if she liked the guy. She didn’t go down on just anyone. She didn’t tell Caleb that.

The noises emanating from her lover - gods, her _lover_ \- were just delicious, desperate moans and gasping breaths that only turned her on more. She tried to surreptitiously slip a hand between her legs and press on her clit, just to take some of the aching away, but he saw it and groaned.

“Jester, fuck, beautiful, please, touch yourself, baby,” Caleb moaned, trying to restrain the unconscious cant of his hips up into her mouth. Jester hummed and kept lightly teasing her clit while she sucked him off, her pleasure making her sloppy and her messy blowjob increasing her pleasure as she leaned into how fucking sexy it made her feel to take him apart like this.

“Ohhhhh, gods, Jester, gods you feel so good,” he cried, shaky hands threading in her hair and stroking her scalp. “P-please, I - I won’t last if you don’t stop-“ Jester whimpered with want but pulled off; her chin was wet but her pussy was wetter and it was demanding attention _now_. When she shifted so she was face to face with him, Caleb pulled her in for a desperate kiss.

“I need you,” she gasped, shimmying out of her underwear. “Please, get on top, I want you-“

“Gods, I want you too,” Caleb panted, holding her tight as he flipped them over. She squeezed his hips with her thighs, every inch of her body pressed against every inch of his, and they kissed, burning hot and messy. Caleb brought one hand to her thigh to move it up against her chest, and kissed her deeply. When they broke apart, he paused and dropped his head to her shoulder, and she heard him curse quietly.

“What’s wrong?” Jester asked, nerves already roiling through her stomach, she didn’t need more-

“I’m sorry, I forgot - do you want me to - should I get a condom? I have one in my coat-”

“I’m on birth control,” Jester reassured him. “I’m not seeing anyone else and haven’t in a long time. I’m okay without it if you are.” _And if I have to wait for you to go get a condom I’ll burst into flames._ Caleb nodded and kissed her again.  
  
“Okay, ja, me too-“

“So please just fuck me, baby, I can’t wait anymore-“

Caleb pushed her thighs apart and fumbled for the lube on the nightstand. Jester grabbed it and slicked his cock, arousal flaring up at the way his hips jerked into her touch. She was so wet and relaxed it was probably unnecessary, but Jester usually preferred something to ease the way, and the way he shuddered when she stroked him with it made the interruption more than worth it.

“Are you comfortable?” Caleb asked softly, pausing to brush her hair out of her face. “Is this position okay?” Jester’s heart could break at how tender and considerate he was being, even as desperately aroused as he was. She propped herself up a little to kiss him, so many things on her lips that she shouldn’t say out loud yet, that she didn’t really believe herself yet, but she hoped maybe he could feel them through the press of her mouth on his.

“Yeah, this is good,” she whispered, biting back a giddy smile. She adjusted her pillows so she wasn’t totally flat on her back and nestled into them, pulling him in to kiss him again. Caleb drew the quilt over them, a little nest of care and safety, outside which nothing existed. One hand still holding her thigh, Caleb kissed her through labored breaths and the thing that felt so momentous, laced with so much anticipation, was accomplished with just one easy roll of his hips against hers. Jester arched up against him and gasped, her fingers digging into his shoulders, gods, he felt so _good_ in her, so warm and so satisfying, filling her and relieving the desperate ache of emptiness that cried out from her core.

Caleb’s forehead dropped to her shoulder and he moaned, louder than she’d heard him be so far, gripping her thigh harder.

“Ohhhh, _Jester_ …”

“ _Please_ ,” she choked, and he started to rock his hips against her, smooth, rhythmic, like the rolling tide on the shore, and Jester’s eyes rolled back as she sank into the pillows, a constant, low keen humming in her throat.

Caleb was slow, gentle, savoring her, but he was only human, and Jester delighted in the kiss of his panting breaths on her neck as his pace quickened, near overwhelming pleasure overtaking her body. She had no coherent speech anymore, just snippets of _more, yes, yes, please, Cayleb, don’t stop, gods, like that, that’s how I like it,_ falling from her lips.

She opened her eyes and gods, he looked so lost in bliss on top of her, Jester wanted to keep that image forever too. His hair was messy, his freckled face flushed with arousal and exertion, and his lips were red and dewy from kissing her, and Jester’s heart raced, in a way she didn’t think was just from the physical effort of sex.

“ _Jester_ ,” Caleb panted, and holy _shit_ she loved the way her name sounded on his lips when he was making love to her, she could hear it all night- “you feel so _good_ , fuck, you’re _amazing_ -“

Clumsily, Caleb hitched her thighs higher on his hips and Jester crossed her ankles behind his back to hold them in place, driving him closer and deeper; the hand that had been holding her leg pushed between their bodies while the other grasped one of her hands, and Jester felt his thumb start to circle her clit.

“ _Oh, fuck_ ,” Jester cried; the fire of orgasm that was building in her belly suddenly blew into an inferno, and she palmed at her breast frantically, clenching her thighs tighter around his waist. Caleb looked to be barely holding it together himself, his thrusts stuttering and shallow as he tried to stave off his climax. Dimly, Jester was aware that the clatter of her headboard against the wall was probably audible to the neighbors, but she couldn’t possibly bring herself to care.

“ _Don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t stop-_ “ she sobbed, nails digging into his shoulders, and Caleb started sucking and biting at her neck, like he’d learned she liked.

“ _Come for me, baby_ ,” he growled, and Jester let out a shriek that turned into a wail as her body locked up and her orgasm barreled through her. Her cunt clenched down so rigid around Caleb that she almost pushed him out of her, and the sudden tightness made him choke, a delightful noise that sent another wave of spasms through Jester’s body. He managed to thrust into her once more before her her passage fluttered around him again and he shouted, gripping her hand so tight it almost hurt, and Jester felt a warm, wet flow against her insides that made her moan happily and shudder through the last aftershocks of her orgasm.

Gradually, Caleb loosened his hold on her hand and came back to his body, and both of them took a second to catch their breath, exchanging feverish kisses. She held him around the waist, not so subtly keeping him inside her, and his free hand carded through her hair lazily. When the immediate post-coital fog cleared, Jester saw a flicker of awareness cross Caleb’s face and he pressed a hand to his mouth.

“Jester, I’m so sorry, I didn’t - I didn’t ask if-“

“It’s okay,” she murmured, kissing his forehead. “It’s okay, it’s okay, I would’ve said so beforehand if I didn’t want you to.”

“Are you sure?” Caleb mumbled, color rushing back to his face in his sheepishness.

“Yes, I’m sure,” she hummed, nuzzling her nose against his. They were quiet for a few more minutes, kissing for the sake of it, leisurely and sweet, until he softened and pulled out of her. Jester pushed on his shoulders gently and he rolled over to let her up.

“I’m just going to the bathroom, I’ll be right back,” she said, kissing his nose. “Don’t go anywhere.” He hummed in assent, eyes closed, a happy smile on his face.

 **Jester went into** the bathroom, shut the door behind her, and took a deep breath. _Hooo. That was fucking great._ Her body was still feeling a little floaty and she cleaned herself up in a daze, going through the motions automatically. When she finished and stood at the mirror, washing her hands, she grinned to see the dark bruises on her neck, obvious love bites that she kind of didn’t want to cover up in the morning. She took a closer look at her reflection, the glow of her cheeks and the smile she couldn’t keep off her face. _You look happy,_ she could hear Artagan’s voice in her head. Yeah. She did look happy.

Jester returned to the bedroom, glasses of water in hand, and her heart skipped to see Caleb in her bed, the way his face lit up when he saw her. He looked absolutely smitten. She wasn’t sure she was doing a better job keeping her feelings off her face. Handing him a cup, Jester slid back under the covers, snuggling under the arm he offered.

“Hi, beautiful,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to her head.

“Hi,” she giggled; she rolled over and tossed her leg over his waist. “Wanna go again?” Caleb scoffed.

“Do I _want_ to and am I _able_ to are very different questions.” They cuddled quietly, enjoying the afterglow. “So, ah, you enjoyed that?” Caleb asked shyly.

“Best I’ve had in a long time,” she replied, with perfect honesty.

“Me too.”

“Do you have festival plans tomorrow?” Jester asked, fighting back a yawn. It was late, probably midnight, if not after.

“I was probably going to go with the Brennattos… Do you?”

“I’m supposed to go with Beau and Yasha and Caduceus. Maybe we could meet up, though?”

“I would like that very much.”

“You’re not sick of me yet?” Jester teased.

“I could never be sick of you, Jester Lavorre.” Jester’s chest ached and she snuggled in closer. Caleb bit back an obvious yawn and Jester’s stomach sank, knowing he would probably go home soon.

“You don’t have to go,” she blurted out, her voice small even in her impulsivity. “I - I mean, unless you want to. Which is fine. It’s good to be in your own space.” _Fuck. Running your mouth again._ Caleb was quiet for a minute that felt like an hour.

“I would very much like to stay, but I do need to go to my office early tomorrow,” he said gently, running his fingers through her hair. “I have a few things to finish if I want to take tomorrow evening and Da’leysen off.” His smile was apologetic. Embarrassment burned in Jester’s throat. _Don’t you dare show him you’re disappointed._

“Oh! Yeah, of course, I mean, that makes sense.” Caleb worried his bottom lip between his teeth.

“…I mean, I could leave from here, though, it’s only a few extra minutes…” Jester’s heart soared. It was more like fifteen to twenty extra minutes.

“Only if you want to! And if it really isn’t much further!”

“It’s difficult to say no to you,” Caleb murmured, kissing her forehead. “And it doesn't help that I don’t want to.”

“Okay, but you really actually want to stay though, right?” Jester asked, suddenly nervous.

“Do I want to fall asleep and wake up next to the funniest, sweetest woman I’ve ever met? If you’re going to make me, I suppose…” Jester smacked his arm.

“I’m being serious!”

“Yes, Jester, I do want to stay. I _should_ not, because I have to go to work in the morning, but I’m choosing to ignore what I _should_ do in favor of what I _want_ to do.”

“As long as you’re sure.” Caleb propped himself up on one arm so he could be face to face with Jester.

“It sounds like perhaps _you_ aren’t sure. If you would be more comfortable, I will go, it’s not a problem. I don’t want to rush anything.” His words were gentle, not accusatory, but Jester felt guilty anyway, that he thought maybe she didn’t really want him here.

“I am sure that I want you to stay the night,” she said, looking him in the eye. “I just don’t want you to feel pressured. If you felt like it’s too soon and we shouldn’t, or like, you know, it would be a lot of steps to take in one night.” Caleb reached out for her hand.

“I don’t think it’s too soon if neither of us thinks it’s too soon. I shouldn’t stay because I’ll be adding time to my walk to work, and because I have no doubt that leaving bed in the morning will be much more difficult with you in it. Objectively, that’s foolish of me. But if it wasn’t clear by now, I’m a bit of a fool when it comes to you, Jester.”

Jester’s heart skipped and she pulled him in for a kiss.

“I’m really glad you’re staying,” she whispered.

“I’m glad I’m staying too,” he replied, kissing her again.

Jester found a new toothbrush in her bathroom closet and tried to lend Caleb a pair of her oversized sweatpants. His hips were narrow enough that they fit him okay - aside from being eight inches too short. Jester pulled her slip back on, washed her face and was surprised how unselfconscious she felt, sliding into bed next to him. It wasn’t about not having makeup on, since she didn’t wear very much makeup anyway, but the fear of looking ugly in her sleep, or talking and saying something embarrassing, wasn’t really there. It was a nervous thought niggling in the back of her mind, but she could easily ignore it, especially when he slung an arm around her hips and pulled her close, his warm body comforting.

“Good night, Professor.”

“Good night, Jester.”

As Jester lay there, her mind kept running, even as she drifted off to sleep. Part of her felt a little anxious, like maybe she shouldn’t want him to sleep over after their first time, but she tried to tamp that thought down. He was right, if he wanted it, and she wanted it, why did it matter? They’d been seeing each other for close to a month now, things were going really well, and she was happy, dammit. A lot of the “should”s and “shouldn’t”s about dating were made up anyway. _You’re scared of how good you’re feeling and you’re trying to find a reason this isn’t a good idea._

Ugh. Her brain was really right on the money sometimes. If only one part could talk to the other and tell her heart to stop pounding in her ears, warning her to be ready for everything to go wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this makes up for last chapter's cliffhanger ending! It was getting unwieldy so I decided to cut the chapters into two.
> 
> As always, your feedback means a lot!! 🥰


	8. i've got miles of regrets and confusing friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unedited, I just wanted to get it posted!

“Jester?” Jester blinked sleepily and opened her eyes. Caleb was crouched down by the side of the bed, running his fingers lightly down her arm. She made an incoherent grumble.

“Ah, hi, good morning,” he whispered, brushing her hair out of her face. “I have to go, _Schatz_. I just wanted to let you know. I’m sorry to wake you.”

“Okay,” she yawned, trying to clear her sleep-fogged brain. “Thanks for telling me.”

“ _Ja,_ I didn’t want you to wake up and I was just gone. I wish I didn’t have to, but I have to go to work. I’ll text you later about the festival, okay?” Jester nodded and smiled, still drowsy.

“Okay, I’ll see you later. I’m glad you stayed,” she mumbled, eyes already drifting shut again. Caleb kissed her cheek.

“I’m glad I did too. Go back to sleep.”

Jester slipped back into sleep before she even heard the front door close behind him.

When she woke for the second time, it was nearing midday, which was unusual for her. The past week at the shop had worn her down and even waking up near noon didn’t make up for the sleep deficit. Jester resolved to post an ad for a part-time employee today. She stretched out in the sun filtering from the window like a cat and rolled over into the middle of the bed, burying her face in the pillows. The sweet lemon and black pepper scent she associated with Caleb clung to her sheets and she took a long inhale, savoring the memory of last night as her heart beat faster. It hardly seemed fair, to her mind, that he should be kind, smart, handsome _and_ good in bed. There had to be something. _Maybe he’s a terrible cook._ Yeah, that was probably it. Jester rolled over again and grabbed her phone off the nightstand.

Me: sooooooooooooo

Me: 🤭👉🏻👌🏻

Me: you don’t get to say I told you so or you get no details

👊🏽Beau⚡️: EYYYYYYYYYY

👊🏽Beau⚡️: I knew it

👊🏽Beau⚡️: so I take it the date went well??

Me: yeah, it went really well. we didn’t have the dtr talk but thats bcause my mom always said you shouldn’t talk with your mouth full

👊🏽Beau⚡️: gross dude

Me: 😇😈

Me: oh please like you don’t make pussy eating jokes literally 24/7

👊🏽Beau⚡️: yeah but the difference is dicks are gross and I don’t like thinking about them and pussies are beautiful and magical

Me: more for me 😉

Me: what would you think about meeting him tonight at the festival? I was kind of thinking it might be a good low pressure kind of opportunity since we’ll all be there anyway.

Me: is that weird? Is it too soon?

👊🏽Beau⚡️: no I think that’s a good idea. like you said it’s low pressure and casual. and you can’t shut the fuck up about him so yeah I want to meet him 😛

Me: sorryyyyyyy 😘

👊🏽Beau⚡️: lol it’s fine, it’s cute.

She journaled to the Traveler a bit before finally getting out of bed. Walking into the bathroom, she spotted the pale green toothbrush she’d given to Caleb, standing in the cup next to her purple one. It was only a small thing, nothing, really, compared to what they’d shared last night, but emotion so powerful it made her dizzy burst in her chest. She liked how it looked there. It looked like it ought to be there.

_Today’s To-Do:_

_-Job posting_

_-WC presents (Mama’s done, just Beau, Yasha, Fjord, Caduceus, Artie, Caleb?)_

_-Laundry (don’t forget sheets)_

_-Weasel food_

_-Resolutions + goals_

_-Spend that gift card Mama sent_

When Jester sat down to write her resolutions, she tapped her pen on the table, sighed and opened a fresh journal page.

_Closing out the year, I feel really lucky. My store has a pretty solid base of regular customers, I get to spend a lot of time with Beau and Yasha and even Caduceus. I still really enjoy running the shop, which is great, because when I moved here, I was really worried about it becoming too much. It’s not always easy - it usually isn’t - but I like the challenge and I like the independence it gives me. I have enough money now to hire someone to come in two or even three days a week so maybe I can take weekends off. It’s so rewarding to see the business growing after all the hard work I put into it._

_I don’t want to count chickens before they hatch but going into the new year I’m excited about this relationship. Or whatever it is. Caleb is sweet, and funny, and I’m having a really good time seeing him. And we had ridiculous sex last night. He’s a_ _professor_ _(almost). Mama will be so proud (until she finds out how much he makes LOL)._

Outside her journal, Jester wouldn’t make a joke like that, because it was a little mean. In private, she was always gently teasing Marion about how concerned she was for Jester to find a man who could “provide”.

 _“I want my daughter to work because she wants to, not because she has to,_ ” the Ruby always said. It was difficult for Jester to explain that the world looked different now than it had when her mother was growing up. Especially without being some dowried daughter of the aristocracy, her prospects for marrying filthy rich were dim, and that would basically be the only way for Jester to end up some kind of kept wife. Not to mention that that wasn’t what she wanted for herself. Marion didn’t expect Jester to marry someone she didn’t love, she just always cautioned her daughter to be mindful of “a man’s prospects” when she was dating. In her more charitable moments, Jester supposed that wasn’t such bad advice. She didn’t want to end up supporting a deadbeat husband like she’d seen some of her mother’s coworkers do. However, she found men whose life plans amounted to inheriting daddy’s business or who were singularly focused on getting rich to be absolutely unbearable, and she couldn’t recall ever having gone on a second date with one. She liked that Caleb had a good, stable job, but his ambition was about curiosity and creating and not about money.

_Anyway, I’m definitely excited to see how things develop in the new year. I’m going to really try to make this work and not do the thing I always do where I work so hard to keep the smile on and not actually let him get to know me._

_This year, I’m going to_

_1\. Be more patient with Mama but SET. BOUNDARIES._

_2\. Work on my self-esteem because I know who I am and what I’m worth._

The way Astrid had treated her last night…she didn’t necessarily care much about what Caleb’s ex-girlfriend thought about her, but she’d touched on some of Jester’s sore spots by unfortunate coincidence. Jester was a little sour that she was still thinking about it, when really, Astrid was a perfect stranger to her. She shouldn’t put any more stock in what Astrid thought than she would a random person on the street. For all she knew that, though, it didn’t change how she felt.

There was another thing: Jester hated being disliked. _She doesn’t even know me! She doesn’t know anything about me._ Logically, she knew Astrid didn’t really dislike _her_. Astrid disliked her presence, what she represented. Jester could be a street sweeper or the Queen herself, and Astrid still would have been cold to her. Jester found it hard to blame her. She’d never been in a relationship that long, much less with a man she expected to _marry_ , and then seen that man with another woman. That didn’t justify her condescending comments and barely veiled insults, but Jester could understand it was probably hard, especially if Astrid herself hadn’t dated anyone since the breakup, or if she still harbored a hope that they might get back together. Based on Caleb’s comments about Astrid’s work, Jester held no pity for the woman; she was likely engaged in something horrible, and if it cost her a good man, well, that was her bed to lie in. But she had a compulsive need for Astrid to like her anyway, or at least tolerate her. _I bet if she just got to know me, she’d like me._

Jester squashed that thought right away. _She’s never going to like you. You’re dating her ex._ That was part of why she wrote that second resolution. She knew she needed to stop relying on others for validation, especially others who weren’t important.

_3\. Find more ways to serve the Traveler and spread his message. Let chaos reign! Maybe a regional meeting??_

_4\. Enter my art in at least one show this year._

_5._

The space next to #5 lay blank for a long, long time. When Jester lifted her pen, a black spot sat where the ink had bled into the paper of her journal. Writing it made it real. Putting it to paper made it tangible, made it a _goal_ , made it something she _wanted_ and intended to _do_. She couldn’t bring herself to whisper the words onto the page. Instead, she wrote,

_5\. Be brave._

~~~

Jester found the majority of her Winter’s Crest presents quickly. She knew her friends well enough that she went out with an idea already in mind for each of them. For Caduceus, she called up Leopold, a Righteous Brand recruiter she met when she first moved to Rexxentrum, and asked if he would sell her some of his kombucha culture. He gave it to her for free, with detailed instructions on keeping it alive that she admittedly didn’t try very hard to remember. Caduceus likely didn’t need them. The culture looked like a yellow ooze in the bottom of the jar, but Leopold insisted it was a very healthy colony and he had more than he knew what to do with, if she ever wanted more. Jester thanked him profusely and promised that she absolutely did not intend to make any of her own kombucha.

For Beau, Jester found a pair of soft black buffalo hide wrap moccasins. Beau hated the winter because clunky snow boots made her feel dragged down, like she couldn’t move as freely as she wanted. These were waterproof and lined with wool, and would be perfect for her. Yasha got a beautiful paperbound journal for pressing her flowers, and a bundle of incense that smelled like Xhorhassian rockrose.

Artagan was simultaneously incredibly easy and difficult to buy gifts for. What did one buy a centuries old archfey for Winter’s Crest? When Jester bought the moccasins for Beau, she saw a pair of shoe trees and snatched them up right away, along with a horsehair shoe brush and some shoe cream. Artagan loved those little curiosities of mortal culture- last year she’d gotten him a silk sleep mask and he’d been delighted. She had to tell him to stop wearing it while walking around her apartment because he kept running headlong into furniture and cabinets. Yes, he could mend her broken dishes right away, no, that wasn’t the point. Jester knew he’d get a real kick out of the shoe trees in particular.

Fjord was pretty easy too - Jester knew he missed the Menagerie Coast, and there was a special grocery in the market district that sold goods imported from outside the Empire. Not everything she liked from home could be found there; delicate and highly perishable foods were harder to come by. But she filled a small box with plump purple olives, slices of rich marbled Menagerie Coast ham, and fresh fish packed in oil, all things she’d heard Fjord talk about missing from Port Damali.

That only left Caleb. This was the hard one.

Me: beau heeeeeeelp

Me: beau beau beau beau beau beau beau

Me: what r u doin

Me: ya poopin????

👊🏽Beau⚡️: gods jester lmao WHAT

Me: I need your heeeeeeeeeelp

👊🏽Beau⚡️: with?

Me: what do I get Caleb for wc

Me: we’re enough of a thing to stop counting dates and he slept over last night but not enough of a thing that I feel like he’s my bf. AND idk if he’s getting me anything? like I don’t expect it but I’ll feel like an asshole if he gets me something and I don’t? and then if I get him something but he didn’t get me anything is it like weird??

👊🏽Beau⚡️: idk, if you liked the dick enough you could get him more condoms. thats a gift for both of you.

Jester knew Beau well enough to know that telling her the cat was already out of the bag on that one would just get her a talking to.

Me: beau!!!! for real!!!

👊🏽Beau⚡️: ok ok ok

Me: you sound like yasha

👊🏽Beau⚡️: she’s better at this than I am

Me: just think like, when you and yasha started dating, what would’ve been a good little gift when you’d been dating for like a little less than a month, you know like something that isn’t too much. like I don’t think we’re engaged or something but also I like you and I’m serious about you

👊🏽Beau⚡️: dude we’re lesbians

👊🏽Beau⚡️: a lease for an apartment wouldn’t have been too much

Me: UGH

Me: why do I ask you

Me: ok ok ok I think I know thanks bb

👊🏽Beau⚡️: happy…to help?

Jester made her way to the cluttered little used bookstore in the market district that she frequented when she was looking for something to read. She had the perfect idea.

Back in her apartment, after dutifully buying more weasel food and tossing a load of laundry in, Jester wrapped her gifts, humming along to festive music. Her mother had sent her a bunch of art supplies, along with a gift card to an online store they both liked. Lying in bed with her computer, Jester hovered over the dresses tab, and then paused. _Hmm…_ She smiled to herself, a little embarrassed even in the privacy of her room. The lingerie selection was expansive. She didn’t give herself time to second-guess. Jester checked out an hour later with an excited flutter in her stomach, having purchased another black slip with a sweet, simple cowl neck and sides made of mesh, a sheer black lace bustier trimmed in baby blue, and a matching bra and underwear set made of olive green lace with straps from the neckline down to the cups. She told herself she’d wear at least two of these things independent of anyone else’s presence, but really she couldn’t stop thinking about the way Caleb had looked at her in her lacy slip and stockings last night, and that wasn’t even very risqué. That bustier in particular might just kill him. Jester couldn’t wait.

She was allowed to be a little obsessed right now, wasn’t she? That was totally fine. Somewhere inside, Jester knew what she was feeling right now wasn’t just that early relationship infatuation. That idea scared her too much to touch, so when it surfaced, she pushed it back. Normal, not terrifying, perfectly average infatuation. Nothing to see here.

☕️Caleb💕: Hi, I’m sorry I had to disappear this morning and have been out of touch, it has been a very busy day. I had a wonderful time last night. Will I see you tonight?

Me: its ok! I was running around doing a lot of errands today. Yes! I’m meeting beau and everyone at 6.

☕️Caleb💕: Excellent, I should be there with the Brenattos by then. :)

Me: are you ok with meeting some of my friends? just like in a casual way, I just figured since we’d all be there maybe it was a good time? you can say no!

Jester’s heart pounded as she watched those three dots appear and disappear a few times.

☕️Caleb💕: They know we’ve been seeing each other, so I don’t see why not.

Me: yeah I think since your first “meeting” any of my friends was yasha walking in on us at cad’s, introducing you to each other when your tongue isn’t in my mouth is probably a good idea

☕️Caleb💕: Oh gods…

☕️Caleb💕: Now I’m nervous.

Me: don’t be 😉 they’re easygoing. they’ll like you. and its not like my mom is going to be there, I promise it’s low pressure. but if you’re not feeling like it’s the right time we can wait!

☕️Caleb💕: No, I would like to meet them, and Veth has been dying to meet you properly. I think it is a good time.

Me: ok good I want to meet her (again?) too!

☕️Caleb💕: I’m sorry I woke you this morning. Were you able to go back to sleep?

Me: yeah, no problem. thanks for telling me you were going

☕️Caleb💕: I figured I had to leave before you woke up or I never would.

Me: Awww 🥰

☕️Caleb💕: :) <3

Jester felt like a Winter’s Crest pixie, walking downtown that evening with a sack of presents slung over her shoulder. Caduceus was already at the Blooming Grove of course, where they’d all agreed to meet, with drinks in a tray for each of them.

“This is the hot chocolate with extra whipped cream,” he said, pointing to a paper cup with a J on the lid.

“Thanks, Caduceus!” Jester hopped up on her toes and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “I have a present for you!”

“For me? That’s great.” Jester put down her bag and dug out the jar. She took the tray from him so he could open it and a wide smile spread across his face. “Oh look at that! That’s nice. A little fungus friend.”

“It’s for making kombucha!” Jester explained, excited. “I don’t know how it works but I thought you might like to try making it with your tea!”

“You know, I’d been thinking the same thing. Thanks so much, Jester."

“Cleric hive mind,” Jester said sagely, hugging the firbolg again. “Happy Winter’s Crest, Caduceus.”

“Happy Winter’s Crest, buddy,” Caduceus called as he stepped inside to put his fungus friend in a safe place.

Before long, Yasha and Beau joined them, hand in hand, and Caduceus gave them their drinks - a London fog for Yasha, and hot chocolate with a shot of honey whiskey for Beau.

“Is Fjord meeting us here?” Jester asked casually. Caduceus’s ears twitched.

“Oh, um, yeah, I think he’s supposed to be here.” Beau and Jester shot each other a _look_.

Just then, a tall half-orc in a very sea captain-esque black trench coat rounded the corner, and Jester saw Caduceus smile broadly. Jester had gotten to know Fjord pretty well since she made friends with this motley crew, and she loved how his and Fjord’s relationship - whatever it was - had done wonders for him. The awkward man who was uncomfortable in his skin and broke his own tusks to fit in was gone, and happy, confident Fjord stood in his place. Jester would admit to having a bit of a crush on him when they first met - he was very handsome - but she’d learned the hard way that sometimes the story you tell yourself about someone and the truth are too different to reconcile.

“Okay before we go I want to give you guys your presents!” Jester announced, digging the bundles out of her bag and handing them out to her friends. A whirlwind of hugs and thanks and compliments on her choices surrounded her, and Jester basked in the love of her friends. They’d brought their own gifts, and exchanged them on the sidewalk in front of the Blooming Grove. From Yasha, she received a sweet silver necklace with an owl on it; Caduceus, meaning very well, got her a yoga mat that he said she could pick up at the cafe over the weekend; Beau gave her a too-big fluffy fleece sweatshirt that Jester couldn’t wait to put on for a long day of doing nothing; and Fjord gave her a cute little potted orchid, a velvety yellow flower with purple speckles.

“Oh Fjord, this is so pretty!”

“Deucy’s been teaching me to garden and I grew this myself,” he said proudly. “I have a couple of ‘em going. I’ll text you instructions for keeping it alive but it’s really pretty simple.”

“That’s so great, thank you!” Jester exclaimed. “I will take good care of him.” She left her flower and her yoga mat in the back of the cafe and took off downtown with her friends, arm in arm with Beau, towards the lights and music of the Winter’s Crest festival.

Logically, Jester knew the entire city of Rexxentrum wasn’t at this one festival. Looking out at the crowds, though, it definitely felt that way. The streets were lined with vendors selling buttery bread rolls and thimblefuls of warmed cordial. Hand-decorated ornaments and wooden toys were on display everywhere, and little cul-de-sacs in the street where a stand couldn’t sit comfortably were full of performances, from puppet shows for puddles of enthralled children to musicians playing seasonal songs. The air was full of the scent of roasted meat and fried potatoes, spice cake and hot mulled wine.

☕️Caleb💕: Are you here?

Me: Yes! We’re in Weiss square 😊

☕️Caleb💕: Excellent, we are nearby. I will try to find you.

“Jester!”

“Huh?” She looked up and Beau was staring at her, holding up two bottles of lotion.

“Which of these do you think Yasha would like better? The vanilla or the orange?” Beau spotted the phone in her hand and grinned. “That your man?” Jester blushed and rolled her eyes but couldn’t help a smile.

“He’s not _my man_. And the vanilla for sure.” While Beau paid for her purchase, Jester searched the crowd for Caleb, or Veth, though she doubted she’d be able to see a halfling through all these people. Nothing. Jester resisted the urge to keep looking as she and Beau walked back to where Yasha, Fjord and Caduceus were looking at a display of beautiful wool blankets. She wasn’t impatient to find Caleb. Not even a little.

Just as she’d almost convinced herself of that, a shock of red hair caught her eye. She turned to look and saw Caleb wading through the square, clearly searching for her, with a little halfling boy bundled up in a puffy coat sitting on his shoulders. The boy pointed at her and kicked his feet and Caleb looked in her direction and smiled, walking over.

“Hi!” _No need to sound that excited, girl, relax._

“Hi, I’m so glad we found you,” he said softly.

“ _I_ found her though!” the little boy - Luc, presumably - exclaimed. Caleb patted the boy’s leg and looked up at him.

“You’re right, _Mäuschen,_ you did. Excellent job.” Beau looked between the two of them, her brow furrowed.

“You have a kid?” she blurted, and Jester put her face in her hands. _Oh gods._

“So Beau, this is Cayleb, Cayleb, this is my best friend, Beau,” she said loudly.

“Ah, hello, nice to meet you,” Caleb said, proffering a hand. Beau didn’t take it. “Um, no, Luc is not mine, he is my friend’s son.” Beau nodded, still seeming suspicious, and finally shook his hand. Jester made the rest of the introductions - Yasha wouldn’t look him in the eye, but that wasn’t that surprising - and before long, a pair of halflings, hand in hand, came to join them. Jester recognized Veth right away, and assumed the man with her, a halfling with big sideburns and round glasses, was her husband, Yeza. Veth held a paper cone with grease spots on it and pulled out a sweet potato fry.

“Luc! Do you want one?” Luc nodded eagerly and Caleb bent down so he could take it from his mother. “Careful, they’re hot.” Caleb put a hand on Jester’s shoulder.

“Veth, Yeza, there you are. I wanted to introduce you, this is - ah - um - this is my - Jester,” he stammered. Jester bit back a laugh and raised an eyebrow at him. She knew he didn’t mean it like that but the way it sounded when he said _my Jester_ made butterflies tumble in her stomach.

“Jester!” Veth shouted. Immediately, she handed her fries to Yeza and looped her arm in Jester’s. “I’m so glad to _finally_ meet you!” As if they’d been dating for eight months. Caleb blushed.

“I’m glad to meet you too,” Jester giggled.

“I have _so_ many questions for you.” Caleb looked immediately panicked.

“Oh, Veth, I don’t know if-“

“You can’t stop her,” Yeza said gently, putting his hand on Caleb’s arm. “You know you can’t.”

“Don’t worry, Cay-leb,” Beau said, mimicking Jester’s accent and hooking her arm in his. “We’ve got a few for you too.” Before Jester knew it she was being pulled ahead with Veth talking a million miles a minute; she looked back at Caleb and grinned apologetically. He mouthed, _sorry_ , trying not to laugh, and she mouthed back, _me too._

As it turned out, Jester really liked Veth, just like she thought she would the first time she saw her in the shop. She was expecting a bit of a dressing down, whatever Veth’s version was of the best friend shovel talk that she was sure Caleb was getting from Beau right now, but that wasn’t what happened. Veth was genuinely delighted to meet her, asked her a profile essay’s worth of questions about herself, and gushed about how happy she was that Caleb was seeing someone.

“I haven’t seen him this happy in a really long time, Jessie, I really haven’t.” Veth was already calling her by a nickname. She loved this woman. “I know you know, it’s not official or anything like that, he was very clear that I wasn’t to treat you like you were asking for his hand in marriage, but I think he really likes you.” Jester glanced over her shoulder at Caleb and saw him in the midst of an intense discussion with Beau about something; when he saw her looking, he smiled immediately. It was infectious, and she smiled too.

“I like him a lot too,” she mumbled, blushing. Jester and Veth, as it turned out, shared a lot of interests. They both loved detective novels and movies, and swapped theories about their favorite mystery show, growing more and more animated until they started attracting stares from passerby who thought they were having a fight.

The group eventually migrated together again and Jester was pleased to hear Caleb and Beau deep in conversation about Beau’s work as an Expositor. Despite his focus on Beau, Caleb took Jester’s hand when she was in reach again, making Jester’s heart race. He rubbed absentminded circles on her thumb with his and she squeezed his hand tight. Eventually, their conversation came to a natural conclusion and he turned to Jester.

“How was she?” Caleb asked, smiling sheepishly.

“Oh totally fine,” Jester reassured him, “we have a lot in common and she just wanted to know about me, you know? And she told me a very shocking secret.” Caleb looked confused.

“I don’t think I have any shocking secrets that you do not know. What did she say?”

“She said she thinks you really like me. The scandal, Professor.”

“As I said, no secrets you don’t already know.” Jester laughed, though her heart felt like it was trying to jailbreak right out of her chest. Caleb leaned in and pressed a chaste peck to her cheek, conscious of the eyes on them, which was punctuated by a scoff from above.

“Ew, don’t be _gross_ , Uncle Caleb. Let’s go over there.”

“You think I’m gross, Luc?” Jester teased. The little boy rolled his eyes, like she’d asked the stupidest question of all time.

“No, _you’re_ not gross, you’re pretty. Kissing is gross.”

“You know, objectively speaking, he’s not wrong,” Beau interjected. “Like as a concept. Just pushing your mouths together. Why did we start doing that?”

“I don’t have an answer to that question, but, Luc and I are on an important mission tonight.” He gestured for Luc to lean down so he could whisper and the boy did, gripping fistfuls of red hair to balance and furrowing his brow.

“Yeah, she can come,” Luc replied quietly. He looked at Jester. “D’you wanna come with us?”

“I’m very good at very important missions,” she whispered conspiratorially. She looked over at Beau and gave a questioning thumbs up. Beau screwed up her face, again like Jester had asked the stupidest question in the world, and waved her hands - _go._

“Veth, Yeza, I’m abducting your son for important holiday purposes, I’ll return with him shortly.”

“Keep him as long as you want,” Yeza called. “I mean - bring him back. Eventually. But take your time.” Jester laughed and turned to face her friends as she walked off.

“I’ll be back soon!” When they’d left their stitched together little group behind, Jester looked up at Luc.

“So, Luc, what is this very important mission?”

“I have to find Winter’s Crest presents for my mom and dad.”

“Oh, that’s a very important mission,” Jester said. “Good thing you’re so tall, you can see everything.”

“I’ll tell you when to stop, okay?” Luc said, looking down at Caleb.

“You’ve got it.” He took Jester’s hand again. “We do this every year. It gives his parents a little time to themselves and he gets to choose presents for them.” _And he’s good with kids? There’s a catch, right? There’s got to be a catch._

“That’s really sweet,” Jester replied. “When I was a kid I made all my mom’s holiday presents. But this would’ve been way more fun. I just didn’t have anyone to take me.”

“I did that as well, as a child. But we were very poor, when I was growing up. My mother and father usually didn’t even get each other anything, or if they did, it was very small. So I like being able to do this for Luc.”

“Stop!” Luc cried, and pointed to a stall up ahead. “Let’s go look at that!” Caleb steered the two of them in the direction Luc pointed and the boy scrambled down from Caleb’s shoulders almost before he knelt down to the ground.

“Oooh, look at these!” Luc started pawing through a basket of fabric headbands and hair ribbons. “Mama would like these!” Jester watched him, amused, as he held up each one and seriously considered it, to determine if this one was the perfect gift for Veth or not.

“Ah, while he is distracted,” Caleb said softly, touching her arm. “I have something for you.” He reached into his coat, next to where he had his spellbook holstered, and pulled out a box that looked vaguely familiar….

“Is this…?” Jester started, looking at the purple paper box with moons printed on it that brought back so many good memories. She opened it and inside was a block of fresh hazelnut nougat, chocolate coated - from a confectionary down the block from the Lavish Chateau. She hadn’t had this in _ages_. Really fresh nougat didn’t travel well. “What?!”

“I hope it isn’t too much… I just remembered you talking about a candy shop near your house and how you can’t get the fresh things here, so I popped over to the city today and-“

“You _went to Nicodranas today?!”_

“ _Ja,_ it wasn’t any trouble, really - oh, I should have asked if you wanted to go see your mother-“

“No! I - it’s not that at all - I just can’t believe you went all the way to _Nicodranas_ to get this for me. That’s…”

“…Do you like it?” Jester put the box under her arm, grabbed his face in her hands and planted a kiss right on his lips. “I’ll take that as a yes.” Jester grinned and kissed him again.

“Yes, you should, because yes, I love it. _Thank_ you.”

“Ugh, you’re being gross again,” Luc complained. He turned to the two of them, holding a pastel green fabric headband with a bow on top. “Do you think Mama would like this one?”

“I think your Mama would love that one,” Caleb said, matching Luc’s serious tone. Luc nodded sagely and Caleb bought it for him; the little boy walked proudly with his wrapped package in hand. Caleb took his other hand. “Hold my hand, _ja_? I don’t want to get lost.”

“I have a present for you too,” Jester said, when they started walking again. “I’ll give it to you when you have some free hands, though.”

“You didn’t have to-“

“Oh hush.” Caleb laughed with surprise.

“Yes ma’am.” Jester didn’t mind the way that sounded coming out of his mouth at _all_.

Though Luc found a present for Veth right away, he seemed far more indecisive about something for Yeza. Right now, they were standing near a display of candles, which Luc stood on his tiptoes to see, pulling each one close to him in turn, sniffing, shaking his head and putting it back. Jester turned to Caleb and reached into her bag while Luc reached for another candle.

“Now it’s my turn,” she announced, pulling the small bundle out. She handed it to Caleb, who kept glancing over at Luc to make sure he didn’t wander off, despite the fact that he was less than five feet away.

“Thank you, Jester, this is so thoughtful of you.” _Oh please. You practically left the fucking country today for my present._

“You haven’t even opened it yet,” she laughed. “You might hate it.” Caleb unwrapped the paper and smiled when he saw the three dimestore novels she’d picked out.

“Indulging my bad habits, Miss Lavorre?”

“On the contrary, remember how I said watching movies someone likes is a good way to get to know them?” He nodded.

“Well so is reading books they like.” She pointed to _Tusk Love_. “This was one of my favorite romance novels when I was a teenager - don’t let Luc find _that_ one lying around.” That made him blush, and Jester grinned. “And this one is like a noir crime novel because I remember you said you liked mysteries, and _this_ one is so ridiculous, I was so excited when I saw it in the bookstore, it’s like a drama about the Draconian mafia, it’s way over the top. So I got you two books that I’ve read and liked, and one that I thought you would like, and if you do then I’ll read it next.”

“Wow, that’s lovely, Jester, thank you,” Caleb said, bringing her in for a quick kiss. “I look forward to reading these.”

“Well I’m glad you like them, I wasn’t sure if it was too _trashy_ for you,” she teased, reminding him of his comment on their first date. Caleb looked a little embarrassed.

“You’ll never let me forget that, will you?”

“Nope!” Jester held her hand out. “I’ll take those if you want, and put them back in my bag, and I can just give them back before you leave.” As she was putting the books back in her bag, she heard something in Caleb’s voice that made her blood curdle in her veins.

“Luc?”

When she looked up, Luc was gone.

“Luc?!” Caleb called again, just barely holding back panic. Jester whipped around, searching for the little boy, but she didn’t see him anywhere - not at the neighboring stalls, not behind them, or across the way.

 _“Scheisse_ , hey! Hey, did you see where the boy went?” Caleb asked the woman who ran the stall. She was turned away, helping another customer.

“Oh - no, no I didn’t,” she replied. “Sorry.”

“Hey, hey, we’re gonna find him,” Jester said, grabbing Caleb’s arm. “He can’t have gone far.” Caleb shoved a hand into his coat and unbuckled his spellbook, flipping through it, eyes wild.

“What do I have, what do I have, what do I have-“ Jester was running through her own mental list - what the fuck did she prepare today? She had a standard set of things she prepared every day but - suddenly, she remembered she’d prepared a locating spell, in anticipation of getting separated from her friends tonight. This wasn’t exactly the kind of getting separated she’d imagined, but she thanked her past self profusely.

“I can locate creature,” she said, tapping his arm frantically. “It works for a thousand feet, just follow me, okay?”

Picturing Luc’s face, with one hand, Jester clutched the holy symbol she wore around her neck, whispering the words, and then clapped her two hands together, pushing her right hand forward in the direction she thought Luc probably went off in. The miasma of charged air settled around her and she grabbed Caleb’s arm and took off, pushing through the crowd, trying to feel something, the little _ping_ in her awareness that told her she was in range of her target.

“Just follow me,” she repeated, pulling Caleb along, “I can’t feel him yet but he can’t have gone far. Keep calling him.”

Caleb did, shouting Luc’s name with a voice laced with fear, and scanning near the ground. They made it all the way to the end of the street before Jester felt it, a sensation like her consciousness was in two places at once.

“I’ve got him, c’mon!” The both of them took off running, as fast as they could while pushing through a bunch of disgruntled festival-goers. The little _ping_ was moving, was moving, and then it wasn’t, and anxiety lodged in Jester’s throat because what did _that_ mean, was Luc okay, did he find his parents, did someone _else_ find him, did something happen- Jester bounded into the square, Caleb in quick pursuit - and then she lost it.

“ _Fuck!”_

“What, what, what is it?” Jester darted around the square, and then breathed out a sigh she didn’t know she’d been holding when she felt him again.

“I lost him for a second,” she panted, holding still to ascertain his location. “I’ve got him. Just - gimme a second.” When she felt fairly confident of Luc’s direction, she took off again, holding Caleb’s arm in a vice grip, and it felt like an eternity but couldn’t have been more than a minute and a half when they turned a corner and there he was, just a few stalls away, sitting on a vendor’s table, crying softly.

“LUC!” Caleb dashed up ahead and skidded to a stop in front of the boy, who immediately burst into tears. “Luc, Luc, what happened, what - are you alright?” He gathered Luc into his arms and clutched him close, his chest heaving. Luc sobbed into the shoulder of Caleb’s coat and Jester pulled a tissue out of her bag and wiped his nose and cheeks. The _stollen_ vendor looked them over, clearly trying to piece out how a pale human, a blue tiefling and a brown-skinned halfling kid fit together.

“Aye, boy, this your mummy and daddy?” they asked. Luc sniffled and shook his head.

“No, this’s my uncle,” he mumbled.

“Gotta keep an eye on the little ones,” the vendor admonished Jester. “They run off right quick.”

“That’s for sure,” Jester sighed, squeezing Caleb’s other shoulder.

“Thank you for letting him sit here,” Caleb said finally, when he’d caught his breath.

“No problem,” the human said gruffly, as they cut and wrapped more slices of _stollen_. “He was wandering on the street crying, with his leg all messed, so I told him come sit and wait for his ma and pa.”

“His leg?” Jester looked down to where Luc’s legs were wrapped around Caleb’s chest and saw his pants were torn, over his right knee, and a scrape was oozing blood.

“Just skinned his knee,” she reassured Caleb softly. “I can fix it if you put him down.”

“No!” Luc clutched Caleb even tighter, his voice watery. “Don’t wanna get down.”

“If Cayleb puts you back on the table for just one minute, I can make your scrape all better,” Jester said. “We won’t go anywhere. He’ll be right here the whole time.”

“I can hold your hand so you know I won’t go anywhere,” Caleb said, pressing a kiss to Luc’s head. Luc whined wordlessly, but the promise of fixing his hurt knee was clearly tempting.

“I can even fix your pants,” Jester said. “Are you suuuuure you don’t want to see some super cool magic?” Luc was quiet for a second.

“You’ll be right here?” he sniffled, looking at Caleb.

“Right here, and I’ll hold your hand the whole time and then you can come right back up.” Luc finally nodded and Caleb sat him back on the empty part of the table, true to his word, holding Luc’s hand. Jester pulled back the torn part of the pant leg gently.

“Okay, I need your help, Luc,” she said, very serious. “I need you to hold my necklace reeeeeal tight, okay?”

Luc nodded and clutched the symbol of the Traveler in his little fist. Jester didn’t need it for this, but she knew the stone pendant would warm with holy energy when she cast it, and she wanted to see him smile. Jester murmured the words for Cure Wounds and put both hands on Luc’s tiny knee. The skin knit back together, smooth and healed like it had never been broken. Jester wet a tissue with her mouth and dabbed at the spot, cleaning off the blood and grime.

“That feel better?” Luc nodded; he was still holding her necklace. “Okay, now the pants. This is super cool fancy magic, okay?” The boy smiled in excitement and Jester held the two pieces of fabric in her fingers, wrapping her hand around Luc’s where he still held her holy symbol, and cast Mending. Like an invisible sewing machine, the tear seamed up without a trace, glowing with a faint green light.

“Whoa,” Luc whispered, grinning.

“What do you say we have some cake, go find a present for Papa and then go meet them, _ja_?” Caleb asked, scooping Luc back up onto his hip. Luc nodded and Jester bought a few slices of _stollen_ before Caleb could.

“Your hands are full,” she insisted, in a tone that brooked no argument. The piece of fruit cake looked enormous in Luc’s hand, but he munched it happily from his perch, head resting on Caleb’s shoulder.

“You tell me when you see somewhere you want to stop, _Mäuschen_ ,” Caleb said, and the three walked slowly, a palpable sense of relief permeating the air in the little group.

“Thank you, Jester,” Caleb murmured, when Luc was distracted looking at lights. “I really don’t know what else to say. Thank you.” She shrugged.

“It’s nothing. I’m just glad we found him.”

“Gods, me too. When we get back to everyone, I don’t know about you, but I need a drink. I think that took seven years off my life.”

“I’m with you,” Jester laughed. Luc tapped Caleb’s shoulder frantically and pointed.

“Look! Let’s go there!” Caleb dutifully walked them over to a vendor selling knitted goods. “Let’s get that one for Papa.” Luc pointed to a cozy looking taupe cable knit scarf. Jester held it up for him so he could feel it; Luc petted the scarf and nodded. “Yes, this is a good one.”

After a quick moment aside to text the group, they took off in the direction Beau told her to meet them; Jester carried Luc’s gifts for Yeza and Veth and Caleb still carried Luc, holding him tight against his hip.

“Do you have any brothers or sisters, Luc?” Jester asked, her fingers laced in Caleb’s free hand.

“No, s’just me,” he said. “But I told Mama and Papa I want a little brother. So maybe they’ll get me one.” Jester bit back a laugh.

“You know, being an only child is pretty good sometimes too.”

“Are _you_ an only child?”

“Yep! It’s just me and my Mama.”

“Where’s your Papa?”

“Luc,” Caleb started softly, but Jester squeezed his hand. _It’s okay_ , she mouthed.

“My Papa had to go away when I was just a baby, and he got lost,” she lied. She kept her tone light, easy. _It’s okay for a kid his age to be curious._ “So I never got to meet him.”

“Don’t you miss him?”

“Sometimes,” she said, honestly.

“You don’t have any brothers or sisters either, right, Uncle Caleb?”

“No, I don’t, that’s right.”

“How come? Didn’t _you_ ask for a little brother?” Caleb laughed.

“ _Ja_ , when I was your age, I did.”

“How come you didn’t get one?”

“Uhhh…good question. I don’t know.” Jester could practically smell the fear of being asked where babies come from. Fortunately for all of them, they arrived in the square where Beau told her to meet them; Luc saw his parents and immediately forgot his line of questioning. He tried to scramble down from Caleb’s arms but Caleb grabbed him and kept him close.

“No- one moment, _Mäuschen_ , just wait a moment and I’ll let you down.” Luc didn’t stop wiggling but when he finally got on the ground, he ran up to his mom and dad and gave them a huge hug. The boy started babbling about how he was running and fell and scraped his knee but guess what it’s all better now let me show you- Beau came up and slung an arm around Jester’s shoulder.

“Hey Jes, I can’t help but notice you don’t have a drink in your hand.”

“Oh my gods, you don’t know how bad I need one,” Jester pulled Beau close to talk quietly. “We literally lost Luc, we just turned around and he was fucking _gone_. I think I had eight heart attacks.”

“Holy shit,” Beau laughed nervously. “Yeah, lemme grab you both one, you look like you need it.”

Another hour and a half of festivities later, and the group was pleasantly tipsy, except of course for Luc, and Yeza, in the interest of keeping a sober eye on him. Jester and Veth competed in a few games, during which Jester leaned that Veth was apparently _very_ competitive. She was delighted that Veth, Yeza and Caleb were getting on so well with her friends. At the moment, Fjord and Veth were dancing among the other pairs and groups in the square, to the lively music of the band. Caleb was swinging Luc around with a big grin, and the little boy was squealing with delight, his earlier scare seemingly forgotten. This was a perfect moment, Jester thought, and wished she could freeze it in time. She was curled up against Yasha’s side, where they sat, leaning against the base of a statue. Beau was snuggled up under Yasha’s other arm, eating a piece of cake. Yeza and Caduceus were having a very animated discussion about the versatility of fungus, and their conversation formed a soft backdrop to the scene. When the song ended and transitioned to something slow, Caleb and Luc came back to where the group was sitting, and Jester stood up.

“Can I steal him from you, Luc?” she asked, brushing off her skirt. Luc rolled his eyes.

“Why d’you have to dance with _Jester?”_ he grumbled.

“Well I guess if you don’t want me to go, we could just be gross right here,” Caleb teased, putting his free arm around Jester’s waist and kissing her cheek.

“UGH! Fine! Go do kissing somewhere else!” Luc exclaimed, exasperated, and went to sit in his dad’s lap.

Jester giggled and led Caleb out to the dancing area. He pulled her in and took her other hand in his and she leaned in, breathing in the scent of him against his shoulder. She recalled the first time they danced together, at Caduceus’s party, and thought about how different this felt. They knew each other better, they knew each other’s bodies better, they were less shy about touching and holding and being close.

“I didn’t get a chance to tell you earlier, but you look very beautiful tonight,” Caleb whispered in her ear.

“Why thank you, Professor,” Jester replied, grinning as he spun her. “I try.” She put an arm around his neck and pulled him in for a kiss.

“I feel like this is going well,” Caleb said when they parted. “Meeting our friends.”

“I think so too. They like you. I can tell.” Caleb furrowed his brow.

“How do you know that already?”

“If Beau didn’t like you, she’d just say it to your face.”

“I do admire that kind of honesty.” They danced in comfortable, intimate quiet for the rest of the song, and well into the next. “I know I already thanked you for helping to find Luc, but I have to say, I was also impressed with how quick on the draw you were with that locate spell.” Jester scoffed.

“It’s not a big deal, honestly.”

“It was just…striking…to watch you cast something so powerful like it was nothing. I can feel it, when you use your magic right next to me. Your power is…thrilling.”

“Oh? What are you trying to say, Cayleb?” Jester teased, pressing closer to him (as she searched her brain, trying to remember what underwear she had on). Caleb’s hand grazed over the swell of her ass and he pulled her in for a kiss.

“It’s fucking sexy, is what I’m trying to say,” he murmured against her mouth. Jester hummed in approval and kissed him again. The heat was palpable, and she had a very powerful urge to not be in public right now.

“Wanna walk me home?” Jester asked with a wink. Caleb kissed right under her ear and whispered,

“I would love to walk you home, Miss Lavorre.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, your feedback means a lot! 😘😘 Thanks for the continued comments, they keep me motivated!


	9. but perhaps it's just my stupid head in the end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is literally just 5k of porn. It's what we all deserve right now.

“Oh, _you’re_ walking Jester back?” Beau asked Caleb with a raised eyebrow. “Uh huh.”

“ _Bye_ , Beau,” Jester said, hugging her friend quickly. “See you guys soon! Happy Winter’s Crest!” The two said their goodbyes and as they walked away, Jester heard Beau call,  
  
“Enjoy your ‘walk home’, Jester! Don’t forget a condom! For the walk!”

“Oh my gods,” Jester groaned, hiding her furious blush behind her hands. “She’s the _worst_.”

By the time they got back to Jester’s apartment, she barely turned the key in the lock before they were on each other, messy kisses and hands feverishly tugging at coat buttons, heat and impatience so thick in the air it was almost tangible.

“Wait, wait,” Jester giggled, pulling away despite the ache inside her that wanted to just do it up against the front door. “Let me put my things down.” She took Caleb’s hand and led him into the kitchen, where she put her bag down, and then to her bedroom - though not without stealing a few kisses on the way.

“Usually _I’m_ the impatient one,” Jester said, humming happily as Caleb pulled her close and kissed her.

“Guess it’s my turn.” Jester reached past him and closed the bedroom door, deepening the kiss when she leaned in, and gods he looked so _pretty_ in this light. She caught him by surprise when she put her hands on his shoulders and guided him back a few steps, until he was flat against the door. Jester cocked her head playfully and watched his expression, looking for any sign of discomfort or confusion. In his face she found only want; desire and affection came together in his eyes when he looked at her. She grinned and pinned him more firmly as she kissed him hard, and the quiet whimper that escaped into her mouth told her everything she needed to know. Jester kissed him again and then moved her lips to his jaw, running her tongue along its sharp line.

“I think I’d like to take the reins tonight,” Jester whispered in his ear, taking the lobe between her teeth and biting him just hard enough to feel good. Caleb hissed in a breath and nodded eagerly, one hand sliding around her waist. “Would you like that?”

“Gods, _yes_ …”

Jester smirked and started working her way down his neck, careful not to bite hard enough to leave any marks that wouldn’t fade overnight. When she found a spot just under his collar that she’d learned he liked, she started sucking a love bite into his skin, and pushed her thigh up between his legs. Jester felt the _thunk_ against the door as his head fell back against it; he sighed and threaded his other hand in her hair and she purred softly with pride. The arousal in her stomach was like hot coals, scorching but burning slow and deep. She wanted to make him fall apart, and she wanted to watch it happen.

“Mmmm, so happy to see me already, huh?” Jester teased, pressing her thigh into him a little harder. She could feel him getting hard, and it was a heady rush of power knowing that she was doing it to him.

“I…yes,” Caleb managed, swallowing thickly. Jester went in for a kiss that was as slow and teasing as it was filthy.

“Go sit down for me,” she said, in a tone that was sweet, but still authoritative. Caleb perched on the edge of the bed; Jester shimmied out of her tight corduroy skirt and pulled her teal sweater off over her head. The lack of seduction in her stripping was the only indication she was as eager to get down to it as he was. Underneath, she was wearing one of her favorite bras, her favorite because it emphasized her natural cleavage: a lacy black longline with cups that just barely rose above her nipples, leaving acres of freckled blue skin exposed. She had a pair of matching panties, but she didn’t usually bother matching unless she knew she was going to get laid, so tonight, she was just thankful the purple lace underwear she was wearing was something cute. Jester smirked as she rolled her thick winter stockings down each leg, painfully slowly, just to watch how his eyes followed her movements.

“You’re overdressed,” she pointed out, and Caleb scrambled to pull his sweater off as she climbed up on the bed behind him. Jester kneeled with her legs bracketing his hips, intentionally pressing her breasts against his back while her hands slid around to his chest, roaming freely. She breathed in his beautiful sighs and small gasps and mewls of pleasure as she teased her nails over the sensitive skin of his stomach, rolled his nipples between her fingers, between hot, open-mouthed kisses to his neck.

“Mmmm, _Jester_ …” He could say her name like that any time he felt like it… “Please, I want to touch you…”

“Patience, baby,” she whispered. Her hands drifted down to his belt and deftly unbuckled it, pulling it out of the loops of his jeans. Jester let the leather glide over his bare chest as she brought the belt up over his shoulder and didn’t miss how he shivered. _Interesting_. Information to file away for a later time. After tossing the belt on the floor, she made quick work of the fastenings on his pants and Caleb took the hint to get those off too.

When she shifted around to sit in his lap and pushed him back down flat, Caleb’s hands went to her breasts immediately, running over her torso, drinking in every inch of her. Jester purred low in her chest and leaned into it, reveling in the feeling of his soft hands on her, the way his thumbs circled her stiffening nipples.

“Gods, you’re perfect,” he breathed, and a warm rush flooded Jester’s chest. The strength of her fondness for him scared her a little, but it was intoxicating and she wanted more.

“I know,” she sighed, flashing a cheeky wink. _There’s a lot of burnt edges you haven’t seen yet, my dear._ Jester leaned in to kiss him and hummed in encouragement when he reached behind her to unhook her bra. There was a bit of fumbling but he undid the clasp and slid the garment off her shoulders, cupping her breasts in his palms and playing with her nipples. Jester moaned in relief and rolled her hips on him, which elicited a little whimper that lit something up in her belly.

“You’re so pretty, Cayleb,” Jester said, running her fingers through copper chest hair. Caleb blushed.

“I don’t-“ Jester put a finger over his lips and looked at him sternly.

“I’m making a new rule,” she said. “When we’re having sex, if I give you a compliment, you’re not allowed to argue with me. All grievances must be lodged following pillow talk. Okay?”

“Oh, and what happens if I misbehave?” Caleb teased, guiding the tip of her finger into his mouth with his tongue and sucking it. The gesture couldn’t even properly be called suggestive, unsubtle as it was. Jester pushed a second finger into his mouth and Caleb moaned around them, and fuck, did that make her wet…

“I’ll put my clothes back on,” she replied, and took her fingers back. Caleb ran one hand over her back and held her thigh with the other.

“That would be a very harsh punishment.”

“So I guess you’d better behave yourself,” Jester purred, leaning in to suck a mark into the hollow of his throat.

“Mmmm, yes _ma’am_ ,” Caleb breathed. His voice was husky with lust and those words were just as delightful as she thought when she'd first heard them. He arched up into the touch of her mouth and his hips pressed up into her as he gasped when her teeth dug into his skin.

“Good boy,” she murmured, before she could think to censor herself, and a momentary panic shot through her- then Caleb _moaned_ and shuddered beneath her. Jester grinned.

“Oh, seems like you like that,” she hummed, rolling her hips against his (by now very obvious) erection.

“ _Yes_ -“

“Oooh, I’m going to have a _lot_ of fun with you tonight, Professor,” Jester giggled, grinding against him again, harder, and tugging on his hair just hard enough to get another little whimper.

“I hope so…” Caleb held the back of her neck and propped himself up, taking her mouth in a hungry, messy kiss. Their tongues explored each other’s mouths, hands roving, hips grinding against her soft, warm flesh and the hard length of his cock straining against the fabric of his underwear.

Jester could feel her slick gathering between her legs and every thrust of her hips was pressing on her clit. Before long, her cunt was so slippery that grinding on him wasn’t giving her what she needed, too little purchase in her wet underwear. Her tail lashed behind her in annoyance as she tried to get more friction. Seeing her frustration, Caleb lifted the hand that was working at one of her nipples - the other was firmly in his mouth - and slipped it between them so he could thumb over her clit.

“Can I go down on you, _Schatz_?” he gasped, pulling away from her breast.

“Fucking please, _gods_ -“ Jester immediately rolled over so she was on her back and Caleb followed her, getting on his stomach between her parted thighs and hooking both legs over one shoulder. Jester purred with a smile as Caleb pulled her underwear down off her hips, over her knees and feet, and tossed them aside. She moved one of her legs to his other shoulder and he kissed it, starting at the sole of her foot, up to the crease of her thigh.

Jester wasn’t particularly self-conscious about getting eaten out most of the time, but it did occur to her that this was the first time Caleb was really getting a good look at her pussy. A mote of shyness danced behind her eyes, but those fears were quickly assuaged when she saw his bright blue eyes peeking up at her from between her legs, smiling, the flush of arousal making his face pink.

“You good?” he asked softly, nuzzling his nose into the first of her soft curls.

“Yeah,” she replied, running a hand through his hair with a smile. “Yeah, I’m good.” Caleb smiled back and pressed a feather light kiss to her clit.

“You let me know what you like, okay? I want to learn how to make you come.” _Gods, keep talking like that and you’ll have it._ She nodded, biting back a giddy giggle.

Caleb started everywhere _around_ where she wanted him, nipping the crease of her soft thighs, kissing her mound and breathing in the intoxicating, intimate scent of her. He was obviously enjoying himself, and the last of Jester’s shyness melted away as she watched him delight in her sweet softness, enchanted by every ridge and valley of her. She felt like an object of devotion, in the most erotic and romantic way she’d ever experienced.

When Caleb’s tongue parted her labia and ran up the length of her, Jester mewled and arched up into the contact, begging for more. His patience for teasing was clearly also running low, because he moaned against her, sending vibrations up the base of her spine, and buried his face further between her legs. Jester ran her hand through his hair, needing something to ground her, closed her eyes, and lost herself in the sensations. Caleb’s hands held her hips and angled her up so he had better access.

Caleb started slow, despite how eager he obviously was, trying to suss out her reactions to different movements, and Jester tried to remember to give them to him. She whimpered and tightened her hand in his hair when he teased the tip of her clit or sucked on her labia, and softly moaned _more_ when he gave her the circling motion with a lot of pressure on her clit that she favored when she touched herself. His tongue pushed into her passage and she didn’t particularly respond to that, so he moved on quickly, returning to things that had gotten better feedback.

They quickly built up a pattern together, and Jester was soon moaning loudly, rolling her hips against his tongue in a desperate bid for more, the aching emptiness inside her begging to be filled. The noises Caleb was making, his sighs and moans and gasps, were so fucking _hot_ , so hungry for her, a wild look in his eye that told her exactly how much he wanted to please her. Jester held his gaze as he pushed two fingers into her wet, open entrance, and she shuddered against him with a sobbing groan.

“ _Yes_ , please, fill me up, baby, I need you, I need it,” she whimpered, unable to keep her hips still. Caleb sucked on her clit as his fingers thrust in and out of her and her orgasm threatened, making her gasp and arch up, gripping his hair tighter.

“ _Cayleb_ , baby, I’m gonna come, don’t-“ He pulled away from her immediately with a gasp, lightening his touch until he could pull his fingers out of her gently. Caleb leaned over her and took her mouth in a feverish kiss, made all the more messy by the slick on his mouth and chin. Being able to taste her own pussy on his tongue, caramel sweet, made the fire in her belly blaze hotter and she moaned into his mouth. Jester rolled them over deftly, pinning him by the shoulders, her tail sweeping playfully behind her.

“You’re a very quick study, Cayleb,” she teased. She reached behind her and gripped his cock, which was so hard she could practically feel his pounding heartbeat, and leaking pre-spend.

“ _Jester_ -“ Caleb gasped, his hips jerking up into her touch. She hummed in approval and stroked him once.

“Seems like you really enjoyed going down on me, huh?”

“ _Yes,_ you’re so fucking beautiful,” he whimpered.

“You like eating out pretty girls, Professor?” She stroked Caleb again and he groaned, covering his beet red face with his hands.

“If you’re asking if I’m aroused by the pleasure of beautiful women, then the answer is yes,” he muttered dryly.

“Oh, well then you should have a lot of fun when I start riding you,” Jester said cheerfully, hopping off to rummage in the nightstand. Caleb sucked in a breath and hurried to discard the last of his clothing; Jester slicked his cock and tossed the lube back into the drawer as she climbed back up to straddle him.

“Mmmm, you look like a goddess,” he murmured, running his hands over her thighs, his face wistful and eyes dark with want. Jester’s heart pounded and she smiled, tender and affectionate, at him.

“Wanna show me how you worship?” she quipped with a cheeky smile, but the cheesy line seemed to do it for him, eliciting a moan and desperate press of his hips up into her. “A little blasphemy in bed turn you on, baby?”

“Maybe,” Caleb breathed, reaching up to palm her breasts with a grin. “I’m a sinner, though. You’re the one with something to answer for, being a woman of the cloth.”

“The Traveler is very clear that his High Priestess is owed some supplication,” she purred, running her hands over his chest. Caleb hummed in approval and rolled her nipples between his fingers.

“Let me serve you then, _High Priestess_.” Jester hissed in a breath at that and reached between her legs to line him up. When she finally sank down on his length - gods, she felt so _hot_ and _full_ \- she gasped and her eyes rolled back as she settled down to the base, letting herself open a little more for him.

“Oh, that’s it, baby,” Caleb moaned, pushing his hips up to meet her. “Go on, take your pleasure…”

Jester braced herself on the top of her headboard and started rocking back and forth, smooth, rolling movements; Caleb held her by the ass and helped move her hips, letting her guide him.

“Fuck, you feel so good,” Jester groaned, picking up the pace. His eyes were screwed shut and he was breathing hard, and one hand came up to play with her nipples, making her cunt flutter around him. They both moaned loudly, and Jester braced her hands on his chest for more leverage, starting to ride him harder.

“Yes, yes, yes,” Jester panted, breathless, grinding her hips down in an effort to get more stimulation on her clit. “Oh gods…”

Already feeling the burn in her abs from holding herself up and working her hips like this, Jester leaned forward to be chest to chest with Caleb and kissed him fiercely. Her brain was foggy and scrambled now, singleminded in her pursuit of climax, and she pushed a hand into Caleb’s hair and yanked, exposing his neck to her hungry bites and kisses. Caleb made a strangled cry that went straight between her legs, and she kept her grip tight, wanting to hear that noise more. Jester drew her lips to his ear and bit down, just hard enough to be on the edge of pleasure-pain.

“Fuck me,” she hissed, tugging his hair, “c’mon, baby, I can take it-“

Immediately, Caleb started to snap his hips up into her, holding her by the waist, and Jester cried out, sobbing with pleasure.

“ _Ohhhhh, gods_ ,” she cried, rolling her hips back as much as she could to meet his thrusts and push him deeper. “ _Yes_ , that’s what I want, give it to me like that-“

Caleb’s free hand threaded into her hair and held her close, his panting filling her ear, and she heard him start to moan softly,

_“Jester, Götter…du fühlst dich wie im Himmel - ohhh ja, reite mich härter - ich möchte dich kommen lassen, bitte, baby, komm für mich…ich möchte es fühlen, f-fühle, dass du um mich herum kommst…”_

_(Jester, gods…you feel like heaven - ohhh, yes, ride me harder…I want to make you come, baby, come for me…I want to feel it, f-feel you come around me…)_

_“_ Talk to me in Zemnian,” she choked, arousal flooding her, her belly tightening as orgasm approached. “Please please please…”

Caleb groaned and pulled her closer, his breath hot on her ear as he whispered to her,

“ _Oh, magst du es, wenn ich mit dir auf Zemnische spreche? Wenn ich dir sage, wie - mmmm - schön du bist? Wie gut fühlt es sich ah-an, in dir zu sein? Götter… Wunderschönes Mädchen…”_

_(Oh, you like when I talk to you in Zemnian? When I tell you how beautiful you are? How good it feels to be inside you? Gods… Gorgeous girl…)_

Jester put her hand between them and started rubbing her clit, her moans high and short as she started riding the edge of her climax. The other hand, still buried in Caleb’s long hair, tugged and he groaned, his hips pulsing up into her in short, stuttering thrusts now and she could tell he was close.

_“Ohhh, ja, baby, bitte, ich liebe es, wenn du an meinen Haaren ziehst…so rau bist wie du willst, ich kann es ertragen… Ich bin so nah, Schatz-“_

_(Ohh, yes, baby, please, I love when you pull my hair…be as rough as you want, I can take it… I’m so close, sweetheart-)_

Caleb shifted the angle of his hips and Jester felt him hit the spot in her that sent ripples of pleasure through every part of her and her orgasm hit her hard, pulling a choked moan from her and making her whole body clench in on itself. The contractions of her cunt sent Caleb over the edge too, and he came in her with a trembling shout, gripping her waist. The warm wet flood between her legs could have been him, her, or the both of them, and Jester keened softly as they both came down, nuzzling into the crook of Caleb’s neck.

“Ooh, ah, horns, _Schatz_ ,” he mumbled gently, still catching his breath as he slipped a hand under her head and readjusted her slightly so she wasn’t digging into him. Jester pulled the quilt over them when they separated and rested on Caleb’s chest, humming happily. Her tail swept lazily under the fabric, making a rhythmic swishing sound that filled the silence between their relaxed kisses and the brush of skin on skin as Caleb stroked her back.

“Was that good?” Jester asked eventually, peering up at him. With the fog of lust cleared from her brain, she felt a little self-conscious now about how aggressive she’d been, and wondered if he’d actually enjoyed it as much as she thought in the moment.

“Ja, that was _very_ good,” Caleb murmured, blushing.

“So…you like having your hair pulled.” Jester grinned and her tail whipped faster behind her, like a cat spotting a mouse. Caleb blushed harder.

“… _Ja._ I do.”

“You like other rough stuff?” Jester asked, propping her chin in her hand and drawing patterns on his chest. “You don’t have to say if you don’t want.”

“Um…no, I mean, it seems like you probably intuited that. Yes, some. Not a lot of pain, more…control. Giving up control.”

“Hmm, good to know,” Jester said innocently, though her mind was already turning.

“Ah, not to change the subject, but there’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Yeah?” Jester’s heart leapt into her throat. Nothing struck fear into a lover faster than “we need to talk.” She stopped drawing patterns and gave him her undivided attention. Caleb took the hand that wasn’t holding her chin.

“Um, I hope this is not…it’s nothing bad. I just wanted to tell you, well, because it didn’t occur to me to say, when we were talking about past relationships, but, ah…I thought I should.”

“Tell me…?” Jester started, impatiently trying to push him toward the conclusion of that sentence.

“Oh, um, that, when I have dated, in the past, I’ve dated women ah, and men. Both. I just thought I ought to tell you.” Jester waited for more, but Caleb just looked at her.

“Oh. Is that it?” He nodded.

“Ja, that’s it.”

“Gods, you had me really scared there,” she admonished, laying her head back down on his chest and tracing doodles again.

“That’s…not an issue for you, then.” Jester scoffed and shrugged, best she could smushed against him.

“No, you’re with me now, so I don’t care.” She froze. “I mean - you know what I mean. Dating. You’re dating me now.”

“I knew what you meant,” he replied softly, running a hand through her hair. Jester purred and leaned into the touch. “I told you about my only major relationship, long-term sort of thing, I just…some people don’t like that, you know?”

“Yeah, I get that,” she said, kissing the palm of his hand. “I’ve dealt with my own fair share of people being bigoted.”

“I’m sure more for you,” Caleb said. He sat up part of the way and she rolled to the side, snuggling up under his arm. “I can choose to disclose that part of myself. You can’t.”

“That’s true, but it weeds out the assholes faster. I don’t get it much from like, people I’ve gone on dates with and stuff, because obviously nobody who’s racist against tieflings is going to go on a date with me in the first place. But I’ve had some unpleasant interactions with people who wanted to hook up with me for the novelty. Tails and horns and ‘devil’s blood’ and all that.” She put that in air quotes. “Some guys have all these ideas that tiefling women are like, super kinky and insatiable sex goddesses or something. It’s gross.”

“It’s their loss, if they couldn’t see you for all that you are.” Caleb pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “I’m sorry anyone has treated you so disrespectfully. I can fairly say you have earned the distinction of being good in bed entirely on your own merit.” Jester slapped his arm and laughed, and he grinned at her, cheeky. She liked how often he made her laugh.

“Have you ever been with a tiefling before?” Jester asked, playing with Caleb’s hand that was draped over her shoulders.

“Ah, no, I have not.”

“You’re not like…put off by the horns and stuff?” she mumbled.

“I am sometimes nearly wounded by the horns, but I’m sure with time I’ll become more skilled at negotiating them.” Jester giggled. She felt a little shy, but she draped her tail over their laps, tickling his belly with the spade.

“Do you want to touch it?” Caleb hesitated, searching her face.

“It’s okay?”

“I wouldn’t offer if it wasn’t.” He picked up her tail gently, curling his hand around it, thumbing over the spade. When he stroked it in the right direction, Jester shuddered and purred.

“Does that feel good?” Caleb asked. “When I touch your tail?”

“Not like, sexually, but it feels good. Kind of like when someone scratches your head, you know?” He nodded and held her spade in his palm. “You can touch it during sex, too, if you want.”

“I…”

“You don’t have to!”

“No, it’s not that I don’t want to!” Caleb insisted, dropping her tail and taking her hand. “I just want to make you feel good…not…fetishized. Disrespected. Your tail, or your horns, if you _like_ those things touched during sex, I will, gladly. But I’m afraid maybe you are offering because you think I want to.”

“No, I’m not,” she said, the strength of her affection for him scaring her again as it filled her chest. “I do like that, sometimes. If I don’t want you to do it, just like anything else, I’ll say no. But it is sensitive, it feels good, so do the base of my horns, so…you know, it’s just another area to play with. You can be curious, Cayleb, it’s okay.”

“You will tell me if you feel uncomfortable with a question or something I do, _ja_?”

“Of course.” She pulled him in for a kiss. “I opened the conversation because I trust you. I know you’re good.”

“That means a lot to me.”

They stayed up for a long time after that, talking, snuggling, kissing a little more. Neither of them had anywhere to be in the morning, but when Jester started fighting to keep her eyes open, Caleb insisted it was time for bed.

“D’you want to stay again?” Jester asked.

“If you would have me. I don’t want to impose, I don’t mind going home.”

“Oh yes, it’s a major imposition, waking up to a handsome man in my bed.”

“Should I go? Are you hiding him in your closet?”

“Cay-leb!”

“You said I couldn’t dispute your compliments until after sex,” he pointed out, annoyingly correct. “The rest of the time is fair game.”

“Well I guess we’ll just have to have a lot more sex so you don’t have the chance to argue with me,” she said sweetly, pulling a slip over her head.

“I would _certainly_ not complain about that, Miss Lavorre.” Jester settled into bed next to him and let her tail curl around his calf.

“Good night, Professor.”

“Good night, _Schatz_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Ep. 118 commentary*
> 
> I'll refrain from commenting too much on recent developments in canon - suffice to say, this fic is already so far afield from canon that it's literally irrelevant. I do plan to continue producing content no matter what ends up happening with canon relationships.
> 
> I know a lot of people are really bummed right now. I'm personally content to wait and see what happens (or, as some might say, I'm still in denial) but I have definitely been feeling it too. I'm not a multishipper and actively do not want F/J to become canon, literally so much so that I would rather Jester end the campaign with nobody at all. I point that out mostly to say, I feel what a lot of you all are feeling right now, your sadness is valid, and I'm glad we can all come together in fan space to keep celebrating these two and their relationship.
> 
> As always, but probably now more than ever, if you're enjoying this fic and want to see more, comments and kudos help motivate writing, especially when I'm bummed and canon isn't feeding us. Don't forget to love each other. ❤️


	10. thinking should I wait here or make my way home?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! Busy times around here. Sending love ❤️

_You are so, so fucked._

Jester’s eyes traced constellations in the freckles scattered across Caleb’s shoulders for what felt like the thousandth time that morning. She’d long ago given herself over to just staring at him, drinking in every twitch of his face, just…looking.

_You’re being so fucking creepy. He’s going to wake up and you’re just going to be lying there staring at him like you’re planning to wear his skin for a coat?_

Admitting that she probably would look like a serial killer if he woke up to that, Jester extricated herself from under Caleb’s arm and pulled on her new sweatshirt and a pair of leggings. She was a morning person, and even the sun was barely up, so she tried not to wake him.

It was rare for her to have a weekend day off, and a holiday at that. Normally Jester’s days off were occupied by a lot of errands and housework, things she didn’t have time for on the days she worked. Grocery shopping, making dinners to put in the freezer, laundry - really, her days off weren’t “off”. She just wasn’t at the store, and had a little more time for painting and drawing than she otherwise would have. Ordinarily, she’d pour herself a bowl of cereal, maybe a cup of tea, and get her housework going, but today was a real day off, and Caleb was here, and it ought to be nice. Jester started rummaging through the fridge and pantry, brainstorming what she could make for breakfast. Something she wouldn’t have the time for usually, something that was fun… She dumped an armful of ingredients on the counter, cloves, an orange, eggs, cinnamon, and set to work on a simple roll dough.

Jester had learned this recipe at the Chateau, hanging around the kitchen as she often did as a child. The house baker, an old man named Guifford, took a liking to her from toddlerhood and let her sit on the counters as he worked, listening to her stories patiently, enduring her pranks with an amused smile, and always making sure to run a slice of chocolate cake or cherry pie past her for “quality control” before serving it. When she got older, he let her help, and taught her quite a bit about baking. Jester never got as good as Guifford - she wasn’t patient enough, or exact about her measuring, no matter how hard she tried - but she could make a pretty decent chocolate cream pie or almond cookie when she wanted to. She definitely had him to blame for her pastry obsession, accustomed as she became to the baskets of pastries he got up at the crack of dawn to make, which Bluud delivered to the ladies who had overnight guests. Her mother always saved her favorites from the baskets and gave them to her, but Jester had long realized by the age of ten that if she woke up early enough, she could sneak through the halls - aided in her stealth by the Traveler’s gifts - and make a basket for herself. If she took a muffin here and a sticky bun there, nobody would be any the wiser. Guifford eventually caught on and started making Jester one too after Maelie, a halfling woman who had overnight clients almost as often as Marion, asked Guifford why he stopped putting the apple scones in the baskets that she liked so much.

The enriched dough took only a few minutes to put together, and she worked up a sweat kneading it on the counter, until it was smooth and stretchy like it ought to be. It needed at least 90 minutes to rise and proof, so she put the dough ball in a ceramic bowl, covered it with a tea towel, and peeked back into her room. Caleb was still fast asleep, in exactly the same position she’d left him in.

Jester slipped on her moccasins and fed Sprinkle on her way out the door. He chittered in his cage and she shushed him, promising him a bite of gingerbread sweet roll when they were done. The morning was crisp and cold, windy, and Jester soon regretted not wearing mittens. Thankfully, a small grocery was only down the street- one of Jester’s favorite things about her apartment location - and she was back in the warmth soon enough.

“Mornin’, dear,” the man behind the counter called when she walked in.

“Hi, Hardy,” she sang, meandering through the aisles. “Hey, do you have any coffee?”

“Sure do, right behind ya. I didn’t think ya were much a coffee drinker though.”

“I’m not,” she mumbled, distracted. “I also don’t have a coffee maker, can I make any of these without that?”

“Should be tins of instant around there somewhere.”

“Oh, perfect.” Jester found the white tin of instant coffee and brought it up to the counter. “How was your Winter’s Crest?”

“Nah bad, nah bad,” he said. “Stayed in with the missus, we’re a bit ol’ to be runnin round the streets. She gave me a watch.” Hardy showed her and Jester hummed approvingly.

“Very nice!”

“So, who’s drinkin’ this? Got a guest for the holiday?” Hardy handed her the coffee tin and Jester bit back a grin.

“Sure do.”

On her way home, Jester daydreamed about last night, shivering a little as she replayed Caleb’s soft whimper of want that made her stomach swoop when she pinned him against her bedroom door, her surprise at how hard he was from eating her out. Maybe she could entice him into some morning sex…

The apartment was still quiet when she got home and Jester checked on her dough - rising nicely - before grabbing her book and slipping back into bed next to Caleb. Fortunately, she didn’t need the lights on to read, and she couldn’t hold back a smile when he rolled over and draped his arm over her hips, still sleeping. She rested her novel against his forearm and his steady breathing, the warmth radiating off him was so comforting she could easily fall back asleep. Everything about this moment was mundane, but at the same time nothing about it was, and she wanted to freeze the feeling and bask in it. She could maybe even get used to it.

Jester kept an eye on the time and when she couldn’t put off checking on the dough any longer, she pulled herself out of bed, trying as hard as she could not to disturb him. Turning the oven on, Jester dumped the spices into the bowl with the butter and brown sugar and combined them. When she started spreading the dough into a big rectangle, her bedroom door creaked open and Caleb padded out in his undershirt and her borrowed sweatpants, yawning.

“Morning,” he mumbled, coming up behind her and slotting his arms around her waist. Jester leaned her head back into his shoulder and kept working her dough.

“Morning. Tired?”

“ _Ja_ , you wore me out last night, apparently.” Caleb kissed the top of her head. “What are you making?”

“Sweet rolls. Gingerbread flavor.” Jester scooped a bit of filling onto the tip of her finger and held it up over her shoulder. She giggled as she felt his lips close around her finger and he hummed in approval, kissing down the rest of her hand.

“I didn’t know you could bake.”

“Oh, yeah, I’m pretty okay at it. When I lived at the Chateau I learned from the cook there. Really just baking though, I can’t cook for shit.”

“Ah, so there it is.” Jester furrowed her brow as she spread the dough with the spiced sugar filling.

“There what is?”

“I was waiting to find out something about you that wasn’t perfect.” Jester knew he was trying to compliment her, but that struck something wrong in her chest and she frowned.

“I’m not perfect,” she said, a bit harsher than she meant to be. Caleb let go of her waist and went to her side so he could see her, putting a hand on her shoulder.

“I know, you aren’t, _Schatz_ , I was just teasing you. Is everything alright?” he asked softly.

“What’s that word mean?” Jester asked, changing the subject.  
  
“ _Schatz_?”

“Yeah, that one.” He blushed.

“Um, it means ‘treasure’, but it’s a Zemnian term of endearment. Like sweetheart or baby. But if you don’t like it-“ Jester’s heart beat faster.

“No, I like it,” she said, cutting him off. “Sorry…I shouldn’t have been snippy with you.”

“It’s okay, it’s early,” he murmured, wrapping his arms around her waist again and nuzzling into her hair as she rolled the dough into a tube and started to cut slices. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not right now.” He was quiet for a minute, just holding her against him while she worked.

“Okay. Well I am sorry, I said something that upset you…if you do want to talk about it, I’m here.”

“I know.” Jester was focused on fitting the sliced rolls into the pan.

“…Are you angry with me?” Jester froze and dropped a roll into the pan, forgetting it in her rush to turn around.

“No, no I’m not angry with you,” she reassured, wrapping her arms around his neck. “No, I’m really not. I’m just not perfect, that’s all. I get a little…touchy about that sometimes. But you didn’t know and I know you didn’t mean it like that.”

“I didn’t,” Caleb said, frowning, and Jester felt guilty that he clearly felt bad. “I didn’t at all, I’m sorry.”

“I know,” she said gently, pulling him in for a kiss. “Now let me wrap these in plastic wrap so they can rise a little more.”

“How long do they need?” Caleb asked when she was done, gathering her in his arms again. She wrapped her arms around his waist and grinned.

“About half an hour,” Jester said, leaning in for a kiss with a touch of want behind it, innocent enough to be romantic and hot enough to be an invitation.

“So…enough time to go back to bed?”

“I think so,” Jester giggled, and led Caleb back to her bedroom through messy morning kisses.

50 minutes later, Jester pulled on her underwear, and dashed into the kitchen to toss her (slightly overly proofed) rolls into the oven. She set her phone timer for 22 minutes exactly and snuggled back into bed with Caleb, sighing.  
  
“Gods, I can’t remember the last time I had a day off,” Jester said, putting his arm over her shoulder.

“ _Ja_ , me neither.”

“Oh! I got you coffee!” she said, patting his arm excitedly.

“Oh, thank you, Jester, that’s sweet.”

“Yeah, I got like a tin of instant coffee so that when you stay over you can have coffee.” She felt a little self-conscious for a second, wondering if that was too much, but Caleb smiled at her tenderly.

“Thank you, _Schatz_. You’re very thoughtful.”

Over coffee, tea and gingerbread rolls (which Caleb insisted were delicious as hard as Jester insisted they were dense and overproofed), Caleb cleared his throat and looked at her intently.

“I wanted to ask you about something,” he said.

“You know, when you’re vague like that it really freaks me out,” Jester replied, taking a bite of sweet roll. He grinned.

“Sorry, I’ll get to the point. I’m planning to go to Nicodranas for a few days, three weeks from now, the mage I work with there has gained access to some texts that might be useful to me and has offered his assistance running a few experiments. Would you like to come? I’m afraid I would be busy for much of the day but you could see your mother, visit home.” Jester’s throat squeezed hard.

“Yeah, I would really like that, Cayleb,” she said, unable to keep a big smile off her face. “I would really like that.” He smiled too.

“Okay, _ja_ , good. I was thinking you might want to see her. And I rarely see anything but the inside of Yussa’s tower when I go, so it would be nice to enjoy the city for a change. With an experienced guide.”

“Oh, I’ll show you all the best stuff!” Jester gasped. She launched into a long explanation of all the places they could go, things they could do, excitement building in her stomach as she talked about it. She wanted to show him so much, her _home_ , her city she loved so much, she wanted to share it with him, and…meeting her mother. Oh. Meeting her mother. Caleb saw her face fall as she realized that part.

“What’s wrong?”

“Oh, um, nothing, it’s just, my mom will want to meet you,” she said, feeling awkward. “But if that’s not okay with you, I’ll figure out how to work around her, it’s totally fine.” Caleb nodded and thought.

“Let’s talk about it when it gets closer? I’m sure she’s lovely, it’s not that I wouldn’t like to meet her, but let’s talk more when the hour is upon us, _ja_?”

“That sounds good,” Jester replied, smiling behind her mug. They looked at calendars and set dates and Jester resolved to have hired someone for the shop by then so she could take time off without having to shut everything down.

“How’s next week look for you?” Caleb murmured, glancing up at her from his phone. “Very busy, or not so much, with the gap between Winter’s Crest and New Dawn?”

“It really varies,” Jester sighed, scrolling through her own calendar. “Once I open back up tomorrow, it’s only ten days til New Dawn, and people start having their parties a week in advance, so it’s really up in the air. Can we play it by ear?” She grimaced apologetically.

“ _Ja_ , of course,” Caleb said softly. “I’ll have to work a lot this upcoming week anyway, to prepare for the trip and if I want to be able to take some time not working to spend time with you, which, of course, I do, so…if you’re too busy for us to see each other this week, that’s no problem, I have plenty to fill my hours, believe me.” He inspected his calendar and a few emails and groaned. “Ugh, _ja_ , I have that writeup due to ah, Astrid-“ he mumbled the name “-and Trent on Grissen, which I’ve hardly worked on, and then a department meeting at the end of the week which I’m supposed to be speaking at regarding proposed curriculum changes…I may not be free until close to the weekend.” Caleb looked up at her with a disappointed frown.

“That’s okay,” Jester reassured. “We both have jobs and stuff. I mean, I’ll miss you…” Caleb took her hand.

“I’ll miss you too.”

“…Do you have to leave soon?” she asked, trying to keep her tone casual. Caleb searched her face.

“…No, I could stay for a little while. Let me just let Veth know you didn’t smother me in my sleep.” Jester giggled and Caleb looked up at her, his smile widening in response to the peal of her laugh. Gods, she was really in it now.

~~~

The week was twice as busy as Jester could’ve imagined. In retrospect, she ought to have known, given that New Dawn was early next week. In terms of shopping days, people really only had the workweek, because parties would start Yulisen evening and go until New Dawn official. The students at the Academy were also on break from Winter’s Crest until near the end of Horisal, so Jester’s shop was _crowded_. There was definitely a stratum of Academy students whose parents were so fabulously wealthy that they only shopped at the custom boutiques that could be found in the Candles, but the majority were middle class or, like Caleb, scholarship students, so buying gently used clothing was a popular method to save a little money.

It wasn’t pre-Winter’s Crest levels of busy in Jester’s store, but she still found herself constantly working, restocking, folding, making the store look presentable, ringing up customers, buying bags of clothing from students going home for vacation.

Fortunately, the influx of newly free students also meant more of them were seeing Jester’s ad, as she posted it up at the counter in addition to putting it out online. In just the first day, she had Marquise come back and put in an application, and a beautiful pink tiefling woman and a halfling man both asked about the job. Jester set up a handful of interviews for the latter half of the week and took time after work to skim through the applications.

In the evening, there was hardly time for anything but cleaning up the store, trudging home, reheating some chicken stew from the freezer and watching TV or reading until she went to bed. Jester and Caleb texted constantly in that time, and he was working hard too, but they missed each other and said so often. Just having him say he missed her meant a lot, reminded her that he felt her absence as intensely as she felt his.

She told her mother right away the dates she was coming home, though she omitted the information that Caleb was taking her and avoided the question when asked. Jester wanted to give him the opportunity to actually decide if he was ready for that or not. She wasn’t and never would be, so that was a moot point. The awful possibility that he would start pitying her, seeing how things had been, how fucked up her mom was, that was always going to be there. What she cared about was that he didn’t feel pressured and that before they went, they were on the same page about the relationship. They needed to have the talk.

On Whelsen, when Caleb sent her a photo of _Tusk Love_ on his bedside table and said he’d just finished it, her heart soared. Objectively, _Tusk Love_ was trash, a bodice-ripper romance with laughably unrealistic sex scenes and a contrived plot. But that only made her happier that he actually read it, given its obviously poor quality.

Me: aww, you read it!

💕Caleb: Of course, you gave it to me.

Me: right, because people’s favorite books tell you lots about them. what did you learn from Tusk Love, professor? 😉

💕Caleb: Well I certainly learned some positions that I believe may be illegal where I’m from.

Me: LMAO omg

💕Caleb: But I suppose I learned that you are a romantic, even when it’s unrealistic. When you were younger, at least, you had a certain idea of what love looked like.

Me: I would say that’s a very astute analysis. that’s why they pay you the big bucks

💕Caleb: As Veth established on our first meeting, they most certainly do not pay me the big bucks.

💕Caleb: Is that what you were hoping I would learn?

Me: I wasn’t hoping for anything in particular

Me: but I think you’re right

Me: when I was younger I really wanted some guy to come and sweep me off my feet and be my protector and all that

Me: it took me a long time to learn that wasn’t actually love, at least not to me

The three dots that indicated Caleb was typing appeared and disappeared several times.

💕Caleb: What is it to you?

Jester thought about that for a minute before responding.

Me: I don’t really know, I’ve never had it.

Me: but I guess what I *think* it is?

Me: I think it’s when someone supports you and sees you as you are. not the idea of you, you. with all your shit and your imperfections and they still trust you and your judgment. someone being a real partner, you know?

Me: what is it to you?

It took Caleb a long few minutes to respond.

💕Caleb: I think that definition makes a lot of sense. I think at its best, love also helps us see ourselves differently, and makes us want to live up to the person that the other knows we can be. Two people who are good together make up more than the sum of their parts, and grow together over time.

Me: have you ever had that before?

Another long, long pause.

💕Caleb: For a time, I suppose I did. But I was not clear-eyed about the extent of Astrid’s ambition, and what she was willing to sacrifice for it. So I suppose I didn’t see her as she was, as you said, I saw her as I wanted her to be, and whatever love there was wasn’t sufficient to encourage her to hew to her better nature.

💕Caleb: I learned a lot about love from my parents. They had a strong, solid marriage.

Me: like what?

Me: (did you learn I mean)

💕Caleb: They were always very patient with one another, always kind, even when they fought, they were never cruel. They made time for one another. Things weren’t easy when I was growing up, there was never enough money, challenges with the farm, but they were a team through any problem.

💕Caleb: And even after being married for 18 years, they still romanced each other. My father would bring in wildflowers for my mother and she would surprise him by going out into the field and having lunch with him. Small things, but they loved each other very much. And much to my horror as a teenager, they definitely still had sex, which is not always the case in a long marriage.

Me: LMAO oh NO

Me: for your sake I hate that you know that

💕Caleb: It was a small house, it was unavoidable.

💕Caleb: But as an adult I can appreciate the value of romancing your partner, never taking them for granted. That was a very positive example for me as a young person.

Me: I see that in you, the patience and kindness

Me: obviously I don’t know them, but I feel like if you want to raise a boy to be a good man, you kind of have to work at it. maybe I’m just biased because most of the men I was around as a kid were a real mixed bag. many were fine, a looooot of them sucked

💕Caleb: That makes a certain amount of unfortunate sense. But I think you’re correct, you have to work at it. Especially where I’m from - a certain culture prevails in the rural parts of the Empire in which it’s acceptable for men to treat women poorly. My father was a good example. He made a point to teach me that strong men are gentle, and empathetic. Men who need to beat or degrade or use women in order to feel like men are doing so from a place of weakness. I admire that now, how much effort he put into raising me differently than how he was raised.

💕Caleb: I don’t mean to imply my mother had nothing to do with raising me, but in terms of learning what it means to be a good husband/partner, I learned it from him.

Me: thank you for sharing that with me ❤️

Me: I didn’t have a lot of good role models in that sense, since I didn’t have my parents together. but I’m learning.

💕Caleb: I have wondered about that. It must be difficult to learn that you deserve to be treated well, when you see many examples of mistreatment. I hope that isn’t overstepping to say.

Me: it isn’t overstepping

Me: it was difficult. it helped when I got old enough to see my mom’s flaws. and it was pretty easy to say I wanted more for myself. but I’m learning what that means.

Me: what else are you up to tonight, besides reading fine literature? 😛

💕Caleb: “Babysitting”.

💕Caleb: Luc is asleep, Veth and Yeza went out for dinner. I’m essentially a guard dog.

Me: probably slightly better equipped for home defense

💕Caleb: Marginally.

💕Caleb: What about you? I miss you.

Me: I miss you too. ☹️ busy day at the store today, so just relaxing.

Jester took a picture of herself, in bed with her book and a cup of tea, and inspected it. Suitably cute. It didn’t hurt that she was wearing her new slip.

Me: wish you were here 😘

The three dots appeared, vanished, and appeared again.

💕Caleb: I wish so too…

Me: it’s very lonely

💕Caleb: You’re a tease.

Me: you knew that

💕Caleb: I did. I wouldn’t mind helping you relax a little.

Me: I need a visual first, professor

Me: I don’t have any pictures of you at all. I’m going to forget what you look like. (unless you really don’t want to then that’s okay)

Caleb texted her back a minute later with a photo of himself, in bed, glasses on, hair down, and in a T-shirt. He had a slight smile but he looked a little self-conscious and Jester thought it was a shame he didn’t seem to see how pretty he was. She saved the photo.

Me: thank you ❤️ you look good 😉

💕Caleb: Not as good as you.

Me: is that bed as lonely as it looks?

💕Caleb: Yes, it would be much nicer with you in it.

Me: I agree

Me: you know, I’ve been thinking a lot about last weekend

💕Caleb: That so?

Me: yeah…I’ve missed you a lot but thankfully those memories have kept me company at night 😉

💕Caleb: Me too…

Jester grinned, a swirl of nerves and arousal and excitement rolling around in her belly.

Me: it’s given me a lot of ideas for next time I get my hands on you

💕Caleb: Oh

💕Caleb: Care to share them?

Me: I do care to share them

Me: and I’m sure you’ve had some daydreams of your own

💕Caleb: Perhaps…

💕Caleb: It’s hard not to, with you.

Me: especially since I got all this new lingerie. I’ve been thinking how much you’d like it.

💕Caleb: Do I get to see it?

Me: hmmmm I don’t know

💕Caleb: Please?

Me: maybe just a peek

Jester snapped another photo, this time pushing her breasts up and angling the camera to capture the way the soft fabric draped over her cleavage, a hint of blue skin peeking out from the mesh sides.

💕Caleb: Gods you’re gorgeous...

Me: like what you see? 😉

💕Caleb: You know I do.

Me: just the other night I was imagining how much you might want to pull these straps down off my shoulders while you kiss me…I know how much you like what’s underneath

Jester took one more photo, cupping her breast through her slip.

💕Caleb: Fuck, Jester

💕Caleb: Yes, I do. I like how much you like them being touched.

Me: mmmm…my nipples are very sensitive. I’m touching them now, actually, thinking about your fingers…

Jester was already so turned on just from the thrill of texting like this, getting him worked up without even being there.

💕Caleb: I want you to keep going.

An involuntary shudder rolled through Jester at the sudden shift in tone, a surprising confidence coming through that made his words feel almost like a command. She palmed her breast harder.

Me: I’m not stopping, baby

💕Caleb: Good. I want you to imagine it’s my fingers. Touch yourself just how you like it. Are your nipples getting hard, Schatz?

Me: yes…so hard

Me: are you?

Oh gods, she liked this a lot. Jester suspected maybe dirty talk was easier for Caleb this way, written out, not face to face. Already, wet was gathering between her legs.

💕Caleb: Getting there.

💕Caleb: They’re ready for playing with, then. I hope you can feel my hands pulling your slip down even more, so I can easily get my mouth around your perfect nipple.

💕Caleb: (Do you like this? Is this what you wanted?)

Jester couldn’t help but smile at how sweet he was. Texting filthy things to her but always wanting to make sure she was comfortable.

Me: fuck yes, this is exactly what I wanted. even better.

💕Caleb: Good. :) If that changes, tell me.

💕Caleb: I want you to put your fingers in your mouth, baby.

Jester moaned softly in the privacy of her room and did as he asked.

💕Caleb: Are they nice and warm and wet now?

Me: yes

💕Caleb: Use them to play with your nipples, nice and gentle, like I’m sucking on them.

Me: oh fuck, I love when you suck on my tits, baby

💕Caleb: Mmmm, I know you do.

💕Caleb: Squeeze them, as if my teeth were tugging on them just a little bit

💕Caleb: You make such a sexy noise when I do that…wish I could hear it now.

On a barely thought out impulse, Jester swiped over to Caleb’s contact and hit the call button. He picked up after one ring.

“Hi,” she giggled nervously, shy now. _Maybe you shouldn’t have done this, maybe he didn’t want you to call-_

“Hi,” Caleb breathed, and she could hear the smile in his voice.

“You said you wanted to hear me, so…”

“Oh I do.” The husky, low quality in his voice that Jester had become familiar with as a sign of his arousal was intoxicating even coming from the other end of a phone call. “Are you touching your tits like I told you, baby?”

“Yes,” Jester whimpered, squeezing her nipples harder. “Fuck, you’re so fucking hot, please don’t stop-“ His amused hum, right in her ear, sent shivers up her spine.

“Don’t worry, _Schatz_ , I’m going to take good care of you. Now where else have you been thinking about me touching you?”

“Everywhere,” Jester groaned, pulling her slip up around her waist. “I’ve been thinking about your mouth, mostly.”

“Oh, have you?” Caleb purred with delight. “If I could put my hand between your legs now, what would I feel, darling?”

“No underwear,” she sighed, drawing her fingers lightly over her thighs, teasing, sending goosebumps up her torso. “And you’d feel how wet I am...”

“And how wet _are_ you?” Caleb breathed, and it turned her on even more to hear the undercurrent of arousal in his voice. “I want you to touch yourself, just one finger, and check for me.”

“Ohh, fuck, I’m soaked,” Jester whimpered, shuddering as her finger grazed her clit.

“So excited already…”

“Oh like you aren’t,” she retorted, biting back a gasp when she brushed over her entrance.

“I never said I wasn’t,” Caleb laughed.

“Are you touching yourself?” she whispered.

“Ah, a little,” he admitted.

“Only a little?”

“I don’t want it to be over too soon, _Schatz_.” Jester supposed that was fair. But she wanted to hear him fall apart.

“I bet I can hold out longer,” she murmured with a grin.

“I don’t know about that,” Caleb replied, a hint of a challenge in his voice.

“Loser buys dinner next time we go out.”

“That sounds more than fair, Miss Lavorre, especially seeing as I am going to work very hard to make sure you lose.” Gods, Jester wasn’t sure she really could hold out very long. She could picture him, stretched out in bed, his shirt riding up, fingers lightly running over his clothed length with that eternal, damnable patience.

“So tell me, Professor, if you could feel just how wet and warm I am right now, would that give you some ideas?”

“None I didn’t already have when I laid between your legs and put your thighs over my shoulders.” Jester moaned low at that, trying to keep her touches light, in defiance of her aching cunt.

“I would start with my fingers,” he whispered in her ear. “Spread you so I can see every inch of you. Push one finger in, like I want you to do right now.” Jester whined as she slid a finger into her slick pussy, the pressure totally insufficient compared to what she wanted.

“Oh I bet it feels so good, baby,” Jester purred, remembering her goal of breaking his bottomless restraint. “So hot and soft and open for you…”

“Mmmm,” he hummed in her ear, slightly breathless. “You’re so open I probably don’t even need to wait very long to give you another finger then, hmm?”

“No, you don’t,” she agreed, pushing a second finger inside with a gasp. “I just added a second one but it doesn’t feel nearly as good as when you do it.” Jester huffed in frustration.

“Start rubbing your clit, baby, and tell me how that feels.” Jester moaned, a little louder than she needed to, trying to egg him on. “Sounds like it feels good.” His breath was coming harder now, she could hear it on every exhale.

“So good,” she whined. “Don’t stop, baby, don’t stop…”

“I won’t, don’t worry, darling, just let me take good care of you, _ja_? Mmmm, you’re so beautiful, Jester. I’ve never…I don’t think there’s anyone in the world quite like you. I wish I could really tell you how gorgeous your pussy is. I love the, the shades of blue and indigo and violet, and it’s so wet and sweet, it reminds me of the ocean. I could lay between your legs for hours, darling.”

“Cayleb,” she sighed, palming her breast. Her phone was on speaker, lying next to her on the pillow, so she could have both hands free.

“I wouldn’t be able to resist leaning in and taking a taste of your sweet pussy. As soon as I start sucking on your clit, you’d clench around my fingers and gods, wouldn’t that feel so good?”

Jester was panting hard now, fingering herself and putting pressure on her clit with her thumb. She responded with another moan.

“Love your pretty noises, _Schatz_. That’s a good girl, touching yourself like I tell you.”

“Are you?” Jester managed, fighting with herself to slow her building orgasm.

“Yes,” he breathed, “yes, I am.” Jester’s fight took a hit when she pictured him, stroking himself, head tossed back. She thought she could hear a slight slick sound in the background that she assumed was lube in his hand.

“Good, because I think I would start to get impatient pretty fast in this situation,” she said. “And I want your cock in me five minutes ago.” Jester felt a twinge of pride when she heard his first real moan, low and hungry, in her ear.

“I’m not very good at denying you anything,” Caleb panted, and Jester grinned. She pulled her fingers out of herself and reached into her bedside table.

“I know. And that’s why I would pull you up close to me and wrap my legs around your waist, and gods, your cock would slide right up on my wet pussy and I love the way that feels…”

“Ohhhh, _Jester…_ ”

“I could hear you say my name like that all night, baby-“

“You will if you keep it up-“

“Then I guess I’d better,” she giggled. “But I think it’ll be hard when I get my vibrator turned on.” That got her a gorgeous choked groan, and she could hear him stroking himself faster.

“Ohh, gods, do you really?”

“I have a couple,” she admitted. “Maybe you’ll get a chance to play with them sometime. Would you like that, baby? Watching me use them, or using them on me?”

“ _Yes_ , gods, I would-“

“Think about how slick and warm my cunt would be, right against your cock, when I pulled you close…”

“Fuck, Jester… I want to slide right into you, you’re so tight and hot, baby, feel so fucking good…” Both of them were panting now, and Jester moaned, high and wanting, when she pushed the vibrator into her waiting, pulsing entrance.

“Oh, yeah, baby, fill me up, please,” she sobbed, and then once she turned on the part of the vibrator that fit snug against her clit, she was gone, no words, only moans and cries escaping her lips now.

“Ohhh, fuck, baby, I can hear it,” Caleb moaned. “You sound so fucking good… I’d rub your clit while I fucked you, I love the way it makes you clench down on me.” His breaths were gasping, and Jester would’ve thought he was probably close, if she could think about anything besides the pleasure buzzing right up into her core and his sultry voice hot in her ear.

“I want to make you see stars, Jes, want to fuck you so well you come all over me… _fuck_ , I’m so close, baby, I want you so bad-“ That thought - that Caleb wanted to make her come hard enough to squirt - pushed Jester right up to the edge of her orgasm and she sobbed,

“I want you, I want you, _Cayleb, I’m gonna come_ -“

“Won’t you come for me, darling, please, come for me, I want to hear you-“

Jester came with a wail, her vibrator sending her over the edge of a second climax on the heels of the first. She turned it off quickly, yanking it out of her oversensitive pussy before collapsing back onto her pillows, panting his name.

“Ohhh, good girl,” Caleb moaned, “good girl, you sound so beautiful when you come, I love it, gods, Jester…”

“I want you to think about how good it feels when I come on your cock,” Jester breathed into her phone. “When my cunt grips you so tight and spasms like that and practically pulls you in because I want your come, I want you to come in me…”

“Ohhhh, _Jester, Jes,_ don’t stop-“

“Doesn’t it feel good to come inside my pussy, baby? So warm and wet for you, isn’t it? I want you to come, fuck your hand, baby, that’s it-“

Caleb groaned through his own climax and Jester’s cunt fluttered at the sound. The two lay there for a second, panting, and Jester found herself desperately missing his arms.

“Gods, that was so good,” Caleb sighed. “I still miss you though.”

“Wish you were here to cuddle after,” she mumbled sleepily. “I miss you too.”

“I’m looking forward to that dinner you’re buying.”

“Oh, fuck you,” Jester laughed. “It’s not my fault I wasn’t prepared for you to be so good at that.”

“Well now you know better than to make such bets, _Schatz_. I don’t like to lose.”

“When can I see you again?” Jester yawned. “Soon?”

“Can I text you in the morning? It depends on this meeting…I may get roped into doing some bullshit for the department on the curriculum changes. Since I’ll probably be the only one who has a strong opinion on the particular changes they're proposing. But certainly I should be available by Miresen, Grissen at the worst."

“Ugh, I’m sorry,” Jester said, replacing her toy on the nightstand to clean it tomorrow. “Yeah, text me in the morning. Good luck, baby.”

“Thanks, _Schatz_. Good night.”

“Good night.” Jester blew a kiss to her phone and hung up. Sated and happy, she fell asleep quickly.

In the morning, her phone had one text waiting, to her group chat with her friends:

👊🏽Beau⚡️: new dawn party. grissen. me and yash’s. b there and bring booze

Jester grinned. The holiday weekend couldn't come soon enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are always treasured!
> 
> And a recipe for gingerbread sweet rolls: https://food52.com/recipes/84554-best-gingerbread-buns-recipe


	11. making up problems that don't exist, why do i let myself dream like this?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've had a rough couple of weeks, lads. Here's some more smooshy goodness.

Two weeks later, and Jester was in the international grocery, stalking the aisles for ideas for date night. She’d ended up hiring Marquise to work at the shop, so she had a more normal schedule these days, and could take weekends off instead of her awkward mid-week days. Even with paying Marquise’s wages, she was still making more money now that she could be open 7 days a week, and she was seeing her friends (and Caleb) more too. They’d all taken to hanging out together on weekends, in some combination or another, and this little friend group was quickly becoming one of Jester’s most treasured things.

It was Da’leysen and she and Caleb had big plans. He was coming over late afternoon and they each planned to make dinner with foods from their hometowns for the other to try. Jester, despite her lack of patience and ability when it came to cooking, was determined to impress him. She already knew what she was making for dessert - almond macaroons, a very traditional Nicodranian cookie, and easy to get right. She’d been making them so long she hoped they’d make up for whatever she was going to end up with in terms of dinner food.

 _This place really has everything_ , Jester mused, chewing her lip as she walked. They even kept fresh Menagerie Coast seafood, frozen, but still, not tinned. If she were a more talented cook she might make the garlicky cuttlefish dish she liked. The boxes of broken vermicelli made her think of big steaming domes of noodles with raisins and chicken cooked with saffron… _Too many steps._ The plump heads of garlic hanging from the ceiling brought back tender memories of celebrations at the Chateau, with cooks bringing out clay urns that had been stuffed with lamb and whole bundles of parsley and chunks of onion, and then cooked overnight in the coals from the steam bath. Her mother loved to fish out the heads of garlic from the pot, slow roasted in the fat from the lamb, and spread the soft cloves on bread. Jester made a mental note to take Caleb to try that when they were in Nicodranas. She wouldn’t even entertain the idea of trying to make that herself. _Why didn’t you just do desserts instead of dinner? If this was a dessert exchange you’d be golden._

DAY OLD BREAD: 50% OFF!

The handwritten sign on a basket of round crusty loaves hit Jester with inspiration. Of _course_. Cromagan was a super easy and popular dish made from day old bread crumbled and cooked with spicy sausage, bacon and olive oil. She could make that, no problem, and put modar on the side, a cooked salad of eggplant and tomatoes that only required putting everything in a pot. She was going to kick ass.

When Caleb came by later that day, Jester’s kitchen was in quite a state. The almond cookies were perfect, of course, and cooling on a rack on one side. The bread was soaking in salted water and she was cursing at the pot on the stove, trying to figure out if she’d already added the water or if that was liquid from the tomatoes. _Is this enough tomatoes? I put in four but they were kind of small. Should I add another one? Will that be too much? Maybe it’ll be soupy._

“Come in!” Jester called when she heard the knock on the door. Caleb, out of breath, hauled in a heavy Dutch oven and a grocery bag. Jester put her spoon down and went over to take the cast iron pot from him with a smile, seeing his straining forearms.

“Gods, what the fuck are you making?!” she grumbled, hefting the pot onto the table.

“Sorry,” he panted, “and hi.” Jester grinned and kissed him, taking the bag as well. “It smells good in here. Veth drove me over, and thank the gods because I wouldn’t have made it very far trying to carry that. I do have a confession to make, though.” Jester raised a questioning eyebrow and went back to the stove. … _Had_ she added that water yet?

“Yes?” Caleb pulled a twisted bread loaf out of the grocery bag.

“Veth made this, not me. I care too much for you to subject you to my baking.” Jester gasped, faking scandal, and Caleb came up to the stove and peered into the pot.

“ _Cheating_ on a test, Professor? How will your professional reputation recover?”

“I’m a bad enough cook, I promise if I hadn’t asked Veth to help, I’d have come here empty handed. This, though-“ Caleb gestured to the Dutch oven “-will be very good, I hope. Come here.”

Jester scooped the rest of the eggplant into the pot and put it on the back burner to cook down, low and slow, before wiping her hands on her apron and turning to look at the plastic bag Caleb pulled out of the grocery tote. At first she was fairly certain she was looking at a bag of wine, but then slices of onion and whole peppercorns floated into view.

“What _is_ that?” Jester asked, looking at it apprehensively.  
  
“Ah, it’s hard to see,” he admitted, looking at the bag. “But there’s a roast in here. It’s been marinating for a few days and the recipe is my mother’s so I have full faith in it. My ability to execute it, less, but it's fairly idiot proof. It needs a few hours in the oven, so I was thinking to put it in soon, if that is okay with you.”

Jester moved some of her stuff to the side on the counter and made space for Caleb. They split the vegetables between them, Jester turned on some music and set to dicing. It was a comfortable, peaceful activity, just the two of them here, working quietly together. It felt like something she wanted to do all the time. Maybe she could even learn how to cook. _Don't get ahead of yourself. You've barely managed to cook this so far._

Her dices were less even than Caleb’s, though he took longer. He cut slowly and methodically, trying to get the pieces as close to equal size as possible. Jester rested her chin in her hand on the counter and watched, her tail swishing behind her, contented.

“When did you learn this recipe?” Jester asked, after he asked her to turn the stove on and put the Dutch oven on the fire.

“My mother made it for special occasions, and I always liked to sit in the kitchen with her so she taught me a few things. We would eat this…” Caleb thought for a second, still dicing. “For my father’s birthday, definitely, and their anniversary. And for the harvest. At harvest time everyone came to help each other, so she made this at least once in that season to feed the neighbors. If we grew cabbages that year, she’d braise cabbage, if not, she’d take out jars of sauerkraut and, oh, she always made kartoffelknödel-“

“What is _that?”_ Jester blurted. Caleb looked up at her and smiled.

“Ah, they’re sort of potato dumplings, you grate the potatoes and mix them with flour and boil them. They’re often a baby’s first solid food, actually. It’s traditional to serve them with this.” He gestured to the roast, still in the bag.

“So I’m getting cheated out of some potato dumplings, is what I’m hearing,” Jester said, grinning. He laughed.

“I suppose you are. I thought this was enough of a challenge of my skills for one day. But I can make them for you another time, _Liebling,_ they’re very heavy. Good for if you’ve been working in the fields.”

“So you would all go out and help each other with the harvest?” Jester prompted, hoping he’d continue.

“ _Ja_ , usually a group of neighbors would get together and then everyone gets their fields harvested and nobody has to do it alone. And then at the end of the day everyone gathers and eats and drinks. When I was tall enough to hold a sickle I started going out with my father and the men.”

“The women didn’t do the harvesting?” Jester asked, crossing her arms.

“They did, just in the home patches, and they cooked the end of the day meals. It's totally arbitrary…I wasn’t any stronger then than I am now, and there were plenty of girls and women who would’ve been much better harvesters than I was. Really, I think they did it that way because the men wanted to bring flasks out into the fields and tell stories they didn’t care for their wives and daughters hearing.” Caleb rolled his eyes.

"Ooh, did you learn lots of good gossip though? And _secrets_?" Jester asked, perking up. Caleb scoffed.

"I did, but I'm not sure they were ones I much wanted to know. Mainly I learned that many of them were unfaithful to their wives, or at least wanted to be."

"Well, that doesn't exactly surprise me," Jester pointed out, eyebrow raised. "Half the men who were around the Chateau had wedding rings."

"It was shocking, when I was young. I mean you assume everyone has a family like yours, and my parents...well, I suppose what do I know really, but they were so in love with each other. My father was always bothered by their talk of carrying on with other women. So I assumed everyone was like that and, ah, that was not correct. But I did learn some fun gossip, like when a few of the sixth graders, including our neighbor's son, snuck something into the teacher's coffee and he shit himself in front of the entire class. Or when another realized that the whips in the toolshed had more, ah, creative uses." Jester laughed, imagining a scandalized little Caleb.

“I’m sure when you’re younger, it’s special, right, because you get to be with the adults?” Jester asked, dropping the butter he handed her into the pot. It sizzled and smelled heavenly. “Like when I was growing up, I really wanted to hang out with my Mama and her friends, and it was really exciting when I got to because I felt like I was ‘grown up’, you know?”

“ _Ja_ , it was exactly that,” Caleb agreed. “Against my better nature I did enjoy that part of it, feeling like part of the group, with my father and his friends. They let me drink whiskey with them and told jokes and stories my mother would’ve reprimanded them for telling in front of me.”

“That sounds fun,” Jester murmured, stepping back when he put the roast in the pot to brown it, to avoid the splatter.

“In some ways it was. But there were other things, sometimes, how they talked about people from outside the Empire, or how they talked about women, or men who…didn’t meet their ideas of what men should be. Those things were not so good.”

“Was it hard for you there?” Jester asked quietly. “Being…not straight?” She hadn’t heard him put a word to himself and she didn’t want to put one in his mouth that he didn’t want. Caleb shrugged and focused on turning the roast.

“Being bisexual? No. Well. Yes. But that was not something I discussed with my parents, ever.”

“Because you didn’t feel like you could, or…? We don’t have to talk about this.”

“No, it’s alright.” He smiled at her softly. “I think that if I was gay, it would have been different. It would have been harder to avoid. As it was, I dated girls, my parents assumed that was where my interests were, and I let them go on assuming that.”

“Do you think if you did tell them they would’ve been okay with it?” Caleb was quiet for a moment. Jester worried maybe she’d crossed a line, asking that, and her heart started to beat faster.

“I think they would have been…wary,” Caleb sighed eventually, and put the browned roast aside. He scraped the vegetables into the pot. “I was their only child. They wanted me to carry on the farm and the family name and all that, and if I were with a man, that wouldn’t be possible. I don’t know, perhaps they would have surprised me. But I think it would have been a point of tension. Them imagining that it could be another reason I would leave and not return to Blumenthal.”

“Another reason?”

“In addition to my ambitions. I…never wanted to go back. I wanted to leave and make my life here and do what I’m doing now. It was a disappointment to them even if they didn’t show it.” Caleb’s face darkened and he focused on stirring. “I suppose they probably would have preferred a disappointment to an arsonist and a murderer, though, if they’d been given a choice.” The words hit Jester like a punch in the gut and she reached out to put a hand on his shoulder, hesitating.

“Cayleb…”

“I’m sorry,” Caleb murmured, shaking his head. “I - sorry. It’s been a hard week.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Jester asked. He shook his head again.

“No, no, I’m alright. Don’t worry about me, _Schatz_. This is a difficult subject for me,” he confessed.

“I’m sorry I asked about it.” Her voice was small. She did feel bad for asking about it, for pushing so much. She knew she was prodding around a sensitive area.

“Don’t be sorry,” Caleb said softly, pulling her into a kiss. Jester let herself lean into the comfort of it. “I’m an open book for you, Jester. You can always ask me about anything.”

“Okay,” she whispered, pecking him on the lips with a smile. “When I was growing up, I always wanted to hang out with my Mama and her friends and I remember the first time she let me…I had just gotten these.” Jester pointed to the bands on her horns. “So I really felt like hot shit.”

“I was wondering about those,” Caleb said, latching on to the change of subject. “You don’t take them off like your other jewelry.”

“No, I don’t. They’re permanent, actually, if you look, the horn grew around the edges. So I’d have to get them cut off if I didn’t want them anymore.”

“Is that a common tiefling thing?” Caleb asked, as he sprinkled flour over the vegetables. “How do you put them in, if you don’t mind me asking?

“Yeah, I think it is a tiefling thing. I haven’t met a ton of other tieflings so…but my Mama has a pair, a really beautiful pair, and when I was like eleven, she gave me my first ones. They start out kind of loose, and then as I grew they got tighter. I replaced them twice when I was a teenager, and then these are just the forever ones, because my horns aren’t really growing anymore. It was like the biggest deal, I was _so_ excited.”

“ _Ja_ , I can imagine. And you look beautiful in them.”

“You like them?” Jester giggled, tickling his back with the spade of her tail. Caleb jumped and laughed. He was waiting for something to boil - Jester had long lost track - and put his arms around her waist, pulling her close.

“I like _you_. But yes, I like them. I like that they enhance your beauty, they don’t distract from it.” Jester blushed and kissed him.

“How long does this have to be in the oven?” She asked, pouting slightly. “It smells so good. I want to eat it already.”

“Ah, two hours,” Caleb said, apologetic.

“Ugh, you’re a tease, coming in here and making good smelling stuff and making me wait two hours to eat it.”

Jester suggested a movie and they snuggled up on the couch to watch, but she found herself distracted, and halfway through, she was too antsy to wait.

“Are you ready for the trip in a couple days?” Jester asked. _Stay cool. Casual. It’s fine._

“Ah, _ja_ , I think so. I have a bit of prep work to do to make the most of my time with Yussa, but I’m looking forward to it. Looking forward to getting out of this cold a little too. Are you?”

“Um, yeah, I am.” Caleb rubbed her arm and paused the movie.

“Something on your mind, Jester?” he asked softly, turning to give her his full attention. Jester sighed.

“Yeah. My mom.” Jester hoped he’d pick up the thread but he waited for her to continue. “Um, do you feel like you’re okay to meet her?” Caleb thought for a moment.

“I am.”

“…Oh. Okay then.” That somehow just made her feel worse. Caleb searched her face.

“But if you aren’t ready for that, _Schatz_ , I will not be offended. I can keep myself occupied when you’re with her and find a room, it’s not a problem.”

“It’s not you,” Jester started, but she didn’t know what else to say. _It’s because sometimes when I go home I get so panicked I feel like I can’t breathe? Because I’m afraid you won’t see it? Because I don’t want you to see it? Because maybe you think what my mom does is fine in theory but seeing the Chateau will make you uncomfortable and then I’ll have to choose? Because I feel like when you see me next to the women there I’ll look silly and girlish? Because I don’t want you to see me sad and scared and struggling?_ Caleb didn’t say anything, just waited patiently, but she looked at him helplessly, shaking her head. Caleb took her hands.

“You don’t have to explain, if you don’t want to.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to,” Jester said. _Was that a lie?_ “It’s that I don’t know how to.”

“I trust you and your reasons, _Schatz_. If you don’t want to make this introduction right now, we don’t have to. There’s no rush.”

“I want you to meet her,” Jester decided. She just opened her mouth and it came out, so…she guessed it was true. “I do. I just am nervous, I guess?”

“About which part of it? Are you worried she won’t like me?” Jester scoffed.

“No, I think she’ll love you. There’s just…a lot. It’s complicated.”

“I know things were not as good as they might have been for you, as a child,” Caleb said quietly, massaging her hands. “I can imagine that might be…stressful, to think about introducing that to a…” Caleb hesitated. “Um, p-person you’re seeing.” Oh. Yeah. There was that too. “…But I’m here for you, okay?”

“Yeah. Okay. Um…” Jester chewed her bottom lip. “So, um, how should I introduce you to my mom then?” Caleb fidgeted, nervous. _Uh oh…_

“In terms of, ah…our…relationship?” Caleb stammered. He wasn’t going to say it, was he? Godsdammit…

“Right, like, um…are you…my…boyfriend?” Jester forced herself to ask. The way her voice squeaked at the end was outside her control. Caleb flushed but couldn’t hold back a small, hopeful smile.

“Ah, well, I would like to be.”

Jester grinned so wide she was sure she looked like a fool, but she didn’t care at all.

“Yeah?”

“If you would have me.”

“I would,” she replied, and threw her arms around his neck, pulling him in for a big kiss, and another, and another. His hands came up and held her face tightly, and he was barely able to kiss her well with the big smile on his face.

“So you’re my girlfriend, then,” Caleb mumbled against her mouth, and Jester’s heart leapt at the way that _sounded_ , just hearing that word on his lips.

“I guess I am,” she whispered. _Boyfriend. We’re together. Like together together. I don’t have to keep dancing around what to call him._

“I like the way that sounds,” he murmured, and kissed her again, for real this time.

“It feels silly,” Jester admitted. “I feel like I’m fifteen again and I’m all excited because someone wants to be my boyfriend.” Even just saying it made her heart skip.

“I feel that way too,” Caleb agreed, rubbing her cheek with his thumb. “Like it’s the first time I’m hearing it.”

As they kissed, Jester thought about how much it meant for him to say that. _Like it’s the first time I’m hearing it_. He’d been in a serious relationship, with someone he thought he was going to marry, but calling Jester his girlfriend he felt like he’d never said it before. She knew the way she felt about him was serious, even if she didn’t want to fully admit it to herself yet, but hearing him say that took her breath away, because maybe she wasn’t the only one having these intense feelings.

“How long until we have to get back to the kitchen?” Jester hummed, giggling when his hand drifted to her breast.

“Forty-five minutes.”

They didn’t make it to her bedroom and made love on the couch. The confined space was a little awkward, not as much room to maneuver, but if the sex itself was less than stellar, it was more than compensated for by the heady emotions and giddy happiness that motivated it.

After, Jester laid back against the arm of the couch in her post-coital haze, arms wrapped around Caleb who rested his cheek on her chest. Their clothes were rumpled, some were scattered on the floor, and Jester was sure she had the most ridiculous sex hair, but she wouldn’t change a single thing.

~~~

“Okay, so you have the key to the shop, the safe, and my phone number…do you need anything else?”

Marquise shrugged.

“No, I think that’s it. I’ll text if I need anything. It’s not that different from usual, you’ll just be gone a few extra days,” they pointed out. That was…an excellent point. She was stalling.

“Okay, yeah, you’re right,” she sighed, and looked around the store. This was the first time she’d be away from it for longer than a day or two. It looked nice; with the extra pair of hands, it was easy to keep the shop neat, and Marquise had suggested sprucing up the displays with some candles - unlit, of course. They even made a seasonal little table display near the front with greenery, magically preserved winter berries and cinnamon sticks, which made the shop smell incredible.

“Well, good luck, if anything comes up you know how to get in touch with me, and I can be back here super fast.”

“Enjoy your vacation!” Marquise called as Jester walked out onto the street, pulling her suitcase behind her.

She met Caleb at the Academy, and the snow that had collected on the grounds, largely untouched with students gone, made the towering trees and spires look even more like a fairytale. When she got to his office, he was reading, hunched over his desk, but he looked up when she knocked.

“Ready to go?” Jester asked. She was way more excited than trepidatious now. Her mind had been whirring for days with all the things she wanted to take him to do. There was a massive casino resort on the water that she’d snuck into many times as a teenager, not to gamble, but to use the pool and just walk around and look at everything. (Once, she’d even managed to get herself into a suite party during some fighting match happening in the theater, through a clever use of illusion, and ate as many chocolate cupcakes and caramel cookies as she could fit on a plate; she probably wouldn’t try to repeat that experience, given that it ended with her getting tossed out on the street by security). That would be something she’d like to show him, and tell him all the stories about sneaking in and the pranks she’d pulled there. She wasn’t sure if they’d have time for this but there was a beautiful peninsula outside the city with a mountain hiking trail that had gorgeous views…not to mention the beach, the bars…Jester really couldn’t wait to properly introduce him to Nicodranas.

“ _Ja_ , ready to go. Do I look alright?” Caleb was definitely nervous about meeting her mother. She hadn’t told him to dress up or anything, she herself was just wearing a pair of comfortable wide leg jeans and muted purple sweater. But under his winter coat and violet scarf, he was wearing a white button down tucked into a pair of brown cords - even his belt and shoes matched, and she didn’t think she’d ever even seen him wear a matching pair of socks - and he couldn’t stop fidgeting.

“You look great, baby,” Jester reassured him, giving him a quick kiss after glancing around to make sure nobody was watching. “I might just keep you all to myself if you’re going to look this good, don’t want any of the ladies at the Chateau getting ideas.” He scoffed and hefted his bag over his shoulder.

“And stand in _your_ way? I don’t think they would dare.”

“I’d like to think so,” Jester grumbled. She trusted Caleb, but she could think of a few women she didn’t who worked at the Chateau. Being Marion’s daughter would probably prevent any of them from making a real pass at her boyfriend, but she didn’t count on it. The building was mostly empty, it was evening and with students gone, many professors were either taking a little break or working at home. At the end of the hall, though, dim light filtered from one partially open office door. When they got closer, Jester heard a soft sound from inside, like - crying? She put a hand on Caleb’s arm and pointed to the door.

“Are they okay?” Jester whispered. Caleb furrowed his brow and listened for a moment. Jester hung back but followed him to the door, where he knocked on the jamb softly.

“Astrid?” he said softly. _Oh fuck._ The noise from inside stopped.

“C-come in.” When he pushed the door the rest of the way open, Jester saw Astrid sitting at her desk, strewn with papers, tear tracks down her face. She didn’t go in, but Astrid saw her anyway.

“Oh - you don’t have to - you’re busy.”

“Ah-“ Caleb looked at Jester and she waved him away.

“Go, I’ll wait. I’ll be out here, okay? Take your time.” He smiled at her gratefully and sat in the chair next to Astrid’s desk, leaning forward. Jester leaned against the wall, staying enough distance away so it didn’t look like she was eavesdropping. She wasn’t not eavesdropping, but she could only hear snippets.

 _“_ Astrid, what happened?”

“…his comments on my latest…”

“…it isn’t about your work, Astrid.”

“He’s threatening me.” The air was still and Caleb’s voice rose in alarm.

“What? What do you mean?”

“…he won’t r-recommend me…”

“Oh, Astrid…”

“…ten weeks! I slept here more often than I went home!” Jester moved slightly closer to the open door, trying to hear better.

“I’m going to make an offer and you should feel free to refuse it-”

“Caleb-“

“If you’d like, I can take this with me, take a look at it. A fresh pair of eyes might help.” Astrid scoffed.

“I can handle it myself.”

“I know you can. I’m offering to help.”

“Aren’t you going away with your girlfriend?” she asked weakly.

“ _Ja_ , I am, but I’m seeing Yussa and working while I’m there, so I don’t mind putting an hour aside for this. If it would help. You don’t need to do this alone.” Astrid took a long, long moment to answer.

“ _Ja_ , okay.” She sniffled and Jester heard a shuffling of papers. “If you have a spare moment. I think looking at this all weekend will just make me sick.” Jester perked up when she heard the scraping of chairs and Caleb reappeared in the doorway, a sheaf of papers in his hand. Astrid shrunk against the side, not looking at Jester, her arms folded around her like she wanted to make herself small and disappear.

“Sorry to delay you,” she mumbled, to both of them, lifting her head to address Jester.

“Oh, it’s okay,” Jester said brightly. “We’re not in a hurry.” She smiled and Astrid attempted a slight smile back.

“What was that about?” Jester asked as they walked out of the building, hand in hand.

“Ah, let’s talk about it when we’re…out of here.”

Jester didn’t know how she felt about that interaction. She reminded herself that jealousy was unbecoming and unnecessary. _He doesn’t need to cut off every attachment he ever had to her in order to be true to you. It makes sense that he’d still care about her and want to help her out. It’s not a big deal._ She tried to shake that unease and just be in the moment with him. If she still felt weird about it tomorrow they could talk. When they got to the transportation hub, Jester felt nervous excitement building in her stomach.

“I’ve never done this before,” she whispered. Caleb flashed his ID at the administrator and led her to a large room with a slate floor.

“Well I’m glad I get to take you on your maiden voyage, then. It’s a little, ah, strange at first. Just hold my hand and it’ll be over quickly.”

She watched as Caleb knelt down on the floor and started drawing runes in a large circle with colored chalks.

“Ready?” Caleb asked, grinning up at her. Jester smiled back and stepped into the circle, nodding.

“Hold onto your bag, _ja?_ And then take my hand with the other.”

“I think you’re just trying to find an excuse to hold my hand, Professor.” But she was nervous and gripped his hand tightly. Caleb waved a somatic gesture and whispered the words for the spell. In a flash, Jester felt herself getting squeezed impossibly small, the breathe being pushed from her lungs, and she opened her mouth like she was going to scream but before she knew it, she was back on her feet, stumbling like she just landed a jump.

“You good?” Caleb laughed, gripping her arm.

“Yeah,” she gasped. “Yeah, whoa, sorry, that was a lot.”

“Mister Widogast,” an elderly gnome announced. “I’ll let Master Yussa know of your arrival.”

 _“Danke,_ Wensforth.”

Momentarily, an older elf with brown skin and white hair entered the room. Caleb straightened up and put his hand on Jester’s shoulder.

“Ah, Yussa, good to see you again. This is my girlfriend, Jester, she’s accompanying me on this visit.”

“Charmed,” Yussa said to her, with a languid smile. “I assume, then, you will not be falling asleep on the floor of my study as usual, Caleb?” Caleb laughed, sheepish.

“ _Nein_ , at least I hope not. We’re staying with Jester’s mother.”

“Nice to meet you,” Jester said, putting her hand out. Yussa shook it; his skin was dry and warm, leathery. Yussa and Caleb arranged to meet tomorrow to start work and the pair departed quickly,

Stepping out into the cool Nicodranas air, Jester took a deep breath and inhaled the familiar, comforting scent of jasmine flowers against the brine of the sea. She squeezed Caleb’s hand excitedly. The Lavish Chateau was exactly as she remembered. The sky-blue stone building was muted in the evening dark, but the gold-leafed wooden windows shone in the light of the streetlamps.

“Ready?” Jester whispered as they approached the front door. Caleb smiled at her and nodded. Jester opened the door and saw Tyral, the front hand, playing solitaire at his desk in the entryway.

“Tyyyyral! It’s Jester! Tell my Mama we’re here!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! The incredibly talented @peachpentacle (Tumblr) drew a gorgeous piece of art inspired by this fic - head back over to chapter 4 to see it!
> 
> (Also, bonus points if you can guess the actual dishes re-skinned with fantasy names and origins 😉)
> 
> Feedback is, as always, treasured and read over and over again to validate my efforts. 🥰


	12. we’re floating away, my body’s in space, we are going home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals, and happy Friday to the rest of us.
> 
> 10k of goodness (I hope) with a smutty lil present at the end. If you're not here for the filth, I've bolded where you should stop.

“Jester!” Bluud bellowed, spreading his arms wide. “You must stop growing up so much between visits, look at your horns! They must be a half inch longer than when I last saw you.” Jester laughed and felt the tip of one horn with her fingertips. She supposed maybe it had grown a touch since the last time she was here.

“Yours too, old man,” she teased.

“And you must be the professor, no?” Bluud took one of Caleb’s hands in both of his enormous ones and shook it; Caleb looked a bit shell-shocked but nodded politely. “I have known this girl since she was just a little baby, toddling around this place causing trouble.”

“Jester? Causing trouble? That’s difficult to imagine,” Caleb said dryly, and Bluud let out a booming laugh.

“Ah, this one is funny, Jester. I’m afraid the Ruby is with a patron at the moment, the appointment is running somewhat longer than expected, so she’s not available right now. But she had a room put aside for you-“ Bluud glanced at Jester, who gave him a grateful smile, “-and I can take you there, follow me.”

Bluud took both their bags with one huge hand and lumbered up the stairs. Jester was conscious of the girls at the bar whispering to one another and glancing up at her, and reached out for Caleb’s hand as they walked.

Marion lived in a beautiful suite on the top floor of the Chateau, as did a few other ladies who were popular enough for the owner to incentivize their staying here. The other women lived throughout the city and rented rooms on the second floor to use for their appointments. The first floor held the bar, dining tables, the dais where her mother or other musicians would perform, and a handful of small, discreet private rooms that could be utilized for services that didn’t require a full appointment. Combining the supper club and bar with the brothel was key to the Chateau’s success; wealthy, important, powerful people didn’t feel ashamed of being seen there, and could easily excuse themselves as patrons of the fine food and drink, or lovers of music.

The room Marion had put aside for them was in a row of several rooms that weren’t being rented at the moment, for which Jester was grateful. Considering Caleb got tongue-tied just talking around the subject of sex when they first met, potentially being able to hear her mother’s coworkers carrying on their business on the other side of the wall might be a touch overwhelming.

“When the Ruby has finished her appointment, I will let her know you’ve arrived and I’m sure she’ll send for you as soon as she’s ready.”

“Thanks, Bluud!” Jester called, already out on the balcony.

The room was beautiful; like all the rented rooms at the Chateau, it could pass for a room at an upscale hotel. The balcony looked out over the gardens in the back of the Chateau, all tall palm trees and lush flowers, and there was a small table there for drinks or breakfast the morning after. The bed was upholstered in ivory with dark brown trim, the sheets and comforter were luxuriously soft; dark wood furniture and plush velvet chairs in front of the fireplace made for a relaxing, expensive feeling. Jester’s favorite part, personally, was the marble bathroom, with a huge, deep tub and gold accents. The “tells” that this wasn’t an ordinary hotel room were so subtle, Jester wasn’t sure that Caleb would notice them at all: rings screwed into the sides of the bed and chair frames for attaching all manner of restraints; the shelf of vintage-enough-to-be-charming erotic books next to the fireplace; the first-aid kit sitting within easy reach between the bed and the nightstand. Jester kind of wanted to see Caleb’s face when he opened the nightstand. _That’ll be good..._

“It’s a lovely view, _Schatz_ ,” Caleb said, standing next to her on the balcony and putting his arm around her shoulders. “Is this what your room looked out on?”

“No, mine looks out on the street,” Jester replied, leaning against him. “And the ocean.”

“The room is very nice too,” Caleb added. “Did you see there’s a desk? I can get some work done here, with you, instead of having to be at Yussa’s as much.” Jester bit back a smile as he walked through the French doors of the balcony and pulled the chair out from the desk to show her. “It’s perfect! So much leg room!” She resisted the powerful urge to burst out laughing and explain that the inordinate amount of “leg room” was so that someone could easily kneel under it. _Maybe later I’ll just have to show you._

“That’s great, baby,” she said instead. Jester pulled him into a kiss, loving, but with a hint of a promise behind it. “And we’re pretty isolated down this end of the hallway, so we won’t have to hear anybody. And nobody can hear us.”

“How fortunate,” Caleb murmured against her lips, and Jester giggled.

“I need to fix my lipstick and change and then do you want to go downstairs and get a drink while we wait for Mama?”

“Whatever you want, _Liebling_. Do I need to change?”

“No, you look great, I’m just kind of shlumpy. For my mom anyway.” Jester took her clothes out of her suitcase, careful not to let Caleb see the surprises she’d hidden in there, and went to the bathroom to freshen up.

“Okay, take your time,” Caleb said, and from the other side of the bathroom door, she heard the sounds of pages turning. She grinned wickedly to herself in the mirror.

“You should look in the nightstand while you wait,” Jester called; she wriggled into her sheer black tights, and listened for the sounds. Book closing…sheets rustling…drawer scraping.

“ _Oh…_ Wow.” Jester couldn’t help laughing, and it was a long few minutes before she heard the drawer shut again. She was sure his expression was hilarious. Fifteen minutes later, Jester emerged from the bathroom in a black and white tweed skirt and a long-sleeved black blouse with tiny white polka dots.

“Oh, you look so beautiful,” Caleb said, looking up from his book and smiling.

“Did you find all the surprises in there?” Jester asked, wiggling her eyebrows. Caleb blushed.

“Ah, I certainly found many things in there,” he said apprehensively, swinging his long legs off the bed and bending to put his shoes back on.

“That’s not all, though,” Jester teased. Caleb furrowed his brow in question and glanced up at her as he finished tying his shoe. Jester bit her lip and went to the corner of the bed, leaned down, and drew a sturdy black strap out from where it was tucked under the corner of the mattress, complete with a soft fabric cuff clipped to the end. Caleb’s eyes widened and his face went bright red. Jester smirked and tucked it back in, bending over a little more than necessary to show off her ass.

“So, you know, lots of options,” she remarked casually, and Caleb smiled at her, looking her up and down pointedly. “C’mon, let’s go downstairs.”

Down at the bar, it was still on the early side, so there were only a handful of people in for dinner and a few girls halfheartedly making rounds around the dining room. Jester and Caleb sat at the bar and Jester ordered herself a sherry cocktail. No sense in heading into this dinner entirely sober. She wasn’t worried about what her mother would say or do - Marion was a perfectly pleasant woman, and wanted Jester to be happy above anything, so even if she didn’t care for Caleb she would keep it to herself. Jester’s anxiety was nameless, floating around inside her chest cavity and attaching itself to everything and nothing all at once.

“How are you feeling?” Caleb asked softly, sitting to face her while she sat with her back to the bar, looking out. “You seemed nervous about this meeting, the last week. Are you still nervous?” Jester shrugged.

“A little. I think she’ll like you. I don’t know what I’m so nervous about.”

“It’s natural. Especially when home is fraught. But I’m here, okay? Is there anything I should know about her? Likes, dislikes, hobbies?”

“She reads a lot,” Jester said. It was sweet that he wanted to make good conversation with her mother. When her head wasn’t so fuzzy she’d be able to appreciate it. “She’s a little old-fashioned about some things, manners and chivalry and whatever. She expects that the man pays for dates and stuff like that and she’ll probably be trying to figure out if you’re a ‘good prospect’ for me or not. She doesn’t go out, so don’t ask about it.”

“Right, I remember you saying.”

“You remember me saying that from like six weeks ago?” Jester asked, eyebrow raised.

“Ah, _ja_ , I don’t forget anything.”

Jester couldn’t help but think that sometimes, forgetting was a little nicer.

“What would make me a good prospect, as far as the Ruby of the Sea is concerned?”

“Having money,” Jester scoffed.

“So I should stick to talking about books, then,” Caleb chuckled. “I can do that.” That wasn’t entirely fair of Jester to say. There were a lot of things that Marion wanted for Jester to find in a partner, love being first and foremost. It wasn’t long before regret bubbled up in her chest, for saying that. Well, he’d see all the good things about her soon enough. Just as she was thinking that, Jester spotted Bluud rounding a corner and she touched Caleb’s arm.

“Hey, I’m going to go talk to Bluud for a minute, okay? Just to check up on things. You can stay here, I’ll only be a minute.”

“ _Ja, ja,_ go, do what you need to do.” Caleb smiled at her and turned back towards the bar, putting a book up on the countertop. _Where was he even hiding that?_ Jester rolled her eyes with an amused shake of her head and left him to it.

“Hey, Bluud,” she called, trying to keep her voice hushed. The large man turned and smiled genially.

“Hello, Jester, how is everything? Your room is good?”

“It’s perfect, Bluud, thank you,” Jester said.

“Good, good…your mother, she wanted to have a larger bed brought in for your old room, but I thought you wouldn’t want that, after the last times you were here, so…I told her, you know, she’s visiting with her boyfriend, let her have her privacy, and she agreed, so I hope that’s alright.”

“Thank you, really,” Jester repeated, clasping her hands in front of her. “I…yes. I don’t want to stay in that old room anymore. It just…”

“No need to say anything,” Bluud rumbled. “I’m glad you’re happy.”

“Speaking of Mama, though…” Jester pulled Bluud off to a more private corner of the room, where they couldn’t be easily overhead. “How has she been, the last couple of months? How’s…things, you know?” Bluud sighed and wavered his hand back and forth.

“She has good days and bad days. You being here I think will lift her spirits up a lot.” That made Jester’s chest ache. She knew Bluud didn’t mean to put her mother’s condition on her, but she also knew that her having moved away made Mama’s bad days more frequent.

“No major incidents?” Bluud thought for a moment.

“Not that I can think of. She had a…bit of an episode, one day, one bad day, when she couldn’t even stand having the curtains open, and Nadine was out sick…the new girl who came up to clean the suite doesn’t speak much Common and didn’t understand her when she told her to keep them shut. Took a bit to calm her down after that, but she was alright by breakfast the next day. That’s the only thing I can think of, y’know, out of the ordinary.”

“How long ago was that?” Jester asked, hugging her arms around herself.

“Let’s see…maybe two and a half weeks?” Jester nodded.

“Okay…thanks. I appreciate you looking out for her.” Bluud nodded.

“Miss Marion’s always been good to me.”

“Tell me about how you’ve been,” Jester said, laying a hand on his arm. “Any good stories since I was gone? I’m sure the place is boring without me here.” Bluud chuckled.

“A little more boring. But you’d be surprised. Just last week, I had to toss some guy out of here ‘cause he drank half the bar up and then went to the steam bath…” Jester was trying her very hardest to listen, but her attention was drawn away when out of the corner of her eye, she spotted a woman sitting at the bar with Caleb.

She recognized Lucilla immediately. Lucilla was a decade or so older than Jester, which made her a few years older than Caleb, but her face was exactly the same as when she’d first come to the Chateau. Over the years, Jester had heard repeat customers flirting with her by asking if she was sure she didn’t have any elven blood in her veins, which was a common pickup, but with Lucilla it actually worked. She was a gorgeous woman, one of those rare specimens who had a slim frame but full breasts and a shapely, round ass. Jester was always a little jealous of that, in a passing sense. She wasn’t lacking in curves of her own, but she was a bit thicker around the middle than she’d like, certainly compared to the wasp-waisted Lucilla.

Jester tried hard to focus on Bluud’s story, which somewhere in her brain she was aware was quite entertaining, but her eyes kept going back to Lucilla, who had drawn Caleb into conversation and was laughing at something he said, with a flirtatious toss of her thick brown hair. _Hmmm_. She didn't like that. She took a deep breath and kept her patience. Obviously, at some point Caleb would mention her, and then that would be that, and she didn’t have anything to worry about anyway. Nothing was going to _happen. Jealousy is unnecessary and unbecoming. Jealousy is unnecessary and unbecoming._

“…you’d’ve had a lot of fun with this guy, he was raving like a madman, and when I finally caught up with him, he was trying to get into a fight with the fireplace poker in Rieke’s room…”

Caleb was gesturing, the way he did when he was explaining something, and Lucilla leaned in like she couldn’t quite hear him, which just so happened to push her cleavage up in the deep V-neck of her polka-dot black dress. Bluud obviously realized she wasn’t paying attention and turned to see what she was looking at.

“Oh, looks like you’ve got something to attend to,” he chuckled. “I’m not sure your professor there knows what’s about to hit him.”

“Sorry, Bluud,” Jester murmured, “tell me the rest later.” She purposefully kept her pace casual, unconcerned, because she was _not_ going to let anyone think she had any reason not to trust Caleb. Lucilla was very nice, and most of the other women who worked at the Chateau were too, but hard times came for everyone every now and again. Desperation turned even the kindest women into sharks, and weakness was blood in the water.

When she approached, Lucilla smiled at her and Caleb turned his head to look and smiled too.

“Oh, Jester!” Caleb put his arm around Jester’s waist. “Ah, this is my girlfriend, Jester, but maybe you know each other already?”

Immediately, Lucilla’s body language changed; she sat back in her chair and put some distance between them, and looked caught out. Jester waved her off with a smile and stepped over to give her a hug.

“ _Hi_ , Luci,” she laughed.

“Ah, Lucilla was asking me about my book, and I was just telling her about my class for Enchantment majors in the spring… How was your talk with Bluud?”

“Um, I’m actually on the clock tonight, so I’m going to keep making the rounds, but it was lovely to meet you, Caleb,” Lucilla said, smiling courteously. She leaned in to give Jester a peck on the cheek. “Good to see you, love.” Lucilla lowered her voice further.

“Sorry about that, darling, I didn’t know. He wasn’t taking the bait at all, if it helps.” As she started away, she turned back to face Jester and said, smirking, “But I wouldn’t leave a cute one like him by his lonesome for too long in this cathouse. Stick a sign on him or something!”

Jester rolled her eyes and sat back down next to Caleb and could practically see his brain piecing together that interaction. He furrowed his brow and looked at Jester.

“Was she…?”

“Trying to pick you up? Yes.” Caleb flushed and put his hand to his mouth.

“Oh - Jester, I’m sorry, you know I wasn’t, right? You know that’s not - I would never-“

“Relax, baby, I know,” Jester whispered, smiling. Gods, he was adorable. She was really ridiculously enamored with him.

“Okay, I’m glad, I really didn’t know… I didn’t think it…worked like that?” Jester laughed.

“It’s fine, Cayleb. I’ll have to put a sign on you, like Lucilla said. I probably should’ve known leaving you alone at the bar wasn’t smart. She just didn’t know we’re together.” Jester took a sip of her sherry drink and looked out at the dining room, which had slowly filled more in the last half hour. A few more tables were occupied, and more of the girls were starting to come down and scope out the patronage.

“You are welcome to put a sign on me if it would help,” Caleb chuckled. Jester eyed him for a second.

“Yeah, I think maybe I should. C’mere.”

Jester took his face in her hands and went in for a hot, claiming kiss, even adding a little tongue to lengthen it, because she wanted _everyone_ to see and know he was spoken for. Caleb, taken by surprise, took a moment to melt into her touch but kissed her back fiercely. Dimly, Jester heard one of the girls whistle from down the bar and broke away with a self-conscious laugh. Caleb’s cheeks were bright red and she wanted nothing more than to take him back upstairs right now and make good use of that bed.

“I should take you for a tour of the place later,” Jester mused. “There’s a steam bath downstairs. And a _dungeon_.”

“I…what?” Jester grinned. She didn’t want him to be uncomfortable, but making him squirm was so much _fun_. She couldn’t help herself.

“Well, y’know, you can’t do _everything_ in a room like those.” She gestured upstairs. “You have to have space for some things. And equipment.”

“…Oh.” Caleb cleared his throat and shifted in his chair, hiding his blushing face behind a sip of wine.

“You know, like suspension rings on the ceiling, cages… And there’s a whole cabinet of stuff down there like collars, and leashes, and strap-ons-“ Jester bit back a laugh when she heard him choke on his wine.

“ _Scheisse_ , Jester, we’re about to meet your mother…”

“Oh, she doesn’t go down there,” Jester said, innocently. “I just thought you’d be curious.”

“I think you just like to make me blush.”

“It doesn’t hurt. You’re so cute when you’re all red.”

“You’re quite cruel to me,” Caleb teased. _Oh, I could be meaner._ Just then, Bluud walked over with a wave.

“Jester, the Ruby says she’s ready for you now, if you want to go to her apartment, and she’s having dinner brought up.” Jester thanked him and looked over at Caleb.

“Ready?”

“We’ll find out.” Nervous energy rolled through Jester as they ascended the stairs, and she squeezed Caleb’s hand. This was a big step to be taking and sooner than she probably would’ve liked, but if he was game then she didn’t have a compelling reason not to be.

“She’s gonna love you,” Jester murmured when they landed on the top floor. “I promise.” She gave his hand one last squeeze and knocked on her mother’s door. A moment later, Marion opened it, smiling.

Marion Lavorre was a beautiful woman, and Jester had a moment of feeling, as she always did, a little inadequate next to her. The Ruby was wearing a black sleeveless, high neck dress with gold flowers adorning it. It hugged her slim waist and flowed out in an A-line skirt that cut just below her knee. Gold and pearl earrings dangled from her ears and gold caps matched the bands on her horns. She held her arms out for Jester and Jester wrapped her up in a big hug, breathing in the peach blossom scent of her mother’s favorite perfume.

“Oh, my little Sapphire, it’s so wonderful to have you home,” Marion sighed. She took Jester’s face in her hands and inspected her. “You look more like your grandmother every time I see you.”

“Mama…” Jester giggled, rolling her eyes. Marion turned her attention to Caleb and gave him a once over.

“And you must be the professor.”

“Ah, yes, Caleb Widogast, it’s lovely to meet you, Frau Lavorre.” Marion held her hand out, palm down, and Caleb took it and kissed it. Marion smiled, satisfied. _Oh he’s fucking good._ Jester held back a laugh and shot him a shocked face when her mother turned and gestured for them to follow her into her suite, to which he grinned and shrugged.

The layout of the apartment was a bit labyrinthine, as Marion had replanned the suite when she was pregnant with Jester. For starters, Marion had bifurcated the main hallway with wooden privacy screens that led either to her bedroom and a smaller, more intimate sitting area, or to the living room, from which one could also access Jester’s room. The screens allowed Marion to bring clients into the apartment while keeping Jester shielded from the men and the men shielded from Jester. Though Jester hadn’t lived there in years, Marion had confessed to her that she’d come to like the decorative screens, and having space that was hers and hers alone. Her clients enjoyed her new little sitting area just off her bedroom that she’d furnished as an alternative to the living room, and she didn’t see any need to change that.

Tonight, Marion led them into the main room of the suite, a round living room with a rich dark wood ceiling, the central feature of which was a gold chandelier dripping with rubies, a gift from a suitor. Marion often referred to it as “my retirement”.The door to Jester’s room was in this room too, concealed behind a flush wood panel with a retractable handle. The walls of the entire apartment were tiled from the baseboard to the chair rail with beautiful hand-painted tiles in a repeating pattern of red and blue - “for the Ruby and the Sapphire”. Marion’s furniture was blood red velvet and ivory brocade, and the double French doors that led to her large terrace were open, letting in the cool evening breeze. That was good. Open doors and curtains meant it was a Good Day.

“Your home is lovely, Frau Lavorre,” Caleb murmured, and Jester could see him itching to go over and inspect the bookshelves that were built into the side walls.

“You’re too kind. I haven’t redecorated in many years.” Marion led them out to the terrace, where she had set the table and put out glasses and a bottle of wine. “You are a big reader, I see, Professor Widogast.” Marion eyed the book under Caleb’s arm with an amused smile.

“Ah, Caleb, please. Yes, I was reading this before we came downstairs and I suppose I took it with me without realizing. I apologize.”

“No need to apologize for enjoying a book,” Marion laughed, settling into her chair. Jester relaxed with every minute that passed.

“Jester tells me you enjoy reading as well, _ja?”_

“Yes, I’ve always found that a good book helps one escape the monotony of one’s surroundings.” _Especially if you don’t leave your house._ Jester busied herself pouring wine for the three of them, giving herself a bit extra to take the edge off her nerves.

“Do you prefer fiction, or…?”

“I do, but I read things of all sorts. I think it’s very important to be well-rounded.”

“Yes, Jester has said she learned this quality from you.” He smiled at her and despite her anxiety, Jester couldn’t help but smile back. He looked so smitten when he looked at her.

“Mmm, yes, Jester has always had a natural voracity for all the world has to offer… I hardly had to encourage the instinct.” Marion smiled fondly at Jester.

“It helps to have a good role model, though,” Jester said. “I always wanted to be just like you and I saw you reading all the time and thought you knew everything in the world, when I was little. So you did encourage it, just by being there.”

“Thank you, darling, I like to think I was a good influence on you in some ways.” _We don’t have to talk about the others._ “So tell me, Caleb, I hear a bit of Zemnian in that accent, were you raised there?”

“Yes, I was, in Blumenthal.” Jester could feel her nerves rising again. She hoped her mother wouldn’t stay long on this topic.

“More of a country area, yes?”

“It is, my parents had a farm there.” Marion sat back in her chair, wine in hand.

“And they are still there?” Caleb shifted uncomfortably and Jester directed her tail up under the table to rest the end on his knee, supportive.

“Ah, unfortunately, no, my parents passed away when I was a teenager.” Marion frowned and hummed in sympathy.

“I’m sorry to hear that. What brought you to a big city like Rexxentrum?” Jester was grateful for her mother’s smooth transition to a different subject. The Ruby was a much better conversationalist than she was, in Jester’s estimation. She never blurted out things by accident and knew how to steer a discussion away from things she or the other person didn’t want to speak about without anyone being the wiser to her maneuvering. If one wasn’t paying attention, it was easy to walk away from a conversation with Marion without realizing they hadn’t learned very much about her at all. She was a master of keeping the other person in the spotlight, though given the self-importance of many of the wealthy and powerful men who frequented her bedroom, it wasn’t difficult to keep them talking on the subject of themselves. Caleb, however, didn’t care much for talking about himself, so Jester was curious to see whether Marion would be able to control the flow of the conversation as easily as she usually did. In this moment, she appreciated her mother’s sharp social skills.

“I received a scholarship to attend the Soltryce Academy in Rexxentrum, which is a boarding school, so I left home around the age of fourteen and stayed. In the city and at the Academy.”

“So your degree is from there as well?” Marion asked. As Jester predicted, she sounded suitably impressed.

“ _Ja,_ both of them. I’m still finishing my terminal degree. I told Jester when we first met, I’m not properly a professor yet, so she may have oversold me a bit.” Jester rolled her eyes with a smile.

“I did not! You teach students, and do research, just because you don’t have the _title_ yet doesn’t make you not a professor.”

“The title is the only part of it that means anything,” Caleb quipped. “My life won’t change one bit when I have the title, other than getting paid more.”

“Well, enough money to live comfortably is certainly important, especially if one intends to have a family." Marion eyed him carefully. _And there it is._ Jester resisted the urge to groan.

"Ah, yes, it is, and professorships at the Academy are stable jobs, with good pay and very little turnover unless someone chooses to move to another institution. So that is good as well, for having a family," Caleb replied nonchalantly, meeting Marion's eye contact. "Stability is important for planning for the future."

Jester couldn't help but be impressed at his casual, collected answer to that question. She knew he wasn't lying, they'd established early on that they both wanted something serious, that marriage and kids were eventual life goals, if not anything either of them was rushing towards. But they'd been dating for two months and he was meeting her mother for the first time, and her mother was very obviously asking, "would you be a good husband for my daughter?" A touch of panic would've been a reasonable reaction.

"And what is your area of specialization?” Marion asked. Caleb hesitated but just then, the doorbell sounded. “Ah, dinner, excuse me.”

“You don’t have to answer that,” Jester said when Marion left, leaning in to keep her voice hushed. “I know you aren’t supposed to.” Caleb considered it for a moment.

“Outside the Empire, it is a bit less…sensitive. I can tell her, if you think I can trust her to be discreet.” Jester raised an eyebrow and gestured around them, as if to indicate, _being discreet is literally her job._ “ _Ja,_ you’re right, that was a stupid question.”

Marion returned only a moment later, followed by a woman who worked in the kitchen, pushing a cart with food on it. Jester’s nose was assailed by the familiar scents of the food she so dearly missed from the Menagerie Coast, seafood, buttery toasted pastry, fresh cilantro…

“Hi, Chana!” Jester said, jumping up to hug the old woman. “It’s good to see you.”

“Oh, Miss Jester, it’s wonderful you’re home,” Chana croaked. “I’ve been waiting for you to come back with a man for your mother to meet since you were this high.” She patted her bony knee. “So grown up, my girl is now.”

“How do you think I feel, Chanie?” Marion laughed. The woman chuckled and laid out the dishes she’d brought - a big plate of steamed crab claws, gods, Jester missed those, and chicken pies dusted with powdered sugar, bowls of deep ochre soup with golden turmeric oil drizzled over the top.

“I missed all this food so much,” Jester sighed. “Thank you, Mama.”

“Well, you’ve told me you can’t get these things in the Empire, so I thought I would treat you to some of your favorites,” Marion said, kissing Jester on the top of the head as she sat back down, and passed Jester the crab claws. “I apologize, Caleb, I didn’t get to hear your answer about your field.” Caleb paused and spoke slowly, choosing his words carefully.

“Ah, well, there is a new field of magic being developed in the Dynasty, very different from any of the core eight fields we know of. Its focus is manipulation of the forces of time and gravity. I am working on researching the…limits and capacities of this magic.”

This was news to Jester too. Caleb often evaded the question about his work, but now that she knew he was possibly involved in a research partnership with the Dynasty, that made a great deal of sense. Tensions between the Dynasty and Empire had been high for some time, and any cooperation or exchange of knowledge between the two would be very politically unpopular, and public knowledge of it might call into question whether the work should be allowed to continue. Caleb saw Jester’s surprise written on her face and turned to address her.

“I feel a bit more at liberty to speak here, not in Rexxentrum,” he murmured. “It is a bit of a…politically delicate project, Frau Lavorre, so I would be grateful if you were to keep this information between the three of us.”

“You’re hardly the first man to come into my home and trust me with sensitive information, Professor Widogast.” Caleb blushed fiercely and Marion laughed, looking at Jester.“He colors so easily. I can only imagine you are a source of endless torment to him, Jester.”

“I think it has become something of a sport for her,” Caleb mumbled, hiding his face behind his wine glass.

“Don’t worry, Caleb, my reputation relies on my ability to maintain confidentiality. If I ever were to cash in on my secrets, believe me that revealing your research relationships would be far from my most lucrative option.”

“I would assume so,” Caleb replied. He was slowly returning to a normal shade. Jester noticed his plate was empty of any of the crab claws Marion had passed around.

“Do you not like these?” Jester asked, holding one up. Caleb looked between her and Marion.

“Ah…I haven’t had one before, so I thought it wiser to avoid making a fool of myself trying to figure it out,” he admitted.

“Oh, let me help you!” Jester said, scooting closer. She handed him one of the cracking tools Chana had brought and a crab claw. “So you just want to put it in here and squeeze it, but not too hard, because if the shell part breaks into tiny pieces it’ll be all in the meat and then that’s gross.” Caleb did it how she showed him and started in surprise when the shell broke apart. “And then you just take it out and eat it.” Marion sat back watching the interaction with a small smile.

The rest of the dinner went off surprisingly smoothly. Caleb asked Marion if she’d grown up in Nicodranas, what brought her here, if she enjoyed the climate. Jester observed her mother carefully throughout. Marion seemed to be pleased that Caleb wanted to get to know her, and that he neither avoided nor overly focused on her career. Jester knew he was skittish about sexual topics, so she was glad that he took care to ask polite questions that he would’ve asked anyone about their job, like how long she’d been at the Chateau and if she had plans for eventual retirement. He showed a lot of interest in her music and Jester was impressed that he actually got her mother to talk about herself and tell stories about when she used to travel to various cities to perform, “before Jester arrived”. _Before I got pregnant and abandoned by the only man I ever let myself love. Before I stopped being able to leave my house. Before I started getting slowly eaten up by fears I can’t control._

What she liked far less was when Caleb started asking about _her_ , what she was like when she was little, and Marion of course had no end of embarrassing stories to share.

“…and as soon as I finished the story, she looked up at me and said, ‘Mama, are grownups giants’? She thought that since the giants in the pictures were bigger than the people, all adults must be giants since they were bigger than her.”

“Mama!” Jester groaned.

“Darling, if I really wanted to be mean I’d pull out the photo albums. I also remember a very long argument in second grade when Jester informed me that she didn’t think she needed to have school anymore, because her plan when she grew up was to be a fairy and live in the Feywild.”

“Well if that was possible, then that would have been a very good argument,” Caleb pointed out with an amused smile.

“I’m going to the bathroom,” Jester announced. “If you tell him something embarrassing, Mama, I’ll know.”

“Oh, then I shouldn’t tell you about the first time I caught her sneaking out of her window at night to go meet a boy…”

“No, you shouldn’t,” Jester said sternly, standing up and narrowing her eyes at Marion. When she was a suitable distance away, she heard Caleb ask softly,

“….The _first_ time?”

Jester shook her head and went to her mother’s bathroom, a beautiful room done up in marble and cobalt blue, with a large inset tub and a vanity that young Jester spent many hours watching her mother sit at, applying makeup and doing her hair. She was so relieved this was going so well. While she hadn’t anticipated it going _badly,_ Caleb really hit it off with her mother and Marion seemed to like him quite a lot. That was better than she would have hoped. There were also definitely ways in which it could’ve gone badly - Marion having an episode being just one of them.

Jester tried to avoid looking in the mirror at more than a glance when she was washing her hands. These opulent surroundings and the perfect elegance of her mother always seemed to sharpen her eyes to the little imperfections in her face and body, her brain pointing out that she still hadn’t lost the baby fat around her cheeks, dull or uneven spots on her skin, her soft tummy, frizz in her hair. More than that, being home, around her mother and the other women, made her aware of her lack of poise, sensuality, grace. She didn’t need to add a critique of the superficial on top of that.

When she returned, Caleb and Marion had moved to the couch and Marion was, true to her threat, leafing through one of her photo albums.

“And this is Jester when she was four, she fit right on one of Bluud’s shoulders…”

“Mama!” Jester gasped in horror. Caleb smiled at her apologetically - he _has nothing to be sorry for_ \- and patted the couch cushion next to him. Jester sat down with a huff, crossing her arms, and Caleb put an arm around her.

“Do you want to leave?” he whispered in her ear, as Marion turned to another page, looking for something. Jester shook her head quickly. _In a few minutes_ , she mouthed. He nodded once and rubbed her arm.

“Oh, this is one of my favorites,” Marion sighed. She held up a photo of Jester, three years old with a big toothy smile, her mouth stained with sticky orange passionfruit juice. “Love that little smile.” Marion showed off a few more: Jester, age fifteen, reluctantly learning to cook with Chana, her boredom obvious even to the camera; eleven year old Jester laying on the carpet with a pile of books, studying for a test; Jester at age two, rolled up in a blanket cocoon on the couch like a chubby-cheeked roly poly bug, so cute despite being ill with a stomach flu; Jester at fourteen, standing proudly next to her first genuinely good portrait of her mother.

“Mama, I think we’re going to head out,” Jester said gently, before Marion could pull out a second album.

“Of course, darling, I know this trip is business and pleasure both,” she said. “I’ll see you tomorrow, though, yes? During the day?” Jester stood and stretched and Caleb got up to follow her out.

“Me, yes. Cayleb has to go do some work. But I’ll come hang out with you tomorrow before work starts.”

“Good. I’m singing tomorrow night and the night after, so I hope of course you’ll both be there for that.”

“Jester has told me how wonderful your singing is,” Caleb said, “so I would certainly be disappointed to miss it.” The Ruby pulled Jester in for a hug at the door and then, to Jester’s surprise, gave Caleb one too.

“It was simply delightful to meet you, Caleb, having heard so much about you.”

“Likewise, Frau Lavorre, thank you for your hospitality.”

“Good night, my love,” Marion said, blowing a kiss to Jester as she shut the door.

“Good night, Mama.” When Marion’s footsteps receded from the front door, Jester turned to Caleb, gaping. “She totally loves you!”

“You sound shocked,” Caleb remarked, amused, as they descended to the second floor.

“Well, I’m not _shocked_ , I just didn’t expect her to take to you so fast. She’s protective of me, you know. But she really liked you!”

“I am relieved,” he admitted, unlocking the door to their room. “I wasn’t sure what to expect. But when you said she likes to read and is more…traditional about certain things, that made it a little easier.”

“The hand kiss was a nice touch,” Jester agreed. He shrugged.

“That kind of chivalry is what I was raised with. I’ve already told you how I feel about a lot of that but I can at least still perform it well.” Jester wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in for a kiss. She let her teeth graze his lower lip.

 **“I think you** perform a lot of things well, Professor,” she giggled.

“Is that so?” Caleb murmured, letting one of the hands on her hips drift down to her ass. Jester pressed into the touch and kissed him again.

“Mmhmm. In fact, I was thinking you really deserve a reward for your showing tonight.” Caleb’s breath hitched, so slight she wouldn’t have heard it if their lips weren’t nearly touching.

“Well, if that’s what you think I deserve, how can I argue?”

Now it was Jester’s turn to be short of breath. She really, _really_ liked the idea of deciding what he deserved. What he _earned_. She had a mental image of Caleb on his knees, arms bound behind his back, her finger hooked into the metal ring of a collar that would look so lovely against his milky white throat- Jester shook herself out of that train of thought and focused on kissing him. She didn’t even know if he liked that kind of thing… Though she had a flashback to when they fucked after the Winter’s Crest festival, Caleb crying out as she pulled his hair and sank her teeth into his neck, gasping in breathless Zemnian things she didn’t understand but that sounded a hell of a lot like begging, _ja, reite mich härter, so rau bist wie du willst, ich kann es ertragen…_ Maybe it wasn’t too much of a stretch to think he might.

“You know why the desk has all that legroom, right?” Caleb pulled back and furrowed his brow, confused by the apparent non sequitur.

“Uh… _was_?” Jester grinned and took his hand, backing over to the desk.

“Lemme show you.”

She pulled the chair out from the desk and he followed her lead, sitting when she gestured for him to. Jester drew the curtains and stepped behind him, bending to run her hands down his chest, purring softly with her lips barely brushing his neck. Caleb’s breath started to come faster, and he held the arms of the chair firmly, while Jester continued to tease, letting her teeth and her tongue explore his sensitive throat at a deliberate, unhurried pace. Arousal unfurled slowly in her belly, building with every little gasp and twitch Caleb made in response to her attentions.

He wasn’t hard yet, not fully, but he was definitely getting there by the time Jester turned his head to give him an absolutely indecent kiss and stepped around to stand between the chair and the desk.

“Fuck, Jester…”

“Just wanted to give you a nice view,” Jester teased, and pulled her shirt off, earning a very appreciative hum from Caleb. She leaned down and braced herself on the arms of the chair, kissing him again and teasing him with an up close look at her cleavage before she settled on her knees under the desk.

“ _Now_ do you understand why it’s made like this?” she giggled, grasping the seat of the chair and pulling it in. Seated like this, his feet were planted on either side of her hips, and Jester nestled between them, spreading his thighs slightly so she had room to lean in. “Or do you need a demonstration?” Caleb blew out a shaky breath and cupped her cheek in his hand.

“I - I wouldn’t _mind_ a demonstration…”

Jester flashed a wicked smile.

“Good.”

She started by stroking his thighs, plucking his shirt out of where it was tucked into his pants, reaching up under it to run her hands over his bare chest. She hummed happily as she nibbled at the soft skin of his stomach and thumbed over his nipples, which responded immediately to her touch.

“You looked so fucking hot tonight,” she growled, dragging her nails over his stomach, which made him bite down on his lip and squirm. “When I saw Luci sniffing around earlier, trying to take what belongs to me, I wanted to take you right there.”

Caleb blushed bright red and hid behind his hands, and Jester felt his cock filling out in his pants where her breasts brushed against it. She tugged the buckle of his belt open and made quick work of the rest, exposing him to the air.

“Does that turn you on, baby? Thinking about me claiming you in front of everyone?”

Caleb couldn’t have been redder, but he nodded from behind his hands. _Maybe, in the right context, jealousy_ is _becoming._

“Naughty…” Jester ran her tongue languidly over his cock, eliciting a whimper. “Well how about I have you right here instead? Nobody else will know, but you will, and that way I know you won’t forget whose boyfriend you are.”

“Please… Gods, Jester, yes…”

Jester didn’t spend any more time on banter, and instead set to work on him, ignoring the ache between her legs to focus on warming him up with her mouth. He was for sure hard by now, and Jester pressed hot, open kisses to his length, palming her breast to get some relief from her powerful arousal.

“Mmmm, you always taste so good, baby,” Jester purred, sucking a drop of pre-spend off his tip. “Can’t get enough of you…”

“Ohhhh, Jester,” Caleb sighed, threading a hand through her hair. “You’re so…mmm, don’t stop…so good, your mouth…fuck.” Jester hummed with self-satisfaction. She hadn’t really gotten started and she’d already reduced him to near incoherence.

Jester reached up and placed his hand on one of her horns with a wink before taking him in completely, which got her a lovely, desperate moan, and, she was surprised to feel, a firm hand in her hair.

“Oh, yeah, pull my hair, baby,” she breathed, slipping out of her bra so she could play with her nipples. Caleb hadn’t been any kind of rough with her in bed so far, and she kind of wanted to see if he liked being on the giving end as much as he clearly enjoyed being on the receiving end.

Caleb tightened his grip only slightly in response to her plea, but Jester rewarded him with a purr that vibrated into his core as she took him as far in as she could. Her own little whimpers and moans of delight were muffled, but Caleb’s only fueled her blazing arousal, especially as he lost himself in her mouth and started to actually pull her hair. Jester had to reach between her legs and press on her aching clit just to take the edge off when, panting praises, he started using the hand on her horn to guide her back and forth. _That’s it, baby, just like that, ohhhh fuck, Jester, please do that again, oh, oh, yes…_

Jester hadn’t sucked him off to completion before, but she thought she could tell when he was getting close; her mouth was filled with the taste of his pre-spend and he was struggling to restrain his hips from thrusting into her mouth. One hand was gripping the edge of the desk for dear life and the other was still on Jester’s horn, guiding her pace, though gently enough that she could speed up or slow down as she liked.

“Jes, Jester, oh, fuck, _Schatz_ , _bitte_ , I - I’m so close, I’m close-“

Jester pulled off suddenly, but she kept stroking him, hard and fast, feeling the first spasms of his abdominal muscles under her other hand.

“Whose are you?” she demanded.

“ _Yours, I’m yours_ ,” Caleb gasped, legs shaking, and as soon as Jester’s warmth enveloped him again he was done, coming with a shout like she hadn’t heard him make before as he released in her mouth. Her gag reflex, unfortunately, was caught off guard, and she pulled back, coughing and spluttering; the last spurts of his orgasm painted her neck and breasts with white.

“Are you alright?” Caleb panted, when he regained control of his body again, cupping Jester’s face tenderly and pushing his chair back to give her space. She nodded, wiping come off her mouth with the back of her hand.

“I’m okay,” she coughed, a little embarrassed. “Sorry.”

 _“Sorry?”_ Caleb stared at her. “What in the world could you possibly be apologizing for?”

He made a point. She did just give what appeared to be a pretty incredible blowjob. He stood, legs still shaky, and held out his hand to help her up, which she took.

“Not…swallowing everything?” Jester replied, uncertain herself what she was apologizing for. Caleb pulled her in for a kiss.

“Remember how you made that rule that I can’t argue with your compliments during sex?” he asked softly, holding her around the waist.

“Yeah,” Jester sighed. She probably knew where this was going.

“Okay, well _I’m_ making a rule that _you_ aren’t allowed to apologize for things during sex.” He kissed her again. “Any minute I get to spend making love to you is more than I have any right to expect, so please don’t think you could ever be disappointing me somehow.”

That was devastatingly romantic, even as Jester stood there with come getting sticky on her chest, and she couldn’t help but respond with another kiss, one she hoped communicated everything to him that she wasn’t ready to voice aloud yet.

“See, there’s only one problem with your rule,” she said when they broke apart.

“What’s that?”

“You said I can’t apologize _during_ sex, but it’s _after_ sex.” Caleb drew her closer and leaned in to murmur in her ear,

“I have to disagree, Miss Lavorre, that implies that I’m finished with you. And unless I’m exceptionally unobservant, you haven’t come yet.” Jester shivered and grinned against his mouth.

“You are right about that, Professor. I think I need a shower, though. Wanna come?”

“Yes, I most definitely do.”

“Okay, just give me a minute in there first. When I put the water on you can come in.”

“Take your time.” Caleb kissed her again and she dashed off to the bathroom.

Her body most certainly did _not_ want her to take her time, and she stripped quickly, leaving her clothes in a pile by the door. She wiped her mouth where her lipstick had smeared, took her jewelry off and stepped into the shower. The first blast of water was frigid, but adjusted quickly to the near-boiling temperature she preferred. Jester sighed and let the hot water slough the stickiness from her skin. Caleb came in nearly the instant the water went on and she peeked out from behind the curtain to see him shrugging his shirt off; the marks on his neck and shoulders, in varying stages of fading, inspired a fresh wave of hot possession in her. _Good. Nobody who saw those could make any mistake about you being single._

The marks didn’t appeal to Jester as a way of keeping Caleb from straying - she really didn’t think he would, and generally trusted people until she was given a reason not to. And especially here, marks didn’t mean a thing. As distasteful as some of the women found sleeping with married or otherwise entangled men, a sex worker who wouldn’t take them as clients would find herself out of business in short order. Most of the Chateau’s companions wouldn’t be given pause to see a wedding ring, let alone a few hickeys. No, it wasn’t about that. Jester was attracted to the eroticism of his submission to her, that he _let_ her put them on him, tangible proof that he’d surrendered his body and his heart to her.

“Hi, beautiful,” Caleb murmured, stepping into the shower with her and wrapping his arms around her waist. “Nice and warm?”

“I could be warmer,” she teased, pressing her body up against his. The hot water made her feel every inch of his skin on her, and her muscles were gradually loosening.

“Let’s see if I can’t do something about that.”

Caleb patted the marble edge of the tub, which was wide enough to serve as a seat if you sat back against the tiled wall. Jester’s tail whipped around in excitement, splashing water on the floor, and she sat where he indicated, coiling her tail next to her.

“Gods, I’m so glad I have a photographic memory,” Caleb breathed, looking up at her from where he kneeled between her thighs. “You look fucking divine.”

Jester wished she could say the same about her memory. He looked so pretty like this, rosy, damp-haired, with water trailing down his skin. But what she most wished she could accurately hold onto was his eyes and his smile, the way he looked up at her with so much devotion and something powerful Jester wouldn't name.

Caleb nuzzled against the soft skin of her freckled thighs and reached for the soap next to her. Humming quietly, he lathered his hands and started to rub the soap into her legs, down to her feet, massaging the tension out of her muscles, lavishing attention on each spot before he moved on to the next. Jester moaned in contentment and leaned her head back against the tiled wall, closing her eyes. She let the hot water run over her and just tried to sit in all the sensations of Caleb washing her, kissing, lathering, caressing every part of her, like every inch of her body was a precious treasure.

“Does this feel good, _Schatz_?” Caleb asked, quietly enough that she wasn’t sure she heard him at first. "Relaxing?"

“Yes,” she sighed. “Amazing…please keep going…”

“Just sit back, baby, I’ll take care of you.”

He did keep going, and Jester was relaxed, so much so that she didn’t even have those little pangs of self-consciousness when he rubbed soap into the squish of her lower stomach or over the stretch marks on her upper arms. Eventually, she did notice that her breasts and her pussy weren’t getting any attention at all, and she peeked one eye open and looked down at him.

“I think you’re missing a couple spots,” she said, raising an eyebrow. He grinned.

“Don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten them. But the rest of you deserves attention too.”

Caleb picked up the pace after that; he was still thorough, but he didn’t linger. When Jester felt his slippery hands come up and cup her breasts, she inhaled sharply and purred in excitement.

“So needy,” Caleb murmured, thumbing over her nipples and making her tail slap on the wet marble. Jester wanted to linger in that feeling, the pleasure rocketing through her from just that gentle touch, but he kept going. He rolled her nipples between hot, wet fingers, pinched them and tugged on them, and just as she adjusted to every motion that ratcheted up her pleasure, he moved on to a different one. Jester was a yelping, quivering mess in short order, her cunt spasming around nothing. The burning heat of her arousal was only amplified by the reawakened heat that had been resting dormant in her stomach from when she sucked him off.

“I am, I am, I need you,” Jester whimpered, threading a hand in his hair. Caleb smirked and reached up to take her chin and pull her down into a kiss.

“Do you want me to eat your pussy?” he whispered into her mouth.

“Fuck, _yes_ -“

“Say it, then. Tell me what you want.” If she could come from words alone… Jester felt her blush grow hotter and she squirmed as she felt two teasing fingers move from her nipple to the valley between her thighs.

“I…I want you to eat me out.”

“Hmm, that’s not specific enough, I’m afraid,” Caleb teased, still kissing her softly. The pads of his fingers grazed over her labia, not giving her what she wanted, not yet. “I could eat you out in two different ways, so I think I need a little more guidance than that.” Oh fucking _balls_. Jester was so ridiculously turned on and she did _not_ just hear him allude to eating her ass.

“Fuck, Cayleb, _please_ eat my pussy, please, I need your mouth-“

“Oh, that’s a good girl,” he hummed, placing both hands on the inside of her thighs and spreading them. “You beg so prettily, darling.”

Jester nearly lost it when he finally put his mouth on her. Her arousal had diminished in its intensity, because of the lull between sucking his cock and this, but when he ran his tongue up the length of her cunt and took her slick, swollen clit between his lips, it all hit her at once. Jester tightened her hand in Caleb’s hair and her tail whipped wildly next to her, knocking soap and shampoo off the edge, but she couldn’t care less.

Her mouth spilled a litany of curses, praises, pleas for _more, harder, yes, like that, please, so good, baby, fuck_ , as he devoured her cunt. The obscene sounds were almost drowned out by the shower, but not quite, and she could still feel his moans vibrating on her clit when she gave him a response he particularly liked.

“I fucking love eating your pussy,” Caleb panted, pulling away only briefly to catch his breath. “So sweet and _beautiful_ , baby, I could do this all day.”

Caleb’s hands held her under her ass so he could pull her hips forward and bury his tongue in her entrance, and Jester was writhing, panting, pulling her nipples, when she felt his fingers open her and sink inside, filling her, stretching her. Her internal monologue was scrambled, her thoughts an endless stream of sensation and _full, yes, so warm, I need it, I’m so close, I can’t take it, I’m gonna come, please, just a little more, I’m on the edge, fuck, I love you-_

Caleb pushed his fingers deep inside her and sealed his mouth around her clit, flicking his tongue over her sensitive tip and she wailed, locking her thighs around his head as she came hard, muscles spasming. Jester’s pussy clenched down around his fingers and she gasped for breath, hands scrambling against the side of the tub as she rode the wave of overwhelming pleasure to a shuddering, whimpering stop.

“Good?” Caleb murmured with a cheeky grin when she released her thighs, punctuating the question with a kiss to her oversensitive clit.

“What do you think?” Jester panted, smiling down at him, running her hand through his hair.

“I think pretty good, considering you almost crushed my head like a walnut.”

“Sorry,” Jester laughed weakly.

“Don’t be, it was hot.”

He helped clean her up a little more, cuddled her from behind while she washed her hair and Jester fell into bed with a satisfied groan, completely naked. Caleb kissed her head and put the desk lamp on so he could do a bit of work while she slept, and Jester nodded off watching him leaf through some notes. Something was niggling at the back of her mind though, something that ran through her head when she was on the verge of coming…

_Wait…_

_What?_

_Oh fuck._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really enjoying reading everyone's comments and hearing how they reacted to different elements, so if you're so inclined to share those thoughts, even if you think it's boring or just some little detail you liked, I would love to hear it! 🥰 You guys know how to make an author feel loved. I hemmed and hawed about a lot of elements of this chapter so feedback means a lot!
> 
> (The least believable part of this AU is the one where Caleb has post-doc job security).


	13. missing pieces of my skull, so i'll sew on patches of my own soul

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woof, thanks for being patient, guys. For whatever reason this chapter was like pulling my own teeth, and I reworked it a lot before I was happy enough with it to post it. Thanks for hanging in there. (Posted last night, edited today).

The next day, Caleb departed early, kissing Jester on the head on the way out as she sat on the balcony and drank her tea. He promised to be back before dinner and Jester waved him off with a smile. Looking out over the garden, she sat in silence for a few long moments.

_I love you._

Jester tried the thought out a few times; it was easier when he wasn’t right in front of her. Every time she said it to herself that morning, when he was there, she felt like it was written on her forehead. _I love you._ Her pulse raced. She’d never said that to anyone before. Not like that, anyway. She couldn’t say it to him, not yet, but here, in the privacy of her own chest, she could let the words float around and light up every fiber of her pounding heart.

As they cooled and settled, heavy, beneath her skin, however, another feeling emerged: nauseating fear. Then anxiety about the fear, nervousness about what it might mean. If she was afraid, did that mean she didn’t really love him? Something in her subconscious was trying to tell her it wasn’t right? Or maybe somehow she knew he didn’t feel the same?

Or was it because if she admitted those feelings, even to herself, she couldn’t pretend anymore that she was keeping a safe distance?

 _Ding ding ding, dumbass._ Jester knew better than many that those words were a weapon. You were handing someone a scalpel and cracking open your ribs to expose the tender bleeding muscle of your heart. And then, her hesitation about that inspired even more fear. If she loved Caleb, shouldn’t she be willing to hand him that power, trusting he wouldn’t use it to hurt her? Shouldn’t she have no hesitation, like Mama said about her dad, there was just no other word for how she felt and she knew it was right?

Maybe she should wait for Caleb to say it. He knew what it was supposed to feel like. Maybe she could follow his lead. But if he said it and she wasn’t sure if she should say it, then what? She had to be ready. Well if _he_ said it, then she would probably say it too. But then wouldn’t that be her just going along with it? What if he said it, and she wasn’t sure, but she said it anyway, or worse, just fumbled and didn’t say it and then he thought she didn’t feel it - so maybe _she_ should say it first, so she couldn’t get caught off guard.

Jester put her face in her hands and groaned out loud. _This is ridiculous. Stop huffing paint, leave the Chateau and go interact with people with some tether to reality._

Forcing herself back into the room, Jester rebelled against the stern adult part of her brain by shrugging into a comfortable golden yellow sweater and joggers instead of something cute. She’d save the cute stuff for later, when her mother was performing and sweatpants would be out of place in the Chateau dining room.

Jester had missed her city tremendously in the past few months, and walking the streets of Nicodranas, aimless, eased the ache in her soul that she hadn’t realized was there until it was gone. She bought a paper cone of fried lemon leaves sprinkled with sugar and ate as she walked, enjoying the pace of having absolutely nowhere to be, no store to run, no obligations or errands. The day was gorgeous, the kind of chill that felt cold to a native Nicodranian like her, even with her tolerance, but that felt nearly summer-like to Empire folks. Caleb had left this morning in a light jersey knit shirt with the sleeves rolled up like it was the tail end of summer in Rexxentrum. To Jester and other Nicodranians, it was deep winter.

Nicodranas was teeming with tourists this time of year, escapees from the harsh snowy winter of Rexxentrum and Zadash and even further north. It wasn’t exactly tropical, but at least it didn’t snow there. Tour groups wandered through the streets, snapping photos, and the hotels were teeming with visitors. Jester passed by groups of kids playing ball near the port and sat on a bench for a short time to watch the ships. Sailors embarked and disembarked, loaded crates, wandered off, drunk in the middle of the day, to find cheaper brothels than the Chateau, tattoo parlors and bars.

“Quite a nice change of pace, isn’t it?” Jester started and looked next to her. The Traveler sat, hood covering his long ears, gazing around at the port with an amused smile.

“Yeah, it’s so good to be home,” Jester sighed. She held out her cone of lemon leaves to Artagan and he took one and ate it.

“Delightful. I never would have thought to fry a leaf. People think of the most ingenious things.”

“Are you just here to eat my snacks?” Jester teased.

“Who says I’m here for you? Maybe I just want a little time in the sun myself.” Jester looked at him and raised an eyebrow. “Alright, maybe I had something I was thinking about.”

“Spit it out, then.”

“Well, darling, you know how you made your resolution to expand my worship?” Jester beamed and turned toward him.

“Yeah! I was thinking we could have like a regional meeting or something! For followers! And then like interested people could come and check it out.” Artagan shifted uncomfortably and took another lemon leaf.

“That’s sort of what I wanted to speak with you about, Jester, you see…I love your enthusiasm, truly, but I really prefer to keep this, ah…more of an…exclusive…thing.” She furrowed her brow.

“What do you mean? Why wouldn’t you want to be worshipped by more people?”

“I really enjoy what I have right now, just a group of committed disciples - with you at the head, of course - and I don’t think I want the responsibility of a bunch more people. I’d really rather throw a wonderful party for those I already know and like, you know? Maybe let’s do _that_.”

“So like a convention.”

“Sure. Like a convention.”

“We can do that,” Jester said, a smile spreading over her face. “I already have some ideas.”

“Fabulous, dear, I knew you would. Let’s brainstorm. When you’re finished getting laid twice a day on vacation I mean.”

“Artie!”

“What? I’m your god, darling, I know _everything_. Good for you, you deserve a man who doesn’t need an instruction manual. I have a feeling you could open him up to giving up a little control, though. He's quite tightly wound. It would be so therapeutic for him.” Jester laughed.

“You know, I’ve been thinking the same thing,” she mused, passing the cone to Artagan again. “I think he’s maybe too shy to tell me he wants that.”

“I get the same impression.”

“Really?” Jester asked.

“Oh, I think your professor would like nothing more.” Jester giggled.

“I’m glad we’re on the same page, then. When I get back to Rexxentrum let’s talk about this meeting. Have you heard about anything good going on around here this weekend?”

“Why? Looking to cause problems, my first and favorite?” Artagan asked with a wicked grin. Jester smiled back and her tail waved behind her playfully.

“I wouldn’t _mind_ getting into a little trouble.”

The trouble Jester and Artagan found for themselves came in the form of mild vandalism. With her paints and the Traveler’s gifts of disguise, Jester was able to turn the sign for the Excited Quail into the Excited Queef; a sidewalk promotion for “buy one get one” dwarven ales into a sale on dwarven balls; and the banner for the bar the Priest’s Wineskin into the Priest’s Foreskin. Not to mention the little dicks she left on sidewalks, bike locks, flyers, and bus stop signs, so small they’d hardly be noticed, but whoever did notice them would probably laugh. She had a system worked out, bopping down the street with her headphones in; every third song, she challenged herself to find a good surreptitious spot to put another dick before the song ended.

When she started to get hungry again, she checked the time and realized she had a text from her mother, asking if Jester wanted to come up to her room.

Me: I just went out for a bit! Be back soon, I’ll bring lunch. 😘

Jester wasn’t even anxious today, Absolutely nothing could harsh her good feelings: the sun was shining, she was in her city, on her first real vacation since she left, and she had a beautiful man who couldn’t wait to come back and see her when he finished work. She even bought two bottles of fresh beet juice flavored with orange blossom, because she knew her mother liked it, and more vegetables wouldn’t kill her either. The choices at the market were almost too many to process, but she wound up going home with a container of raw crab tossed with onion and cucumber, a cold cooked salad of eggplant and tomato like she made for Caleb last week, and a nice loaf of bread. As she approached the Chateau, she saw that the curtains on the windows on her mother’s side of the building were open, and she breathed a sigh of relief. Another good day.

“Mama! It’s me!” Jester called, knocking on Marion’s apartment door.

“Come in, darling!” Jester managed the door open despite her full hands and made her way to her mother’s room, which was breezy and open today. “It’s just you, right?”

“Yes, Mama, just me. Cayleb’s working.”

“Just making sure, I didn’t want to be indecent.” Marion was fluffing her pillows when Jester came in, dressed in a long silky - no, not silky, _silk_ \- black slip with a low back and gold lace trim that immediately made Jester conscious of her baggy, comfortable clothes. Because of course, how could she forget this was how her mother dressed to hang around the house? _Doesn’t this woman own a set of fucking pajamas?_ She’d give her kingdom to see Marion Lavorre wear a pair of godsdamned sweatpants, just once.

“I brought you beet juice, Mama,” Jester said, putting her cargo down on the dresser.

“Oh thank you! This weather does make one crave the fruits of winter, no?” Jester hummed in agreement. “Do you want to eat outside again?” Jester eyed her mother carefully. Eating on the terrace two days in a row?

“If you do,” she responded cautiously. Was her mother on a new medication or something?

“I actually put a hammock out there this morning,” Marion said proudly. “Come see, we can swing in it after lunch!” Jester just stared at her mother in shock. A _hammock?_

“Uh. Okay. Yeah, Mama, that sounds great.” Jester tried her best to smile, encouraging. Marion beamed.

“So, I really enjoyed meeting this man last night,” Marion started, as she and Jester set out plates on the table.

“I’m glad, Mama,” she replied, sitting down and passing her mother the crab. “It seemed like you got along. He liked meeting you too. Did I tell you Luci tried picking him up last night before we got up here?” She laughed but Marion frowned.

“She did _what_ now?” Jester shook her head.

“Oh, she just didn’t know. It’s not a big deal. She backed off right away.”

“But was he interested?”

“Mama! Of course not!” Jester cried.

“It’s a fair question, darling.”

“Gee, thanks,” Jester grumbled, scooping eggplant onto her bread with a sour expression. Marion tsked.

“Not because of _you_. Men are just…inclined to take what’s offered, that’s all.”

“Okay, well, maybe some men can control their dicks,” Jester snapped, and her mother backed off, quietly sipping her juice. She immediately felt ashamed for getting angry, but she had enough of that worry floating around in her own head, without her mother feeding her more of it.

“Sorry,” Jester mumbled. “I just don’t really want to think about that.”

“It’s okay, sweetheart, I shouldn’t have cast aspersions. You’re probably on edge enough as it is, having him here.” She knew Marion was talking about at the Chateau, presumably being tempted. Knowing Caleb was trustworthy, that was the least of her worries. But she nodded in agreement anyway. The statement wasn’t untrue.

“Anyway, he seems lovely,” Marion continued, as she spooned crab onto her plate. “Very respectful.” Jester furrowed her brow.

“Of me?” _Did you think I would be dating someone who wasn’t?_

“And me,” the Ruby added. “I have to admit, I wasn’t sure what to expect, or how much you’d told him about the Chateau. We’ve never really done boyfriend introductions.”

“Oh, the Chateau isn’t a problem, Mama,” Jester reassured her. “I wouldn’t be with someone who didn’t respect you. I learned pretty early on when I moved out that getting the whole, ‘here’s what my mom does’ thing out of the way quickly weeds out a lot of guys.” Marion frowned slightly and looked a little sad.

“You’ve had men reject you because of me?” Jester looked sternly at her Mama.

“No, _I’ve_ rejected _them_ because they have a bad attitude. I’d rather be alone than with someone who would treat anyone the way I saw some guys around here acting, when I was growing up. I mean, give me a break.” Marion contemplated that silently for a few minutes.

“Well, I was quite pleased with him. And you seem happy.” Marion eyed her in the way that Jester knew by now was supposed to be casual, but in actuality, Marion was examining her every pore like a hawk. “You must really like him.” _I might like him more than that, even._

“I do,” she mumbled, blushing. The bread on her plate was absolutely fascinating right now. Marion hummed in curiosity, but thankfully didn’t pursue it further.

An hour later, Jester couldn’t believe she was swinging in the hammock with her mother. Marion had been outside for all this time with no issues, not even on edge. She couldn’t help but think how much she would’ve liked this as a child. Marion passed her a plate of sliced oranges, dusted with cinnamon sugar and orange flower water. The breeze tousled her hair and she snuggled up next to her mother, indulging the little girl in her that wished for things like this when she was young enough to need it.

“Mama?” Jester asked quietly.  
  
“Yes, my love?”

“How’d you know you loved Dad?” Marion tightened her arm around her daughter and sighed.

“I just…did. I don’t know. I felt something powerful and there wasn’t anything else to call it.”

“But what was it _like_?” Jester pressed. “Like what did it _feel_ like?” Marion thought about the question for a moment, sucking the juice out of an orange slice.

“It felt like…being around the sun. Like I was a rose in the sun. I could grow.” Jester’s heart ached, thinking about how that feeling soured for her mother. The metaphor felt fitting. He was the light that helped her grow and then she withered in it.

“Are you in love?” Marion asked softly. _Yes_. Jester couldn’t bring herself to say it.

“I might be.” Marion rubbed Jester’s arm.

“Are you scared?”

“Yes,” Jester replied, unhesitating.

“That usually means you are.”

“I don’t know yet. And I don’t know if he feels…what I’m feeling.” Marion scoffed, and Jester frowned at her. “What’s so funny?”

“He might not be ready to say so yet, but if that man isn’t head over heels in love with you, my little Sapphire, I’ll give you my chandelier.” Jester’s heart pounded.  
  
“You think so?”

“After seeing the way he looks at you? Yes, my dear, I do think so.”

Jester wanted to believe her mother’s intuition was right. She was also wary, given Mairon’s desire to believe in fairytale love and for Jester to be happy.

“I have something for you. You don’t have to take it, but…I thought you ought to have it, and do what you will with it.” Marion rose carefully from the hammock and Jester followed her inside, curious. Her mother went to her bedroom, opened a drawer on her desk and handed Jester a small white paper box.

“What is this?” Jester murmured, inspecting it.

_Genetic Testing Home Kit_

“I know that you want to find your father. I thought this would help. Everything I know about him I’ve told you, and that information is old. If he is out there to be found, this would get you closer. I didn’t want to send this in the mail, I thought…well, I thought you might want to talk about it.”

Jester’s mind wandered back to her journal, and her list of resolutions for the new year.

_#5: Be brave._

“Oh.”

“You don’t have to use it and you don’t have to tell me if you do or don’t. I just wanted you to have it.”

“Thanks, Mama,” Jester whispered, staring at the box. “Thank you.” Marion looked her curiously, waiting for her to speak. “Um, yeah, I have wanted to find him.”

“It’s different when you have the means in your hands,” the Ruby said bluntly.

“Yeah. It’s different.” Marion sat on the edge of her bed and took Jester’s hand.

“I want you to use this or not however you see fit. I just…I also don’t want you to get your hopes up, should you find him. I don’t know if…I mean, he’s never tried to contact me, after all these years, and I’m at the Chateau just like I’ve been for years. So…he may not want to be found.” Jester was nauseous. She knew her mother was right. Finding him was only part of it. Maybe not even the biggest part.

“I know, Mama. Um, I’m gonna go put this with my stuff, okay? I’ll be back later.” Marion nodded.

“Take your time, my love.”

When Jester got back to her room, she flopped down on the bed and pulled her phone out of her pocket.

Me: hey baby, do you know when you’ll be back? no rush or anything, just wondering.

She fiddled with the box while she waited for him to respond. Taking a concrete step like this was something she’d never done before. She’d casually searched her father’s name online from time to time, looking for news articles, obituaries, anything, and coming up short. Obviously, she knew these tests existed but she’d never bought one, in part because they were expensive, but mostly she used that as an excuse. In truth, Jester was scared. If she didn’t know anything about him but a name and a vague description, he was out of reach. The fantasies she’d constructed as a child, of a sea captain or dragon tamer, had given way a long time ago. Yet, the reality was, the image she had of him now, of a coward and a liar, wasn’t any less of a fantasy. If she found him, and he was all those things, then that was the answer to all her questions. As much as she’d given up the hope of having a happily ever after with her loving parents, finding out for sure that he was as scummy as she now thought would close the door on that hope forever. But what if he wasn’t? What if he was smart, and kind, and handsome, and he had a new family now, and she was forced to really see what she could’ve had? What she could’ve had, if only she and her mother had been enough to make him want to stay. What would it mean if the man who had fathered her wasn’t the pathetic fool she’d been imagining now for years, and yet he still didn’t want anything to do with her? It would be worse, maybe, if she couldn’t write him off as just some lowlife asshole. If he was generous, and charismatic, and easy to like. _What about me wasn’t enough?_

Her phone buzzed, breaking her from her reverie.

💕Caleb: I was thinking 5, but I can be back in fifteen minutes if you need me to be. Is everything alright?

_No._

Me: yeah, everything is fine! I just miss you 😘

💕Caleb: I miss you too, Schatz. I’ll be back in a few hours but if you need me, I’m not far.

Me: ok, thanks. sorry to interrupt

💕Caleb: No need to be sorry. <3

Me: but if you did have stuff you were *able* to do here, and wanted to come back sooner that would be okay

Jester deleted that text instead of sending it. She did want him to come back sooner, but she would just feel guilty if he came back here just to be around her.

Me: my mom just kind of dropped a bomb on me. everything’s fine but I’m having a lot of conflicting feelings and i want to talk through it when you get back, if that’s okay

💕Caleb: Of course. Are you sure you don’t want me to come back sooner? Are you upset?

Me: i’m okay baby. i just want to talk when you get home. it’s nothing to do with you or us, it’s because you’re good at helping me talk stuff out

💕Caleb: I trust you if you say you’re alright, but if that changes please let me know. I’ll try to finish up here at Yussa’s sooner if I can.

Jester’s heart swelled. Just feeling cared for helped ease her mind a little.

Me: I will, thanks ❤️ see you in a bit

Caleb did come back early, around 4, and Jester couldn’t help her heart pounding and stammering when he walked through the door. His face lit up with a smile as soon as he saw her.

“Hi, _Schatz!”_

“Good afternoon, Professor,” Jester teased, jumping up and meeting him at the door with a kiss.

“I was able to finish things a little early, how was your day?” Jester blew out a breath and walked over to the desk, where she’d put the testing kit. Caleb put down his bag and took it from her, frowning. “What’s this?”

“Mama gave it to me.” Caleb looked at her meaningfully.

“…Is this to help you find your father?” She nodded. Caleb sat down on the edge of the bed, making space for her. She stayed standing. “That’s a lot.”

“I don’t know if I should use it,” Jester blurted out.

“Do you want to find him?” Caleb asked gently, leaning forward while she paced. She snorted.

“That’s probably what I need to figure out, right? Because here’s the thing-“ and as the words poured out, she felt tension release in her chest, like she’d been holding her breath waiting for him to come back and be her sounding board. “What’s the _point_ of finding him? What am I going to get out of that? Because he obviously doesn’t want me, and obviously he sucks, because he’s known where my mom’s been for the last 25 years and he’s never reached out to her even once, so that says to me that he doesn’t want to be in my life or her life at all, and so then why should I go looking for him, you know?”She held her hands out and looked at Caleb, as if he’d have an answer to that question. He waited, but she didn’t continue.

“Do you think you would have some closure? Or answers to questions? Perhaps hearing his side of the story would help you?”

“ _His_ side?” Jester asked incredulously, glaring at him. “What possible side could there be that would justify…any of it?” Caleb shook his head.

“I don’t mean to justify it. There is no justification for abandoning your child. But I know you have questions, we’ve talked about them - what happened, where he went, why he didn’t come back. Perhaps if you found him, and could ask him those questions, you at least wouldn’t wonder anymore.” Jester hummed and started pacing again, arms crossed over her chest.

“But what if I don’t like the answers?” she grumbled. “I mean, what if he says, I never really loved her that much anyway, or I met someone better, or…I don’t know. I can’t really imagine an answer I _would_ like.” Caleb nodded slowly.

“You didn’t ask for my advice, but can I offer a thought?”

“Please do.”

“I mean this as gently as possible, but I think that if you aren’t prepared to hear answers you won’t like, you should wait. It’s possible that if you do find him, all of that might happen. Any of the worst things you’ve imagined about him might be true. If you can’t accept that possibility, it will hurt you more than…it needs to, I suppose?” Jester chewed on that for a minute, pacing and biting her nails. “I hope it goes without saying, Jester, that I am here with you every step of the way of this, you don’t have to do this alone. Unless you want to. And I support whatever choice you make.”

“Thanks, Cayleb,” Jester said quietly. “I mean, it’s not like I don’t _know_ he’s got to be shitty, right? My expectations couldn’t be lower. I really can’t think of any possible way he could disappoint me.” Caleb nodded and waited, and Jester kept pacing. Eventually she picked up again. “Unless he doesn’t suck. Like, what if he doesn’t suck?” Caleb frowned.

“What do you mean?”

“What if I find him and he’s so nice and normal and everything?”

“…Would that change what he did? To you and your mother?” Jester plopped down on the bed next to him and put her face in her hands.

“No, it wouldn’t,” she sighed. “But…” Jester took his hand, thinking about the patches of shiny, delicate skin on his back. “I don’t think we have to be defined by the worst mistake we ever made. Right?” Caleb squeezed her hand.

“I don’t know that I believe that,” he admitted. “But I would like to.”

“The thing about that is, what _if_ my dad is just a nice, normal regular guy? Like what if he’s got a wife and kids now and is just living his life? He’s not some horrible scumbag like I’ve been telling myself all this time. So then what does _that_ mean? Then it’s like…okay, so you just didn’t want _us_. You didn’t want _me._ ”

“Oh, Jester…”

“I know that’s ridiculous!” Jester said hurriedly. “I know I wasn’t even anything when he left, he didn’t _know_ me, but…”

“It’s not ridiculous, it’s how you feel.” Caleb wrapped his arms around her and drew her close. She rested her head against his chest, listening to the comforting drum of his heart. “It’s not ridiculous.”

“Thanks,” Jester mumbled, reluctantly pulling away. “I guess I need to really believe that, you know? That nothing he did had anything to do with me.” Caleb nodded.

“ _Ja_ , it had nothing to do with you. Do you want my advice?"

“I do.”

“Well, my first advice is that you should trust your intuition. You’re an intelligent and capable woman, and you know yourself best. You will make a good decision. But to offer some food for thought, I suppose, no matter what kind of man your father is, he harmed you and your mother. His reasons, or excuses, whatever they are, do not change that. He doesn’t need to be a bad man in order for that to be true, and for you to be angry about it. You aren't obligated to forgive him, no matter what he's made of himself now.” Jester hummed in acknowledgement. It was a good point. But what if she wanted to forgive him? To let go of the anger that wept like a sore in her chest, reminding her of its presence when she bumped up against it?

“I think something else that scares me is like, forget the past, what now? I’m scared that I’m putting so much thought into this and it’s this major life-changing decision, but I could find him and he could want nothing to do with me. Like I’m some shit he stepped in on the sidewalk.”

“That could happen,” Caleb agreed. “But Jester, if he decides he doesn’t want a relationship with you, it’s his loss, not having you in his life. And don’t forget that you have so much support, so many people who care for you. You’re not in this alone.” Jester leaned her head on his shoulder, and they sat quietly for a little while.

“Thanks for talking this out with me, Cayleb,” she said softly. “I feel a lot better.” She wasn’t closer to a decision, but her brain felt a lot less cloudy. Jester felt his lips press against the top of her head.

“I’m glad, _Schatz_. I’m always here to listen.”

“What about you? How was your day?” He made a noncommittal noise.

“Ah, it could have been better. Yussa gave me some insight that I think are helping me move things along a bit. But when I stopped to eat, I took a look at these papers I took from the office before we left-“

“Astrid’s?” Jester asked, her heart dropping into her stomach. Caleb ran a hand over his face.

“ _Ja_ , and the comments are even worse than she made them out to be. I was astonished.”

“Well you’re going to help her fix it, right?” Jester asked. She purposefully kept her tone cheery, not wanting to give away the hot jealousy clawing its way up her throat.

“That’s the problem, there’s nothing _to_ fix. Not even a spelling error. At least not that I see on a first pass.” Jester furrowed her brow.

“You have the same advisor, don’t you? What’s he complaining about then? Is he just like that?” Caleb made another noncommittal sound, pulling the papers out of his bag.

“He is…harsh. Yes. But this is… I mean, look at this.” Jester peered over his shoulder and saw pages and pages of red ink, but she couldn’t decipher the notes. “Ah, it’s in Zemnian - but listen to just a few of them.” He thumbed through and pointed to certain spots in the marginalia. “ _This claim is exceptionally weak, you should know better…how can you possibly know this, did you invent this theory? Cite it or share such groundbreaking research with the rest of us…Analysis this poor makes me question attaching my name to yours on that recommendation you requested.”_

“Threatening her, right? That’s what she was saying?” Jester murmured, trying to understand more of the notes.

“ _Ja_ , absolutely, it is a threat.”

“I mean…does he talk to you like this?” Jester asked, a hard edge rising on her voice. She imagined a shadowy figure, breathing over Caleb’s shoulder, making him break down the way she saw Astrid do a few days ago, and the thought filled her with anger.

“Sometimes,” Caleb admitted. “Like I said, he is harsh, but this is excessive. Cruel, even.”

“Do you think he’s harder on her because she’s a girl?” Jester asked. Caleb thought it over, still skimming the pages.

“It could be. He’s hard on all of us, but particularly on her. And her work is impeccable, it always has been. I didn’t know it was this bad.”

Jester was torn. She really didn’t want Caleb any more involved in Astrid’s affairs than was necessary for them to work together, and she also felt tremendously sorry for what this woman was being put through. The insecure and jealous side of her was wrestling with the part that felt terrible for not encouraging him to help her. She didn’t realize she’d been sitting there in silence for so long until Caleb reached out and took her hand.

“Something is bothering you.”

“Me? No, nothing is.” Caleb searched her face, clearly not believing her, but not wanting to call her out on it.

“Hypothetically, if it _did_ bother you that I’m still friendly with my ex, would you tell me?”

“Of course I would,” she lied. Caleb pressed his lips together and frowned.

“Okay, well, hypothetically, if you _were_ to say that that bothered you, in that hypothetical situation I would probably reassure you that I’m committed to you. I would also add, in that imaginary conversation, that yes, we still have a certain closeness, that comes from having been together for so long, and I still care for her wellbeing, but that closeness has nothing…nothing romantic in it.”

“And what if, hypothetically, in this conversation, I said that I know that and it kind bothers me a little anyway?” Jester mumbled, staring down at where their fingers laced together to hide her shamefaced blush. “Even though I might know it’s unreasonable.” Caleb was quiet for a minute, thinking through his response.

“Well, theoretically, I might say that…you are my girlfriend, and it wouldn’t be _unreasonable_ for you to want me to have boundaries in my relationship with Astrid. And I might say that your comfort is very important to me and if I can do that small thing to make you feel better, I don’t feel that that’s unreasonable.”

“I would probably say that that would make me feel better,” Jester said. “Although I know you don’t really, like, see each other outside work or anything. You’re just trying to be helpful, and that’s good.” Caleb put his arm around her and kissed her hair.

“ _Ja_ , It’s not as if we’re going out to the bar together after work, Jester. You aren’t asking me to stop working with her or to give up a friendship. There really isn’t even friendship there, not anymore. If there’s something I’m doing that’s bothering you, please tell me, _Schatz_. I don’t feel it’s unreasonable for you to ask.”

“Honestly, just knowing that you feel that way eases a lot of my anxieties, you know?” Jester said, tracing the lines of his palm with her fingertips. “Like, knowing I can talk to you about it and you won’t act like I’m being some crazy, jealous bitch. Which, I guess I am, a little.”

“You’re not. I had a long, serious relationship that I never quite got a clean break from because we work together. That’s a complicated situation and I’m certain I would feel threatened if our positions were reversed. Even if I have every reason to trust you.”

“I know, but jealousy is ugly on anyone. I’m sorry.” Caleb leaned down and kissed her with a cheeky smile.

“On the contrary, I think we established last night that I think you’re very sexy when you get possessive.”

“Oh hush, you,” Jester laughed, smacking his arm. She kissed him again for good measure. “I think you should help her with this, though. Sorry to change the subject - I just - this is bad.” She gestured to the pile of papers, laying to the side on the bed. “If there’s anything you can do, even just let her know you support her, I think you ought to. It’s the right thing to do.”

“ _Ja_ , I think so too,” Caleb sighed. “I don’t know if there’s anything I can do, but this isn’t right.”

“So tell me what else you were working on today,” Jester said, laying down and rolling over so she could lay on her stomach, chin propped in her hands. Her tail flicked lazily through the air behind her. “Yes, I’m interested, no, I don’t care if it takes a little while to explain.” Caleb laughed and laid down next to her, also on his front.

“Well, I started by reviewing these texts Yussa was able to source for me, which were in Undercommon, so they took some time to read…”

~~~

Later, after a dazzling performance by the Ruby and a hearty few rounds of dancing to the band, Jester led Caleb upstairs by the hand, grinning like a fool. She’d purposefully only had one drink, because she had _plans_ for him tonight, and she didn’t want to be too hazy for them.

“You know, I was thinking about you all day,” Caleb hummed when they got in the door, pulling her flush against his chest.

“Oh really?” Jester laughed. “Whatever had you so distracted?”

“Your smile,” he replied, punctuating the answer with a kiss. “And your jokes.” He kept going, kissing her after every addition. “How much you make me laugh. How kind you are. How much I l-like you.” Jester’s heart fluttered at that little stumble, though she told herself it was just an accident.

“Is that all?” Jester teased. “Not how ridiculously hot I am?”

“Well, yes, that too. That bedside table gave me quite a few ideas.” Jester grinned and kissed him, running her tongue over his bottom lip.

“I would love for you to share the results of your theorizing with me, Professor.”

“Would you now?” Jester shivered at the tone in his voice, already a little husky with want. It reminded her of the way he’d sounded when they had phone sex a few weeks ago, confident, frisky. She wanted to play with _that_ Caleb very much, now that they were in person. His hand drifted down to the base of her tail as they kissed, stroking it very gently and measuring her reaction. Jester sighed and pressed back into his touch, encouraging him.

“I think I’d like to use the restraints tonight,” Jester mumbled against his lips. “What do you think?”

She felt Caleb suck in a breath.

“I think…that sounds nice,” he said cautiously. Jester could sense his hesitation.

“Do you want to be tied up?” Jester asked. “Or me? Because I would be happy with either.”

Caleb thought about it for a moment, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth.

“Would you let me spoil you tonight, _Schatz_?” he asked softly. “I want to make you feel good. You’ve had a hard day. Let me take care of you?” Gods, how could she say no to that offer?

“I think you just want me at your mercy,” Jester murmured, grinning.

“And you don’t want to be?” Caleb purred in her ear, and Jester inhaled sharply at that. No, her body announced, she very much did.

“Oh no, I do,” Jester breathed, already reaching up to unbutton his shirt - but Caleb’s hand stopped her.

“If that’s the case, then I think I’m calling the shots, no?” Jester pouted.

“Fiiiiine.”

“Patience is a virtue, _Liebling_.”

“If I’m patient, do I get to find out what ideas you were cooking up about the stuff in the nightstand?”

“Yes, that’s exactly right.” Caleb pulled her close and kissed her. “Now, I want you to go over there and pick out one thing you’d like to use tonight, and put anything you definitely don’t want into the bottom drawer. Does that sound agreeable?”

“I think I can agree to those terms,” Jester sighed, feigning annoyance. “But you’d better reward my patience, then, Cayleb.”

“Oh, I plan on it.”

Jester went to the nightstand and rummaged through, trying to decide what she definitely wanted to use tonight. Anything meant for anal play she put into the bottom drawer - as curious as she was to try it, not tonight, or in this situation - along with anything purely meant for inflicting pain. She put her selection on the tabletop and looked back at Caleb, trying to hold back her giddy smile. Her tail gave her away, lashing back and forth in a way that he knew by now meant she was excited. Caleb put his arms around her from behind and brushed his lips behind her ear, making her shiver.

“I’ll be right back. Take off everything but your stockings and panties and wait for me on the bed.” Jester turned and stole a kiss, holding him against her with his shirt clutched in her hand.

“I’m all yours tonight, Professor.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy 2021 all! May it suck a good deal less on every level.
> 
> Kudos/comments/reactions all fuel the writing brain. ❤️
> 
> And the writing soundtrack for this chapter was Fair, by the Amazing Devil. Is there any song more WJ?
> 
> And she'll say  
> "Oh, how, oh, how unreasonable  
> How unreasonably in love I am with everything you do  
> I'll spend my days so close to you  
> 'Cause if I'm standing here, maybe everyone will think I'm cool"
> 
> "How unfair, how unfair," they'll sing  
> As they dance across the darling rooftop wreck  
> He'll trip, and she'll pretend not to have seen  
> Burying her head into his chest  
> And clinging to the moment, "Where have you been?"  
> She'll whisper, "I've waited, oh, so long for you to come"  
> And as the stars above them hum and hear them  
> He'll turn to her and say, "That's what she said"


	14. there's nothing you or i can do, so let the stars fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The spirit of WJ inhabited my body and compelled me to write perhaps the filthiest 9k of my AO3 career? Not sure. Either way, there is virtually nothing in this chapter that isn't porn, so if you're not here for that, wait for the next update. 😘
> 
> I'm captain of the S.S. Wizards Don't Always Have to Be Bottoms

Jester arranged herself on the bed, kneeling as prettily as she could, waiting for Caleb to come back. She’d removed everything but her sheer gold stockings, and had traded her cute, lace-trimmed cotton underwear for a new pair she hadn’t worn yet and was almost too shy to purchase (and for her, that was saying something). These were barely underwear,with lace hugging her hips and thin straps winding around her thighs, but completely open in the front. She could hear Beau’s voice in her head from the last time they went to the sex shop together, and her friend held up quite a similar pair.

“You can’t call something underwear if it doesn’t have a crotch. You can’t leave the house in these.”

“What would you call them, then?”

“I don’t know. Pussy garnish?”

That felt pretty apt at the moment, exposed as she was. Still, she was very glad she bought them and they felt quite appropriate for whatever they were about to do. They hadn’t had sex like this before, with one person really fully giving up control, though they’d flirted with elements of domination, like hair pulling and delaying orgasms. Nerves fluttered in her stomach and her tail thumped on the bed next to her in her anticipation. One of the things that attracted her to Caleb was his mind, and his drive to gather knowledge, and the thought of that cleverness being turned on her was wildly arousing. She’d seen a hint of it before, a flash in his eyes when he looked at her in bed, and especially when he tried something new. It was as if she was a new spell he was studying, and he couldn’t help but try out every combination of words and gestures and components to unlock all the secrets and delights contained within the puzzle of her mind and body.

When Caleb returned to their room, he’d gathered a pitcher for water and a plate of cookies from the kitchen, both of which he almost dropped when he walked through the door and saw her kneeling there, displayed like a present. He recovered quickly but his reaction made Jester grin, and her tail pattered faster.

“These are here in case you get hungry, or thirsty, you just have to say so, alright?” Caleb said, putting his cargo aside. Jester nodded eagerly, playing with her hands, unable to keep still. He grinned at her and checked the locks on the door and the draw on the curtains before stepping over to the bed and bending down to give her a long, passionate kiss.

“These are a nice surprise,” he murmured, ghosting his fingers over the lace on her hips. “That was clever of you.”

“I’m very clever,” Jester agreed, beaming.

“Indeed you are.” Caleb kneeled on the bed behind her and put an arm around her waist. He started laying feather light kisses over her neck, down her shoulder, and Jester sighed in contentment and leaned her head back against him. “I have so many plans for us tonight, _Kätzchen._ ” His voice was barely a whisper in her ear, and his breath tickled all the way down her spine, giving her chills.

“Oh?” Jester breathed, going for sexy and flirty but achieving more “desperately turned on.” “Do I get to hear them?” Caleb drew his fingertips down over her arms, giving her goosebumps.

“Would you like to, or would you prefer to be surprised?” Jester thought for a moment.

“…I think I want to be surprised.”

“Wonderful, _Kätzchen.”_

“What does that mean?” Jester asked, furrowing her brow. Caleb brushed her earlobe with the tip of his nose and kissed her behind the ear with a smile.

“It means _kitten_. Because you’re my sweet kitten tonight, _ja?”_ He kissed her again. “If you don’t like it, I can change it.”

“No, I like it,” she mumbled, face growing hot. She liked it a lot.

“Mmmm, excellent. Now, I will let you be surprised, as you asked, but I want to ask your permission for a few things first.” Jester nodded. “May I blindfold you?”

“Yes,” Jester replied immediately, her tail thumping harder.

“May I spank you here?” She felt his hand caress the curve of her ass. She nodded eagerly again. “Here?” Warm fingers brushed the swell of her breast. Jester whimpered.

“Fuck, baby…yes.” Caleb’s hand slid up, over her collarbone, and rested his palm against her throat, no pressure, just holding her there.

“Do you like this?” he whispered in her ear, and Jester shivered again.

“Yeah, but…no squeezing.” Caleb nuzzled against her ear.

“No squeezing. That’s all I wanted to check about. Now, _Kätzchen_ , you are going to be good for me tonight, yes?”

“Yes,” Jester breathed, already squirming with impatience.

“And you know that being good means having fun, because you’re a smart girl. So if you are not having fun, even if there is one small thing you want changed, or anything I do that you don’t care for - even if it’s any of the things you just agreed to - you will tell me right away, so I can fix it.”

“I will.”

“ _Sehr gut._ Are you ready?”

“Yes.” Jester turned her head to capture his mouth in one last kiss before they stepped into their roles and she stopped being free to do as she pleased. “What should I call you?”

“Anything you like, _Kätzchen_. Lay down on your back for me, hands up by the headboard.”

Jester obeyed, letting her tail drape down over the side of the bed so it was out of the way, though it still swished against the sheets in her excitement. When Caleb caught her eye, she grinned like a fool and he smiled back at her. Gods, she loved the way his eyes crinkled at the corners when he smiled at her, when he _really_ smiled. Caleb went to the corners of the bed and proceeded to restrain her so her wrists were drawn to the two top corners, immobilizing her arms. He left her legs free, and stood over her when he’d finished, blindfold in hand. Before he put it on, he brushed her hair out of her face, and gathered it up to pile it between her horns so it wouldn’t get tugged or fly in her nose and mouth.

“So beautiful,” he murmured, and leaned down to kiss her again. Jester beamed, letting those eyes take her apart for a good long moment before he placed the silky shade over her eyes. “Still good?”

“Still good,” she sighed happily.

“Excellent.”

Jester couldn’t see anything, but she could hear him taking his shirt off, taking a few things from the nightstand and putting them on the tabletop or near her feet, and finally, she felt the mattress dip as Caleb perched over her, and then he bent down for a kiss. This was much hotter than the last one, more forceful, and Jester moaned softly as his tongue parted her lips, claiming her mouth.

With her sight gone, every sensation was magnified. Caleb was kissing her and nipping her, teasing up her jaw, down over her neck and shoulders, and her heart was pounding. She couldn’t predict where she’d feel him next, and every kiss was a little surprise, drawing tiny gasps and sighs from her lips.

“Mmmm, my _Kätzchen_ is so sensitive,” Caleb purred, running his tongue over her collarbone. Jester whimpered in response, pulling on her bonds, but she was well and stuck. She hadn’t realized it, but during foreplay she often squeezed her nipples or pressed on her clit to take the edge off her arousal. She wasn’t quite turned on enough to need to do that yet, but not being able to made her realize just how at his mercy she really was.

Her little gasp turned into a big one when he took both her breasts firmly in his hands and massaged them, humming in appreciation as her nipples became even stiffer under his attention. Jester tried to arch up into his touch, but Caleb’s hands vanished and Jester whined in indignation.

“Patience, _Kätzchen._ Remember who is in charge here.”

“You are,” she grumbled. Caleb cupped her breasts again and started rolling her nipples under his thumbs.

“That’s right, and if you want to come tonight, you’re going to remember that.” Jester’s breath left her lungs and she felt a powerful wave of arousal crash between her legs.

“You wouldn’t be so mean to me,” she pleaded, only half joking. Caleb pinched both her nipples, hard, and bent down to whisper in her ear,

“You think I wouldn’t keep you on the brink of orgasm for hours and never give you permission to finish? I wouldn’t spend all night teasing you, and fucking you, keeping you so close to coming and so sensitive that everything nearly sends you over the edge? And never letting you? Getting to listen to you beg so prettily, and the noises you make when you’re just about to come, over and over again? Is that a bet you want to make, Lavorre?”

Jester bit down on her lip and squirmed from the waist down. She wanted to shoot something snarky back at him but she gritted her teeth and said,

“No. I don’t.”

“Good girl.” Jester jumped when felt a gentle smack, hardly more than a sharp pat, against her breast, and gasped. That felt _good_. Something far more powerful than just desire was wrapping around her brain, like a velvet blanket, and she leaned into it, unhesitating.

Jester moaned softly as she felt Caleb’s mouth on her nipples, warm and wet, sucking and licking gently. He tugged on one, rolling it between his fingers, as he teased the other with his tongue, grazing it with his teeth, and then switched, leaving her mewling and both her nipples hard and sensitive to the slightest touch. Not being able to anticipate his movements only magnified her excitement, and her awareness of sound: the hungry, heated noises he was making, the whisper of his breath, making her shiver when it passed over her wet nipples, the obscene _pop_ his mouth made when he switched between her breasts.

Suddenly, his mouth vanished, prompting a whimper, and a sharp slap landed on the tops of her breasts. Jester yelped, the pain interrupting her gradually building arousal, though she descended further into the thick, euphoric fog of submission that was slowly embracing her. Caleb stroked her violet skin, soothing it, and Jester was still catching her breath when she got a second slap, this time on one of her nipples. That made her cry out and arch up, but this time not from pain, just pleasure. The intensity of it sent a lightning bolt right to her cunt and she clenched down around nothing. Jester had the hazy thought that maybe she could orgasm like this, with enough practice.

“That’s it, darling, show me how much you like it…”

Caleb’s voice was rough with want and Jester melted under his praise, nothing in her scrambled brain but getting more, more pleasure, more of his devotion, more of his mouth and his hands on her body, more of his approval for being _good_. Jester gasped and bit her lip when the next slap landed on her other nipple; both were still wet and sensitive from Caleb’s mouth and she would’ve thought that would make it hurt, but instead it was pure ecstasy, an addicting, intense sensation. When he hit both at once, Jester deliriously thought she might be coming, as her pussy spasmed and her legs trembled.

“You seem to like that a lot, _Kätzchen_ ,” Caleb murmured in her ear, leaning over her again, and Jester searched for his mouth with hers. When he kissed her, another wave of exhilaration crashed over her; his mouth might have been the most delightful thing she’d ever tasted.

“I do,” Jester panted, struggling against her bonds when she tried to lift her arms up to hold him. “I do, please…”

“Please what, sweet thing?” She could feel his smile against her ear and he brushed his fingertips over the swell of her breast.

“Please, more, _Professor_ …” Jester felt him inhale sharply and he cursed under his breath. She’d never called him that in bed before but her nickname for him just fell out and clearly, he liked it a lot. Jester moaned happily as she felt Caleb sink his teeth into her neck, sucking hard to leave a mark. She couldn’t care less if she had to walk around tomorrow marked up, if getting them was this nice. When his mouth returned to her breasts, Jester sobbed and writhed; the sting of the slaps had worn off and now her nipples were just exquisitely sensitive, perhaps more than she’d ever felt them.

Caleb loved to worship her breasts, and normally she was thrilled with how much time he spent with them during foreplay, but the more he gave her now, the more she desperately needed him to pay attention to the wet pooling between her legs. Jester whined and canted her hips up against him - and wow, was he hard already - but tonight was not the right night for impatience. Caleb sat back on his heels and Jester could almost feel the rebuke before he said it.

“So demanding, tonight, hmm? What did we say about who’s in charge here?”

“You are,” Jester implored. “I’m sorry…”

“And what did I say would happen if you forgot that?”

“That I wouldn’t get to finish.” He hummed in agreement.

“Good.” She felt him trace his fingertip from her throat down to her stomach. “Sweet _Kätzchen._ Lucky for you, I just adore making you come. So I can excuse your misbehavior, only this once. Next time you’ll have to be punished.” _Fuck, please punish me…_

“Thank you, sir,” Jester said instead; she wasn’t sure how effective her begging face was, with her eyes covered. “I’m trying to be good.”

“I know you are, beautiful girl,” Caleb praised, stroking her cheek. “You simply need to learn to be patient. Trust me to give you what you need.”

“Yes, sir,” she whispered, trying desperately to cool the fire burning in her lower belly.

“That’s my good girl.” Caleb bent and pressed a gentle kiss to each of her dark, aching nipples. “I love your perfect tits, baby, I could spend all night on them.” Jester hummed happily, arching up to push her breasts against his cheek. “I can’t stop thinking about them even when I’m not with you. They’re quite a distraction when I’m trying to work.”

“Really?” Jester giggled, grinning. Maybe she should send him some pictures while he was at work next week, if she wanted to be _really_ disruptive…

“ _Ja_ , really,” Caleb breathed in her ear, tracing the curve of her breasts with his fingertips. “They’re just fucking perfect. But I think they ought to have a rest, don’t you?”  
  
“ _Yes_ ,” Jester hissed, whimpering when she felt his hand drift down to her hip.

“Spread your legs.”

Caleb’s commanding tone sent another pulse of warmth to her cunt and she obeyed. It was dizzying how exposed she felt, open for his inspection and unable to see where his gaze was. His hands stroked her thighs as he - she presumed - settled on his knees between them, and the warm air of the bedroom kissed her wet heat, intensifying her ache.

Jester twisted her wrists uselessly in their cuffs, enjoying the thrill it sent through her to be thoroughly stuck, but Caleb apparently noticed because he bent down to nuzzle against her ear.

“Still good?”

“Still good,” she confirmed with an encouraging smile. “Really, really good.” He chuckled and kissed her, as he slipped his hand between her parted thighs and ran two fingers between her labia. Jester let out a strangled gasp that turned into a heady moan as her neglected cunt pulsed, protesting its emptiness.

“Is this what is making you misbehave, _Kätzchen?_ You’re so wet from just a little kissing that you can’t keep yourself under control?”

Jester’s cheeks burned with arousal and embarrassment, mixing together in a powerful cocktail. His breath came harder on her neck as he swept his fingers over her slippery cunt, glancing against her clit every so often, just to make her jerk.

“Yes,” Jester mumbled, her voice high and weak with arousal. Caleb sat back on his heels again and spread her with his other hand.

“Ohhh, look at _you_ , darling,” he breathed, voice edging on a moan. “So incredibly gorgeous. And so fucking _wet.”_

He used the flat of his fingers to gather her slick and rub the length of her pussy; Jester could feel how wet she was everywhere, even on the outside of her labia, even in the crease of the thighs, and that drove her absolutely wild.

“I always get wet for you, baby,” she moaned, trying to keep the shaking out of her voice from how good his touch felt.

“I know you do, you’re so good for me,” Caleb purred, spreading her slick around. “Mmmm, my messy girl. I’ve wondered, though, if you’re always like this, or just for me, baby?”

“Just for you,” Jester whimpered, futilely grinding against his fingers. It wasn’t a lie; she wasn’t difficult to get excited, but since they started dating, her body responded to him like she’d never experienced. The emotional bond between them heightened the physical chemistry and Jester felt like a spigot every time they got into bed together.

“Oh, is that so?” Caleb asked, and she cried out as his two fingers slid inside her, so warm and open that there wasn’t even a stretch. “You wouldn’t get this wet for someone else, _Kätzchen_?”

“No, only you,” she gasped, gulping down air. Gods, was she really this fucking turned on already?! “You’re the only one I want, baby-“

“Good.” Caleb started fingering her faster and leaned over her to suck another love bite into her neck. “You’re not the only one who gets a little possessive,” he growled in her ear, and Jester moaned between her gasping sobs at how fucking _hot_ that was.

“ _Please please please, baby, let me come-“_

“No.” Jester groaned as he stilled his hand and pulled his fingers out of her. She heard the delicious sound of him sucking her slick off his fingers and whined with want. Caleb sat down next to her and started stroking her hair. “Here’s what I would like to do, _Kätzchen._ You tell me if this is agreeable to you. I’m going to play with you, and try to make you come, and I want you to tell me when you’re getting close. Can you do that?”

“Yeah, I can do that,” Jester replied with a smile, catching her breath.

“Good. I want you to count it down. If you say three, that means you’re aroused, like you are right now. Two means you’re very close to coming. One means you’re about to come right that minute. If you can control yourself and not come before I tell you to, you’ll get rewarded.” The playful, teasing tone in Caleb’s voice told her that he was prepared to seriously test her endurance.

“What’s my reward?” Jester asked, matching his flirtatiousness with a smile.

“I’ll make you come as many times as you want, in whatever way you desire.” Jester shuddered with delight thinking of all the things that could entail.

“And if I come without permission?”

“Then I’ll make you try again and wait even longer to get your reward.” Jester pouted. “But you’re such a good girl for me, _Kätzchen,_ I don’t think I’ll need to punish you like that, will I? Or are you unable to control your pussy well enough to follow some simple rules?” _That_ was a direct challenge. Godsdammit, he really knew how to get to her.

“No, I can do it,” Jester said defiantly, though the fact that she was staring blindly up at the ceiling and couldn’t glare at him probably lessened the effect. Caleb kissed her forehead and smoothed her hair back between her horns.

“That’s my girl. And remember that you can always tap out if you stop having fun, _ja?_ ” Jester nodded. “Good. Now lay back and spread your pretty legs.” Fuck, it was so hot to hear him order her like that.

Jester squirmed with excitement, trying to anticipate where she might feel his touch next, whether she’d get his fingers, his mouth, one of the toys from the nightstand… Her question was answered when she felt Caleb run the tip of a small bullet vibrator over the skin of her thighs, letting her feel the texture, the size, before turning it on and testing it on the sensitive skin of her belly to give her time to object, making her yelp and giggle. She heard him chuckle under his breath at her laughter and she wished she could see the way his eyes crinkled at the edges. _Fuck, you are stupid in love_.

That thought, along with any command of multi-syllable words and the ability to form sentences, was sucked right out of her head when he pressed that buzzing bullet up against her clit. Jester gasped and her feet scrambled against the sheets, trying to pull away from the intense stimulation and wanting _more_ of it at the same time, but Caleb didn’t let up, holding it firmly against her. She shuddered and started to rock her hips against it as the initial shock wore off, moaning and clenching her hands uselessly in their bonds.

“That’s it, baby, show me how you take your pleasure,” Caleb moaned, encouraging her, and Jester was way too lost in her pursuit of more stimulation to be embarrassed at the way she greedily ground her pussy against the vibrator he held in his hand. She had no idea how loudly she was moaning, but when Caleb reminded her, _number_ , she sobbed,

 _“Two_.”

Caleb pushed her thighs apart further and spread her with his fingers, coaxing the hood of her clit back just enough to make her shriek-

“ _Fuckfuckfuckfuck, one-“_

And the vibrator was gone and his palm came down hard, slapping her nipple, and she was shaking, her whole body sent into a tailspin by the sudden shift from pure pleasure to pleasure-pain.

“Number.”

“ _Two_ ,” Jester choked, writhing in overstimulated, ecstatic agony. Caleb stroked her labia gently, waiting for her breathing to calm down, and when she felt like she was back in her body again she swallowed thickly and mumbled, “Three.”

“What a good girl, remembering the rules,” Caleb hummed, and Jester melted again, just desperate for more of his praise.

When she felt the vibrator against her clit this time, she was more prepared, and rolled her hips against it with enthusiasm, reveling in the joy buzzing through her core, up her spine, lighting every nerve ending on fire. Quickly, though, she started building up again, panting, moaning, getting closer and closer, but this time she called out, _two_ , and then _one_ , Caleb didn’t stop, pressing the vibe firmly against her clit and slapping her other breast, harder. Jester cried out, her body abandoning orgasm when surprised by the pain, but immediately ratcheting back up to the edge of climax because of the vibe on her clit. Caleb pushed her back and forth between those extremes twice more, each time slapping her breasts to pull her back and praising her,

“Oh, so beautiful, _Kätzchen,_ what a good girl you’re being, fuck…that’s it, darling, good, not coming yet, I’m so proud of you-“

“Please please please please,” Jester sobbed, when he finally pulled the vibe away from her clit. “T-two. Please, please let me come, please…”

“Oh, darling, you beg so nicely,” Caleb breathed, leaning over her to give her a deep kiss. “Keep begging like that and I might just let you. Do you need a break?”

“No,” Jester panted, her chest heaving. She had never been more turned on in her life. She wanted to leap out of her skin and dissolve into a cloud of mist. “No, no, keep going.”

“You’re still good?”

“Yes, I’m having a great time,” Jester reassured him. “And I’m going to fucking _get_ you for this.” Caleb laughed and kissed her again.

“I look forward to it. You’re so fucking wet, baby, I can’t believe it… I’ve never seen you like this.”

“You’ve never fucked me like this,” Jester shot back, and he laughed again.

“Should we give your clit a break, _Kätzchen?”_

“Yes please,” Jester mumbled, pressing into the palm on her cheek.

Caleb hummed in agreement and Jester felt the mattress shift as he stood, and dip again, lighter this time, between her legs. Soft mewls and sighs spilled from her lips as she felt the flat of his tongue run over her sensitive, swollen pussy, gently lapping up her slick. Jester sank into the soothing rhythm of his strokes, humming happily. Normally, Caleb didn’t stick to just one stroke when he ate her out, but he wasn’t trying to make her come, he was just trying to keep her aroused, and being so overstimulated, this soft, feather light caress was exactly what she needed. Unable to see, to overthink, her whole body tingled in the dark, warm safety of submission. She was being taken care of, she didn’t have to make any decisions, she just had to be good, to follow directions, to make Caleb proud of her. Jester thought she could get drunk on this feeling.

Eventually, it could’ve been five minutes or an hour later, the tip of his tongue glanced over her clit again, testing her reaction. Her clit was still sensitive and hard, but just that little lick didn’t have her riding the knife’s edge of climax like she was before. He went back to sweeping the flat of his tongue over her labia, circling her entrance, and started glossing over her clit more and more, until she was whimpering and bucking her hips against his tongue, begging for more.

“ _Kätzchen,_ can I turn you onto your front?” Caleb asked; arousal flared inside her at the idea, getting taken from behind. He stroked her sides as he waited for her answer, and she appreciated that he was always touching her, letting her know where he was, and that he was right with her.

“Yes,” Jester breathed. “But don’t - can I leave my blindfold on?” She feared that taking it off would bring her back out of this happy float she was on.

“Of course, darling.” With that, Caleb stood, keeping one hand on her stomach, and petted it softly. “I’m going to let your left arm out now.” His voice was quiet, calm, and Jester nodded in assent. He announced each of his actions to her, moving slowly, and gently guided her onto her front with warm, supportive hands. Jester sighed, blissed out, and nestled her cheek into the pillow as Caleb reattached the cuffs on her wrists and stroked her arms. Her knees were folded up under her, legs splayed wide so her torso could lay flat against the bed.

“Does anything hurt, _Kätzchen?_ Or feel numb? Are you comfortable?”

“Nothing hurts or is numb, and I’m comfortable,” she mumbled into the pillow.

“Good.” Caleb dropped a kiss on her cheek. “Can we keep going?”

“Mhmmmm.” _Words are hard…_

“I need a yes, _Schatz_.”

“Yes.”

“That’s a good girl.”

Jester moaned, low and loud, when she felt Caleb’s fingers reach between her thighs and rub sharply at her clit.

“Still so worked up for me,” he hummed, appreciative. “Lift your hips.” Jester did so and felt him slide a thin pillow underneath them, but the shape was strange. He stroked her ass and then slid down to press two fingers against her cunt, making Jester whine and try to grind her hips back into his touch, but she discovered quickly that in this position she had almost no leverage with which to move herself.

“Gods, you’re delicious,” Caleb breathed, circling the tips of his fingers around her wet entrance. “I’m so turned on by you, baby.”

“Please take me,” Jester whimpered, “please just fuck me, sir, I need it…”

“So impatient,” Caleb reprimanded with a hard slap on her ass, which made Jester yelp. “Don’t test the limits of my forgiveness, Kitten.”

“Yes sir,” Jester moaned. “I won’t, I’ll be good.” She felt like her entire awareness was narrowed down to that one spot he was touching her, and how badly she wanted him to just put those fingers in her already.

“I was going to work you up gently to give you a better chance of winning our little game, but I don’t think I’m going to do that now.”

Jester let out a sobbing moan into her pillow that turned into a shout as Caleb shoved his two fingers into her and turned on the wand vibrator, blessedly muffled by the pillow, the one that had a head the size of a tennis ball and that Jester was cursing herself for picking out.

“Number.”

“ _Two-“_ She was amazed she could even get that out, with the mindblowing stimulation radiating up through her body, up her spine, making her nipples radiate sparks of pleasure as they brushed against the sheets, making her legs tense, and her tail thump madly on the bed next to her, and suddenly she was cresting that peak and oh _fuck_ -

“ _Oneoneoneone_ ,” Jester sobbed, trying in vain to pull her hips away from the vibrator, and instead letting out a guttural _shout_ when Caleb stilled his fingers and his palm landed sharply on her ass, once, twice, interrupting her orgasm _again_. He hardly gave her a moment before asking her again, _number_ , and she choked hoarsely,

“Two…”

Immediately, he resumed his punishing pace, fingering her, and this time she could feel his fingers searching around for her G-spot, which didn’t take long because she was so fucking aroused.

“Ah, _there_ it is,” he sighed, and she could hear the fucking smirk in his voice as he fluttered the tips of his fingers against the spongy bundle of nerves that made her see stars.

“ _One,_ ” Jester cried, her clit nearly burning with the intensity of the vibrator, and Caleb brought his hand down hard on her ass again. He didn’t stop fingering her, but he didn’t stop spanking her either, pulling a small yelp out of Jester every time, until she gasped,

“ _Two, two._ ”

“Oh, that’s it, my sweet Kitten, I can’t wait to reward you…you’re doing such a good job.”

“Thank you, Professor,” Jester sobbed, and Caleb moaned softly behind her. “I want to be good, I want to be a good slut-“

 _“Fuck…_ Is that so? You enjoy being a slut, don’t you?” He thrust his fingers hard against her G-spot and she groaned into her pillow. “I think you love this, being tied up and used and spanked, begging to have your tight little pussy filled…”

“Yesyesyesyes,” Jester wailed, her thighs shaking, “oh fuck, I’m so close, I wanna come, please, let me come, I’ve been such a good girl, please, sir, please-“

“You know what to say when you’re close, slutty girl.” Caleb thrust harder against her G-spot and pressed the wand, still subdued by the pillow, firmly against her clit.

“I- I’m trying-I’m trying-I want to hold on,” Jester babbled, “pleasepleaseplease, _one, Cayleb-“_

“Come for me,” he ordered, tapping her G-spot mercilessly and pulling the pillow out from under her hips.

As soon as the buzzing head of the vibrator pressed her clit, Jester nearly lost consciousness. The entire world went silent but for the ringing in her ears, as every muscle locked and all the tension that had been building, stoppered up inside her belly, exploded out of her, so intense she couldn’t even make a sound. The vibrations on her clit and the pressure of Caleb’s fingers still pushing into her sweet spot skirted on the edge of painful and then sent her tumbling over another peak on the heels of the first, and this time she could hear a sobbing wail that she realized was coming from _her_ as she shook against him again, every muscle spasming. Cruelly, Caleb turned the vibration up higher and rubbed her G-spot harder and she came again, shuddering through another intense orgasm. She heard him moan behind her and suddenly, as she came down, the vibrations had tipped over from overstimulated pleasure-pain into just pain, and she gasped,

_“Stop!”_

Instantly, Caleb stopped pressing on her G-spot with the fingers buried in her cunt, and pulled the vibrator out from under her, turning it off. He slid the pillow back under her hips so they were supported and removed his fingers slowly, trying not to stimulate her more. Jester was moaning low into her pillow, every exhale vocalized without her even having control over it, and she tried to push back into Caleb’s touch, as his hands stroked gently over her hips and back, waiting for her to give him a direction.

“S-sorry, jus…too much,” she slurred, reaching back with her tail to stroke his forearm.

“I thought we made some rules about apologies during sex, _ja_?”

“Maybe I’ll shut up if you fuck me,” Jester said, lifting her head. As sated as she was, she wasn’t sure she could come again, but she wanted the closeness, the emotional intimacy of having him inside her.

“You’re still good?” Caleb asked.

“Yes, and I was told by _somebody_ that if I was good I’d get rewarded, and that’s what I want.”

“Far be it from me to turn that down,” Caleb breathed, squeezing her ass, and she was aware, dimly, that he hadn’t gotten anything yet. He was probably on a hair trigger without even being touched. “Is this position good, _Kätzchen_?”

“Yeah, just like this,” Jester sighed, wiggling her hips. “Don’t need to uncuff me.”

“No?” Caleb teased, smacking her ass lightly. “You want to be taken from behind, Kitten?”

“Yes,” Jester whimpered, “please…”

“What a dirty girl you are.” She heard the sound of the lube bottle behind her and her tail flicked back and forth in the air in anticipation.

“Only for you, Professor,” she murmured.

“That’s right, my good girl, only for me.”

Jester moaned when Caleb finally pushed into her, and she was right, he was _hard,_ and based on the choked cry he made, not long for this at all. She was still sensitive from her orgasms and it was like she could feel every inch of him inside her, every spot where they touched like a tiny spark sat in the space between. She’d never understood the idea of sex being a spiritual experience, but floating outside her body like this and being intensely aware of it at the same time, she thought might be what people talked about when they said that.

“Ohhhhh, _baby_ ,” Caleb moaned. He held himself over her so he could kiss the back of her neck, whisper in her ear. “You feel so _good_ …”

“Mmmm, fuck me, please, take me how you want,” Jester whined, her legs already trembling from overwhelming sensation. “I’m yours.”

“Are you?” Caleb panted, thrusting deep inside her. “Are you mine, beautiful?”

“Yes, I’m all yours,” she begged, “every part of me.”

 _“Fuck.”_ Caleb’s hand came up to hold her throat and Jester gasped and moaned, egging him on. “I’m going to make you mine.” Jester changed her mind, she definitely _could_ come again, hearing him growl that in her ear.

“Yes, yes, yes,” she panted as his hips started to move faster. “Make me yours, come inside me, claim my pussy, baby-“

“Oh, _Jester_ -“ Caleb bit into her shoulder with a groan as he pushed deep inside her and came, on a hair trigger as she predicted, emptying into her cunt with a sigh. He took a second to catch his breath and laid kisses over her shoulders and neck. “Think you can come again for me?”

“Use the wand,” Jester replied, “and maybe.”

Immediately Caleb moved back, trying not to pull out of her, and retrieved it. With a little maneuvering, he was able to slide it back under her hips and against her pussy.

“ _Ja?”_

“Yeah, lemme have it,” Jester moaned, and they both cried out when he turned it on, his sensitive cock still twitching inside her, and Jester keened. His weight on her pressed her clit even harder against the vibrator and she was gasping, shaking, the breathless cries of Caleb above her egging on the fire in her belly, but when he put his hand back around her throat and growled,

“Come on me, Kitten-“

She lost it, falling into a shuddering, deeply satisfying orgasm that elicited a long moan from her lover too, with his cock still buried in her spasming cunt.

Jester was lost to the world for a good while, even as Caleb pulled out of her and started stroking her arms, kissing her shoulders, praising her. She did catch snippets, and that made warmth bloom in her chest.

“…so good, darling, you’re so amazing…”

“…such a beautiful woman…”

“I’m so lucky…”

He was quiet for a while, just petting her, stroking her back and her hair, lying next to her, pressing as much skin against hers as possible.

“ _Schatz_ ,” Caleb whispered, brushing her hair away from her ear. “I’m going to get up for just a moment to go run a bath for you. And then when the bath is ready, we’ll take your restraints off and your blindfold off. We’ll go as slow as you want. If you want them off before then, you just say so. I have water and a snack for you and then you can have a bath. I’ll be with you until you’re ready for me to get up and change the sheets, and then when you’re done in the bath I’ll give you a massage. Does that sound good to you?”

“Mhmmmm.”

“ _Gut._ I’ll be back in just a moment. I won’t be more than a few feet away, you just call me if you need me to come back. You stay right here, _Liebling_.”

“Don’ have a choice,” she mumbled with a smile. Caleb chuckled and kissed her cheek.

Jester could feel herself starting to pull back together, to come into her body again. She was aware of the sound of the water running, splashing into the big marble tub, and the uncomfortable sensations were starting to come back - wet stickiness between her legs, a slight ache in her nipples. The euphoric fog was lifting, but slowly, and she found herself regretting its loss but okay with letting it go. Caleb was back shortly, and she nuzzled into his touch on her cheek as he stroked it.

“How are you feeling?” Caleb asked softly.

“Really fucking good.”

“Good. I’m glad.” Jester enjoyed the restraints, and the blindfold, the darkness and lack of choice enabling her to slip into that gorgeous float she’d been on all night, but now she was starting to “wake up” again and wanted her hands back.

“Can I have my hands?” she whispered.

“Of course.” Just like before, when he turned her over, Caleb announced his actions to her before he did them, and slowly, steadily, uncuffed her, first on one side, then on the other. Jester hummed happily and tucked her hands under her, warming them against her chest.

Caleb stayed quiet for the fifteen minutes it took for the bath to fill, just petting her. The soothing stroke of his hands and steady breathing next to her was comforting, and she latched on to them as she pulled herself back up to the surface of consciousness.

“I think your bath is ready, baby,” Caleb murmured. “Should we take this off?” His fingers grazed the blindfold over her ear.

“Yeah,” Jester replied, feeling a little more trepidatious about that part. It might be too much, all at once, seeing again, but Caleb didn’t rush her.

“At your pace.” He waited patiently for her to reach up and slip the blindfold up further and further until it was off, letting more light in gradually. He’d turned the lights down at some point, leaving the room dim, which she was grateful for, but the first sight of his beautiful blue eyes, looking at her with so much tenderness, sent her heart spiraling out of control.

“Hi, baby,” she breathed, and Caleb smiled. She loved those little crinkles.

“Hi. Let’s have a bath now.”

Jester nodded and Caleb helped her up. Standing, it was immediately obvious why the sheets needed to be changed.

“I did that?!” Jester blurted out, still a bit dazed, when she saw the dark puddle that had soaked into the sheets. Caleb flushed.

“Ah, not only you, but mostly, yes.”

He continued guiding her to the bathroom with a hand on her lower back. Settling into that steaming hot water was a heavenly feeling, and she sighed involuntarily. Caleb knelt down next to the tub, having put his underwear back on in the interim, and started soaping a washcloth.

“There’s food and water next to you,” he said softly as he washed her, starting with her neck and shoulders, and Jester opened her eyes and saw that there was. She drank down the cold water quickly - _I guess I’m thirsty -_ and Caleb offered to get her more, but she shook her head.

“Not right now.”

She purred quietly under Caleb’s attentions, enjoying the tender touch, and when he was done, he sat on the floor next to her, holding her hand.

“Are you ready for me to go change the sheets, _Schatz_?” Jester nodded and he kissed her cheek. “Okay. You stay in here as long as you like and I’ll be ready for you when you come out. There’s a robe on the back of the door if you want it and a towel on the table. Call if you need me.”

Jester sank further into the water as soon as the door clicked shut behind him. She was still processing that whole experience, but she definitely knew she wanted to do it again. And she wanted to be the one with the (figurative) pants on next time. She’d played around with stuff like that before, but she trusted Caleb more than anyone else she’d ever dated, and she hadn’t been with anyone long enough to get that far. Emotion welled up in her chest, because gods, she was so fucking in _love_ with him, enough to let him immobilize and blind her and trust that he wouldn’t _hurt_ her. For some reason it was the only thing she could think about, and those powerful emotions started bubbling up in her throat until she was crying.

Jester heard the sound of footsteps and a hurried knock on the door.

“Jester? Are you alright? Can I come in?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m okay,” she called, her voice watery. “Come in.” Caleb slipped inside and dropped onto the floor next to her, the panic obvious in his eyes that he was trying to keep off his face.

“ _Liebling_ , what’s wrong, why are you crying?” he murmured, reaching out to wrap an arm around her, but stopping. “Can I touch you?”

“Yeah, yes, please.” He couldn’t quite hold her, with the tub in the way, but he put an arm around her shoulders and rubbed her arm in a soothing pattern. “S-sorry, I don’t know why I’m c-crying, nothing’s _wrong_ , all of that was s-so good, I just…”  
  
“It’s intense,” he said softly. “I’m here for you, Jester, it’s okay, you can cry.” She sobbed into her hands, but she wasn’t _sad_ , it was just a release, the way it was when you threw up and your stomachache went away. As her crying slowed and ebbed off, Caleb took her hand.

“I’m okay,” she said, sniffling. “I’m okay, I’m okay. I think I just needed to let it out.” He nodded.

“I know, it’s happened to me too.” Jester looked at him.

“You’ve done that before from, like, the submissive position?” He nodded. “Why didn’t you tell me you liked that?” He blushed profusely.

“Um, well, I didn’t know if you did, so I didn’t…I mean, it just seemed like something not to bring up unless you offered.”

“Well, I told you I’m gonna get you back,” she laughed weakly, flicking water at him. His blush darkened.

“I would like that,” he breathed.

“Now get out of here so I can go to the bathroom.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he laughed, and pecked her on the lips before departing. Jester cleaned herself up, went to the bathroom, washed her face, braided her hair for bed and went back to the bedroom, where Caleb had finished changing the sheets and was waiting patiently for her. Jester smiled and climbed up next to him, snuggling into his arms. Her robe kept her warm and Caleb pulled the quilt up over the both of them.

“Can I call in that massage another day? Maybe tomorrow?” Jester murmured against his chest, yawning.

“Of course, _Liebling_.” He stroked her hair and they snuggled quietly for a moment. “Did you enjoy that? Was there anything you would wanted me to do differently, next time? If - if you want to do this again.”

“I think based on the wet spot on the sheets, you know I enjoyed it,” Jester teased. He laughed.

“Ah, _ja_ , that surprised me.”

“Did I…?”

“Ejaculate? Yes. Twice.” Jester hid her burning face. That had happened to her a few times, but usually only in certain positions and circumstances; she didn’t know how to _make_ it happen. The last time it surprised her, the guy she was hooking up with had looked horrified, and she was totally humiliated.

“Sorry…” Caleb pulled away from her to look at her face.

“Sorry? That was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen. I just wasn’t expecting it. But I loved it.” He was blushing too, and Jester wanted to kiss him until he was gasping for breath.

“Oh, well if you _loved_ it, then I guess there’s nothing to be sorry about,” Jester teased, and his face got redder.

“Even if I didn’t, there wouldn’t be,” he murmured, gathering her into his chest again and kissing the top of her head. “It’s just something your body does, there’s nothing to be sorry for about that. It’s perfectly natural.”

Jester sighed happily and nuzzled against him. A fragment of possibility, a little mote of hope, danced around in her chest that if he really did love her body exactly the way it was, and was always this constant about telling her so, maybe she could learn to do that too. Jester didn’t _hate_ her body, she thought it was fine, some parts of it great, even, but it had taken her a long time to excise some of the less positive influences on her body image, and it was still a work in progress. Growing up, she’d watched her mother night after night lace herself into garments that smoothed out the slightest roll or wrinkle in her shape, paint her face, do her hair and nails, cover the stretch marks on her belly and breasts with special makeup. Every woman that worked in the Chateau, at least to see them the nights they were “on” - and given that most of them didn’t live there, Jester hardly ever saw them “off” - looked like perfection, and Jester knew that hadn’t been good for her self-esteem. Especially as an adolescent, awkward and filling out unevenly as most teenagers did, she was embarrassed to use the steam baths with her Mama and the other women. She knew now that nobody was looking at her at all, but at the time, she couldn’t help compare herself and criticize. Zelda’s ears didn’t stick out funny like hers did sometimes, and you could see Dasia’s ribs, should you be able to see hers? Did that mean she was _fat?_ And Eliane’s breasts were round and perky and one wasn’t bigger than the other like she was pretty sure hers were, and if her nipples pointed in different directions would they always be like that?

Jester knew now, as an adult, that none of the women who worked here just rolled out of bed looking like that. Of course, many of them had naturally gorgeous figures, smooth, thick hair, delicate hands, but the rest of it was cosmetics. They spent many hours and even more money each month removing every stray body hair with hot wax and sugar and tweezers, exercising - but not too much, nobody wants to look “manly” - and watching every morsel of food that passed between their lips, getting their teeth cleaned and whitened and straightened, their feet scrubbed and sanded to keep them soft. Jester had no judgments about that, their bodies were their livelihoods and it made a lot of practical sense to invest in these things; even if a woman’s body wasn’t her bread and butter, she didn’t think it was a problem to spend your money on things that made you feel beautiful. She got her nails done and bought herself pretty clothes like anyone else.

What Jester lamented about growing up almost exclusively around professionally gorgeous women was how it impacted the way she saw herself. She’d done a lot of work in her adult years convincing herself that all these things she’d grown up hearing were “unladylike” - things like body hair, armpit sweat, and yes, squirting - were actually just how bodies were and that was perfectly fine. And having occasional dandruff or dry skin or dirt under her nails didn’t make her some kind of aberration, because everyone had that, some people just put in the work to get rid of it. Jester hadn’t quite gotten to the place where she could see any of it as beautiful, or desirable, or where she didn’t have the subconscious embarrassment of feeling ugly if she forgot to cover a zit on her cheek before she saw Caleb, or if her feet were sweaty in the night, or when he touched her belly and she could feel his fingers running over her stretch marks. She wanted to be able to love her body, not just tolerate it, and the fact that Caleb seemed to delight in every bit of her (and told her so, often) was gently nudging her towards being able to see herself in that light too.

“Jester?”

“Hmm?”

“You know I didn’t mean those things I called you, right?” Jester pulled back so they could talk, and smirked at him.

“When you called me a _slut_ , you mean?” He grimaced.

“Ah, _ja_ , that. Was that…okay? I only said it after you said it first, so I thought it was, but...”

“I liked it a lot,” she said, grinning. “And you seemed to too.”

“I…feel like I shouldn’t but I did.” Jester pulled him in for a kiss.

“It’s okay to like things, Cayleb. I know you didn’t _mean_ it. It was just part of the role-play.” He breathed a sigh of relief.

“Okay, I’m glad to hear that. But I would never say that to you really. And I don’t really think I _own_ you or anything of the sort.”

“I know you don’t, baby,” she reassured him. “But it was hot when you said you did.” She winked and he blushed.

“I’m glad you enjoyed yourself, _Schatz_.”

“Did _you_ enjoy yourself?” Jester asked, running her fingers lazily over his chest. “That was fun for you too, right?”

“Very.” Jester giggled and put her leg over his hips, rolling over so she was on top of him.

“Good. I do have one complaint, though.” Caleb frowned.

“What is it?”

“I usually get a lot of kisses when we have sex, but this time I hardly got any. So I think I need you to make that up to me now, and make out with me.” Her tail swished through the air behind her, playful.

“Anything for you, Miss Lavorre,” Caleb breathed, and pulled her in for a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this distracted you from the ongoing slow death of American democracy. 🙃
> 
> Next time we get a porn chapter it will most likely be me ripping a giant cartoon sticker off the hull of my boat to reveal that it is in fact called the S.S. Wizards Don't Always Have to Be Bottoms (But Sometimes They Want to Be).
> 
> Kudos and comments are converted into cold hard cash and used to purchase motivation to generate new chapters.


	15. cause from up here the sky is my thoughts, and we're all so small

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boy howdy am I sorry for the wait on this chapter. I know I owe y'all more than 5k for the amount of time you had to wait but I was suffering from major writer's block. Now I can't stop writing and hope I'll have another chapter up soon!
> 
> This is disgustingly saccharine and it's entirely because the stress of last week and the impending threat of an episode so long they had to push back the rebroadcast. Fairytale vibes ONLY but you've been warned.

Jester groaned when she came to consciousness in the morning, rubbing her eyes. Trying very hard to keep them shut and prolong the illusion of sleep, she reached behind her, but she didn’t feel Caleb at all. Immediately, she was alert, and sat up quickly; he turned from where he was sitting at the desk and smiled at her.

“Good morning, _Liebling._ ”

“Why are you awake?” she grumbled, flopping back into the pillows. “And not in bed with me?”

“Ah, I had some inspiration strike early, so I got up to work a bit. Did I wake you?”

“No,” Jester mumbled, pulling herself out of bed to stand behind him and wrap her arms around his shoulders. She rested her chin on the top of his head and contemplated how underappreciated she was that Caleb didn’t seem to comprehend the fortitude required for her to defy bed gravity at this hour.

“How’d you sleep?” Caleb asked, leaning his head back against her shoulder.

“Like a rock. What are you working on?” She peered over his head but couldn’t make out much of the scramble of runes, equations, marginalia crossed out and written over.

“Do you want a long answer or a short answer?”

“Short answer. Brain sleepy.”

“Research.” Jester scoffed and smacked his shoulder before retreating back to bed.

“You’re _such_ an ass, Cayleb.”

“I thought that’s what you love about me?” he mumbled, pen scratching away. Jester froze and heard his breath catch and his writing stop as he realized what he’d said. The air was still for a second and Jester quickly tried to laugh it off.

“Your ass is one of my favorite things about you, you’re right.” Caleb chuckled and relaxed. “Speaking of which, mine is very sore.” Calebturned to look at her again, brow furrowed.

“Are you hurt, _Schatz?_ I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

“I don’t think so, I’m just achey.”

In truth, she thought she might be sporting a light bruise or two, on her butt and on her breasts. Her cunt was definitely worn out. It wasn’t even perking up to try to wrangle some morning sex out of her boyfriend. But also in truth - she kind of liked it. Every time she pressed on one of her sore spots by accident, she was reminded of the ridiculously hot sex they had last night, and it sent a little shiver down her spine. She could always toss herself a little healing if it stopped being hot and started being annoying.

“Are you going to Yussa’s today?”

A not insignificant part of Jester wanted him to take the day off and spend it with her, but she didn’t want to say that. She knew he had to work at least some of the time on this trip, as much as she wanted it to be a romantic vacation, and didn’t want to be needy. But she did roll over onto her stomach and prop her hands up in her chin, her tail flicking behind her playfully. If she wasn’t going to ask him to stay, she could at least remind him how appealing the option was.

“Ah, Yussa is otherwise engaged today,” he replied, turning back to look at her. Jester noticed his gaze flicker down to where her slip draped low on her cleavage. “I was going to do a little work here but I was hoping to spend some time with you, if you’re not busy.”

“I think I can pencil you in, Professor,” Jester said, grinning. “What do you want to do today?”

“You had a lot of good ideas, when we were discussing this trip,” Caleb said, shrugging. “Your choice, it’s your city, _Schatz_. Whatever you would like to do I’m sure I’ll enjoy.” Jester’s tail flipped faster with excitement.

“Okay! Are you suuuuuure? Because I could give you some choices? Or let _you_ be surprised this time.” She winked, calling back to last night when he’d asked if she wanted to be surprised or not. He obviously picked up on it and blushed.

“I’m in your hands, Miss Lavorre.”

“Already? I know I said I was going to get you back for last night, but I haven’t even gotten up yet.” Caleb laughed and his blush darkened.

“No, not in that sense. At least not at the moment. Maybe later.” Jester jumped out of bed and dropped a kiss on his head, leaning over him again.

“How long til you’re done working?”

“I’ve been at it for a few hours, so I’m ready to take a break for a bit,” Caleb murmured, crossing something out at the top of the page and scribbling a new note next to it.

“A few _hours?_ The sun’s barely up!” That wasn’t quite true, but it sure felt that way.

“Ah, I keep strange hours, _Schatz_ , you know this. You’ve just never spent so many nights in a row with me before.”

“Okay, well if we ever live together, your desk is going to be in another room,” she teased. Caleb reached up and surprised her by pulling her in for a kiss with a smile.

“Whatever you say, madam.”

“That’s the spirit. Already getting ready for your turn in the cuffs.”

“Perhaps. It’s your choice, either I can keep working for a few hours longer, and then I’ll be yours the rest of the day, or I can take a break now and do more later.” Jester pretended to think about it but as selfish as it made her feel, she knew she wanted him all to herself for as many hours in a row as possible.

“Do you want to finish up your work for the day and then we’ll go out? I can get breakfast.”

Jester nuzzled into the crook of Caleb’s neck and inhaled deep. A very odd thing she noticed as their relationship progressed, she couldn’t get enough of the _smell_ of him. She would bury her face in the pillow he’d slept on after he left and sometimes sheepishly pressed his discarded shirt against her face when he was in the bathroom. To be sure, she liked the lemon soap fragrance he left behind, but it was times like this - first thing in the morning, not yet showered, the scent of sex still clinging to his skin - that she wanted to nudge her face into the dip of his collarbone and stay there. The longer they were together, the more his scent intoxicated her, and quiet purr rolled through her chest as she breathed him in. _Maybe it’s a tiefling thing._ She did have a stronger sense of smell than a human.

“Are you sure that’s okay?” Caleb asked, apologetic, reaching back over his shoulder to thread his fingers in her hair. “I don’t want to keep you, if you’d rather enjoy the morning and come back for me.”

“You’re not keeping me, baby,” Jester murmured, pressing her nose under his jaw and purring again. Gods, she wanted to _bite_ him… Jester hummed happily when Caleb wrapped an arm around her waist and looked up at her. The adoration in his eyes never failed to make her heart skip.

“Alright, then. If you can just give me…maybe three hours? I can put this all away for the day.”

“Of course. I’ll be back with coffee. For you, I mean.”

“Thank you, _Schatz_. You’re too good to me.”

Jester beamed and dressed for the day, strategically placing herself to tempt Caleb’s eyes away from his books. She succeeded for the most part, especially when she bent over to pull her lacy underwear up and gave him a prolonged view of her ass, and then again when she left the buttons on her pink gingham dress undone for much longer than was strictly necessary as she put moisturizer on her horns. Her sexual relationships had rarely felt as playful as the one she had with Caleb, and she relished in the thrill it gave her to tease him and be teased in return. It was something special, Jester was realizing, to openly want and be wanted, without having to pull back and guard yourself for fear of wanting too much.

After a breakfast of churros - she left a batch outside her mother’s door as well, though she doubted Marion would eat them - and chocolate for her, coffee for Caleb, Jester brought her painting supplies out to the balcony and started working on a garden vista that she could hang up in her apartment. She left the double doors open and the sounds of Caleb writing, turning pages, shuffling papers formed a soothing backdrop to her work. This was one of her favorite things about her relationship, she thought as she washed the canvas. Especially two months in, he’d slept over at her apartment so many times, seen her when she wasn’t primped and polished, and they spent a lot of time just being in each other’s company, without any particular agenda. She no longer felt the need to come up with an activity for them to do, or to be entertaining, and they could let each other just be and enjoy the proximity.

She was pretty sure that this was what love felt like.

~~~

Jester had a very specific list of things she wanted to take Caleb to do today. He’d said she should pick what she wanted to do and he’d tag along, but there were some things she thought he’d really love that she wanted to show him. Their first stop was the archaeological museum of the ancient palace of Queen Villetta, an early ruler on the Menagerie Coast. The museum itself, containing the palace and tombs, and exhibits on all the things researchers had excavated from the site, was fascinating, and she knew it was a good choice because Caleb couldn’t stop looking around. The placards on the sides of the walkway as they traversed the ruin identified different parts of the palace, what archaeologists thought they were used for, and pictures of some of the objects that had been found there.

They weren’t at Jester’s favorite part yet, but the whole place brought back good memories. It was one of the first places she snuck out to on her own, besides candy shops and the beach, when she perfected her wall-scaling technique. When Caleb was engrossed in reading one of the explanations, she snuck out her phone and snapped a photo. She had very few photos of him, and not only was this trip special to her, she loved seeing him like this, totally enamored with learning. She thought about using it as a reference image for a sketch later. _You are being so goopy._ For once, she shut down that judgmental little voice in her brain. _Yeah, so what? I’m in love._

Jester’s favorite part of this ruin was the massive mosaic, spanning an entire wall of what was once a throne room. It depicted scenes of legends about the gods, the Nicodranian coastline, the artists’ imagination of what colorful and fantastical creatures lurked beneath the waves. The first time she came here, she just sat in this room for hours. As they approached it, she squeezed Caleb’s hand.

“Isn’t this so beautiful? This part is my favorite.”

Time had worn much of the color from the tiles, but the artists who worked at the museum had done tremendous work restoring it. It wasn’t complete yet, but it still took her breath away.

“It’s lovely,” Caleb agreed. “What do you like about it?” Jester shrugged.

“There’s just, like…something about the idea that this has been here so long. An artist made that, or probably a couple of them, and brought this beautiful vision to life, and here we are thousands of years later still looking at it and admiring it. I mean, isn’t that a dream come true? To make something someone looks at in the future and thinks, this is worth preserving?”

“It’s a legacy,” Caleb murmured, gazing at the mosaic. “You make something like this and you know nobody will forget you when you’ve gone. At least for a moment, in this small way.” Jester nodded eagerly.

“Yeah, exactly. You get to make people happy for thousands of years after you’re dead, when they look at your art. That’s so beautiful, and rare. Almost nobody gets that.”

“Did you come here as a child?” Caleb asked. “Is this what inspired you to be an artist?” Jester shook her head.

“No, I didn’t go anywhere as a child,” she said.

She’d told Caleb before about how things were for her as a kid, but they’d never _really_ talked about it, and she wasn’t sure why she felt like now was a good time, but it seemed important. Jester wanted him to see her, to understand her really, especially having come to this conclusion that she was hopelessly in love with him.

“Is this…something you want to discuss?” Caleb asked softly, rubbing circles on her hand with his thumb. “We don’t have to.”

“No, I do want to,” she said, and began to meander along the path so she had a place to put her eyes while they talked. “It’s important to me that you understand, I guess, um… Well, I’ve told you a little bit. That my mom doesn’t go out and stuff. She used to, before she had me. Then, I don’t know, over the years, she just stopped being able to leave the Chateau.”

“Does she panic, if she tries?” Jester nodded. She stole a glance up at him, but his expression was hard to read. It wasn’t outright pity, at least, something that would’ve felt like a wedge between them, like her pain was foreign and it made her foreign to him too.

“When I was a kid, like maybe nine? I wanted her to come out and see a lizard I found in the garden, and I tried to get her out but she grabbed the doorframe and started gasping for air, like she couldn’t breathe, you know? And I just remember staring at her, because I didn’t know what was happening, and her fingers were bleeding because she was grabbing the wood frame so hard, and…the worst part was, she picked me up and ran inside and locked me in my room.”

“She locked you _in?”_ The edge in Caleb’s voice made her stomach turn, and she saw a flicker on his face of anger, but it was only a split second before he fixed his expression back into something carefully neutral.

“Yeah,” Jester said in a hushed voice. “Yeah, she locked me in. I didn’t see her for the rest of the day but I heard her crying. And I just…broke down, I guess, I cried and cried in my bed until I passed out, because I was just so scared, you know, to see my Mama like that, and I felt like it was my fault because I had tried to get her to come outside. Looking back, before that moment, there were signs, like days she didn’t get out of bed or couldn’t have the curtains open, but she always said she had a migraine. But it just really freaked me out, you know?”

“I can understand that,” Caleb said quietly, still holding her hand tight. “I can imagine for a child, that would be very frightening.”

“It was,” Jester said. “Because she couldn't go out, I didn't have any friends. I missed out on a lot. And…” She chewed her lip, debating whether to say this part. “It still makes me mad, sometimes.” The guilt in her stomach felt like a bottomless pit. How horrible was he going to think she was now, resenting her mother over something she couldn’t control? He didn’t say anything and her heart threatened to migrate into her throat, so she tried to fill the silence.

“And I know it shouldn’t! I know it isn’t her fault, and, you know, if she wanted to be like this that would be one thing, but it isn’t like that, and she was a good mom, really, she’s still a good mom-“

“Jester, it’s alright to be angry.”

“No, but it isn’t,” she started, and he shook his head.

“No, it is. I - I hope it isn’t overstepping for me to say that, I’m not telling you that you ought to be angry, but you are _allowed_ to be. Her actions hurt you, and you didn’t deserve it. Of course she didn’t _mean_ for them to, she loves you and she has an illness, but you don’t need to push it down and pretend you weren’t hurt.”

Jester really didn’t know why that got to her. She took a deep breath, holding back the breakdown that had been threatening at the edges of her brain since she got to Nicodranas.

“Thanks, Cayleb,” she mumbled. “I don’t think I’m ready for that yet. But it helps, you know? For you to say that it’s okay for me to feel how I feel…when I feel like that.”

“Of course, I’m sorry, I don’t mean to tell you that you should be angry at her, I just…you don’t need to feel guilty for feeling that way - if you do feel guilty, I mean. And it’s always alright for you to tell me how you’re feeling. I will never judge you, Jester. I hope you know that.”

“I know,” Jester whispered, and squeezed his hand. She waited until they were tucked out of the flow of traffic and pulled him in for a long, sweet kiss. The warm, yielding press of his mouth on hers was sweet as honey and her heart soared.

The rest of the day was more relaxing; Jester took Caleb to the campus of Salefk University, which was not nearly as fancy as the Soltryce Academy, but had a quaint and charming atmosphere. She hooked her arm in his as they walked over the grounds and told him about all the times she’d snuck into buildings here, committed minor acts of vandalism, and pulled pranks. She described one particularly laborious one where she’d broken into a professor’s office, pulled out their lecture notes, and rewritten a bunch of the details so that the next day, the professor found herself prepared to lecture about how cool unicorns are, rather than whatever she’d had planned. Jester had been casually seeing a guy who was in the class at the time, prompting the prank on his professor as a very elaborate form of flirting, but she left that little detail out. It was exciting, getting to experience her city through fresh eyes. It was clear that Caleb really meant it when he said he rarely saw anything but the inside of Yussa’s tower.

Jester had an equally romantic evening planned, and couldn’t stop smiling when they sat down for dinner at a restaurant with a terrace overlooking the water. Plants hung in boxes and baskets from the wrought-iron fence and the breeze coming off the water was chilly enough this time of year that most native Nicodranians wouldn’t eat outdoors. They were quite alone out there, aside from a handful of tourist tables, and Jester delighted in being able to be as affectionate as she wanted without worrying about strangers’ stares.

“You have really outdone yourself, Miss Lavorre,” Caleb murmured, looking around. He relit the candle on the table with a small gesture and Jester rolled her eyes, smiling, recalling their first kiss on the roof of the Blooming Grove.

“Still a showoff.” She scooted her chair closer to him so she could wind her tail around his calf. “I wanted you to get the full Nicodranas experience, you said you never go anywhere, so… And you’re always doing nice things for me, and taking me out and stuff, so I want to do it for you too.”

“I certainly feel spoiled,” he said, drawing her in for a kiss.

“Well I certainly can’t let the spoiling go one way, can I?” Jester said. “I’m an independent woman with a business, I can be the sugar mama for a day.” Something mischievous flashed in Caleb’s eyes and a smile teased around his lips. He laced his fingers in hers, warm and inviting.

“Well, I am no expert, but typically such arrangements involve compensation, no?” The thrill his tone sent through her was amplified by the taboo pleasure of getting turned on in public.

“I don’t know, Professor, you tell me. Do they?”

“I think they do, yes.”

“I guess I’ll have to let you know when I decide how I want to be ‘compensated’.” She tightened the grip of her tail around his ankle and he blushed harder.

“I hope you will. Ah, did I tell you I finished the other book you gave me?”

That launched them into a conversation about the noir crime novel Jester had gifted him, and Jester hardly noticed how long had passed by the time they were actually the only ones left on the terrace. The moon was shimmering on the waves and the glow of the candle brought out the golden shine in Caleb’s hair. They’d migrated closer to each other, her fingers were tangled up in his, and there was a moment of quiet. Jester’s breath got trapped in her throat when they turned towards each other; she could see the softness in his gaze that was so familiar to her and her chest froze up and she could feel those three words heavy on her tongue, like she just had to open her mouth and they’d fall out, and before she knew it her lips were parting-

She shut them. She wasn’t ready. Not yet.

“Hmm?” Caleb prompted, seeing that she was about to say something.

“N-nothing,” she mumbled, and shoved a bite of chocolate cake in her mouth to keep any unauthorized admissions from popping out. “Um, I really like this color on you, baby.” Caleb looked down at his grey sweater.  
  
“Oh. Uh, thank you. It was a gift from Veth. Do you want to walk on the beach after dinner? It’s so beautiful out."

“I think that would be nice,” Jester said with a smile, and Caleb leaned in, giving her a long, languid kiss that would’ve been inappropriate in public, if anyone had been around to see it.

“If you’re trying to seduce me, Professor, I’ll have you know sex on the beach isn’t all it’s cracked up to be,” Jester giggled against his mouth.

“…You’ll have me know?” Caleb asked, incredulous. Jester grinned.

“You can have that story on our walk.”

As soon as they got out onto the beach, Jester pulled her flats off and wrapped an arm around Caleb’s waist. Her toes sank into the cool sand as they walked and Caleb put his arm around her shoulders. With the moon refracted over the water and the crashing waves, her heart was floating. Today was perfect, this moment was perfect. She wanted to draw it and keep it forever, so she could look at it and bring herself back to it whenever she wanted.

“So I’m gonna need that story,” Caleb said after a few minutes of walking. Jester laughed.

“You have to promise you won’t make fun of me.”

“No, never,” Caleb promised, hand over his heart.

“Well, I lost my virginity on the beach.” Caleb burst out laughing and Jester smacked him in the arm.

“You promised you wouldn’t make fun of me!” Caleb squeezed her closer and kissed the top of her head.  
  
“I’m not, I’m not, I promise, I was just surprised.”

“Okaaaay, well,” Jester continued, rolling her eyes and blushing a little. “I thought it was like, romantic, you know? One of my favorite books had a whole scene like that. With the moon, and the waves in the background and everything, I bought new underwear and I was so excited I couldn’t even wait until my birthday like I was going to…and I brought a blanket, I’m not _stupid_ , but…turns out, long story short, sand gets everywhere. Everywhere. _Every. Where._ ”

“I’m having a really hard time not laughing at that image, I have to admit.”

“It was pretty funny, in retrospect.”

“Was it, ah, with a boyfriend?” Caleb asked. Jester made a noncommittal noise.

“Sort of. On again, off again. It wasn’t his first time and I didn’t tell him it was mine, but I think he probably knew. It was fine, I just wanted to lose it, you know? Kind of felt like…I don’t know, men don’t like that, when you’re a virgin.”

“Well, it was on your terms, that’s all most of us can ask for, really.”

“What was it like for you? Your first time?” Jester asked, leaning her head on his shoulder. Caleb scoffed.

“I’ll be honest, I was so nervous I hardly remember the thing itself. I was in school, and the minor student dormitories are separated, you know, boys and girls, so it was hard to get, ah, privacy. So we had to really plan it, and I wanted to make everything perfect, and romantic, like you said, but everything went wrong in the moment. I bought candles but it turned out she was allergic to the scent, and then it was dark, so she kept hitting her head on the bedrail. My hands were shaking so badly I dropped the condom under the bed and had to go hunting for it. It was a comedy of errors, looking back, but it was both of our first times and it was…sweet.”

Jester didn’t ask who it was with. She knew already, but the knowledge didn’t inspire a wave of jealousy like it might have. That was a welcome change.

“Not quite as amusing as your sex on the beach story. That's ballsy, doing it in public.”

“Oh, it’s not that unusual,” Jester demurred. “In the summer in Nicodranas if you’re out on the beach at night you’ll probably walk by at least one couple going at it, even if you don’t see them. I assumed you brought me out here to seduce me.” She sighed in faux disappointment.

“I don’t think I’m brave enough for that, _Schatz_ , as tempting as you are.”

“No?” Jester hummed. She stopped walking for a second so she could put her arm around his neck and kiss him. “I couldn’t _possibly_ tempt you into being a little risky, Professor?” Surreptitiously, Jester slipped her hands between them and started unbuttoning her dress. “Not even if I took my clothes off right here?”

“I’d much rather have you in a nice warm bed,” Caleb murmured between kisses, apparently not noticing her movements. “And not be looking over my shoulder wondering if I can make you come before we get arrested for public indecency.” Jester grinned against his mouth and shrugged her dress off her shoulders, dropping it in the sand along with her shoes and her cardigan.

“Come on!” she cried, tearing out of his embrace and running into the surf. Jester shrieked as the first splash of cold water hit her, and she was extremely grateful for her resistance to the cold. She pressed forward, the chilled water soaking her bra and underwear to the point of no return, and she dove under. The sounds of Caleb from the shore were muted for one moment, and then she popped up in the wake of a wave; she was already warming to the water and gestured for him to join her.

“Jester, it’s _freezing!”_ Caleb called, but she could see the smile on his face.

“Come on, Professor,” Jester sang, and threw herself into a wave. “It’s fun!”

The next time she looked back at the shore, Caleb had stripped down to his underwear and was running to the water’s edge. Jester whooped and clapped, jumping up and down. Caleb ran as far as he could, took a breath and jumped in, coming up for air near where Jester was treading water.

“Holy _fucking mother of balls-“_

“Cold?” Jester cackled, paddling over to him. “It gets better.”

“Does it?” Caleb groaned. “When I start dying of hypothermia?”

“Oh, I’ll keep you warm,” Jester teased.

She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and her legs around his waist and pressed into the touch when she felt his hands grip her thighs. She was right, it did get better; once he started kissing her and she lost herself in the salt on his lips and the heat of their mouths, she didn’t notice the cold at all. Gradually, their kisses got more heated, messier, and the passion was making her dizzy. Jester knew what it felt like when they were kissing because they wanted to jump each other. This felt like she was putting into her kisses every ounce of this nameless _want_ she felt, a bottomless hunger for _more_ of him, to let his soul touch hers.

Caleb pulled away after a long while and held her face in his hands. He leaned his forehead against hers and she could feel his short, shallow breaths against her lips.

“ _Jester._ ” The way he said her name made Jester pull back and look him in the eye, and what she saw there made her heart jump into her mouth. He was looking at her in a way she’d never seen before, almost…afraid? His mouth was open and his breath was stopped, like he was frozen in the brief second before speaking. Jester rubbed circles with her thumb against the back of his neck, where she held him, and he snapped out of it.

“S-sorry, just…never mind. I’ll tell you later.”

A little mote of disappointment dropped into her stomach, but she smiled anyway. She thought…never mind what she’d thought. His mouth was on hers again and she wasn’t going to dwell.

Later that night, after they’d walked back to the Chateau, shivering and laughing, and made love slow and gentle, all soft gasps and loving touches, Jester lay awake imagining what he might want to tell her later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your feedback is continually motivating. ❤️ Rereading comments helped me bust through my writer's block and pushed me to get this chapter out there for you guys. Thanks for being patient. ❤️


	16. meteor shower, quick, take cover

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promised more in the next update, and I delivered 10k words. *Stefan voice* This chapter has. Everything.
> 
> In an unusual turn of events, we start this chapter on the smut train. If you're not here for that, I've bolded where you should stop reading and where you should start.

Being back in Rexxentrum made Jester feel like she was going through withdrawal. It was ridiculous, she knew, but after five days with Caleb in Nicodranas, she was bummed to come home to her empty apartment at the end of the day. Waking up next to him gave her a lift that carried through the rest of the day; even the days he was at Yussa’s, she knew he was coming home to her, and that put a spring in her step as she visited with her mother or worked on her painting. It was so rare for her to have so much uninterrupted time to paint, and she cherished the opportunity the trip had given her to hone her craft.

Even more so, then, it was understandable that when Jester picked up Sprinkle from Beau and Yasha and opened the front door onto a cold, empty house, weasel carrier under one arm, suitcase on the other, her heart dropped in disappointment. It wasn’t like she was expecting anything different, but it hit her that things were “back to normal” now: same routine, days at the shop, evenings mostly alone, eating frozen leftovers. She’d gotten a little hooked on having Caleb around all the time, and even three weeks after they came home, the feeling had lessened but not entirely disappeared. It didn’t help that at first, both of them were busy catching up after having gone away, Caleb managing the start of the semester, Jester managing the business and trying to assess the last year now that the new one was a month underway.

Artagan still wanted her help with the convention, and that was on Jester’s mind, but so was the little white box that might contain the keys to finding her father, and in no small degree, that moment at the restaurant when she’d felt those words, _I love you_ , nearly trip off her tongue.

She’d replayed that moment in her head so many times, imagining it ending differently, imagining saying it and how he might react. In her more daydream-y moments, Caleb kissed her fiercely and said it back, immediately, but in most of her visions, he hesitated, or panicked, or let her down gently, because he would, he’d be so nice about it. The worst of them all was when he said it back, but Jester could tell he didn’t mean it. She’d practiced a little, whispering it to him when she was certain he was dead asleep, so quietly she could hardly even hear herself, just to see what it felt like. It felt _good_. A thrill ran through her when she did it, like she could get high off the breath that carried the words. She wanted to say it, she knew that she meant it, but every time she got close, she just got scared. It wasn’t the right moment, _not yet, not now, not like this,_ the excuses were endless.

Yet, Jester knew that the longer she waited, two possibilities became more likely. First, that Caleb would come to the conclusion that she didn’t love him, and she couldn’t let him think that. Second, that she would say it by accident. Already, since they’d been home, she had to catch herself and stop from saying it twice, once when he was leaving her apartment in the morning and kissed her goodbye, and then again in the middle of sex. That time she’d even let out the first bit of it, managing in the last second to change course, _oh, baby, I l- like it like that_ , and she pressed her face against his shoulder until they finished to keep her traitorous mouth from being able to give her away.  
  


Me: do you know your schedule for this weekend yet? I miss you ❤️

  
Jester and Caleb said they missed each other a lot, but today, Jester was really feeling it. They’d fallen back into their routines, and that still meant seeing one another only once or twice a week. A few months ago, that would’ve sounded like a lot, but now every morning that Jester woke up by herself, her spirits were a little low. Tonight, she was sitting on the couch with her book, a new modern romance novel, and the remains of a plate of ravioli sat abandoned on the coffee table. Tonight, the alone time she cherished so much felt lonely, not relaxing. She’d almost finished another chapter by the time her text chime went off.  
  


💕Caleb: Sorry, Schatz, working late tonight. I’m babysitting Yulisen, but I should be free Da’leysen. I miss you too.  
  


Jester groaned loudly. She’d made plans with Beau for Da’leysen and would be gone after noon.  
  


Me: ugh, I’m not free daleysen 😢 you definitely have to babysit?

💕Caleb: Yeah, I promised Veth and Yeza two weeks ago. Sorry, baby. :( But perhaps you could come over? Luc will be sleeping for much of the time. We can watch a movie as long as we’re quiet. I’ll check with Veth.

Me: okay!! 🥳❤️ i’m the most fun babysitter. i’ll bring crafts.

💕Caleb: Luc would love that. Beware that if he likes you too much, then he’ll ask for you to babysit him in the future, and I’ll be out as his favorite non-parent adult.

Me: I could usurp uncle caleb?? well now I HAVE to be the best babysitter of all time. omg we could make cookies. or cupcakes!

💕Caleb: If you would like to have some uninterrupted time together, I would recommend against loading the kindergartener up with sugar.

Me: oh. good point.

Me: what has you at work so late? am I distracting you?

💕Caleb: Grading. And yes, but if I minded I would turn my phone off. I needed a bit of a break, and you are a very pleasant distraction. <3  
  


Jester’s heart fluttered and she smiled to herself.  
  


Me: am I, professor?

💕Caleb: Pleasant enough that I’m sitting in my underheated office texting you instead of finishing my grading so I can go home and eat a hot meal for the first time today.

Me: caleb!!! you have to eat! I wont distract you anymore until you go home and eat 😡

💕Caleb: Yes ma’am.  
  


That made Jester grin. She stared at that little phrase for a few minutes, letting the waves of excitement wash over her. She hadn’t made good yet on her promise to reverse roles with him, after that night when he tied her up in Nicodranas. But that didn’t mean she didn’t have ideas, or that her plans for when she got her chance didn’t occupy her mind when she was daydreaming at work, sorting clothes.  
  


Me: good boy

Me: 😉

💕Caleb: ….

💕Caleb: Now I think you’re trying to distract me.

Me: maybe. maybe not.  
  


Jester looked over the back of the couch to make sure her curtains were shut, and leaned back to take a photo of herself lying on the couch. She was clothed, but she made sure to put on her best bedroom eyes and bite her lip a little, and when she inspected the picture she was satisfied enough to send it off to Caleb.  
  


Me: I think I’m pretty distracting without even trying, actually

💕Caleb: Indeed you are. You’re so beautiful. <3

💕Caleb: Reading?

  
She checked the photo again and saw the corner of her book peeking into the edge. That gave her an idea. Jester hopped up and went to her bedroom, removed her overalls and T-shirt and went to her lingerie drawer. A sweet lace bra, pink and black, jumped out at her and she snatched it up, rummaging around for the matching underwear. It was pretty, but not so sexy that it wasn’t believable that she just happened to have this on already. If he wasn’t in the mood then this was kind of for nothing, but she could at least try. And entertain herself by taking some hot photos for another time. Once she was “dressed”, Jester turned her soft bedside lights on and laid down in bed; in one hand, she held her phone, and the other was holding the book open, cover up, over her breasts.  
  


Me: sure am 😉

💕Caleb: You say you aren’t trying to distract me, and then you put two of my favorite things in one photo?

Me: books and my tits?

💕Caleb: I meant books and you, but those are on the list too.  
  


Jester giggled. She rolled over and put her chin in her hand and the book open in front of her. Her breasts were spilling out of the cups of her bra and she was starting to get excited. The thrill was only amplified by his positive, flirtatious response. She cast her gaze down at the pages before snapping another photo, in an oh-so-casual facsimile of reading.  
  
  
Me: I don’t know what you’re talking about, professor, I’m just showing you what I’m doing

💕Caleb: Hmm, I’m not sure I believe that, Schatz. I really must finish this grading. <3

Me: okaaaaaaaay

  
 **Jester sighed and** rolled back onto her pillows with her book. She kept checking her phone and reading the same page over and over again, her mind wandering to less than innocent places. _I could up the ante a little…_ Jester slipped out of her bra and laid her book over her breasts again, this time just barely covering her dark nipples. Stretching up to accentuate the curve of her breasts, Jester took another photo and sent it off to Caleb before she could lose her nerve.  
  


Me: are you sure you don’t have time for me baby?

Me: I’m so bored at home all by myself…  
  


It took Caleb a few minutes to see her message, and Jester’s heart was pounding out of her chest for what seemed like an eternity.  
  


💕Caleb: Gods, you’re gorgeous. Sorry I can’t be there, sweetheart. I’d keep you busy.

  
Now they were getting somewhere.  
  


Me: oh, me too…  
  


Jester snapped a picture, cupping her breast in one hand and covering her nipple, leaving the other exposed.  
  


Me: it feels much better when you touch me than when I do it myself

💕Caleb: Scheisse, Jester, I really shouldn’t, I’m at work.

Me: are you alone?

💕Caleb: I am, or at least there’s hardly anyone in the building still and my office is shut, but…

Me: well, I happen to feel very sexy right now, so I think I’m going to keep sending you these

Me: but if you don’t want to look at them until you leave work, that’s up to you 😉

💕Caleb: You’re always very sexy. <3 I will look at them when I’m not at work, I promise.

Me: uh huh. let’s see how long that resolve lasts 😉

💕Caleb: Is that a challenge, Lavorre?

Me: maybe. get back to work professor.  
  


Jester took another series of photos - in the mirror, back arched, leaning into the wall; a closeup of her finger just brushing her plump bottom lip; lying on her side, leg and elbow bent up to cover her pussy and nipples - and lay in wait, sending one to Caleb, waiting, and then sending another. She adored teasing him, in part because of how damn desirable he made her feel, and normally, she had him here to read his responses. It was almost more exciting imagining how he might be reacting. Was he snatching up his phone as soon as her text appeared on the screen, or was he fighting with himself to leave it? She could picture him sitting at his desk, shifting or tapping his foot like he did when he was impatient.

She tried to vary the intervals at which she was sending her pictures, and keep him guessing. The last straw turned out to be another mirror photo, from the side, with her hand buried in her hair and her head thrown back. Her breasts were pushed out and her nipples were peaked with arousal, and she looked _hot_.  
  


💕Caleb: Mother of Pelor, Jester.

Me: oh, finished with work already? 😉

💕Caleb: I’m nearly finished, but yes, you won this one.

Me: good, because I’ve got lots more to show you…

  
She sent another, a lying down view of her body as she tugged her panties down over her hipbones.  
  


💕Caleb: Fuck, baby, you’re getting me so turned on.

Me: getting hard at work? that’s very naughty of you.

💕Caleb: Wouldn’t be the first time, thanks to you.

Me: the scandal, professor. is that what you’re thinking about all day when you’re supposed to be working?

💕Caleb: Yes, I will admit that sometimes my thoughts do wander and I end up thinking about how beautiful you are.

Me: clearly if you’re getting hard at work you’re thinking about more than just that 😉

💕Caleb: Sometimes… Sometimes I also end up thinking about how much I’d rather be eating you out.

Me: ooh, keep going, baby…

  
Jester slipped her hand into her panties and sent a photo to Caleb.  
  


💕Caleb: Mmmm…I think about how hot it would be to take you right here on my desk. Lay you out and kneel between your legs.

Me: fuck, that is hot. I want you to fuck me on your desk, baby

💕Caleb: Gods, yes. I can imagine how your sweet noises would sound in here, beautiful. You get me so turned on when I’m supposed to be working that I can’t focus.

Me: maybe we’ll have to make that daydream real sometime 😉 I did make a promise once to wear my best sexy schoolgirl outfit for you

💕Caleb: I’m torn, because as a teacher I find that fantasy distasteful, but I also think you’d look very good in that outfit.

💕Caleb: Not to dismiss it, if it’s something that you enjoy. I could play the role for you. <3 Only you.  
  


Something about “only you” made Jester’s heart skip and stumble. She smiled and thought out her reply carefully.  
  


Me: we can talk about it another time 😘  
  


Jester sat up on her knees and took another photo; she let her hair drape down over one shoulder, leaving her other breast fully exposed, and placed one hand between her spread legs. She had to use her tail to get this one right, but the result was smoking, and Caleb responded right away.  
  


💕Caleb: Fuck, baby… Can I please keep these? Or do you want me to delete them?

Me: thanks for asking ❤️ you can keep them. I trust you.

💕Caleb: <3

💕Caleb: You look incredible.

Me: Wish you could hear how incredible I sound too…

  
Jester bit her lip and slid her hand beneath her panties, letting just the first of her dark curls peek out.

  
💕Caleb: Gods, me too. I can practically taste you.

  
Oh fucking _hells_ was that hot.

  
Me: oh baby keep going, please…I wish you were here to taste me now… I’m so wet

💕Caleb: oh fuck this

💕Caleb: I’m not getting this grading done tonight. I can be at your apartment in fifteen minutes.

💕Caleb: (Unless you don’t want that.)  
  


Jester’s heart soared and she grinned, giddy.

  
Me: uh yes please

Me: I absolutely want you to come (heehee), but if you think I’m going to stop sending you these photos til you get here then you’re also wrong

💕Caleb: Please don’t. I’ll see you soon.

  
Jester ran around her bedroom, shoving the most egregious mess into drawers and hampers, closing her closet door, putting her leftover water glasses in the kitchen. That only took up three minutes, so she settled into bed and busied herself with a few more teasing photos, including one from behind that made her ass look great, with the help of her tail.

  
Me: don’t look at your phone while you’re walking, professor, it’s dangerous 😉

💕Caleb: Do you know how uncomfortable it is to walk with a hard-on?

Me: no 😇 guess you’ll have to just be quicker  
  


Jester only got a handful of photos off to him before she heard the knock at the door. She looked at the time - it had been exactly fifteen minutes. Jester grinned.

“Come in!” she called, and the door swung open and shut, and she heard the deadbolt go behind him.

“How do you know I’m not a burglar?” Caleb called from the entryway; she heard his shoes come off and she sat up, abandoning whatever sexy waiting-in-bed pose she had planned and smiled, her tail thumping on the bed behind her.

“Oh shut up,” Jester laughed, and when he appeared in her doorway, a little out of breath, _her_ breath caught in her throat. Caleb was already pulling his bag up over his shoulder and leaned in to kiss her fiercely.

“You little minx,” he mumbled against her mouth, but he was smiling and she smiled even bigger.

“Clearly, you appreciated it,” she teased, and reached down to where his jeans were uncomfortably tight. The choked sound he let out was music to her ears, and she squealed with delight when Caleb caught her off guard, pushed her down and pinned her hands above her head. Especially since that night when they dove into that new experience - new for her, anyway - together, he’d become more confident about manhandling her in bed a little, when the mood was right, and Jester was loving it. It didn’t matter that he wasn’t very strong, and so he wasn’t holding her down or restraining her in any real sense; the trappings of being _conquered_ were so erotic, they made her shiver.

“I didn’t say I didn’t appreciate it.” His voice was low in her ear as he bent over her and started kissing her neck. “I’m going to enjoy those photos.” Jester hummed and stretched out, letting his mouth ravage her throat. Picturing him lying in bed, looking at those pictures of her as he touched himself…the thought was delicious.

Verbal banter during sex was fairly usual for them, but apparently neither of them was in much of a mood for talking. Jester pulled Caleb’s black shirt up over his head unceremoniously and gasped as his kisses and nips, messy and rough, descended to her breasts. His mouth was hot and hungry for her, and he licked over her nipples with broad, flat strokes that made her sigh and squirm. Jester tangled her hand in his hair and pulled as he sucked on them, and he gave her a lovely groan and a light smack on her other breast. Jester yelped and giggled, and used the hand in his hair to pull him up to her lips; she took his mouth with passion, gasping for breath between kisses. She just _wanted_ , her desire burned so powerfully in her belly that she didn’t even care about any more foreplay, she could take him now, but then it would be over, and she didn’t want that either.

“Let me taste you, baby,” Caleb panted, fumbling with his belt as he kissed her again. “Please…”

“Fuck _yes_ ,” Jester groaned, and brought her legs together so he could pull her underwear down. Caleb shed the rest of his clothes too, with remarkable speed, and Jester’s mouth watered when she caught a look at how hard he was, how aching and flushed he was for her, all for her.

Caleb settled between her legs and scooped her knees over his shoulders, and the first touch of his lips on her wet, waiting cunt was fire, hot and bright and addictive. There was no slow teasing, that wasn’t what they were in for tonight, he was devouring her pussy like it was his last meal, and Jester was flying high. Dimly, she was aware that her thighs were clamping down around his head and she tried to keep them open, give him more access, but it was hard when he knew by now how to drive her right over that peak. He knew she liked a lot of pressure on her clit, she liked a finger or two inside while his mouth was busy elsewhere, she liked when he reached up and tugged on a nipple with his other hand. Caleb was giving her everything he knew she liked, and Jester’s cries and sobs of pleasure were surely audible to her downstairs neighbors, and Jester couldn’t care less. He teased the tip of his finger against her swollen G-spot and hummed happily against her clit and that pushed her over; Jester came with a soft squeal, a bright and intense but superficial orgasm.

Caleb loved making her come before they were even fucking and Jester knew from the small smirk, which he tried to hide when he wiped his chin on the sheet, that she was probably doing terrible things to his ego. Boneless and still rolling through the aftershocks of orgasm, it was difficult to be too concerned. Besides, if someone needed an ego boost, she couldn’t think of anyone more deserving.

“How do you want it, _Schatz?”_ Caleb asked, perching over her, breathless. He reached between her legs and drew two fingers through her slick, making Jester jump and gasp when he brushed her sensitive clit.

“Rough,” she choked, trembling as he rubbed her, sending her just up to the edge of a second orgasm on the coattails of her first. “Please, baby, I want it hard.” Jester pushed herself up and rolled onto her stomach; her tail flicked back and forth in the air behind her. This position felt so _filthy_ to her, and it was exactly what she was in the mood for.

“Fuck, baby, I’m crazy about you,” Caleb sighed, guiding her legs apart and her ass up. “Come here.”

Jester hummed happily and pressed her hips back against him. She moaned, high and shaky, as she felt him press into her, slicked with lube when she wasn’t looking, thank the gods. She was so lust-drunk she hadn’t even bothered. _I like that he knows where my things are._ That stray thought, that Caleb knew where she kept her lube and felt comfortable just taking it, made her heart race, without a cause she could pin down. Jester pressed her face into the mattress and moaned again. Caleb let out a choked cry when he fully seated inside her, and met her request, driving into her hard right away. Jester’s moans were just a high, unbroken cry, overwhelmed as she was with sensation and riding the edge of another climax.

“Yes, yes, yes, gods,” Jester sobbed, and slipped a hand beneath her to rub at her clit. “Don’t stop, don’t stop-“

“ _Jester_ ,” Caleb gasped, as her cunt clenched down around him. He gripped her hips harder and Jester practically melted, imagining his fingers leaving bruises in her skin. “Oh gods, yes, yes, I need you-“

“I’m yours, baby-“

“I love being yours-“

“Please, come inside me-“

“Come for me, Jes-“

Jester rubbed her clit furiously and her legs shook, as she skated on the precipice, and Caleb groaned and slammed into her, his hips stuttering as he finished deep inside her. His gasping sounds of pleasure fueled her arousal and she immediately felt his hands go to her breasts, tugging on her nipples. Jester cried out,

“So close, so close-“

“I’ll get you there, baby, come on, you always come so easily for me-“

Jester turned her head to the side and grabbed one of Caleb’s hands, pulling it up to her mouth so she could suck on two of his fingers. Caleb moaned and pressed them in further, filling her mouth, and Jester felt her climax rise, rise and suddenly she was pushed over, shaking and moaning, into a deeply satisfying orgasm.

When her trembling stopped, Caleb ran his hands over her back, humming with satisfaction and catching his breath. She wiggled her hips and enjoyed the feeling of him, warm and still half-hard inside her. _I love you_ , her hazy brain supplied, and she bit down on her tongue in reprimand. With a happy sigh, Caleb pulled out and rolled over onto his back, pulling Jester in against him and kissing her sleepily.

 **“Glad I decided** to distract you?” Jester mumbled, nuzzling into the crook of his neck and breathing in his smell.

“ _Ja,_ it occurs to me now that perhaps I just encouraged that,” Caleb admitted, folding his free arm up behind his head as a pillow. Jester grinned.

“Oh yes, you certainly taught me a lesson,” Jester said, faking servility. Caleb chuckled.

“What lesson was that?” he asked, amused.

“If I’m persistent enough, you’ll leave work to come fuck me really well.” He laughed harder at that.

“I suppose you’re right, that’s exactly what I established here.”

“Is it okay that I was sending you those at work?” Jester asked, propping herself up on her side, cheek in her palm. “I didn’t ask, but I figured you’d have told me to stop…”

“Ah, _ja_ , it is okay,” Caleb said, though Jester sensed some hesitation. “Just so long as it is…occasional. I do have to get some work done, you know, and you’re distracting enough even when you’re just in my head.” Jester hummed and wiggled her eyebrows.

“Very naughty of you, professor, having sexy daydreams at work.”

“They’re not all sexy,” Caleb said, and drew her in for a kiss. “You’re clothed in most of them.” That caught Jester off guard. She didn’t know why; it wasn’t like she didn’t daydream about _him_ when they weren’t together, and only some of the time was it fantasizing.

“Really?” she blurted. He raised an eyebrow at her.

“ _Ja?_ I think about you all the time, _Schatz_. And as much as I love the sex we have, that’s only a small part of the time I spend with you.”

“What else do you think about?” she asked. She was trying her hardest to sound casual but she knew her shyness was evident.

“Mostly memories. Like our first kiss, or when I gave you my number and how excited I was when you used it. Dancing at Winter’s Crest. Or swimming in the ocean with you, even though it was cold, how glad I was to be with you. Little things, mostly.”

It was right there, just behind her lips, it would be so easy to say it, after such a romantic admission, lying in bed together, how many times had she read this story, confessions just after passionate sex, in the candlelight glow of pillow talk?

“I-“ Jester froze up. Her mouth, always threatening her with spilling her thoughts, suddenly wasn’t under her control anymore. “I - um, I do too. I think about stuff like that, all the time.”

Caleb smiled and drew her in for a kiss, and Jester focused on getting her heart to stop beating under her skin like a hummingbird's wings. Just then, she heard Caleb’s stomach growl and she suddenly remembered what he’d said before they gone off track into shameless sexting.

“Didn’t you say you didn’t get a hot meal today?” Jester admonished. “Cayleb!”

“I just finished one,” Caleb replied, and Jester rolled her eyes and sighed dramatically as she got up and put her robe on.

“I have leftover pasta in the fridge, just wait here.”

She pretended to be annoyed but really, her stomach was full of butterflies as she put the plastic container in the microwave. These little acts of doting and caring were important to her, a way of expressing her love without saying it. Caleb didn’t take care of himself. He seemed to forget he had a body half the time, over-worked and under-ate and under-slept, and her caring enough for the both of them was, in part, her way of letting him lean on her, the way he did when she was unsure of something and needed someone to remind her that she could trust herself. _We make a good team._

Caleb emerged from the bathroom in her sweatpants that he frequently borrowed and his work shirt, which looked a little ridiculous, in an endearing sort of way.

“Are you staying the night, baby?” Jester murmured, leaning over him from behind when he sat down at her kitchen table and nuzzling her nose into his hair. “You don’t have to…” Caleb thought about it for a moment and reached over his shoulder to tangle his hand in her hair and scratch her scalp.

“I can, _ja_. I’m not teaching tomorrow, nobody will notice if I wear the same thing two days in a row.” Jester purred with contentment and kissed his cheek.

“I can throw your clothes in the wash, if you want,” she offered. “And I think you left some underwear here a while back that I washed and have in my room somewhere.”

“Stealing my underwear, Lavorre?” Caleb teased. Jester scoffed and smacked his arm.

“It’s not stealing if you forgot it here.” A thought started to percolate in Jester’s head. Later, when they were snuggled up on the couch watching TV, she patted Caleb’s arm.

“Hey, do you have a second?” _What a weird fucking thing to say?_ Caleb looked at her, a bit confused.

“No, I’m actually rather in the middle of something right now.” Jester rolled her eyes to cover her nerves and reached for the remote to pause the show.

“Um, I wanted to ask, if you want, you could maybe keep some stuff here, for when you stay over? If you want to! It just seems like it would be easier, and you’re here a lot anyway…” She trailed off and chewed her lip. Caleb searched her face for a moment and smiled, the tenderness in his eyes unmistakable.

“Ah, _ja_ , I think that would make sense,” he said softly. “If it’s alright with you. It would be easier to stay over more, if I had a change of clothes here.” He looked down at the sweatpants, eight inches too short. “…And maybe some pajamas.” Jester giggled and pulled him in for a kiss.

“Okay,” she replied. “I’ll clear a drawer for you then.”

As she nestled back under his arm, she was surprised how momentous it felt, offering him a drawer. _It’s making space for him in your space. It’s letting him in._

 _I love you. I love you so much,_ she thought when she kissed him goodnight.

~~~

Jester had two days to prepare for babysitting, which seemed like a lot until you considered how many craft ideas she had to choose from. She also didn’t know jack all about kids, even though she got along well with them and was good at being imaginative and playing kid games. Caleb was the one who knew things like, don’t give a six year old lots of sugar, and the developmental stages of hand-eye coordination. It was surprisingly difficult to narrow down her ideas based on what was challenging enough for a kid Luc’s age, but not _too_ challenging. Jester also loved watching Caleb with him; she wasn’t too embarrassed to admit that it’s hot when a man is good with kids.

When the day arrived, Jester went home after work quickly to change - the white wrap dress she had on was just asking for trouble in the face of a kindergartener with paint - and triple-checked her bag. _Colored paper? Check. Glue? Check. Marshmallows? Check._ She’d maybe brought too many things, but she wanted to have options, and she’d never babysat before, despite telling Caleb that she was good at it. That was more of an assumption than a proven fact. Caleb had told her Luc was excited that she was coming, and she had only been to the house he shared with Veth and Yeza a handful of times. The Brennattos liked her - the closest metric she had for “meeting the parents” - and she wanted to be the best co-babysitter possible to keep it that way.

Jester had barely stepped foot in the house before Luc came around the corner like a shot and gave her a hug at lightning speed. When he ran away, she realized her light gray jumper was smeared with cheese sauce, and thanked her past self for the foresight to wear cotton.

“Oh, hells, sorry about that,” Veth sighed. She scrambled into the kitchen, and returned with a wet paper towel from the counter, which she handed to Jester. “You know how kids are, we haven’t been able to get him to sit through a meal since he learned how to walk.”

“Uncle Caaaaaaaaaaleb! Your wife is here!”

Jester’s cheeks burned and she gaped for a second, fishing around for a response.

“Did I get married, Luc?” Caleb’s voice came from the next room, louder as he walked to the entryway. “Jester will be upset that I didn’t notice.” Jester’s heart raced when she saw him, like it always did, and she smiled.

“Hi, _Schatz_ ,” he murmured, leaning in to give her a quick peck on the lips.

“Does he think I’m your wife?!” Jester hissed, suddenly nervous.

“I think the difference between wife and girlfriend is immaterial to him,” Caleb replied, taking her by the hand to lead her into the tiny dining area. “His concerns are more in the realm of rubber band catapults and horses.”

“I know the difference!” Luc cried, looking very indignant for someone with a bit of onion stuck to his cheek. Jester couldn’t help but smile and waved awkwardly to Yeza as she took her seat next to Caleb. She was always very conscious that she was a guest in the Brennattos’ home, as casual and kind as they were; it was something she had no practice with growing up, and the etiquette hadn’t come easily to her as an adult.

“The difference is if you’re married, and Papa said that the only girl he’s allowed to kiss is Mama-“

“And don’t you forget it,” Veth interjected with a grin.

“-because they’re married, and you’re allowed to do kisses with Jester, so you’re married!”

“Well, that’s not really-“ Yeza started quickly, but Luc ignored him. He pointed at Caleb with his fork, which had potato speared on the end.

“Because, because, Uncle Caleb, if you kiss _her_ then you can’t kiss any other girls ever again!” Jester wanted to burst out laughing and melt into the floor at the same time. Caleb took his glasses off and wiped his hand over his face, hiding his laughter.

“You’re right, Luc,” Caleb placated. “If you’re married to someone, then you are only allowed to kiss them.”

“So, Jester, how are you?” Yeza asked, mouthing _sorry_ to her from across the table. She giggled.

“I’m good, Yeza, thanks. The business is doing well, it’s nice to have some more time to myself now that I hired someone part-time.” They made small talk while Luc finished his dinner, Veth and Jester talked about the mystery show they both watched, and the women hardly noticed when Yeza came to stand behind Veth, putting a hand on her shoulder.

“Sorry to interrupt,” he said. “Um, we should go?”

“Oh! Okay, right!” Veth jumped up, like she’d forgotten that she was going on a date with her husband tonight. She scurried around, clearing dishes from the table that Yeza hadn’t gotten to, checking her earrings. Caleb had Luc in the living room, putting together something with Legos. “Uh, well, Caleb knows the drill, bed at 8, we’ll be back later, don’t wait up!”

The two snuck out the front door while Luc was distracted, and Jester joined the boys in the living room. It was almost funny, how out of place Caleb looked here (and she was sure she did too). The furniture was proportioned for someone half his height, except for singular items like a dining room chair, a seat in the living room, that he or the Brennattos had obviously bought when he started living with them. He laid out on the rug with Luc, digging through a container of colored plastic.

“Your green tile, sir,” Caleb said, producing a flat square with a flourish.

Jester sat down next to him with a smile and draped her tail over his waist. His other hand went to her knee and she basked in the sweetness of it. She watched Luc ask Caleb for advice about how to build his Lego restaurant the way he wanted, and she helped look for the right pieces when he asked for them. _I could get used to something like this._ She was a little embarrassed to be doing so, but she couldn’t help but daydream a little about laying out on the carpet next to Caleb like this, her tail on his back and his hand on her leg, watching a chubby cheeked little tiefling with curly red hair putting together their Legos. It was silly, and self-indulgent, but nobody could see inside her head, so she did it anyway.

When Luc started to get bored of building, Jester cleared her throat.

“Luc, I brought stuff to do an art project! Do you want to do an art project with me?” Luc gave a gap-tooth smile and grinned.

“Sure!”

Jester covered the kitchen table in newspaper and got to work, setting out all the different craft supplies and explaining the directions to Luc. It was a simple thing, just a paper plate owl, made with paint and cut out circles for eyes and feathers, but he was excited about it. She showed him how to use the hole punch and praised him for doing it well, and handed Caleb a piece of orange paper and a pair of scissors to cut out legs.

“Let’s take this off, then, if we’re using paint, _Mäuschen_ ,” Caleb said, and lifted Luc’s T-shirt up over his head. The little boy squirmed in annoyance at being interrupted, but let it happen and went back to picking out his colored paper.

“Good idea,” Jester mumbled. She’d thought of the newspaper to prevent mess on the table, but hadn’t thought about mess on the kid.

“Ah, it’s not my first rodeo,” Caleb replied, and dropped a kiss on her head as he went to Luc’s room to put the shirt away. Luc gave an obligatory put-upon sigh that they were “being gross” but was quickly absorbed in applying brown paint to his paper plates. Jester did hers too, and made a point to compliment him for keeping the paint on the plate and doing a good job covering it evenly.

“Can I make one for Mama and Papa?” Luc asked. “Cause they don’t get to do the art project?”

“Of course, that’s so thoughtful of you,” Jester said, and gave him more plates. They worked quietly for a few minutes, the three of them, until Luc blurted out,

“How come you have horns?”

“Luc-“ Caleb started, but Jester put her hand up. _It’s okay_ , she mouthed.

“I was born with them,” she said cheerily, and set her plates aside to dry so she could focus on Luc. “Just like you were born with your ears and your hair.”

“Yeah, but how come?” Luc asked, frowning. “How come you have horns and a tail and I don’t have them?”  
  
“Well, my Mama has them. So I have them because she has them. Like how you have brown skin like your Mama.” Luc nodded, but kept looking up at her. “Do you want to touch them?” He smiled and nodded eagerly. Jester wiped his paint-covered hands on a paper towel and bent her head down so Luc could feel her horns. His little fingers rubbed the spirals and stroked them, feeling the ridges.

“Whoa.”

“Cool, right?” Jester caught Caleb’s eye and he was smiling at the two of them, watching the interaction carefully. She brought her tail behind Luc’s shoulder and used the end to tickle him. The boy squealed and giggled, and grabbed her tail in his hands.

“Some people have things about them that are different from you,” Jester explained. “And that’s pretty cool, right? That we all get to be different. It’s okay to be curious.”

“Is that why you’re blue?” Luc asked, squeezing the end of her tail. “Cause your Mama is blue?”

“My Mama’s not blue, my Mama’s red,” Jester said. Luc frowned.

“Then how come you’re blue? Is your Papa blue?” _Who knows what he is, kid._

“Yes, he was.”

“And did he have horns too?”

“Um…I don’t think so.”

“But if you had a baby, it’d have horns?”

“Yep!”

“That’s cool,” Luc mumbled, and went back to his craft.

As soon as he did, it dawned on Jester that that was…maybe news, to the other person at the table. It felt ludicrous to even be thinking about something like that right now, but a tiny fragment of anxiety floated around in Jester’s brain. What if Caleb hadn’t thought of that? Sure, they weren’t _that_ serious yet, but he wanted kids in the future - what if he didn’t want his kids to be tieflings? She knew him well enough to know that he didn’t have any prejudicial attitudes about people like her, but that wasn’t necessarily the same as being alright with having kids that were completely different from you, and tieflings bred true.

_He wouldn’t be dating you, in a relationship with you, if that hadn’t occurred to him. He said he was looking for something serious, he’s obviously thought about this._

Jester tried to refocus on the activity she’d brought for Luc, and push that out of her mind for now. The little boy got a kick out of using the big hole punch, and Jester decided to leave it behind for him instead of taking it back with her.

That little mote of worry buzzed around in her head, like a particularly irritating fly, through the rest of the craft time, and while Caleb got Luc ready for bed. Their voices, muffled by the bathroom and bedroom doors, filled the quiet nicely, while she sat on the couch with her book and waited for Caleb to be done with the babysitting duties. _You’re overreacting. He’s not going to break up with you because he doesn’t want his kids to be tieflings, and if he did then good riddance._ As much as Jester knew both of those things were true, that that wasn’t the sort of person Caleb was, and that if he revealed himself to be she was better off knowing now, the nauseating ache of a conversation to be had churned in her stomach.

“G’night!” Luc hollered from his bedroom door. Jester looked up and smiled and waved. On second thought, the little boy scampered out of his room and gave her a hug. Jester wrapped her arms around him and squeezed him tight.

“Good night!”

“Go ahead and pick out a bedtime story, _Mäuschen_.” He turned to look at Jester. “I’ll be back in 15 minutes, maybe a bit longer if he’s chatty.” He blew her a kiss and shut the door part way. Jester settled in to do her reading but she could hear bits of Caleb and Luc talking from the slightly opened door. The boy’s voice was louder, Caleb was soft-spoken as usual, and even more so trying to get Luc into bedtime mode.

“Can we read the dancing kitty one again?”

“…want Frumpkin?”

“Yeah!”

Caleb poked his head out the door, but didn’t say anything. A moment later, the orange spotted cat padded silently though the living room and into Luc’s bedroom. Snippets of the story drifted out to her, mingling with her own novel, and she closed her eyes, enjoying the cadence of Caleb’s voice, the comfortable domesticity of the moment.Then she heard something that made her ears perk up, and she strained to listen without making it obvious that she was doing so.

“Uncle Caleb?”

_“Ja?”_

“Are you gonna marry Jester and then you won’t live here anymore?” Silence. Jester didn’t think she was visible from the living room, but tried very hard to look casual in case she was, like she couldn’t hear anything.

“Ah, that’s not something you have to…right…I don’t have…” She cursed silently that she didn’t have better hearing, or that the door wasn’t just a little more open.

“But why? But you love her, right?”

Jester was certain she was doing a terrible job at faking casualness, but she didn’t care. Even trying as hard as she was to crane her neck and still her breathing so not even that made a sound, she heard the soft whisper of his voice behind the door, and couldn’t make out a single syllable.

“…now, I am staying…if that…I promise, I will…okay?”

“Okay… G’night.”

“Good night, _Mäuschen._ ”

Caleb paused at the door and waved to Luc, before coming out into the living room and shutting it with a soft _snick_ behind him. Jester was sure she looked suspicious, even though she was just sitting there. She desperately wanted to know the content of that conversation.

“Ah, he’s not asleep yet,” Caleb whispered, and came to sit next to her on the couch.

“We don’t have to watch a movie, if it would keep him up,” Jester said.

“As long as it’s quiet, I think it would actually help him fall asleep, so he knows we’re right out here.” Jester nodded and opened her mouth to ask what she’d been wanting to ask about for half the night. Her trepidation was surely visible, because Caleb furrowed his brow.

“What’s wrong?”

“Oh! Um…” Jester fidgeted with her hands in her lap. “I was just thinking, about how earlier, when Luc was asking me about my horns…?”

“Do you want me to speak to Veth about it?” Caleb asked quickly. “I wasn’t sure if it was alright…” She shook her head.

“No, that’s not it, he’s just a kid, it’s fine. I was more thinking about how, um, he asked how - I know this sounds totally crazy, just humor me, okay - well he asked if _I_ had kids if they would be tieflings too, and I just thought…maybe we should talk about that.”

“You thought…that might be a problem for me?” Caleb asked, sounding surprised. “No, I have thought of this. I know we aren’t there, not close, but as we discussed early on, I’m interested in something serious, so, yes, that has occurred to me.” Jester breathed a sigh of relief.  
  
“Okay, that’s…a big relief, thanks. I actually didn’t think of it until Luc asked, to be honest. And it’s not that I thought…it’s not like I think you’re bigoted, or something, obviously, it’s just that I know you want kids, and maybe…I don’t know, having kids that are so different from you is a problem for some people. I would understand.” _That’s a big fat lie._ Caleb shook his head.

“No, _Schatz_ , don’t worry.” He kissed her, and Jester melted into it, the tension releasing slowly the more they talked. “That isn’t news to me.” She curled up under his arm and pulled the blanket over the both of them.

“Bedtime seems like it went smoothly,” she said nonchalantly. Caleb made a noncommittal noise.

“Mostly. I think he’s a bit…nervous. Worried that because of you, I’m going to move out.” _Interesting rephrasing._ Jester hummed, sympathetic.

“I’m sure that’s a tough idea for him, being used to having you around for so long.”

 _“Ja_ , I think it will be hard for him, when I eventually leave, no matter the circumstances. This was always a temporary arrangement, although it’s been a number of years now.”

“How come you don’t go out and find your own place?” Jester asked. “I mean, not that you _should_ , I’m just curious.” Caleb shifted and rubbed the back of his neck.

“Well…when I left Astrid, I was the one who moved out. I took my clothes and books and told her that the rest of it didn’t matter - stupid, in retrospect, probably. I didn’t care at the time, I wanted to get out, and dividing up, you know, dishes and other things we bought together…I just couldn’t think about it. It was easier just to let her have the apartment and everything in it, and take what I needed and go. I stayed in my office, with friends, on couches and whatnot, as long as I could, and looked for a small place for myself, but I simply couldn’t afford anything and pay for my half of the rent on our old apartment. I mean, I signed the lease, I wasn’t going to just leave her responsible for the entire thing on her own. That wouldn’t be right. So I ended up here, Veth offered the room, I could afford it, and then I stayed.” He paused, and picked at the hem of his shirt.

“I just don’t do so well on my own, I don’t think. Not anymore, not since Vergessen. You’ve…you know how I have nightmares, and things.” Jester nodded silently. There had been a handful of times when Caleb had woken in the night, gasping for breath, wild-eyed, barely recognizing her in the seconds before she took his face in her hands and whispered to him, _it’s okay, Cayleb, it’s me, Jester, you’re okay._ It wasn’t often, but it scared her every time.

“It used to be worse. Being here, with them, I do better. I like being part of a family. Even if it’s not forever.”

“Do you think you could live, you know, on your own again?” _Or with someone else?_ Caleb took her hand.

“Are you asking if I’ll be in the Brennattos’ back room forever?” he asked gently. Jester was quiet for a moment, searching for a response. He nodded.

“That’s, ah, fair. Yes, I do think I could live on my own again. Or, um, with….with someone else. Certainly. I just do better with others. But for now, I’m happy here, they like having me here, and I don’t see the need to go anywhere.”

“I’m not judging, Cayleb,” Jester said. “I’m not. I really love the relationship you have with them. I do. I think that’s really good.” Caleb leaned in and kissed her, sweet and soft.

“Thank you. For understanding.”

“I lived in a bedroom for almost two and a half decades,” she snorted. “I’m not in a good place to judge anyone’s living situation.”

She had planned to sleep over that night, and by the time they went to bed, Veth and Yeza were just getting home, and Luc was long asleep. Caleb’s room, despite having been his for multiple years now, still looked like a guest room. Yeza and Veth had put their old mattress in here last time they bought a new one, and while a king bed sized for halflings was very luxurious for the small folk, it was about the size of a large full for Caleb and Jester. A bit cramped, but she wouldn’t trade it. She’d rummaged through his closet on her first visit and resolved to buy him more clothes that weren’t black or navy blue, which she had slowly been doing when suitable items appeared in the store. So far she’d convinced him to try olive green pants, which was as wild as he’d allowed her to get. Still, he humored her and trusted her judgment about what looked good on him, and let her at least try to get him into some new clothes.

He also had a small, cheap desk against one wall, scattered with notes, books, empty coffee cups and wayward spell components. Above the desk hung more research notes and pictures tacked up, all mixed together. Jester thought it was charming that he still printed photos to hang up, one of a few old-fashioned habits that he had. There were drawings done by Luc, of Frumpkin, of “the whole family”, which included Caleb, photographs of Frumpkin and Luc and Veth and Yeza - very few with him included, Jester had noticed the first time she came here. A postcard with photos of the Zemni Fields, blank, purchased for the pictures, not for sending. This time, she noticed a new addition to the mess hanging in front of his desk: a photo of her, lying in bed, smiling wryly at him behind the camera. Jester remembered when he took this photo, how it was basically the first thing in the morning, her hair spread in a tangle beneath her head, and how she’d asked, _really? Right now is when you want to take a picture of me? I haven’t even washed my face._ Most of all, she remembered how he’d looked at her with pleading eyes, _but you’re so beautiful in the morning_ , and how could she argue with that?

When it was time for bed, Jester curled up under his arm, laying her head on his chest, and let the familiar, comforting rhythm of his breath and his heartbeat carry her off to sleep. In the night, they shifted around, and Jester woke up on her back with Caleb sleeping peacefully on her. He had one arm wrapped around her hips and his head rested on her breast; she could feel his breath against her nipple, warm and intimate, and purred quietly with contentment.

The sun was still making its slow, lazy float into the sky, and the Brennattos, even Luc, seemed to still be sleeping. Jester started threading Caleb’s hair through her fingers, gently, so as not to wake him. This was another moment she could freeze in time, another pearl on a string of perfect moments she’d had with him in the past three months. She was in love with him. For the first time, the idea of telling him so filled her with a warm glow rather than nauseating anxiety. Caleb began to stir, and Jester opened her eyes and looked down at him.

“Morning,” he mumbled, stretching up to give her a kiss.

“Morning,” she whispered, and kissed him back with a smile. Caleb shifted slightly so he was propped up on his elbow and could look at her. His eyes always took her breath away, and he loved just laying there looking at her, enjoying their time in bed together in comfortable quiet.

_Say it. It’s a good time. It’s a good moment. You’re ready. You can do it._

Jester’s breath started to feel harder to catch, and her gaze locked on him, looking at her, his lips slightly parted, his eyes searching her face. She could see the gears turning in his head and _oh no, he can tell something’s on your mind, you’ve got to do it, come on._ Her tongue was numb and made of lead at the same time, _what if I’m not sure, what if it isn’t real, what if I just convinced myself, what if I regret it, what if I’m just seeing what I want to and it’s too soon-_

“Jester?” Her vision snapped back into focus and she started breathing again, still short, but there. Caleb’s face was open, vulnerable, and her stomach dropped. He looked nervous as all hell, and she could feel, where his chest pressed against hers, the shallow rhythm of his breathing, and she couldn’t help but feel like she just leapt off the cliff in an exhilarating dive, in the moment when your foot leaves the ground behind and there’s no turning back now, but she couldn’t remember pushing off.

“Jester,” he started again. “Um…I w- I…think that-“ Caleb paused, squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. “No. I don’t think.” He cupped her cheek in his palm and she pressed into the touch, wanting to hide, wanting to see, both and neither at the same time.

“Jester, I love you.”

The air left her and her stomach was butterflies, her heart pounded and every nerve burned, and her tongue again was nowhere to be found and weighed a hundred pounds in her mouth. _He’s waiting for you to say something! Come on!_

“You don’t have to say it, if you’re not-“

“I love you,” she blurted out. “Cayleb, I love you too. I do.”

“Really?” Caleb whispered. “Are you…sure?” Jester let out a near hysterical gasp of laughter at that.

“Am I _sure?_ Yes I’m _sure!_ Are you fucking joking?” Her giddy laughter was lost in the lock of his mouth on hers, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down to fully press against her, she wanted every inch of her skin to be touching his, and she was dizzy with emotion. Caleb loved her. He loved her too. He was so happy that she loved him, he couldn’t stop smiling, and she couldn’t stop kissing him.

Now that it was out, Jester wanted to say it over and over again, and hearing Caleb say it sent the same thrill through her every time. She whispered it between kisses, he murmured it against the moonlight freckled skin of her breasts and in her ear when he climbed back up from between her legs, his lips washed with her. Jester gasped it out when he entered her and mewled it after she came, and it was said without words in every panting breath and soft sigh and longing whimper that passed between them in the sweet, still, holy light of morning.

After, they lay together under the quilt, nearly as close as two people could be, and embraced each other tightly. Jester couldn’t remember ever, _ever_ being this happy.

The doorknob rattled, and both of them froze. Caleb shot up and so did Jester, and she nearly knocked his head with one of her horns.

“Uncle Caaaaaleb!! Mama’s making pancakes, wake up!”

“Ah, just a minute, Luc!” Caleb called, scrambling out of bed and going to the door to make sure it was locked. Jester clutched the sheet up around herself, just in case.

“Luc! Leave them alone!” Veth hollered from the kitchen, and little footsteps scuttled off. Jester bit back a laugh as Caleb let out a sigh of relief and came back to sit on the bed, rolling his eyes.

“Leave it to a six year old to intrude on a romantic morning,” he murmured, drawing her in for a kiss.

“It’s okay,” she giggled. “It’s perfect.”

“You’re perfect.”

This time, she didn’t argue with him.

Breakfast was chaotic; Luc was spattered with pancake batter from helping Veth, who let him put as many chocolate chips as he wanted in the pan when Yeza wasn’t looking, which meant some of the pancakes were more chocolate than pancake, and Jester didn’t mind. Luc brought his paper plate owls to the table and then started flying them around everyone’s heads, and Veth and Yeza were telling them all about the show they went to last night, and dinner, and Jester couldn’t keep up with half of it, but her happy, lovestruck smile didn’t leave her. Caleb’s hand found hers under the table and she clutched it tight.

Another river-kissed pearl of a moment, on a growing string of perfect moments that she wore right next to her heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, your eyes have not deceived you, that is a chapter limit that suddenly appeared.
> 
> When I finished writing it, this chapter felt like an ending. There's at least one or two more things I want to wrap up, but I realized I've actually gone the distance with these two, in terms of what I wanted to achieve. I'm so grateful for the support and feedback I've gotten from all of you over the last few months (as one of my friends said, "your fans are the sweetest"). While "fans" feels like too generous of a term, given the extraordinarily minor role I play in anyone's life via writing some self-indulgent stories, you are indeed the sweetest and I've been so lucky! Thanks for taking this trip with me. 🥰
> 
> (I'm also fully aware that I promised another smut chapter in which Jester takes the reins. I'm thinking to post that as a one-shot standalone, and I'll link it with this one so you get updated when it goes up. 😘)


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